The Dopers in the Sharp Parts of the Bell Curve

In the spirit of the Academy Awards and that TV Guide thingy, I am asking you, the average Doper on the street, who’s the best, the worst, the (second) smartest, the rock-dumbest, the youngest, or the oldest Doper on the block.

With better than 13,000 registered members we’s gots alots o’ tallent here. It’s now up to you to catagorize and quantify your SDMB experience. All you Dopers in the comfy, roomy part of the Bell Curve look to your right and your left and just tell me what you see. Who is out there? Who is really out there?

Who is the weasel-craziest Anarchist hell-bent on corrupting the MB?

Who gets named most in other peoples threads? (Mebbe… Opal?)

Who has the most gratuitous use of “Belgium” outside of the BBQ Pit?

Suck up to your friends. Dump on you arch-nemisis. Make up your own catagories.* Just if you’ve read this far, play along and post something. Old hands and newbies all count alike, so don’t be intimidated.
As an extra added bonus to posting you get to join the illustrious ranks of such famous Dopers as…

Holden MacRoyne
The Ryan
The Mighty Tiki God
and first and foremost

by simply posting on MY thread.

Of course, that distinction and this gets you a cookie.

*except, like, prettiest or best rack.('Cause the first is purely subjective and not everyone is qualified to judge the antlers on a trophy buck for the second) This is not the Pit so play nice. Like in Chicago, vote early and vote often. No points off for spelling. Don’t run with scissors. It’s only funny till some one starts to cry.

How did I get to be on this list? Granted I’ve been here since only Nov. and I’m already getting a fan base? Anyways the posters that I always enjoy reading stuff from would be

SPOOFE Bo Diddly

Now as for the doper I find most comical thats tough but it’d most likely be either


And as for the most intelligent dopers hmm impossible you were all able to find this board and post so that goes out to each and every one of you.

That’s funny…
Minus Coldfire and Rtan I’ve never heard of those people.

Dammit! I’ve been hanging around the nerds, again!



The Mighty Tiki God-
You get on the highly select list by simply posting to one of MY threads. It must have slipped your mind, but you did once. Did I mention that the lucky Dopers who are on such a fashionable and exclusive list get to be in the Hierarchy after the Revolution. Every one else gets to be C.H.U.D. Chow and slaves in the Turnip Mines? Kinda gets you all fired excited to join the lucky few.

Did I mention that the cookie mentioned is a cookie cookie? Not the electronic kind.

O.K. now for my nominations…

The Doper who is most likely to start childish and inane threads…the envelope please…RUE DeDAY!!!
<Cheerleader-like squeals of pure delight>
Oh my! Oh goodness! I’d like to thank The Little Woman and my boys, Soupo and Katcha. It’s such an honor… ah screw it.

Moving right along…

The Doper who is most likely to be found in some stranger’s house in nothing but a sombrero and great big granny-underwear…the envelope please…CHEIF SCOTT!!![Because of the policy to never bait a sailor for fear of the Popeye Response, the votes have been re-counted]…the NEW envelope please…Fairy Princess Kitty!!![Baiting a Fairy Princess sounds much safer than baiting a sailor]

The derned-nicest mini-van drivin’ Doper…yeah, yeah, just gimme the envelope…Duck Duck Goose !!!

And buck up Fenris, not every one is as hip and happening as you.

The most hip and happening Doper…
See how it works? It’s not hard.

The best “Speed Racer” influenced screen name for a Doper…the envelope please…SPRITLE!!!
(What? He did what? OH! For the love of…)
…the NEW envelope please… REACERX!!!
Remember…don’t play along…C.H.U.D. Chow…

I’m wondering, but not actually self-nominating myself as such, if I am the oldest active poster with the least posts. I’m doubting it though, since I’m never unique.

I want to apply for the position of “prettiest” and “best rack.” Even though you said it wasn’t an option. Here is the evidence anyway:

I also want to apply for the job of “most likely to go off and an overly emotional tangent without thinking much.” I consider that a badge of honor.


O.K. you can be prettiest if you want. But the “best rack” nomination…Don’t think THAT can be supported from your link. In fact didn’t see ANY racks. Assuming the puppy and grandmother were REAL, there wasn’t any taxidermy at all.


The prettiest Doper most likely to go off and an overly emotional tangent without thinking much…the envelope please…SexyWriter!!!

And SINsApple, if you don’t nominate yourself, who will? Go ahead and ask for the envelope. See what happens. If anyone takes exception to your self-nomination let 'em fight you for it. Really mix it up and get wacky.

Thank you! Thank you! [tears of joy running down my face]

Now about that “best rack” thing. You think I want to put photos of my tits out here for all the dopers to see? Can’t you just take my word for it?


Now calm down a bit Sexy! If you want the “best rack” distinction you need a rack. Heck it doesn’t have to be a deer’s rack, it can be a rack of lamb for all I care.

Since it seems to be SOOOO important to you…

The Doper with the highest regard for her own boobies…the envelope please…SexyWriter!!!

Our first double winner!

