Jimmy Swaggart advocates killing people for looking at you the wrong way...

[Larry Mudd]

...and then denying responsibility on Judgement Day.

I've never seen a man in my life I wanted to marry, and I'm gonna be blunt and plain: if one ever looks at me like that, I'm gonna kill him and tell God he died.

Here's a Windows Media Player/IE stream of the show. (Skip ahead about 36 minutes.)

I'm not sure what to make of his folksy disclaimer-- "I'm not knockin' the poor homosexual." ("I just think they want killin') WTF?

Don't worry, Jimmy- Nobody wants to marry a hydrophobic, black-hearted huckster like you.

Oh, and if you ever invite me to tea I'll rip your entrails out through your ass and tell God you farted. Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking the poor pharisees, they need love too.

[Baker]

Now let's see, when I was in Sunday School they taught me that God knows everything.

So how in the heck can Swaggart, as a so-called Christian, say he's going to "tell God he died"? Wouldn't God know that already?

I echo your sentiments. I can't imagine a woman looking lustfully at ol' Jimmy, much less a man.

[spooje]

Originally Posted by Baker

I can't imagine a woman looking lustfully at ol' Jimmy, much less a man.

At least one that's not being paid.


Who listens to this windbag anymore?

[Snooooopy]

Hydrophobic?

[RickJay]

"Hydrophobia" used to be another word for rabies, hence "Hydrophobic" = "Rabid". I don't know why it came to mean that, but it did.

[Polycarp]

I suppose it's a golden opportunity to rant, but find it in your hearts not to rag on the poor guy -- he's obviously terribly afraid of his own humanity. And for the things he's said, presuming that Jesus' words in the Bible have any validity to them, he's going to find himself terribly, terribly surprised, and not in a good way.

But you know, the idea of lying to God is one that some of Jimmy-boy's favorite Old Testament stories speak of, and strangely enough, it doesn't work, Jimmy. Give our regards to Osama when you get there, y'hear!

[Revtim]

He then mentions how God calls homosexuality an "abom-nation" (or something like that). He kinda frowns on killing too, I thought. Guess I misread the Bible or something.

[Atticus Finch]

Originally Posted by RickJay

"Hydrophobia" used to be another word for rabies, hence "Hydrophobic" = "Rabid". I don't know why it came to mean that, but it did.

Hydrophobia was a major symptom of rabies in humans, and thus the name was popularly applied to the disease itself.

Originally Posted by Oxford English Dictionary definition of hydrophobia

1. Path. A symptom of rabies or canine madness when transmitted to man, consisting in an aversion to water or other liquids, and difficulty in swallowing them; hence the disease of rabies, esp. in human beings.

1547 BOORDE Brev. Health 122 Hidroforbia or abhorynge of water... This impediment doth come..of a melancoly humour. 1621 BURTON Anat. Mel. I. i. I. iv, The most knowne are these, Lycanthropia, Hydrophobia, Chorus sancti viti. 1646 SIR T. BROWNE Pseud. Ep. IV. xiii. 231 margin, Upon the biting of a mad dog there ensues an hydrophobia or fear of water. 1752 Phil. Trans. XLVII. 412 Isaac Cranfield..was received into the infirmary..with an hydrophobia upon him. 1837 M. DONOVAN Dom. Econ. II. 95 Its [Mus giganteus] bite is dangerous, and sometimes produces hydrophobia. 1838 Penny Cycl. XII. 399/2 Hydrophobia,..is the disease caused by inoculation with the saliva of a rabid animal, and is so called from the violent and suffocating spasms of the throat which occur when the patient attempts to drink. 1893 H. DALZIEL Dis. Dogs (ed. 3) 96 Man inoculated by the rabie virus of a mad dog suffers from the terrible disease called popularly hydrophobia, from a dread of water and inability to swallow liquids being a main feature of the malady, but more accurately the disease is known in man also as rabies.

As an aside, some writers also believed that rabies caused lycanthropy, acting like a dog or wolf.

[ultrafilter]

I read "hydrophobic" as "too scared of water to bathe", and it fit in the OP pretty well.

[DoctorJ]

I've always been surprised at how many otherwise reasonable, intelligent people believe that an acceptable response to a homosexual come-on would be violence.

People, you don't have to either fuck or fight some guy just because he flirted with you. Either have enough confidence in your sexuality to say, "No, thanks," or admit your curiosity and evaluate the proposition on its own merits.

[matt_mcl]

"It's crazy! Can you imagine first of all what it would be like if women got to kill guys whenever they made a pass at one of us? I know there'd be a matriarchy in Italy, for one thing ... But go ahead. Plead the 'unwanted homosexual advance defence'. Because you're gonna lose, and you're gonna go to jail, where you will discover TRULY what an 'unwanted homosexual advance' IS."
- Maggie Cassella

[matt_mcl]

...Of course, however, you know perfectly well that if we tell him we wouldn't make a pass at him if the universe were undergoing heat death because he's a pasty, over-gelled, hit-in-the-face-with-a-scoop-shovel, melting-candle-looking, doughy-assed, homophobic, issue-ridden twatscoop... he'd get all offended that way too.

