Lame Posts Keep Forming in my Head.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Lame Posts Keep Forming in my Head.

Sung to the tune of: Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head.
[sub]With Apologies to Burt Bacharach[/sub]

[sup]{Piano Intro}[/sup]

Lame posts keep forming in my head.
Just like the guy whose posts do not support this thread.
Someone throws a fit, ‘cause.
Lame posts are forming in my head - they keep forming.

So I just did me some talkin’ to the mod,
And he said he always thought I was ex-treme-ly odd.
Give up this facade. Oh
Those lame posts are forming in my head - they keep forming.

But there’s one thing I know,
The meds they send to treat me ~ now complete me,
And it won’t be long
‘Till sanity steps up to greet me.

Lame posts keep forming in my head.
But that doesn’t mean they’re lies you should ignore instead.
Lurking’s not for me, ‘cause,
You’re never gonna stop lame posts by complainin’
Because you see,
They’re not botherin’ me.

It won’t be long till sanity steps up to greet me.

Lame posts keep landing in my thread.
But that’s still no reason for your wishing I were dead.
Hiding’s not for me, ‘cause,
You’re never gonna stop my posts by complainin’
Because you seeeeeeeeee,
They’re not botherin’ meeeeeeeeeeeee.


Thanks - You've been a great audience.
:)
2

Any post you can post I can post better
I can post any post better than you
no you can’t
yes I can
no you can’t
yes I can
no you can’t
yes I can
yes I can!

Any cite you can cite I can cite better
I can cite any cite better than you
no you can’t
yes I can
no you can’t
yes I can
no you can’t
yes I can
yes I can!
:slight_smile:

3

The Devil went to the Straight Dope
He was looking to post with zeal
He had a nit that he had to pick
So he went to the pit to squeal

He came upon a doper
Flaming something, but he didn’t know what
and the Devil jumpe right into the thread
And said CITE!!

4

Lydia, oh Lydia, that Encyclopiddia, Lydia the Taaaatooed lady…

Now Lydia’s retired, her copyright’s expired, she’s gone home to Moms and Daddums… /
But it’s said 'neath her pants, she still fights ig-nor-ance, with a picture of Ceee-cil Adams!

With apologies to Groucho Marx.

5

As I was writing a post on the Straight Dope–
As I typed in a message to that board one day;
I spied a new screen name concealing a doper,
Concealing a doper who’d been banned that day.

“I see by your post count that you are a reg’lar”
These were his words when I nailed his ID
"Please don’t tell the Mods here about my sock puppet,
“I’ll just post one message, then hist’ry I’ll be.”

Then I saw he’d posted a message quite vulgar,
Insulting the Mods, and Ed Zotti by name.
In ATMB the twit left it to fester,
And then he logged off before he could get flamed.

6

Dope-e-dee-do-dah
Dope-e-dee-ay
What’s new on SDMB today?

Strange bit of trivi-ah
Coming my way
Dope-e-dee-do-dah
Dope-e-dee-ay!

Cecil in my favorites folder
Says it’s the truth, it’s actual
But you better cite your factual

Dope-e-dee-do-dah
Dope-e-dee-ay
Mods make trolls and socks go away.

From Debates to Pittings
Games or Cafe
Dope-e-dee-do-dah
Dope-e-dee-ay!

7

I had nothing to do on this hot afternoon
But to settle down and read up your line
You’ve been meaning to fuss and now you wanna cuss
Hell it’s been a very long time
You swear it well
A little old fashioned but that’s all right

Well I suppose you’re thinking on top of some drinkin’
Or you wouldn’t get all pissy with me
Oh I ain’t avoiding or covering my head
I sure do want you to know that you swear it well
There ain’t a mouth in the land so fine

8

Come and listen to my story ‘bout the ol’ Straight Dope
Fighting Ignorance is it’s one and only hope

And if you want to go where the Teeming Millions hang,
It’s the SDMB in acronym slang!

Straight Dope Message Board that is
Great Debates
BBQ Pit…

Well the next thing you know you’re labeled as a “Guest”
Hope you’re not a troll or another dreadful pest
But after 30 days if you want your account to stay alive
you can stay with us for…$14.95… :smiley:

9

Don’t cry for me fellow Dopers!
For I am ordinary, unimportant
And am not capable
of memorizing acronyms
unless we all are
I doubt we all are

Reply to my thread oh my people!
For when it’s your turn to post you’ll remember
That I did read yours
Despite it’s mundaneness
Because I love you
And have no real friends
Did I write to much?
There’s nothing more I can think of write in here
But all you have to do is search my posts to know
That all I say is queer!

