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  #1  
Old 10-18-2003, 04:09 AM
Odinoneeye Odinoneeye is offline
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Best Cartman Lines

Ok, before these "Best Lines" threads get out of hand (too late), I want to ask for the best Cartman lines ever.

One of my favorites is wonderful for the subtlty of the delivery (yes, Cartman can be subtle)

Cartman being dropped off at fat camp

Rick: Hi, you must be Eric. I'm Rick, how are you today?

Cartman: Well Rick, I'm pissed off. How are you?
  #2  
Old 10-18-2003, 05:35 AM
cletus cletus is offline
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Screw you guys, I'm going home.
  #3  
Old 10-18-2003, 05:42 AM
Daylon Daylon is offline
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From "Freak Strike"

"Maury, I am out of control. Yeah, I use drugs. I can do what I waunt, b!tch! Yeah I have sex, and I don't use protection! It's my hot body; I'll do what I waunt! [brings out a lollipop] I don't go to school and I kill people! What-evah! I'll do what I waunt!"

Not two days after this episode I saw a "outta control" teen on some talk show that almost said the lines verbatim... laughed my @ss off...

D.
  #4  
Old 10-18-2003, 02:35 PM
VunderBob VunderBob is offline
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I always liked the one where Cartman kisses Osama Bin Laden: "Hmmm. Tastes like chicken. Tastes like a chicken's ass."
  #5  
Old 10-18-2003, 02:47 PM
Michael Ellis Michael Ellis is offline
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"Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly."
"Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonaise."

"Eric did you just say the F word?!?"
"Jew?"

"Right! That does it! Screw you guys, I'm going home. Talking poo is where I draw the line."
  #6  
Old 10-18-2003, 02:49 PM
masonite masonite is offline
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Dolphins, Eskimos, who cares? It's all a bunch of hippie crap.
  #7  
Old 10-18-2003, 03:38 PM
Murcielago Murcielago is offline
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"I am a cop, and you WILL respect my AUTHORITAH!"

"Check me out, I'm such a beefcake I can't even fit through the door."
  #8  
Old 10-18-2003, 03:55 PM
Syntropy Syntropy is offline
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"Mom, if you were on an internet porn site, you'd tell me, right?"

The Kyle's Mom is a Big, Fat Bitch Song.

"Oh, please, Kyle. Come activate my anal probe. Hurry."
  #9  
Old 10-18-2003, 05:09 PM
Arden Ranger Arden Ranger is offline
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"Mom! Kitty's being a dildo!"
  #10  
Old 10-18-2003, 05:58 PM
Miller Miller is online now
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Quote:
Mom! Kitty's being a dildo!
"Well, I guess Kitty's sleeping with mommy tonight!"

(Scary thing is, considering what a freaky 'ho Mrs. Cartman turned out to be, she might not have been kidding when she said that.)
  #11  
Old 10-18-2003, 06:33 PM
Monstre Monstre is offline
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Kids are at the "Cirque de Chaville" with parents.
Announcer with heavy French accent: "And now, the Cirque de Chaville"
Cartman (mimicking accent): "Sock de So-blahhh!"
  #12  
Old 10-18-2003, 06:47 PM
Ilsa_Lund Ilsa_Lund is offline
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SOJAH BOY!!! SUCKY SUCKY!!! FIE DOLAH!!!
  #13  
Old 10-18-2003, 08:43 PM
Dr. Rieux Dr. Rieux is offline
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"I'm not fat--I'm festively plump!"
  #14  
Old 10-18-2003, 09:14 PM
Greywolf73 Greywolf73 is offline
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"NO! Starving Marvin, that's MY pot pie!"


"More tea, Polly Prissy Pants? More tea, Clyde Frog? Yes, Eric, you are the coolest boy in town!"
  #15  
Old 10-18-2003, 09:41 PM
SnoopyFan SnoopyFan is offline
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"Why is it that everything today has involved things either going in, or coming out of my ass?!"
  #16  
Old 10-19-2003, 05:46 AM
Blown & Injected Blown & Injected is offline
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If dolphins are so smart, then why do they keep gettin' stuck in them nets?
-E.C.
  #17  
Old 10-19-2003, 03:22 PM
DaPearl DaPearl is offline
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Kyle or Stan asks Cartmann how he feels after a satellite dish comes out of his ass:

"You know that felling after you take an enouormous crap? Bliss."

Immediately followed by the same question after the dish goes back into his ass:

"You know that feeling when that enourmous crap you just took flies back into your ass at 60 miles an hour...no of course I don't feel alright!"
  #18  
Old 10-20-2003, 01:04 PM
cmkeller cmkeller is offline
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I love the way he was right at the beginning of the movie:

(sitting on couch, watching TV, muching on cheesy-poofs)

Mom! Somebody's at the door!

