Your job is to design a Doper who would earn the coveted ‘most hated’ award. Think of it as a 'we don’t like those types round ‘ere’ list for purposes of codifying. There are two rules:
You can’t just name a current Doper. That’s too lazy, make another thread if they annoy you that much. Plus you’d just point at the OP and say “that”, which would hurt my feelings.
Our hypothetical doper must not get banned. Deliberate trolling or posting links to goatse in every thread would win the award but would get banned ASAP.
Why is this in the pit? Because I’m sure someone will break rule 1 or point to past incidents regarding specific Dopers, so it’ll likely get moved here anyway. I’ll get things rolling…
They must have cats - and post about how they’ve been de-clawed.
They must post in appropriate GD threads - defending the Young Earth Creationist view.
They must have a strong view on circumcision, bringing it up in related threads…
They must post about how pit-bulls are dangerous (that’s one of mine).
In Cafe Society, they must express dislike of the work of Joss Whedon.
ETA: They must also quote the entire OP when they are the second poster in a thread, quote an entire long post and add a two word response without snipping anything, and they must post parse vigorously and repeatedly.
ETAA: And never, ever give up an argument that everyone else has lost interest in that has completely lost the point of the thread.
And keep coming back in and adding to their posts.
They must work a comment about how the issue at hand is all the fault of [ libtards | conservatards | Dumbocrats | Rethuglicans ] into every post, even when the topic is not even remotely political.
When shown to be manifestly wrong about something, they respond with a lengthy post claiming that they were taken out of context, that everyone completely missed the point, and that their unique definitions of common terms are in fact the correct ones.
Or, they just command everyone to re-read the forty or more repetitive posts they’ve already made to the thread.
Insufficient… they must be utterly contemptuous of the theory of evolution, and the very concept of scientific research is laughable to them.
They must endorse doing it at home, with a pliers. Oh, and female circumcision id the best thing to keep women (excuse me, “girls”) in the kitchen where they belong.
This one, you got totally backward. Pit bulls aren’t dangerous enough, are unreliable in killing any tresspassers, and even less reliable about eating the corpses to destroy the evidence. Even the children, who they should be able to handle in a single meal.
OTOH, why should they have to worry about hiding evidence, as tresspassers seserve death anyway, as do most of the posters here.
Well, of course they are opposed to smelly Asian plants, not to mention Asians.
And let’s not even talk about the demonstrated intellectual superiority of certain races.
Coy Racism: They’re constantly going on how ‘clearly there are some differences between races, it’s not racist for me to point out that there are differences, otherwise the terms would have no meaning, and allow me to cite this unrelated paper about gene frequencies in hamsters’.
They must (MUST!!!) bring up politics in every post. “My third grader just performed her first clarinet solo in her school talent show today. I’m so proud!”/“IF < POLITICIAN > DIDN’T SUCK SO BADLY, SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO PERFORM SOONER!!!”
They must randomly color, bold, underline, and italicize their walls of text.
Bonus points for Mac-holes (or Linux douches)* who pop into every “My computer is doing this. Can you help?” thread with “Dur–wouldn’t happen if you were using a Mac” (this one’s mostly gone away, but before Pay To Post we had a good half dozen of these dicks–regular Apple users (the vast majority of people who used Macs) hated them.
And…Pit Weenies–they’ve gotta be a Pit Weenie who comes into perfectly good pit threads and whines about how meeeeeeannn people are being.
*I’m sure there are Windows jerkoffs who do this too, but I haven’t noticed 'em.
They sink their teeth into an unfounded position and must be adamant that they are right and that everyone else on the board is wrong, wrong, wrong! They will continue to shout this opinion from the rooftops until they are finally proven to be incorrect, wherein they will assume the role of abused victim and invite the rest of us to heap our scorn on their misunderstood and persecuted self.
They have severe emotional disturbances and project them onto society as a whole insisting that the most benign of interactions is actually intensely abusive in nature. They go so far as to compare it to actual physical abuse with no regard to the demeaning of actual victims this implies.
They constantly remind us of the obscene amount of money they make and their complete distain for anyone who doesn’t make as much. They believe sincerely that they are superior to anyone in need of any kind of assistance and look upon them with utter derision. If someone (or their children) dies because of their inability to support themselves, well that’s the free market at work.
In keeping with rule 1) in the OP I of course have no one specific in mind.