10

Sung to the tune of: On the Cover of the Rolling Stone.
[sub]With Apologies to Dr. Hook[/sub]

[sup]{Intro}[/sup]
Oh, we be Doper singers and we got golden fingers,
And we type everything we know.
We post about beauty, and we post about truth,
And web sites where you need to go.

I take all kinds of pills, that gimme all kinda thrills,
But the thrill I’ll never know,
Is the thrill that’ll getcha, when you get recognition,
On the cover of the Ol’ Straight Dope.

Ol’ Straight Doooooooooope… Wanna see my ID on the cover.
Ol’ Straight Doooooooooope… Gonna send five copies to my mother.
Ol’ Straight Doooooooooope… Wanna see my subject line,
On the cover of the ol’ Straight Dooooooope.

My main pet peeve-a is that Tuba Diva,
Keeps ignoring’ my routines.
I post my poor old tired ditties;
Corruptin’ your ‘puter screens.

It’s all designed to grow our minds,
But our minds won’t really be grown
Like the rush that’ll getcha when you get recognition
On the cover of the Ol’ Straight Dope.

Ol’ Straight Doooooooooope… Wanna make Threadspotting on the cover.
Ol’ Straight Doooooooooope… Someone sent “Goatse” to my mother! :eek:
Ol’ Straight Doooooooooope… Wanna see my user name,
On the cover of the Ol’ Straight Dooooooope.

We gotta lotta little prissy four-eyed Dopers who correct everything we say.
We got a genuine “Perfect Master” who’s teaching us a better way.
We got all the threads that money can buy, so we never have to be all alone.
Tho’ my mind’s gettin’ better, still - I can’t get a letter
On the cover of the Ol’ Straight Dooooooope

Ol’ Straight Doooooooooope… Wanna make Threadspotting on the cover.
Ol’ Straight Doooooooooope… Someone sent “Tubgirl” to my mother! :eek:
Ol’ Straight Doooooooooope… Wanna see my stupid thread,
On the cover of the Ol’ Straight Dooooooope.

On - the - cover - of the Ollllllll’ - Straaaaaaaight Dooooooope.
[sub] That’s right – I can see it now…. Beeeyooootiful![/sub]


Thanks - You've been a great audience.
:)
11

I am just a Doper, and my threads are seldom read
I have squandered my existence,
For a chance of getting second pages, even thirds.
Perhaps the pit?
Still I’ve yet to make that big a splash to hear I’m full of it.

I may stay at home with my family, but they never see my face,
In the company of strangers,
In the green glow of a monitor I’m sitting here.
Laying low, I’m afraid if I make too much noise,
someone will tell me so.
Then maybe send me outside just to mow.

(Lies, all lies!
Everything you’ve heard is lies.
Lies, all lies!
Lies, all lies, all lies, all lies, all lies, all lies!)

Paying only four-ninety-five, I post about my job,
And my coworkers,
Or complain about my husband’s doctor phobia.
I do declare there were times when I said stupid things,
with no edit anywhere.

Then I’m laying out my signature
And wishing it were smart, something clever,
So my name would be in threads where they talk of those things,
My envy stings, I’m green with it.

In the forum is a poster whose great arguments all fade,
And he carries the reminders of every “Cite!” that laid him down,
Or cut him 'til he cried out in his anger and his shame,
“I am leaving, I am leaving.”
But the poster still remains.

(Lies, all lies!
Everything you’ve heard is lies.
Lies, all lies!
Lies, all lies, all lies, all lies, all lies, all lies!)

12

Sung to the tune of: Let It Be.
[sub]With Apologies to Paul McCartney[/sub]

[sup]Piano Intro[/sup]

When I find my spelling troubled
Fellow Dopers rescue me.
Fixing words with wisdom, edit me.

When in my hours of dork-ness
And the answer’s right in front of me
I’m lacking words of wisdom, edit me.
Edit me, edit me, edit me, edit me.
Doper lords of wisdom, edit me.

And when the left and right wing members
Fighting on the board agree,
I’ve blown my VB coding, edit me.

And though my posts are broken there is
Still a chance that I will see
The use of proper grammar, edit me.
Edit me, edit me, edit me, edit me.
One day I’ll get it right, edit me.

Edit me, edit me, edit me, edit me.
Fix my words abysmal, edit me.
Edit me, edit me, edit me, yeah edit me.
Doper lords of wisdom, edit me.

And when still my thread is cloudy,
Moderators - rescue me!
Please mend this mess tomorrow, edit me.

