The Passing of the SDMB Hamster

[elucidator]

It is with deep regret that we note the demise of the most recent SDMB hamster, Slomo, who carried on the solemn duty of spinning the cage wheel that powered the SDMB server (Radio Shack, $19.95). Slomo, a lifelong sufferer from anemia, asthma, and neurasthenia, was despondent over the 10,000 newbie GD thread centered on issues of Cosmic Significance (Is God a Homo?) Foul play is not suspected.

A replacement of equal quality was delayed by the requirements of SDMB's policy of ensuring the useful employment of alternatively abled rodents. We welcome the arrival of Deadmeat, and urge our participants to patience and understanding, as Deadmeat has three legs and is addicted to barbiturates. We expect no discernible change in quality.

And, of course, fuck.

[elf6c]

Obviously the 8,000,000 post thread on alternative author versions of the Lord of the Rings in Cafe Society (and featured in slashdot) did not help things much.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

I believe the situation was also aggravated by infestation of dick jokes in the BBQ "virgins" thread.

[Gorgon Heap]

Which makes me wonder:


How many dick jokes does it take to kill a hampster?

[minty green]

And just how big is the hamster's dick? It's got three legs, after all.

[december]

Is Deadmeat a hamster or a hamstress?

[jesuslynch]

Originally posted by minty green
And just how big is the hamster's dick? It's got three legs, after all.

Wouldn't that be five?

[Neurotik]

The fourth leg was caught in the wheel...very tragic. Deadmeat has had to improvise to get his job done.

[London_Calling]

Originally posted by elucidator
Deadmeat has three legs and is addicted to barbiturates. We expect no discernible change in quality.

Sounds painful ! Perhaps he lost it when the treadmill was stuck.........in Gere ?

<Honk Honk >

[Spooky]

Godspeed, Slomo, and thank you.

>wiping tears<


All hail Deadmeat! Long live Deadmeat!

[B.Pants]

Originally posted by elucidator
Deadmeat has three legs and is addicted to barbiturates.

We need to get him hooked on speed instead. I know it's cruel, but the ends justify the means. Right?!

[Polycarp]

Although you all think you're joking, I can just visualize jdavis sitting at a monitor reading threads like this aloud to his little friends, who are laughing maniacally.

[elucidator]

Sir, your suggestion is appalling. Not as appalling as Werewolf of London's execrable pun, to be sure. But, nonetheless appalling.

This just in: it has been revealed that a previous power source, the aptly yclept Twitch, was experimented upon in precisely the manner you describe. It remains uncertain whether this was the actual cause of his induction into the Choir Invisible, or whether he succumbed to one-too-many of Scylla's Proust-like excercises in self-revelation. Rumor has it that the Moderator involved was sentenced to Texas.

[wring]

Originally posted by elucidator
Rumor has it that the Moderator involved was sentenced to Texas.

Heartless bastids!

[Daowajan]

My dick is so big, it could choke a hamster.







what?

[SPOOFE]

Underpants.

[december]

An unbalanced hamster named Slomo
Got upset over Is God a homo?
....So he gave up his seat
....Was replaced by Deadmeat
Who had last worked for Mario Cuomo.

[jesuslynch]

Originally posted by jesuslynch
Wouldn't that be five?

Wouldn't that be four?


I swear I don't work for Auther Anderson.

[Shirley Ujest]

What do you call a well hung three legged hampster?

Kick stand.



Thank you! Thank You! I'll be here all week!

[elucidator]

Damn, december! That limerick complies with the rules of scancion, and is blessed with a modicum of wit. Clearly, our tutelage and patience is bearing fruit. We are amused, albeit mildly. Be that as it may, the rehabilitation required to compensate for the unspeakable groaner "cassus belly" may be beyond mortal means.

[Shirley Ujest]

Originally posted by jesuslynch
Wouldn't that be four?


I swear I don't work for Auther Anderson.

Arthur.

[Mojo]

Slomo has passed, RIP
Is Deadmeat any faster? We shall see
But if not, don't fret
I suggest that we get
the nutria that attacked Jimmy C.

