You know You’re a true-blue Doper when:
[ul]
[li]You scream out “Cite?” in a busines meeting.[/li][li]You call someone an “asshat” when they cut you off in traffic.[/li][li]You’re filing miscellaneous paperwork and you look for the MPSIMS folder.[/li][li]You agree with a point someone brought up, and say “Yes, the OP is correct.”[/li][li]Someone insults you, and you tell them you’re taking them to the Pit.[/li][li]Your SO, out shopping with the list you wrote, wonders what on Earth “Hi, Opal” is.[/li][li]You introduce yourself as your SDMB screen name.[/li][/ul]
You overhear some kids talking about a “Dopefest” and tag along, hoping to see jarbabyj.
Turns out all you see are everybody’s teeth (what would we do without blacklights?) and Jesus, for just a second . . .
Yep, I’m a Doper all right. 
Zev Steinhardt
Yep - guilty of that one two. 
You hear a neat phrase and instinctively shout out “Band name!”
You get pulled over for speeding, and beg the cop not to ban you.
You routinely tell people to “Fucko off”.
You hear the words fallen uterus and you say to yourself,
“Cool band name!”
The theme song from All Your Base Are Belong To Us keeps playing in your head.
(that one could also be a sign of schizophrenia)
Your office is full of cow-orkers.
You pray to Og.
Oh, dammit! It took me all day yesterday to get that outta my head!
Thanks, Beck. Thanks a lot.
You hit ‘refresh’ every 30 secs.
I actually said “Gotcha ya!” to someone at work. Blank stares all round.
You worry about making the Baby Jesus cry all the friggin’ time!!
If I had been drinking something, you would owe me a new monitor.
Nitpick: That’s a Dilbert thing, not an SDMB thing. (Although probably hundreds of Dopers are in the DNRC).
You know you’re a Doper when…
… you’ve this thread or varients of it at least three times before 
When you shout “TMI!” if somebody’s describing some nicely graphic body function or anything else TMI. (This one’s working quite well, as I’ve gotten most of my friends/family to do the same thing…they love it.)
You routinely refer to “My Boards”. (I do this just about every other sentence during a workday. Nobody at my work has a clue was “A Board” is, let alone “Mine”.)
Your hubby asks you, “Anything good today?” and you know immediately what he’s talking about.
When you refer to yourself as “a Doper”, your whole family knows what it means, and doesn’t call the rehab clinic, and stops anybody else that may try.
And of course, when the boards go down, you decide the whole internet is just a big wad of crap and you actually do something else besides sit in front of the monitor. I hate it when that happens.
You know you’re a Doper when…
…you find yourself using words like “snarky” and “goat felcher” and people look at you like you’re crazy.
…your nightmares are filled with sick and dying hamsters.
…you see a vagrant living under a bridge and the name Uekte comes to mind.
…somebody asks you a question and you tell them to use the search function.
…or you tell them that this isn’t really the proper forum
…or you say “right, I’ll see you in the pit!”
…you try formatting text in MS word with vB tags
Real True-Life Story.
I was writing my return address on an envelope. My town’s name starts with St, and after I got that much out, I automatically finished “…raightdope.”
Yes, I wrote my return address as being in Straightdope, NY.
On my IRS envelope to send in my taxes.
:smack:
You have nightmares where you’re banned and you wake up, thinking, ‘Whew! I don’t have to shell out for the Deluxe Godivas after all!’
