Brilliant setup, astro!
Shame on me for having my mind in the gutter. 
A warning to us all about the dangers of a large woody.
If your mind wasn’t in the gutter, you wouldn’t a Doper. It’s a Board rule, or something.
That said, I hope they’re not to hard on the culpret! 
Oh, a woodpecker! I was thinking it was a guy running around terrorizing people with an angry chicken.
We can ALWAYS count on Astro for the colorful titles…
Thank God. When I read the thread title, I thought they were on to me.
First you get me all excited and then you flip me the bird.
Gee…sorta like my first date.
I had already ruled myself out as a culprit.