It’s not much of a secret that I HATE my job. I hate the way the place is run, I hate not knowing what hours or days off I have from week to week, I hate the micro-management, I hate the mind-numbing repetitiveness of it. I have dislike jobs before, but this is the first one where I have felt the urge (on more than one occasion) to just get up and walk out in the middle of the day.
Add to the mix of me not liking my job the fact that I’m going back to school starting Oct 4th. I did the whole working full time while going to school full time thing before and I will NOT do it again. So I’m looking for a part time job.
These two things combined have sucked away any desire I may have once had to do any actual work here. For example, I’m at work now posting this. I’ve been here for 3 hours (a call center for tech support) and have manipulated the system so I’ve only taken one 2-minute call.
I don’t want to work here, but I’ve decided not to quit. I’m gonna make them fire me, but I’m not going to do anything blatant like walk out with one of the company computers under my arm or spout off obscenities at my boss. I’m more subtle in giving my job the finger.
So can you suggest some fun ways (aside from avoiding calls, which I’ve been doing for more than a month and that hasn’t gotten me fired yet) to get fired from this place? And anyone want to lay odds on how long I’m here before I get the boot? Heck, I may even give a prize to the winner.
Refer to all callers as “Mrs. Johnson.” Ask them if they speak Swedish. Be creative, and wait for the puzzled calls to complain about “the weird guy in customer support.” Then deny everything.
Seriously. I know what those jobs are like, I’ve been there (heck, I am there), but being fired is not something you want on your record. Hang in there until something better comes along.
Or, if you’re really determined to go through with it, how about this: answer the calls, and tell the callers what you really think. About them, the job, the company, everything. Should accomplish your goal pretty quickly, I’d imagine.
Refer to yourself in the third person, especially when answering the phone.
Bring cereal to work. This means the box, a large bowl, and a gallon of milk. Complain loudly about how today’s prizes are worse than in your day (in the third person).
Don’t do any of this, because burning bridges is never a good idea.
Drum on your desk with two pencils, while shaking your golden mane about like the heavy metal god that you are.
Walk like an Egyptian.
Put a peacock feather in your cap and talk with a forced cockney accent: ‘‘Hellu guvna, mind ef’ a borrow ye pencil shapna?’’
If anyone asks you a question swing around in your office chair and hunch together, then start whispering to yourself, scratching the back of your head furiously.
Read gun magazines during your lunch break in the cafeteria and occasionally break into hysterics, then as quick as it erupted, compose yourself and start biting your fingernails.
Hang a framed picture of the king of Norway up on your wall, upside down off course. Kiss it everyday at the strike of noon.
Wear a 10-gallon sombrero. If anyone questions you, give 'em the stink eye.
Hawaiian shirts.
Construct a meticulous shrine in your office, consisting of hundreds off lipstick smeared pictures of your boss with his eyes poked out, incense and burning candles.
Wear a fake moustache and climb on top of a table and proclaim in a clear voice: ‘‘Hear! Hear! I declare that henceforth, the 24th of September shall be known as Burt Reynolds Day. Rejoice!’’
To add a bit more info, if I really wanted to get fired, I could simply call in absent one more day. I have 9 absences over the past year already, one more and I’m outta here.
I am trying to hang on until I can find myself a part time job and give this place my official notice, but in the meantime I like to indulge myself in little fantasies about different ways of making them let me go. I’ve tried not do my job, but for some reason they don’t seem too upset about that. I’m at the point now of wondering what it would take for them to fire me.
Herge - as for taking the dump on the desk, someone here once dumped on the floor. No kidding. There was shit on the floor - and not on the restroom floor, but right there in the work area. No attempt was made to find out whose it was. Just another reason I want out of here.
I got lucky tonight though. DIdn’t have to take anymore calls not long after I posted the OP. One of the things they do around here is have senior techs roam around helping the newbies with the technical questions and I got tapped for that tonight. Still doesn’t change my opinion about getting myself fired though.
Well, you could do like a guy I actually knew who managed to get himself fired – from a U.S. gummint job, no less, which takes huge effort to accomplish from both sides:
(1) Wear grey cotton pajamas, a shawl, and sandals to work. Every day. Don’t cut your hair or beard.
(2) Work sitting in lotus position on top of your desk.
(3) Laugh out loud at extremely inappropriate moments, spooking your coworkers by your timing.
(4) Pour ink all over your boss’s desk.
(5) When he fires you, write him a nasty note – in Sanskrit.
As Dave Barry says, “I swear I am not making this up.” Kelly Air Force Base, about 1982, and the day the guy was fired he came in with his hands symbolically tied together with rope to show us that he could do no more. He was probably the single most memorable person I have EVER worked with.
Or you could do like another guy did who got his termination notice served on him the same day: He came by and shot at and tried to kill his ex-wife as she was coming out of work. On a military base. With armed guards around. Needless to say, his termination papers were delivered to him in jail.
Become mute. Don’t talk to your co-workers; when you answer the phone, just sit there without saying a word.
Maybe the people around you will even think you’re staging a protest or something. When you get fired for your silence, you’ll become a martyr, and people will hang pictures of you in their cubicles.
Crunchy Frog, did you decide to do something similar to this? I called a support line today and spoke to a guy who kept referring to me as “we”.
“What is it that we are having a problem with today ?”
“Is our folder open now? Can we see the programs ?”
“Would we like to consider an offer from Sprint?”
Creeped me out a little, but I didn’t report him or anything. So, might not be great for getting you fired.
If your boss has an easly accessible office, I reccomend going in there every few minutes and borrowing supplies that you can easily find elsewhere. Make sure you stay in his office and take your time when using his stuff. Wander in there while he’s on the phone, and act like you don’t want to disturb his call as you take all of his paperclips. If he comes to check on you at your workspace, have your desk covered with little paperclip men and be twiddling your thumbs.
Lie. About everything. Then tell people that you’re lying.
Boss: ‘Have you done x?’ Crunchy Frog: ‘Hell yes! Twice! An hour ago!’
Boss:‘Really?’ Crunchy Frog:‘No, you stupidhead. I’m lying to you’
Be as patronising as you know how. This will require a kind, low pitched voice, and phrases like ‘well, if everybody here wasn’t so pathetic’
Bring a kitten into work. Spend all day looking after it. Threaten to sic it on your boss.
