WARNING: the following post contains some harsh language and possibly TMI
Oh, yeah – and it’s pretty long.
Brief History: I have been in a monogamous relationship for the past two years. At least, I thought it was a monogamous relationship. Apparently, the monogamy thing was one-sided. But I digress. My SO and I began living together after six months or so of dating. This is the first man I’ve dated since my divorce three years ago. I divorced the first bastard because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. I had a hard time convincing myself to actually divorce the asshole because our daughter had just been born, and I wanted to do all I could to “keep the family together.” I stopped making the effort when I came home one afternoon earlier than expected to find the baby in her swing while papa was fucking one of the college girls who lived in the upstairs apartment. They were fucking IN OUR BED while our daughter was left all alone in a fucking baby swing in the living room with a Sesame Street video playing to “keep her company!” And it wasn’t like the stupid slut didn’t know that papa was married. She had babysat for us on the rare occasion that we would go out and do something as a couple. That was it for me. The stupid cunt was lucky she got out of that apartment alive.
Fast Forward To Autumn 2003: For the past few months, Lady Kate has been gaining weight and her menstrual cycle is extremely weird. One month everything seems normal, the next month brings cramps from hell and blood clots the size of golf balls. Then, nothing. No period for the months of September or October. So I make an appointment with the OB/GYN. By this point I’ve taken several pregnancy tests, even though I’m sure I’m not pregnant. Something is obviously wrong as my cycle is usually like clockwork and I’m a naturally slim person. I’m freaking out, though, because my weight is going up and up, and it seems to be mainly in my abdominal area. My SO seems genuinely concerned and even offers to go to the doctor appointment with me. So we go to the appointment. Numerous tests are performed and pregnancy is ruled out. Turns out that there is an extremely large mass of cysts growing in my uterus. Surgery is scheduled to take place on the Tuesday before Halloween.
I should also mention that while I am dealing with my own potentially serious medical condition, I am in the process of dealing with my mother who lives with Bipolar Disorder. Suddenly, she thinks it’s a great idea to stop taking her medication. No amount of reminding her of past episodes when she has done precisely that seem to persuade her to continue taking the meds. We’re talking numerous suicide attempts, chronic nonpayment of bills, and extremely manic behavior.
Oh, and did I mention that during this time Lady Kate is also in the process of purchasing a restaurant? Negotiations have been ongoing since mid-September, and everything is scheduled to be finalized by November 1, 2003. This is the biggest, most adult-thing Lady Kate has ever done in her 33 years, so it kind of sucked ass to have all of these other things taking away some of the excitement. “Thank goodness I have such a great boyfriend to help me through all of this,” I think to myself.
My surgery ended up being quite extensive. Actually, I ended up having a hysterectomy and am currently enduring chemotherapy. That is beside the point. The surgery and recovery prevented me from being able to go to the opening of my new restaurant, and I gave a lot of authority to my SO, who is (ahem, was) my head chef. Staff had pretty much been hired by this point, but there was a lot of paperwork and incidental things to take care of prior to opening day. Again, I think how lucky I am to have him in my life and smile smugly to myself for snagging such a great guy. Because of everything going on with the restaurant, my SO is unable to be at the hospital during my surgery, and my mom is in no shape mentally to deal with it, so my best friend who lives two states away comes to sit at the hospital during the surgery. She took two weeks off work to come be with me and take care of my three-year-old daughter. Recovery was painful and slow, both physically and mentally. I’m still having a hard time dealing with the fact that I will never conceive another child, let alone the fact that I have cancer.
Well, the restaurant takes off and is busy as can be. Mom still refuses to admit that she needs meds to function like a normal human being, so that is something to worry about, but I try not to obsess over it. This may seem callous to some of you, but I have so many other things on my mind to worry too much about her. My SO and I spend many long days and late nights at the restaurant. Eventually, I manage to shorten my days so that I’m able to be home in the evenings with my daughter. Business is great, so the SO logs in lots of late nights in the kitchen. “Oh, how lucky I am,” I think again. Little did I know that many of those late nights spent “prepping for the next day” were actually spent fucking a different waitress every night! Does no one have any respect for others these days?! What the fuck? Seriously - WHAT THE FUCK?!
