xXx - In the words of Hank Hill, "What the HELL?"

[Avalonian]

So, my wife and I were in the mood for some mindless entertainment, and we hadn't seen xXx yet. It has Samuel Jackson in it, and some people I know liked it, so I decided to give it a shot. Having watched it, I can only say, what a waste of celluloid this movie was.

A collection of extreme sports and stunts that are a complete break with reality. A story that isn't anywhere close to interesting. A plot that exists only as an excuse (and a thin one at that) for the aforementioned extreme sports events.

And I have to apologize to Vin Diesel fans here, but while I see that he has a certain rugged, brutish, muscular charm, he's an abysmal actor. He delivers his lines with one or two stock expressions and almost no inflection. And the way he kisses just looks nasty. Yuch.

This is a film that doesn't even succeed on the level of gut-level, mindless entertainment -- it's that stupid. It's silly, inconsistent, and superficial, and worst of all it isn't even fun. I got it as a free rental, so all I can really complain about is the time spent watching it, but dammit I even want that back!

I'm disappointed that a film like this can't even manage to be entertaining. I'm disappointed that Sam Jackson would agree to be in such a stinker. But most of all, I'm disappointed in myself for even wasting the time to watch it.

Blah. I need to go watch something else -- anything -- to get the nasty feel of that one out. Later.

[fiddlesticks]

Originally posted by Avalonian
I'm disappointed that a film like this can't even manage to be entertaining. I'm disappointed that Sam Jackson would agree to be in such a stinker. But most of all, I'm disappointed in myself for even wasting the time to watch it.

You might also want to avoid Jackson in Formula 51 for the exact same reasons. IMDB says he's going to be the sequel XXX^2 next year.

Despite his sometimes iffy track record, I'm sure he's enjoying sleeping on top of a big pile of money with many beautiful ladies.

[GuanoLad]

There are movie fans out there who pan the Tomb Raider film, but praise xXx as a great mindless action flick.

I disagree on both points, and furthermore cannot understand why Tomb Raider was panned when it's so much more traditionally fun than xXx was.

I clearly am not like other people.

[typhoon]

I didn't even know you could blow up that many things in an hour and a half.

[Drastic]

There was an unfortunate lull in explosions during the middle half-hour, though.

[3trew]

I just watched xXx tonight, for the first time.

I read a review of it on the Brunching Shuttlecocks website a while back that started out by saying it was a stupid movie. It wasn't necessarily bad, but it was stupid.

I tried to approach it with that in mind. The fact that a movie is stupid doesn't necessarily mean I won't like it. Sometimes it's a plus. I'm all for the mindless blow up lots of stuff and have cool music school of moviemaking. Some of my favourite movies are amazingly stupid and involve more stunt people than actors.

This one didn't do it for me.

Vin Diesel has potential. I'm not just saying that because he stole my hairstyle and he's way hot. Find a copy of "Pitch Black" and ignore the ending. He was good in that. Okay, he was good the way Ahnold was in The Terminator, but he was still good.

Jackson was good too, but I can only assume that his agent was on serious drugs when he passed the script on and Sam didn't actually read it before he signed up.

[11811]

Well, the first scene, where they run into a concert by Rammstein, was impressive. Actually, I guess Rammstein was impressive. Nice sets, a few nice props, visually speaking, the casting was pretty good.

But it was a stupid, stupid movie.

[minega]

it sucked, but it had the best line of the year

'The things i'm gonna do for my country!'

[Khadaji]

Well, I didn't hate it, but I wouldn't recommend it either. I just watched Reign of Fire last night and it was worse.

[irishgirl]

oh no.
gentlemen you are forgetting WHY he said
"the things i'm gonna do for my country!"

the woman in the red underwear pole dancing on his four poster bed.

sexy as hell.

she was the only reason to watch that movie.

[plastic conspiracy]

I'm not planning on wasting my time with it, but I'm curious. Was it worse than Collateral Damage? I turned that one off half-way through it (once I witnessed John Turturo's bit role--what was he doing in that movie??).

[Avalonian]

Originally posted by Khadaji
Well, I didn't hate it, but I wouldn't recommend it either. I just watched Reign of Fire last night and it was worse.

Reign of Fire was definitely bad... but I don't know if it was worse. At least that one had dragons, which are a plus in my book.

irishgirl, the pole-dancing girl in Vin's bedroom was one of the reasons I decided to rant about it. She may have been sexy (not to me, but YMMV on that), but that was one of the stupidest, most transparent excuses for on-screen cheesecake I've ever seen. An insult to the intelligence and a play to juvenile male fantasy if ever I've seen one.

The avalanche scene was another one of my big problems. What absolute idiocy.

plastic conspiracy, I've not seen Collateral Damage. Nor do I plan to, if it's anywhere near as bad as xXx.

I think I need to find the people who recommended xXx to me, tie them down, and make them watch something either really bad (Druids, for example) or really good (Fearless or Fight Club maybe). I can't decide which now.

[FallenAngel]

xXx was, indeed, pretty bad, but I still enjoyed it as a brainless action flick.

I don't think Vin is a bad actor at all (although he's no Olivier by any stretch), but this was probably his worst effort.

I actually shuddered at the stupidity of the heat seeking rocket scene.

I liked the bad guy, and the little Russian girl was a visually tasty morsel. Besides, it had one of the most beautiful GTOs in it I have ever seen. It's my second most beloved car; so it was worth it to me just for that.