Can't win for losin'.

[phouka]

Twatscoop?

As a twat-owner, I'm insulted. I think.

As for Jimmy Swaggart . . . people actually still listen to him?

[Czarcasm]

"Yeah, I'd like two scoops-One butter pecan, and one twat. And could I have sprinkles with that, please?"

[HPL]

Originally Posted by Baker

Now let's see, when I was in Sunday School they taught me that God knows everything.

So how in the heck can Swaggart, as a so-called Christian, say he's going to "tell God he died"? Wouldn't God know that already?

That's what I thought too. So basically, he's just admitted he wants to murder somebody for no reason at all, and then lie to God about it.

That's two Commandments broken. Am I missing any?

[vanilla]

Yes, the 12th one: Thou shalt not become redundant.

Is it me, or do televangelists choose "interesting" looking women?

[elmwood]

The scary part is that, in the video, his congregation actually applauded and shouted hallelujahs when he made that comment. Swaggart also said ...

"I thank God that President Bush has stated we need a constitutional amendment that states a marriage is between a man and a woman!"

Now that he has endorsed President Bush, I think it's time that the tax exempt status of his ministry be re-examined.

[Voyager]

Originally Posted by elmwood

The scary part is that, in the video, his congregation actually applauded and shouted hallelujahs when he made that comment.

The fact that the place wasn't immediately hit by lightning should be proof to all of the non-existence of a merciful god.

Was there one righteous person in that church? Well, maybe a cameraman.

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

:: sudden, blinding light strikes ::

I have seen the light! I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT, BROTHERS AND SISTERS!

The Jimmy Swaggarts of this sorry, sinful world, the spewers of hate and screechers of foulness in God's Name, the congregations of the faithful to a faith that denies God's Love and Compassion, all, ALL shall be gathered together and gathered up in that Day of Judgment that they beseech God for, in their incessant, ant-whining prayers. Yea, verily, they shall all be gathered as one seething mass of True Believers in a god they have made in their own image, brought before the Throne of Judgment, spat upon by the angels and spurned by the cherubim for their profanation of the Holy Word, and flyng into the darkest Pits of Hell!

The Lord hath spoken it.

:: halogen lamps turned off ::

[Princhester]

I just don't get it. Why do guys like him get so het up about gays? Why so violent? I know it's probably just cliched unprovable psychobabble, but every time I think about it I just can't help wondering if maybe deep down they're just an eensy bit lavender, no?

[Harborwolf]

Simple, thim poor homosexual are an abomnation (in a bomb nation?) and they need to be SAVED!! PRAISE JESUSUH!!

Who is this jesusuh guy anyways? Some sort of cross (haha! I'm so funny) between Jesus and Jehovah? He doesn't sound very nice, but maybe he's just an old testament "angry god" kinda deity

[World Eater]

For no particular reason I'd like to break Swaggart's jaw. Fucking shatter it.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by DoctorJ

I've always been surprised at how many otherwise reasonable, intelligent people believe that an acceptable response to a homosexual come-on would be violence.

I don't know. But I've felt it. If a guy makes a pass at me (and it's sexual enough in content), my first reaction is to hit. I'm not sure if it feels like a violation of my personal space, or an insult to my masculinity, or my unfamiliarity with such an advance (Og knows I'm not used to women being so forward with me), but the instinct is certainly there.

Thank the IPU that I have never acted on such an impulse, and instead responded with a polite No Thanks. I'm pretty sure I can respond that way in the future, although what a gay man wants in an overweight, balding, poorly dressed guy like me is anyone's guess.

[elucidator]

Brother Swaggart's admonitions are especially difficult for persons, such as myself, who combine the physical aspects of George Clooney and Sean Connery. Fortunately, I live in Minneapolis, where it is relatively easy to avoid contact with the homosexual population, since they both live in St. Paul.

But what of the women, Brother Jimmy? With their sidelong glances and sly innuendoes, like twirling a doughnut on thier forefingers, and flaunting their feminine wiles, all the while seeking to undermine my moral resolve and steely resistance, with their D-cups of fornication! Are they any less guilty? Aren't the widely circulated photos of our own Lynn Bodoni and Eddy Teddy, clad in seductive "swimwear"....are not such as these provocations to dreadful sin?

Now, if they were to be clad in tasteful, full-length garments of simple homespun, leaving just enough opening for sight, wouldn't this go a long way to promoting the moral vigor of our nation? Unless I'm very much mistaken, such garments as these are already being mass produced in the ME, it would be a simple matter to import a few hudred million!

Food for thought, brethren and sistren, food for thought!

[Polycarp]

Originally Posted by EddyTeddyFreddy

:: sudden, blinding light strikes ::

I have seen the light! I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT, BROTHERS AND SISTERS!