After the Revolution, SexyWriter will be in charge of all the slave working the Turnip Mines. Bummer being a Turnip Mine slave, but at least you can oogle Sexy.

I’m voting for Cecil as the most talked about and least talkative (On the forums, that is. He seem to be quite vocal on his on page :wink: )

{{{rue}}} (I’d grope you instead of hug you, but don’t know how to cyper grope! Besides, I’m not That Kind Of Girl.)

I also have a great rack. :smiley:

I also think weirddave is funny…exprix, andygirl, jarbabyj, oldscratch, TomnDebb, TVeblen, Dr Paprika has entertaining threads…There are so many great posters here, but I’m not around enough to really know everyone. You’re all great!

If we’re going to talk about best racks, than lee wins easily. She’s something like a 48EE, or bigger. (For me, size = quality) She is the winner of the “Doper who Lizard would someday like to see naked” Award.

But I digress…

“Funniest” Doper (a very subjective category)- Cervaise

Most Infuriating- Coldfire Oddly enough, being a Mod seems to have toned him down a bit.

Most Likely To Have Been Voted “Biggest Flirt” in High School- evilbeth

Crankiest- CrankAsAnOldMan

Pretty Darn Cute (personality-wise)- SexyWriter

Most Obnoxious- oldscratch (Although that doesn’t mean I dislike him)

Most Obsessed- Jack Dean Tyler. Mr. Tyler also takes the titles of “Most Surreal,” “Weirdest,” “Most Amusing When You’re In a Bad Mood,” “Most Annoying When You’re In a Good Mood,” and “Most Likely to Become Part of a Stand-up Comedy Routine.” I’m almost sorry he was banned.

Of course, a survey like this ignores the fact that there may be brilliant and hilarious Dopers who just don’t post enough to be well known.

I can’t tell you all how happy I feel! To finally be recognized as “pretty darn ANYTHING” is such an honor!

Though I’m still a bit obsessed with tits and sad that I can’t beat the 48EEE thingie…


I nominate myself in the Category of Under-21 Poster Most Likely to Get Trashed at a Dopefest and Kiss all the Boys.

Proof? You want proof? Fine:
(I’m wearing the red shirt). FTR, I think I kissed about 10 more people, but I only got play with three of them. And all the play was above the belt, so I might also get nominated for Biggest Tease.

This thread is great! I’m getting more action than in High School, oh so long ago.

First I get an…impassioned e-mail from Sexy, then I get a cyber-hug from Carina in lieu of a cyber-grope. As you can see Sexy keeps getting more and more of these awards (should we name them? The Dopies?) so appearantly the Judging Committee can be bought. And cheaply, too.

The Doper who embodies female pulchritude in all its glory, and keeps Rue from killing threads…The envelope please…Carina42!!!

<sing-song voice> …oh Cariiiina…<gropes you back> I guess I am that kind of boy. I hope my hands were warm enough.

On a related note…What’s this you’re all going on about racks? The Miriam-Webster says…
1 : a framework for holding fodder for livestock
2 : an instrument of torture…(we don’t need this one)
3 : a cause of anguish…(or this one)
4 : a framework, stand, or grating on or in which articles are placed
5 : a frame placed in a stream to stop fish and floating or suspended matter
6 a : a bar with teeth on one face for gearing with a pinion or worm gear to transform rotary motion to linear motion or vice versa (as in an automobile steering mechanism or microscope drawtube) b : a notched bar used as a ratchet to engage with a pawl, click, or detent
7 : a pair of antlers
8 : a triangular frame used to set up the balls in a pool game; also : the balls as set up
You seem to be talking about breasts, or to use the clinical term, boobies.
Am I up to speed? Are we all on the same page now?

And tshirts…
You don’t just vote, or nominate, you AWARD. It’s not like we’re gonna run out of these Dopies or anything. Award as many as you want. Multiple winners are fine. We have just truckloads of these awards to present.
And do you really want to bring Cecil [pulling forelock and giving a shuffling bow “No offence intended”] into this seeing as he’d just kinda make a sweep of the whole thing?
And if Cecil [again pulling forelock and giving a shuffling bow “No offence intended”] wants to win he’ll just have to come accept the “honor” himself.

Nacho4Sara, don’t be shy. Stand up and say…
The Doper in the Category of Under-21 Poster Most Likely to Get Trashed at a Dopefest and Kiss all the Boys…t.e.p…Nacho4Sara!!!
Huzzah! And the crowds rejoice!
And mention your boobies as often as possible. Always a crowd pleaser.

When I talk about my “rack” I am not talking about my tits! Sheesh. :rolleyes:

I’m talking about my bar with teeth on one face for gearing with a pinion or worm gear to transform rotary motion to linear motion or vice versa (as in an automobile steering mechanism or microscope drawtube) b : a notched bar used as a ratchet to engage with a pawl, click, or detent. It’s very soft & firm & luscious, my rack is.

My tits, however hang down to my bellybutton & the stretch marks are something terrible. I don’t wear a bra, I just pour my tits into a couple of socks & tie them around my back.

Carina…yeah, I knew that.

[Sally Field] You like me… you really like me <sniff> [/Sally Field]