Quite simply, I’m wondering how common it is for self-identifying straight males to experiment with homosexuality. Sorry if this comes off as asking for TMI, or if it’s in the wrong forum (seemed too "what’s your personal experience?) for GD.
Being gay and having gay friends, I hear a lot about 2 kinds of dealings with straight guys. The first is youthful experimentation, before the participants are fully aware or comfortable with their sexual orientation. I personally never had such experiences, I didn’t have sexual contact with anyone until I was fairly mature and comfortable with my sexuality.
The other contact is the kind of thing you hear about more in erotic fiction or porn, which is the sleeping with the straight guy AFTER they’re both older and set in their sexual orientation. I’ve had friends talk about how they’ve “gotten with” straight guys just because the timing was right, a guy was horny or what have you. Again, I know nothing of the sort, and always considered straight guys to be completely unattainable.
Now, I don’t have too many straight male friends, and those I do have I’ve never asked about these things… but I’d really like to hear the other side of the story, if there is one. So basically, the question is for straight guys:
Have you ever had sexual contact with another male, and under what circumstances. What do you think “experimentation” suggests about one’s sexuality (if anything)?
On second thought, ladies please feel free to include your experiences and thoughts about this, I’m sure that is equally as interesting.
Hmmm, well … I’m straight and the thought of experimenting has crossed my mind … I’ve never acted on it, but I think it’s a natural aspect of human sexuality. Women experiment and we think nothing of it (in fact, we think it’s pretty cool). I think it probably doesn’t happen that much with men because nobody wants to be the first one to try it …
As to what experimentation suggests about a person’s sexuality, I’d say not much. Sometimes things just happen, and it doesn’t have to mean anything. Men and women can experiment without being gay, or for that matter bi … I think most of this stuff just happens out of plain boredom.
For my homosexual experimentation, I have these GORGEOUS pink test tubes, and my autoclave is decorated with frilly doilies and pretty flowers. And instead of wearing latex gloves, I use lambskin.
I’ll attempt to share my own experience in relation to a part of the OP.
I participated in this type of youthful experimentation from about the age of 6 until 12ish with both males and females. The male experimentation I suppose would be of more importance to this OP so we’ll stay with that.
To begin with, I was sexually molested around the age of 4 by a boyfriend of my mothers. I do not in any way feel this has any relation to my experimentation with boys or any question of sexual determination - I only bring this up to point out that I was exposed to sexuality (in a bad way!) at a very early age.
So, somewhere around 7 or so I distinctly recall having “show me yours, show you mine” with guy friends and that leading to other things like masturbation. During this time, I do recall thinking “this is gay” but really not having the association to homosexuality. It was fooling around, something the parents or other friends should never know about. It was exciting, fun, etc., but not in any significant way different than going bmx riding in the woods either with my friends - just something more “secret”.
At 13 I moved to another state with my mother and attended a Christian school. Correction - I attended a fundamentalist non-denominational Christian school. VERY rigid, literalist Christian types. I attended this school from 13 to graduation. During this time, as with everyone, you begin to mature in terms of your sexual identity, etc. My past “experiments” with my guy friends began to really eat at me inside. Social stigma against “being gay” and the addition of Christian condemnation of all things sin added to my anxiety about what had happened and I always wondered “Was I gay?”, “What is wrong with me?”, etc. I lived with a great deal of confusion about what my youthful experiences really meant about myself.
I should say also that I did have a couple girlfriends while in high-school but never anything beyond 1st base. After high-school I met and married a woman and we were together for 9 years. During the entire length of this relationship, my past experiences chewed me up and it wasn’t until much later in that relationship that I admitted to being sexually molested as a child and began to get some form or other of counseling.
It was not until my late 20’s that I learned the nasty secret truth - I was not gay because I experimented with other guys when a pre-teen. I found out that it is actually quite common. :eek: The sense of relief was tremendous. It helped me let go of all that guilt and self-condemnation. I should add that there was also a great deal of getting free of the religious upbringing too so it wasn’t just a single-faceted thing.
Wow, this is probably quite incoherent right now and I really do not know how to I can straighten this out and make it more cohesive so I’m going to leave this as is for now.
I feel fortunate to have left much of the teachings from my junior and high-school behind me. I want to make clear that I do not think being gay is wrong any longer. It is difficult to write about the guilt and fear I felt about possibly being “gay” because it was a difficult time period but also because it seems like a terrible thing to think. I am glad that I now can look at what I’ve written and smile because my beliefs are so completely different than they were then.