Fast Forward To Today: Lady Kate takes the day off to spend some time with her daughter. We decide to pop into the restaurant to get a slice of pie and see how things are going. I leave the little one with one of the waitresses up front while I go back to the kitchen to surprise my hard working SO. He isn’t in the kitchen. I check the back room, not there. The light is on in the employee bathroom, so I go into the office to check the phone messages and wait for him to come out. Several minutes go by and he still hasn’t come out of the bathroom. I go up front and check on the little one, then go back to the kitchen. He’s still in the bathroom. By this time, I’m a little concerned, so I go knock on the bathroom door. The door opens and out come my SO and one of my waitresses, who, by the way, wasn’t even scheduled to work today. I was so dumb-founded the slutty cunt managed to make it halfway down the hall before I could say anything to her. Finally, I manage to get my shit together and as I’m grabbing her by the shoulder, SO is telling me how sorry he is and blah blah blah. I don’t even really remember what he said. I just remember feeling sick and shaking to the point that I thought my legs were going to give out on me. I told them both to get the fuck out. The stupid bitch had the nerve to start crying and tell me how sorry she was. I told her again to leave, that she was fired and her final check would be mailed upon receipt of her uniform. She started to open her mouth again but thought better of it when she saw the look on my face. I turned around and started down the hall toward my office. Dumb-fuck SO followed me and begged me to listen to him. For some reason I don’t understand, I let him into the office, where he confessed to fucking pretty much all of the waitresses on a nightly basis. He actually started crying and told me that he has an addiction to sex and that he can’t help it and that he’s ashamed and sorry for hurting me and blah blah blah de fucking blah. I finally came to my senses and told him to pack his shit and be out of the apartment by the evening. The stupid asshole then had the nerve to ask if he could keep his job! What the fuck?! Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people? I realize my wait staff consists of mainly college girls, but, what the fuck? I, too, was a college girl, so I know what it’s like to be young and horny. Horny doesn’t have to mean slutty. Not that I’m putting all the blame on the girls, mind you. Chef boy didn’t have to be slut boy. Sexual addiction my ass. Maybe he does have an addiction, but I’m not buying it. Come to find out, there was a little orgy in the dry storage area the night before opening the restaurant. I feel like such a fool. I feel like kicking some ass. I feel like curling up into a ball and crying. I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. I hate men. I hate college girls. I hate being taken advantage of. I hate writing long, rambling posts. I feel a little better now, though. Thank you for your time. No reply is expected.
You know, I don’t think I have ever seen a more justified pit thread. I’m sorry your SO turned out to be a raging asshole, and I hope things only get better for you.
I’m sorry for your troubles, Lady Kate. Here’s hoping things will get better. They often do, you know.
Oh yeah, what an asshole!
Wow.
All I have to say is that I hope you have people in your life who you can still trust implicitly, or that you find those people, and that you are still capable of that kind of trust. No one deserves to be used in that way, and no one deserves to have their trust shat upon.
And, despite the fact that you’ve had two very negative experiences, let me say that most people are not betrayers of trust and of love.
Your post made me want to kick some ass, too… HIS ASS! I cannot tell you WTF is wrong with people because I don’t know. I have so little faith in humankind right now, I’m not really surprised your ex did this but I’m so sorry you’re going through this crap with him. You have had enough to worry about without your guy’s dick going into every girl he sees as if that was a perfectly ok thing to do. Sex addiction? Don’t know about that, one of my exes claimed cheating was in “his genes” (yeah buddy, if it was in your jeans, I wouldn’t be dumping your ass). I read this post and said to myself, “How fuckin’ dare that idiot cheat on this woman with all she’s had to go through”. While I’m not surprised by the act, I AM stunned by his audacity and hope he gets an STD (and worse) for his outrageously cruel behavior. Yeah, I think what he did was cruel because he had to have known what happened to you before. Utterly cruel.
As for you, I wish you the quickest and most uncomplicated of recoveries of your body, mind, heart, and spirit. Sending you all of my good vibes and hoping karma gets that asshole for all its worth! He is a living, breathing inflamed, infected hemorrhoid on the ass of life!
Oh, yeah… this post is TMI.