[jesuslynch]

Originally posted by Shirley Ujest
Arthur.

You know, I debated on the spelling. The bone just gets bigger.

[Henry B]

Elucidator
Did you get any Finnish singing hamsters?


Anyone who wants to hear the hamsters singing, just send me a message and I will E-mail You.


Henry

[danceswithcats]

I'm thinking of the Frenchman atop the castle wall in Monty Python's movie: "Your Mother was a hampster, and your Father smelt of elderberries!"

[Enderw24]

Originally posted by jesuslynch
Wouldn't that be five?

[Picard] There are FOUR legs! [/Picard]


For Henry B:

Finnish hamsters are known to be dinky
They'll faint when we ask for a linky
We place the power in him
tell him sink or else swim
The Finnish hampster's no good 'cause Helsinki.

[Henry B]

Enderw24
So Ypu asked for the Finnish variant, so You got it.

How to use it:
If You feel stressed, put volume on max., listen and sing along for 20 minutes.
Your stress is gone and You need something to drink.
No medicine for that.
Sorry.


Henry

[elucidator]

Damn, Hank I like you. Gotdam if I understand you, but I like you.

There was music? All I got was the dancing lemmings, singing in Ugaritic, which means as much to me as the Turkish song about a Coca-Cola hat. Don't ask, my kid thought it was cool.

Yes, I got your e-mail, and I am honored. If I'm weird enough for you, then I'm weird enough. It'll do.

[Henry B]

Enderw24
Sorry for addressing You as Ypu.
My most humble apologize!

The explanition to why I addressed You as I did, was that I was alone yesterday with my cat. listened to the Finnish hamster-music for 45 minutes and drunk a lot.

Just the usual hamster home-sickness, I think.

Henry

[Henry B]

elucidator

Whatta you mean "There was music?".

I mean after Sibelius that is the best song my tribe have created. Ever.

P.S. I like Your writings.
Not buttering You up.
Just like it, when You sometimes scream the truths on the Boards.
To the bruths of the board.

And You have a bright kid.
Be proud!

Henry

[elucidator]

Hank:

Get drunk. Watch a baby sleep. Be lonesome, but refuse to be lonely. Have friends you don't neccesarily approve of.

But dammit, if you're gonna send me dancing lemmings, at least translate!

[Enderw24]

It's ok, Henry B, we can't all be perfect like I am.

So what sound do Finnish hamsters make anyway? Gaflugen eeken eeken?

[Henry B]

Enderw24

There should be the song with the text. Just put Your loudspeakers on. If it does not work, just send me a note to komponent@vologda.ru and I'll try again.

elucidator

I am sorry that I did not translate everything right away, but You see I was writing here a report to my investors. I had the hamster music on and took some vodka.
My cat came and sat at the table. She usually let my mouse alone, because she knows by now that it is made of plastic.

Anyhow, when she saw the dancing hamsters, she got interested.
I was afraid that she would eat them or in other way harm them, if I would pass away, so I thought I'll send them far away.
Well, I found Your address and Nipples,MN sounded to be far enough.
The rest You know.


The anti-stress hamsters, (or lemmlings if You wish to see it that way), should be used as follows:

Remember to put on Your loud-speakers!!!!!!!!

1. Close the door

2. Put the loud-speakers on max.

3. Sing along with the hamsters for 20 minutes.

4. The stress is gone

5. Send this E-mail to others that might have stress.


I am the nice-looking hamster in the second row, the 4th from left.
Today a little bit tomato-eyed...

_______________________________________

The original song and The Dancing Hamsters can be got from me:
komponent@vologda.ru

Henry

[rsa]

Originally posted by elucidator
Location: Nipples, MN
Rumor has it that the Moderator involved was sentenced to Texas.

I'd rather be sentenced to Nipples.

[elucidator]

No! Its terrible here! Too cold! Stay away! Besides, everybody here talks funny! There is no, repeat, no bar-b-que. Did I mention cold? Damn cold! Go to Iowa. Iowa is nice.

[Neurotik]

So, 'lucy, would you say that Nipples is colder than a witch's titty?

[elucidator]

Is the witch dead?