(mother passes in front of the TV for brief second while opening the door that he's too lazy to get up to open)

Hey! You're blocking the TV!
__________________
"Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible. The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks."
-- Douglas Adams's Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective
  #19  
Old 10-20-2003, 01:34 PM
Lord Ashtar Lord Ashtar is offline
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"I wouldn't take that kind of crap from a woman. I'd be all like, Hey! Why don't you go in the kitchen and bake me a pie!"
  #20  
Old 10-20-2003, 01:51 PM
gonzoron gonzoron is offline
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Eric: "You know, maybe we're not seeing heaven because one of us is a J-O-O"
  #21  
Old 10-20-2003, 02:07 PM
Electronic Chaos Electronic Chaos is offline
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In the toothfairy episode, Cartman replaces the words "cool" and/or "awesome" with "tits." Me and my girlfriend laughed at that for days.
  #22  
Old 10-20-2003, 02:34 PM
Gatopescado Gatopescado is offline
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Cartman imagining he is Hitler: "All is Verboten, Goddammit!"

___________
  #23  
Old 10-20-2003, 02:55 PM
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Another subtle delivery after Cartman wins the regional tryouts for the Cheesy Poof commercial. Kyle insults Cartman using Haiku poetry.

"Your Haiku insults do not affect me, Kyle, for I am regional champion."
  #24  
Old 10-20-2003, 03:14 PM
Age Quod Agis Age Quod Agis is offline
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[Cartman playing Jesus on the cross in a school play]: "Weak, Peter. Lame."
  #25  
Old 10-20-2003, 03:45 PM
cmkeller cmkeller is offline
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How could I forget...this one from the end of the movie...

"Kyle, I'm sorry I ever called you a stupid Jew. You're not a Jew."

Chaim Mattis Keller
  #26  
Old 10-20-2003, 04:11 PM
Spurious George Spurious George is offline
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"I wasn't saying anything about their culture, I was just saying their city smells like ass."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what I said was...
[megaphone feedback]
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS?...Mr. Garrison."
[puts megaphone away]
  #27  
Old 10-20-2003, 07:48 PM
Fluffy Fluffy is offline
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During the Cheesy Poof tryouts after the redhead kid did his audition Cartman said "Uhh, I do believe that sucked ass!"

"Kyle! Why don't you go back to San Francisco with the rest of the Jews!"
Kyle; "Jews don't come from san Francisco fat ass!"
Cartman; "Kyle I will kick you in the nuts!"

"Pip, your parents are dead? Godamn you suck!"
  #28  
Old 10-21-2003, 01:23 AM
Odinoneeye Odinoneeye is offline
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That movie has warped my fragile little mind.
  #29  
Old 10-21-2003, 01:27 AM
Bob55 Bob55 is offline
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Beefcake, BEEFCAKE!!!
  #30  
Old 10-21-2003, 01:43 AM
SuperNova SuperNova is offline
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Paraphrasing...

[singsong]
You ate your parents,
You ate your parents.
[/singsing]

One of the most disturbing SP episodes ever. And that's saying a lot.
  #31  
Old 10-21-2003, 01:47 AM
Mr. Miskatonic Mr. Miskatonic is offline
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" If some woman treated me like that I'd be like 'hey, why don't you stop...dressing me up like the mailman, a-and making dance for you..while you smoke crack, and have sex on my daddy's bed with someone I don't even know!' "

"Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?

"I'm just saying you're a little wuss, that's all."
  #32  
Old 10-21-2003, 01:48 AM
Mr. Miskatonic Mr. Miskatonic is offline
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Well, that's a hell of a way to use my 1000th post.
  #33  
Old 10-21-2003, 08:40 AM
Sublight Sublight is offline
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Get outta my ass, you stupid rainbows!
  #34  
Old 10-21-2003, 10:05 AM
Mehitabel Mehitabel is offline
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"Don't mind him, he's a very disturbed little boy."

"My mom said there's a lot of black people in Africa."

"Democrats piss me off."

"Too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job or Kenny's dad would be a millionare!"
  #35  
Old 10-21-2003, 10:18 AM
Philster Philster is offline
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to Starvin' Marvin:

"Here you get to eat all you want for only $6.99. That's why we all come on Tuesday nights. Except for Kenny's family, because to them, $6.99 is 2 years income." -Eric Cartman
  #36  
Old 10-21-2003, 12:06 PM
ElvisL1ves ElvisL1ves is offline
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It's all in the delivery. From the Civil War re-enactment episode:

"I hate you guys ... so very, very much."
  #37  
Old 10-21-2003, 02:15 PM
Ilsa_Lund Ilsa_Lund is offline
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Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but I am Jeus and You. Are. Not!
  #38  
Old 10-21-2003, 08:14 PM
Tangent Tangent is online now
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"What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck."


"I hate you, Kenny."
  #39  
Old 10-21-2003, 09:45 PM
Junior Spaceman Junior Spaceman is online now
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(after making a negative comment about Jews):

Kyle: HEY! I'm a Jew!
Cartman: Don't be so hard on yourself
  #40  
Old 10-22-2003, 04:16 AM
Gerome Gerome is offline
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Mr Garrison: "Eric...if you call Wendy a bitch one more time, you're going to the principal's office!"

Cartman (struggling to contain himself):".......Eh....uh.....bitch."

Mr Garrison: "That's it Eric, you--"

Cartman: "I'm going, I'm going."
  #41  
Old 10-22-2003, 10:23 AM
Nichol_storm Nichol_storm is offline
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Cartman is playing the harmonica while Stan, Kyle and Kenny look on.

"I hate you guys... *waaah waaah waah waah* .... you guys are a$$holes.... *waaah waaah waah waah* .... now let's try one all together!"
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