Thank you to all for the kind words. I can’t believe people are actually taking the time to read my rambling bullshit. I am a very caring person, and while I have been taken advantage of more than I care to think about, I will recover and move on. Right now, I’m concentrating on replacing most of my wait staff and the head chef, so I really don’t have much time to feel sorry for myself. Business must come first. I know that in a couple of days things are really going to sink in and I will cry and scream and do all the things we women do when a relationship ends. But life will go on. I have a wonderful daughter and a terrific business. I have friends who love me. I have a sister who is on a plane from Scotland as we speak. I will get healthy. I will trust again, although I will do so cautiously. I will move on with my life. I will survive.
I guess I should be using my sig. It seems amazingly appropriate at this time.
God, what an asshole.
Hey, if I lived near you, I’d come and waiter for you for free. But I’m in the Great White North, and my mad waitering skillz are a bit rusty.
Best thoughts to you and your girl. And good luck with the restaurant! Try and hire some people who can keep it in their pants…
Lady Kate
As a member of the cheating ex spouse club, I really feel your pain. It sucks. Feel free to cry , punch a pillow, or eat bon bons. I will pass along the best advice I got from fellow dopers when I was going through my divorce. Living well is the best revenge. Once my ex’s life started going to hell recently, I though I would be glad. But I really just felt sorry for him. However the moment of light was when he saw how well I was doing without him. I know it hurts and I am not telling you to just get over it. Sometimes people don’t realize how much the end of a relationship can tear you up. Be glad you found out now instead of later He was a scumbag.(took me 4 years to finally figure it out for my ex) Your life will probably be a MILLION times better off without him.
I wish you the best, Lady Kate. That’s a terrible thing for him to have done. If it makes you feel any better, I think it’s very likely that the sort of person who will cheat on someone while they’re going through chemotherapy will definitely get his someday. You’re better off without him.
~M
Does anyone have the Cliff’s Notes on that OP? That thing’s longer than a Russian novel. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
Let me second Deadly Nightlight: Living well is definitely the best revenge. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I am divorced (about a year now) and doing much better than I was a year ago. It helped me to know that even if I couldn’t see it at the time, there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
htns - what was that about? :rolleyes: yourself, dude, and show some compassion.
Sure, no problem.
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Her ex-husband is an asshole.
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Her ex-boyfriend is an asshole.
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You’re an asshole.
Any questions?
Holy crap, Lady Kate, I don’t even know you and I want to flay your ex-SO’s penis and make him eat the squishy parts.
Sex addiction? Bullshit. More like power addiction. I’m sure he used his status to force himself onto these girls. Either way he’s a brainless dolt. I’d never piss off anybody with easy access to an industrial grade oven.
And htns, fuck you many times over with a clue-by-four.
I woulda grabbed a large knife and cut his dick off right then and there.
I have anger problems.
But you have to admit, it would have solved his sex addiction.
Yeow, that’s a rough life.
Tell your ex-SO that if a future employer checks on why he left your restaurant, you’ll tell them: “Head chef freely admitted to fucking nearly every waitress on staff. Chef was then immediately fired.”
Documentation of this is essential, so the waitresses don’t accidentially ream you for a hostile workplace. You want the proper person to get reamed.
Did the length of the OP exceed your attention span? Most children can’t concentrate for long periods of time. You didn’t have to read it, you sure as hell didn’t have to comment on it and your signature line is both immature and a waste of space.
Lady Kate, if the jerk lived with you while you were buying the business, and if he worked on it/in it, I think there might be a chance that he could have some claim to at least a portion of it. I urge you to contact an attorney as soon as possible, unless you took care to exclude him legally before buying the place. As others have said, you are much better off without the guy and I wish you the best of luck with your business and with your health problems.
God, I hope that’s true.
Sorry this happened to you, Lady Kate. Karma will come back around to this guy, I guarantee it. In the meantime, take care of you.
Yep, Lady Kate, the Karma wheel does eventually spin around. My situation wasn’t quite as bad. Though I suspected my now ex-wife of something, I never actually caught her. (And I started checking to see if her diaphram was still in the case when she went out!). Then she asked if I’d stay at home with our daughter while she went out on a date. WELL, that got my attention and I moved out three days later.
I still see the ex- because of my daughter, and I just smile and am nice. All while watching her and the guy (who finally married) fight, kill two businesses together, and now going to family counseling. It’s been a long time coming, but watching karma kick her ass is just so much fun .