I wake up to corrected coding,
And moderators dreading me.
Next time I’ll get it right, edit me.

Edit me, edit me, edit me, edit me.
Fix my words abysmal,

Edit meeeeeeeeeeeeee[sup]eeeeeeeeee.[/sup]


Thanks - You've been a great audience.
 :)
13

holds up a lighter

14

The Trial

(Real apologies to Roger Waters and the Rest of Pink Floyd)

Good morning, Lynn Bodoni,
This post will plainly show the poster,
Who now stands before you was caught red-handed
Showing logic…
Showing logic of an almost intelligent nature.

This will not do!

Call the Moderator!

(Moderator)
I always said she’d come to no good in the end, Lynn Bodoni,
If they’d let me have my way I could have banned her from this site,
But my hands were tied,
The endless vapid threads and posts,
Let her get away with inanity, let me edit her into shape!

(Not Crazy… Why won’t anyone tell me: I’m not crazy… Should have been working. They must not take my membership away!)

(Pit Poster)

You little troll you’re in it now,
I hope they throw away your fee,
You should have agreed with me more often than you did,
But NO, you had to go your own way,
Have you killed any threads off lately,
Just five minutes, Lynn Bodoni, her and me alone.

(Some Random Poster)

Heyyyyyyyy
Come to my thread, Crazy, let me fill you with ideas,
Milord I never wanted her to get in any trouble,
Why’d she ever have to post in that BBQ Pit Thread?

Crazy! I am still waiting, Tell me I’m not Crazy! Crumbs in my keyboard… There must have been a hamster in the john when I hit submit!)

The evidence before the court is incontrovertible,
There’s no needs for the Admins to perspire,
In all my years of Modding, I have never seen before,
Someone more deserving of a life of Gaudere’s law,
The way you made them suffer, the exquisite other posters,
Fills me with the urge to administrate!

Since my friend, you have revealed your scariest fate,
I sentence you to a life of posting in only Great Debates!
(Another THINK not THING… THINK not THING… THINK not THING…)

15

Cecil…
Pee-pull who need Cee-sull…
Are the most ignorant pee-pull
In the world.

Asking questions…
Such completely stupid questions…
That any staffer should know;
Are you dim or just slow?

For knowledge we all thirst,
But first,
Gimme a person who uses Goo-gullll
PEEEE-pulll who use Gooo-gullll;
Are the least ridiculed pee-pull

In the world…

16

With plagarism from Swingin’ on a Star and apologies to Johnny Burke and Jimmy Van Huesen

Would you like to post on a thread
Present ideas right from your head
And be better off than in bed
Or would you rather be a fool

A fool is a poster with long meandering posts
He picks up in the middle and he boasts
His facts are missing - and his brain is weak
He’s just plain stupid with a - stubborn streak

And by the way, if you really are a tool
You may be known here as a fool

Would you like to post on a thread
Present ideas right from your head
And be better off than in bed
Or would you rather be a putz

A putz is a poster with egg on his face
His words are a terrible disgrace
He ain’t got spell-check or grammar at all
He can hear facts - he’s not on the ball

But if in commenting, you seem to be in a rut
You may be known here as a putz

Would you like to post on a thread
Present ideas right from your head
And be better off than in bed
Or would you rather be a ditz

A ditz won’t do anything but repeat someone’s lie
He can’t think a thought or even try
And to fool the people is his only thought
Though he’s slippery - he still gets caught
But then if that sort of life is what you wish
You may grow up to be a ditz

All Charter Members don’t have a clue
Every day you meet quite a few
So you see it’s all up to you
You can be better than you are
You can be posting like a star

17

I see lame posts – everywhere. But they don’t know they’re lame.

18

Such a very long time that it’s been
That it’s hard for me to recall what I wrote
'Cause a month had gone by
Not a single reply
And I won’t be surprised if my thread’s dead
Only thing I wanted was a name
Of a person who had used to have some fame
But nobody could say –
Not a thing either way –
So I gave up and I got myself to bed…

I’m at the top of the forum looking
Down at the others and the only explanation I can find
Is the posted reply
Where not a second has gone by;
Your post put me at the top of the forum!

19

Bravo, TellMeI’mNotCrazy!
I likum!

20

(dons orange wig)

Your thread’ll get bumped
To-mor-row
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There’ll be views!

Somone will reply
To-mor-row
Offering conjecture
You might borrow
Or you’ll hate!

Was your OP too dull,
Not sharp,
And witty,
Then toss out a remark
To spark
Debate
Oh!