Unintentionally humorous lines

I know there are lots of variations on this theme, but let me add one more. Give me your very favorite lines by characters where either the writers or the character did not intend to be funny. (its OK if they were trying to be funny but came up humorous in a compltetely different way than intended)

Here are my starters:

  1. Vegeta, From DragonBall Z (I love this show. Stop lookng at me like that, can’t a guy just enjoy titans beating each other to death now and then?)

Other Characters: blah blah blah we should hold abck and not show or true power blah blah don’t want to attract attention blah we’ll have a bunch of reporters trying to talk to us blah blah

Vegeta: I’m not holding back! When the journalists come I will destroy them!

Bulma: Vegeta!

  1. Star Trek any time

Anyone: Captain, We could use a low sub-space quantum field modulation array to create a tachyon field burst that would alter the harmonic dynamic crystal photon interactions of their plot device.

I know my examples aren’t very original or anything, but I’ sure you are better at this than I.

Anything ever said by JACK LORD on “HAWAII 5-0”, which in my opinion is the funniest show in the history of American television.

“Dano, I want a list of every cacausian male from the Midwestern portion of the mainland who is between 5’6” and 6’ 2" who entered the Islands in the month of April, May or June from the years 1959 thru 1972."

Then he’d smile that crooked smile and give Dano “the look”.

And his hair. IT WAS A BREAKING WAVE! Just like the wave they would cut to before every commercial.

I loved that guy and that show.

Funnier than hell. (great opening music)

At one point in Vanilla Sky, they’re listing off a bunch of things and one of them is “an album cover.” I couldn’t stop laughing as I thought of Sean Connery saying “anal bum cover” on SNL celebrity jeopardy.

This line of dialogue appears in Ocean’s 11, between Clooney and his ex-wife who works at the museum:

My thoughts immediately turned to this:

Years ago, I heard an Irish folk singer named Phil Coulter sing what supposed to be a touching ballad about Belfast. It was called “The Town I Loved So Well.”

In fairness, the tune was pretty, and there were some poignant nostalgic moments in the lyrics. But there’s one hilariously dumb line in it that undermines the whole thing:

“There was music there, in the Derry air.”

“Derry air” sounds WAAAAAY too much like “derriere,” and as soon as I heard the line, I cracked up, picturing a guy blowing out musical farts!

Erm astorian? That line is there because the song is about Derry. Not about Belfast.

I nominate every line John Bunnell throws in at the end of a World’s Wildest Police Chase clip. They are meant to sound dramatic, but are so gawdawfully cheesy they are just a joke.

“This punk thought he could outrun the law and live a carefree life of pillows and salad. Now he’ll be tossing salad and biting pillows, in JAIL!”

In O’Neill’s play Ah! Wilderness, the main character Richard reads aloud a note left him by his girlfriend, Muriel. The note begins, “Dear Dick.”

If you say it just right, you can get a hell of a big laugh.

Bart Simpson: “I wanna toss the virtual salad!”

Rudolph’s Shiny New Year:

“We’ve only got half an hour left, so let’s get Happy!!”

Mojo, somehow I don’t think that was unintentional…

From Total Recall

Quaid (Schwarzenegger) pointing at his head: There’s enough shit up here to fuck Cohaagen good

or something like that.

From the Thriller video:

Michael Jackson: “I’m not like other boys…”

On an episode of Star Trek TNG, in which a new crewmember develops a crush on Data: Just before a commercial break, said crewmember kissed a surprised Data, then she seemed to kneel down before him. The camera lingered on Data’s puzzled face.

After the break, Data tells Ryker “Ensign (whoever) just gave me what I might describe as…a “passionate kiss”…in the torpedo bay”(!!!)

I remember watching the episode in college, at dinner time, in the rathskeller. The entire dining room (a least 75 people) broke out into hysterics for at least 10 minutes.

Oh god, I love making these up…

“He thought he could speed away from the cops, but instead he drove straight into PRISON!”

“Stealing cars may get you drugs, friends, or girls, but when the law finally catches you, it’ll get you six to ten…behind BARS!”

Can someone please explain the double entendre of “tossed salad”? :confused:

Chris Rock, quoting a convict in one of his stand-up specials on HBO:

And FWIW, I don’t think there was anything at all “unintentional” about that line. I am certain the writers knew exactly what reference they were making.

I like on Billy Madison when he meets the snot queen. That little kid goes “thats Billy Madison, I heard hes retarded or something.”


The way he says it is so goofy.

I sure wish someone would syndicate the old TV show Ellen so we could watch all the wacky “Ellen tries to find a man” plotlines.

Along those lines, wasn’t there a song about “When Liberace winks at me?” (Sung by a woman).