As a musical artist, Sir Elton John really, really sucks (I can’t comment on his personal life). I borrowed his “Reg Strikes Back” cd from the library - what a huge, steaming pile! I thought maybe he had just gone downhill since writing for Walt Disney had sucked all semblance of rock-and-roll from his marrow, but no, apparently he’s been sucking like a two-dollar whore for a long time now. The two offerings (offal-ings?) I’ve heard from his latest cd are also, shall we say, not good. Sir Elton, I’m sorry you spent all your money and have to keep putting out records to try to keep body and soul together, but do you think you could possibly make an effort to not make them SUCK so much? Thank you, from all concerned.
I could never figure out Bernie Taupin, to be honest. I once had a job like his where I basically did nothing for a lot of money (relatively speaking). I can still feel the guilt and worthlessness. Elton John once said that without the lyrics he couldn’t have written the melodies but what kind of lyrics are they?
Here’s an example from the Candle in the Wind makeover Bernie did for Princess Diana:
And it seems to me you lived your life
like a candle in the wind:
never fading with the sunset
when the rain set in.
Candles fading with the sunset? What does that mean? That candles are a day thing rather than a night thing?
Bernie Taupin’s lyrics are worth a thread all of their own. Remember “Mars ain’t no place to raise your kids and there’s no one there to raise them if you did”?
Thank God, I thought I was the only one who knew that he sucks.
As for the ridiculous lyrics, I’d say they are adherents to the “if it sounds enough like nonsense, people will think it’s profound” school of music. I’ve heard dozens of people say “gosh, that’s so deep” about the stupid rocket man line about raising kids on mars.
He sucks.
Bad.
I just reached down and picked up my copy of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road from the bookshelf. The original lyric for Candle In The Wind is
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind,
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
Are you sure the Diana version changed that line? Or are you quoting from memory…or mis-memory?
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Yep, the lyrics were changed. After all, they had to say, Goodbye England’s Rose-he bloody well couldn’t have said, “Goodbye Norma Jean” at Diana’s funeral.
I love the original version-I think the 1997 one or whatever they call it is nothing but a pile of glurge.
"I hate pop music, top 40 music. It’s the lyrics. ‘Wasn’t it yesterday we used to laugh at the wind behind us?’ HA HA HA HA HA… what in the fuck does that mean?
"Or, ‘I am, I cried, To no-one there, And no-one heard at all, not even the - chaaaaaaaair…’
“I AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!! … 'dyou hear me?”
- Lea Delaria
Well, yes . . . except that wasn’t the line in question.
Oh, my good lord in the heavens above, I was just talking about the music when I was exclaiming about Sir Elton’s suckage, but I just looked at the lyrics in the cd I borrowed - to quote Phoebe, “MY EYES! MY EYES!!”
“Poor cow
You’ll get your dumb man
You’ll see your whole life comin’ at you
In the back of his hand.
Poor cow
It’s a monkey see town
You’ll walk down the aisle
In the hand me down gown
Of some poor cow.”
Aaaggghhhh.
‘Rocket Man’ isn’t quite as stupid as, um well, other Bernie Taupin crapola. Apparently, it’s based on a Ray Bradbury novel of the same name.
http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mmajort2.html
See? It aint that bad.
Did I just defend Elton John? Damn, where’s that sock puppet when I need it?
Of course Elton sucks… and someone should have told him that recycling referred to real things like rags and bottles, not his music… Candle In The Wind makeover was masturbation, not recycling… then again, it did allow Keith Richards (who doesn’t suck) to describe it as “This is writing songs for dead blondes.” Gotta love Keith, he hit it on the head both the original and the makeover.
Please keep in mind that we’re talking about two different people. There’s the Elton John of Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, and Tumbleweed Connection, who, with Taupin, made a good, sometimes brilliant, sometimes crappy, songwriting team.
Then there’s the Elton who wrote a miserable anthem to Matthew Shepard using scarecrow imagery. Beyond cringe-inducing.
So, to sum up… Elton now, bad. Elton before the pod people took him over, good.
Matthew Shepard didn’t happen to be blonde, did he?
First, you must learn to dress yourself.
Then you may master other skills.
Hrrm.
Hey! I like Elton John! I just keep in mind the old addage that 90% of everything is crap…
(Although I must say that prior to marrying Christie Brinkley, Billy Joel always struck me as one of the most versatile and varied pop performers of Elton John’s era - no two songs on any of his albums sounded the same until “River of Dreams.” John’s, on the other hand, kind of all ran together if you listened to them too much…)
Esprix
I can’t believe that nobody has mentioned the hair.
THE HAIR!!
I mean if you’re as rich as he is, and as vain, wouldn’t you think you’d get a better looking outcome than that?
And what’s wrong with being bald anyway? Speaking as a man who personally knows the meaning of the word “thinning”, it’s not that bad to be bald. Looks quite sexy, in fact.
Although (sigh) I doubt that Reg would ever look sexy…
Poor old codger
The hair… the hair…
Redbaldandproud
Looking forward to hearing his song about the Queen Mother, though.
There will be one, won’t there?
R
You know, it seems to me that Elton John really didn’t start to suck until he decided to come out of the closet. (No pun intended.) Back when he was married and hiding his homosexuality (or at least attempting to) from the public he did decent stuff. I don’t know what it was about him coming out that made his work shit, but it certainly seemed to happen at about the same time. (Of course, some of my gay friends prefer the shit he’s done since he came out, and these guys normally have good taste in music.)
Glad to see I’m not the only one who instantly thinks of “I Am, I Said” whenever the topic of truly awful lyrics is raised.
Kate Bush covered Rocket Man, you know. Horrible, just… horrible. Talk about falling from a great height.
Elton John and his APPALLING music ruined Moulin Rouge for me. Well it was a bad film anyway (terrible voices anorexic-thin plot).
But I can’t believe people are having a go at Bernie Taupin. At least he actually wrote something new to commerorate Diana’s death. All Elton did was sing it to his old tune written for a completely different person. Yet it’s always “Elton John’s tribute to Princess Diana” when bollox was it.
God he’s a horrible little man.
God I hate his music.
Of course, of course, a completely original work, I believe it’s called ‘Lantern in the breeze’. Something like that.