"Stop thinking like Prague police and start thinking PlayStation. Blow shit up."

That was funny.

[sirtonyh]

I have to say I liked it. It was definitely brainless, had a ludicrous plot and the actiing isn't going to win an Oscar any time soon but, it was still a very well made popcorn action movie imho.

These kind of movies, if they are well made, can be just as entertaining as more serious films. For the record I also liked The Rock, Con Air, Charlies Angels, Lethal Weapon and Die Hard which pretty much fall into the same category of brainless but fun movies.

Biggest plus point for me is that it was a hell of a lot better than Die Another Day which I saw at roughly the same time.

[Avalonian]

Originally posted by sirtonyh
These kind of movies, if they are well made, can be just as entertaining as more serious films. For the record I also liked The Rock, Con Air, Charlies Angels, Lethal Weapon and Die Hard which pretty much fall into the same category of brainless but fun movies.

See, that's the thing... I liked all those movies you mention above as well, particularly Die Hard. That's pretty much all I was hoping for with xXx too, but for some reason it just didn't appeal to me on the same level. I rented it because I wanted a brainless action flick, what I got was just... brainless.

Oh well. We watched Storytelling the next night, and even if it was sort of weird, it was still a much better movie. I feel much better now.

Originally posted by sirtonyh
Biggest plus point for me is that it was a hell of a lot better than Die Another Day which I saw at roughly the same time.

I've sworn off Bond films for a long time now. I don't even remember the last one I watched.

[Lute Skywatcher]

Originally posted by Avalonian
Blah. I need to go watch something else -- anything -- to get the nasty feel of that one out. Later.

May I suggest Die Hard with a Vengence?

[Rug Burn]

I thought it was near perfect. Dirt bikes, snowboards, skating, explosions up the ying yang, decent women, cheesy & implausable stunts. What more could you ask for in a mindless action movie? It was like Bond without all the snootiness and debonaire crapolla.

What did the trailers mislead you into thinking you were going to see?

[lno]

Originally posted by Rug Burn
What did the trailers mislead you into thinking you were going to see?

A Tom Hanks / Meg Ryan romantic comedy. What trailers did you see?

[Avalonian]

Originally posted by Jeff Olsen
May I suggest Die Hard with a Vengence?

Seen it... liked the first half, and thought Jeremy Irons was perfect for Gruber's brother. The second half (pretty much starting at the point when Brucie gets shot out of a waterpipe) was idiocy, but it was still a fun movie.

Rug Burn, maybe something approximating a plot would've been nice. Or maybe my standards are too high.

[Lute Skywatcher]

Originally posted by Avalonian
Seen it...

I figured you would have. I bet it would help get xXx out of your brain.

[kung fu lola]

FTR, xXx's chica's name is Asia Argento, and she also made a semi-autobiographical film that is pretty much porn, especially since the "actors" were engaging in actual penetration.

[3trew]

She has some interesting tattoos.

[InTransit]

In many scenes, she (Asia) looked just like Moira Kelly, except that I highly doubt Moira Kelly would bare her skin like that.

Entertainment Weekly review of Agent Cody Banks said it all for me:

. . .Agent Cody Banks puts typically juvenile spy jinks (Vin Diesel-tested maneuvers like driving dangerously for no good reason and ogling girls with X-ray glasses) back where they belong: in the hands of a qualified juvenile. "

I don't get Vin Diesel's appeal. A friend (who likes his looks) describes him as "box of rocks." We saw xXx only because it was set in Prague and we'd just been to the city a few months before the movie came out.

[Avalonian]

Originally posted by InTransit
I don't get Vin Diesel's appeal. A friend (who likes his looks) describes him as "box of rocks."

Heh... I like the EW quote you posted. I would add that Frankie Muniz is at least a better actor than ol' "box of rocks."

To give credit where it's due, Diesel was actually pretty good in Pitch Black, as another poster pointed out. However, it bears noting that that was an ensemble cast (like Alien or The Abyss), and Diesel had to do very little acting... or talking, for that matter. He had a nice bit at the end, but again, it was more action than acting. He doesn't have the chops to support a lead role all on his lonesome, it seems.

[MissTake]

Vin Diesel...



~~~droooolllll~~~

For me it's his beautiful bald head and his voice. I know he is not a great actor and xXx was fluff, but damn he's some eye candy.

[GuanoLad]

Originally posted by InTransit
In many scenes, she (Asia) looked just like Moira Kelly.

You noticed that too? I was watching it and thinking "I know her. Where do I know her?" and couldn't figure it out. I discovered her name, and thought "Never heard of her. Why do I know her?"

I went home and looked up pics of her on the net, crikey dickens she's done some racy stuff, and eventually it hit me - she looks like Moira Kelly (who I've had a crush on since Cutting Edge). Very eerily similar looking actually.

[friedo]

And I have to apologize to Vin Diesel fans here, but while I see that he has a certain rugged, brutish, muscular charm, he's an abysmal actor. He delivers his lines with one or two stock expressions and almost no inflection. And the way he kisses just looks nasty. Yuch.

For a much better (though by no means amazing) performance by Mr. Diesel, go see Boiler Room.

[vibrotronica]

I will say one thing about xXx: it pitched well. Somebody walked into a studio office and said four words: "Extreme Sports James Bond." The studio exec replied "Here's $50 million. Come back when you need more."

I'm an aspiring screenwriter. "Extreme Sports James Bond" would have never occurred to me in a million years.

I will now fling myself out of a window.