…for the office of President of the United States of America.
I will be running as a third-party candidate, under the banner of the United Dopers of America.
The honorable Giraffe will serve as my Vice-President should I win the office; after all, what better way to earn the female vote than an 18-inch tongue?
MonkeyMule will be the 66th appointee to the office of Secretary of State, because it’s about time we got some good taglines into U.S. foreign policy.
Bruce_Daddy will be appointed to a new Cabinet-level office, the Department of State for the Appeasement of NASCAR Dads.
Libertarian will head the revamped Internal Revenue Service; the Department will be scaled down under his watch to three guys panhandling for quarters, which should provide just enough money to pay Aldebaran and Reeder’s therapy bills when they aren’t appointed Secretary of Misinterpreting The Qu’ran and Secretary of Taxing Bandwidth, respectively.
Beagle will fill another new Cabinet level office: The Department of State for the Covering of Our Asses Because We Can’t Pay off Our Outstanding Bond Issues. His wealth of experience covering for the current administration has convinced this campaign that he will do an excellent job.
BrainGlutton and Fenris will be jointly in charge of the new Immigration and Naturalization Service; BrainGlutton to attract Nazis, and Fenris to send them home again.
AngelicGemma will be offered a White House internship post haste. (nudge nudge, wink wink).
Now, I invite all of you to make your cases for unfilled Executive Branch offices, and I remind you all: vote RNATB in '04 or the terrorists win!
Nobody found this one funny? Not even a little?
I think it sounds good. I’ll vote for you!
I’m Canadian.
Can I have an interesting job? And get paid lots of money?
I hereby presumptively appoint you Minister for Hockey.
I’m Canadian, too! waves hand
I’ll vote for you!
I ain’t voting for you unless I get my graft now. I want a guranteed job in your government, buddy.
White House Press Secretary/Coffee-fetcher?
Coffee-fetcher. Cool. I’ll be your Juan Valdez. Now, let me go find my ass.
Oh, allow me.
Wait, that just sounds wrong…
Where does the Prime Minister of Canada live? It must be better than 10 Downing Street, but is it White House nice?
Great. I don’t know anything about hockey, so I’ll just make stuff up. Sounds good.
Yes, I think our Prime Minister gets a nice house. Actually, I don’t remember what it looks like. So therefore probably not White House nice. But not a shack or an igloo or anything. I think.
I want in.
I’ll even campaign for you.
now, lets talk about my new job 
With a campaign like that?
You’ve got my vote
I’d like to be the head of the Department for Choosing Scapegoats And Distracting Citizens From Political Blunders. Is it still available?
Shit, I’ve got to start doing vanity searches. How much do I get paid?
Cool! May I be Secretary of Kicking Butts & Taking Names and International Bannings (aka Defense)?
Finally, a candidate I can malign, uh, I mean align myself with!
Do you need an official can opener? I specialize in worms and whoopass.
Would anyone like coffee this morning? I finally used both my hands and found my ass.
The coffee is freshly-ground.
My current job is in jeopardy, because of an upcoming merger. I appeal to you for a post within your cabinet.
I have little to no experience, but that didn’t stop my current employer from throwing a bucket load of money at me and giving me a position of authority.
I am quite comfortable being underqualified and overpaid, so I think I’d fit right in.
Whatcha got? Willing to relocate, if it means no snow after February.
Works for the current Administration, no reason it can’t work for us.
You’re all hired.
Bruce_Daddy, exact details of your compensation package haven’t been worked out yet, but I can guarantee you it includes a lifetime’s supply of corn dogs and all the motor oil you can eat.
misstee, we feel your talents would be best utilized if you were to be my <ahem> Personal Private Secretary. This position does, of course, entitle you to full first-strike priveleges. [SIZE=1]warning: position may require full-time nudity[/SIZE
Only if you change your name to Scuba_Steve.