My husband and I both have had same gender sexual experiences. For him it was a friendly arrangement, finding it much easier and nicer to hook up with his gay friend than to pick up a strange woman at a bar. It was an honest “fuck buddy” arrangement and seemed to work out for them. They’re still friends. Most of my experiences were similar, although add in a few where it was less scary to be with a strange woman than with a strange man. I also was always upfront about my orientation and seldom ran into any problems.
While we’ve both had sex with our same gender, neither one of us have ever dated anyone of the same sex. In my opinion that makes us neither gay nor bi, but merely unafraid of sex/open-minded. And horny.
I guess there is more to experimentation than simply interest in the other person assets. From what I have heard anecdotally, straight men “exploring” with other men may be because of convenience.
And I would submit that the lower a person’s guard and inhibitions, the easier it would be for that person to engage in acts that otherwise might not be possible - and alcohol can greatly contribute to this. (I knew of one person who openly boasted that he routinely successfully seduced straight guys at bars.)
I worked at a topless bar and we had this gay cook, Jason. He would score from the bar EVERY night. These were guys coming to see topless girls, and they ended up going home with him. Thus, I believe the six beer theory.
Well I realize this wasn’t directed at me, and I really can’t answer it personally, but I do know some gay people who have been. I’m taking this from after they came out, because before could’ve just been societal pressure. Probably more than you think do it, partially perhaps because there’s much less stigma about heterosexual fooling around than homosexual. Curiosity can be a powerful driving force, and when society really doesn’t try to stop you… well then why the hell not?
I’m a female, so I can’t be of much help to most of the question, but since you asked for thoughts on what experimenting signifies in terms of sexuality:
I think it’s very situational, and very dependent on the psychology of the “experimenter” at the time of experimentation. In all cases it indicates a sort of openness to possibilities, a desire to know oneself and satisfy one’s own desires regardless of outside pressures, and probably at least an aesthetic appreciation for one’s own gender. But, it’s very hard to append a set of characteristics or rules to everyone who experiments, because the situations under which different people experiment can vary so widely. I do not think that one can really know anything about a person’s sexuality just from the fact that they experimented–it is only after the fact, when they figure out if they liked or didn’t like the experience, that it comes to mean anything with respect to sexuality even to the experimenter.
I’m a gay man who’s been around a long time. Believe me, there are A LOT of ostensibly-straight guys who regularly have sex with other men. Most are married, with kids, and their families don’t have a clue. And I’m not talking about “experimentation,” as this continues throughout their lifetimes. And the majority of them are exclusively the “submissive” parter (whether oral or anal), because that’s something they can’t get from their marriage. I’ve encountered very few who were tops, and even fewer who are free of a tremendous amount of confusion and guilt that they’ve bought into.
I have never felt urge to experiment either. Men have never held any physical interest for me. I remember in high school having a friend who was hit on by a gay guy who totally freaked out. It wouldn’t bother me, in fact I have never even been approached. I wouldn’t do anything, even after 6 beers, but sometimes its nice just to be asked.
Hey, im a straight guy and I have been hit on by some gay guys. Once with my arm around my then current gf. I was quite flattered everytime, though the one gay guy that didnt dress that well kinda felt like I was only gettting hit on by the gay guys that dont get many men.
As to the main ?, I have never thought of fooling around with any other men. I know where my place is, and thats between womens legs;). However, I would have no problem kissing a guy if I were in a movie or something along those lines.
Also, I was just going to add that just b/c straight guys are curious about the size of other men, it doesnt make them gay or anything… thats just men and their competitive ways. (Im sure some of my friends would prolly call another gay if you looked at their weiner.)
First of all, “domination” has nothing whatsoever to do with it. For many men, openly-gay or closeted, it simply feels good to have a dick inside them (one way or the other) - not to mention bing physically and emotionally intimate with a man - just as it feels good for many straight women. That doesn’t imply that there’s any “domination” going on, it just means that these men have needs that can’t be satisfied by a woman.
But the men I’m referring to have chosen to live an ostensibly straight lifestyle, usually because of society’s pressures to be “normal,” and have a very closeted life with other men on the side. This can’t help but produce a major guilt trip which necessarily has serious self-esteem consequences, sometimes even leading to suicide. The lucky ones are the guys who finally come to terms with, and accept, their homosexual feelings, and eventually come out, even if late in life.