The Jimmy Swaggarts of this sorry, sinful world, the spewers of hate and screechers of foulness in God's Name, the congregations of the faithful to a faith that denies God's Love and Compassion, all, ALL shall be gathered together and gathered up in that Day of Judgment that they beseech God for, in their incessant, ant-whining prayers. Yea, verily, they shall all be gathered as one seething mass of True Believers in a god they have made in their own image, brought before the Throne of Judgment, spat upon by the angels and spurned by the cherubim for their profanation of the Holy Word, and flyng into the darkest Pits of Hell!

The Lord hath spoken it.

:: halogen lamps turned off ::

You're funny, dear.

But my post urging compassion on Jimmy was founded on almost precisely what you're saying. Take a look at the Parable of the Sheep and Goats, in Matthew 25:31-46 -- an accurate reading of that says that while decent gay people like Priam and Jayjay will be gathered in for doing unto others as they themselves would be done unto, folks like Jimmy are going to find that Jesus attributes how they treated others as having been done unto Himself, and tell them to get lost.

[Mangetout]

I can't really imagine why anyone takes much notice of Swaggart, I mean, I hear the name and I think 'oh yeah, that guy who got hauled over the coals for being a fraudulent, moneygrabbing, philandering liar' - is there any particular reason (other than stupidity) that he has any followers at all?

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Originally Posted by Polycarp

You're funny, dear.

And you're a darling, my sweetly reasonable and superbly humane dumpling.

But my post urging compassion on Jimmy was founded on almost precisely what you're saying. Take a look at the Parable of the Sheep and Goats, in Matthew 25:31-46 -- an accurate reading of that says that while decent gay people like Priam and Jayjay will be gathered in for doing unto others as they themselves would be done unto, folks like Jimmy are going to find that Jesus attributes how they treated others as having been done unto Himself, and tell them to get lost.

Hey, I may be a lapsed Congregationalist, but I can muster up some brimstone now and then.

And by the way, luci, I thought you'd said you'd burned those pictures! Haven't I paid you enough already?

[matt_mcl]

"God has forgiven me. Why can't you?"
"Makes sense. Luther, send him little Bobby's college fund."
- Bloom County

[Shirley Ujest]

Bloom County....how I miss you still!




Hey, in the Weekly World News they covered a story about how Gays are planning to Take Over The World. I sure wish they'd hurry up!


I mean, who'd ya rather hang round with? Jimmy Swaggart and the BagsO'Wind or a bunch of gays?

Thought so.


Case closed.

[UrbanChic]

I will never pronounce the word abomination correctly again. Thanks, Jimmy!


_{It's an a-bomb-nation! It's an a-bomb-nation! An a-bomb-nation!!!}

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Originally Posted by elucidator

Aren't the widely circulated photos of our own Lynn Bodoni and Eddy Teddy, clad in seductive "swimwear"....are not such as these provocations to dreadful sin?

:: rueful sigh ::

Oh, very well. I suppose there's no denying that there is one particularly explicit photo of me on the beach now available on the Internet.

Ah, the follies of middle age do dwarf those of one's youth.

[SolGrundy]

Hmm, I guess I'm not as good a Christian as I thought I was. I mean, I finally managed being comfortable with being a homo and being Christian, as everything I understand about Christianity teaches about love, honor, and devotion being so much more important than sex.

But then, Christianity also teaches compassion, even against those who would wish violence against you. And I can't bring myself to muster any compassion whatsoever for this total sack of shit.

Is Swaggart the one who went on the 700 Club with Pat Robertson talking about how the World Trade Center attacks were God's vengeance against us for being a corrupt country that promoted homosexuality? Or was that Jerry Falwell? Who's the one who did the whole "I have sinned against you all?" crying speech? I get them all confused.

I've never seen a man in my life I wanted to marry, and I'm gonna be blunt and plain: if one ever looks at me like that, I'm gonna kill him and tell God he died.

Jimmy, he's not looking at you like he wants to marry you. Maybe Jimmy's not so anti-homosexual, he's just against marriage. Based on that quote, it sounds like if a man looked at him just like he wanted to fuck him, Jimmy'd be fine with that. Remember to play it safe, Jim!

[CandidGamera]

Bad, bad moderator. I just have to say -

Originally Posted by Czarcasm

"Yeah, I'd like two scoops-One butter pecan, and one twat. And could I have sprinkles with that, please?"

That wouldn't be Annie Sprinkles, would it?

Bad, bad Gamera!

[Contrapuntal]

Originally Posted by EddyTeddyFreddy

:: rueful sigh ::

Oh, very well. I suppose there's no denying that there is one particularly explicit photo of me on the beach now available on the Internet.

Ah, the follies of middle age do dwarf those of one's youth.

Man I just gotta say the seahorses around her don't look nothin like that!

[DoctorJ]

Is Swaggart the one who went on the 700 Club with Pat Robertson talking about how the World Trade Center attacks were God's vengeance against us for being a corrupt country that promoted homosexuality? Or was that Jerry Falwell? Who's the one who did the whole "I have sinned against you all?" crying speech? I get them all confused.

It was Falwell who blamed 9/11 on the gays and liberals in general, and Swaggart who gave the big pathetic speech. It is hard to tell one fundie nutjob from another without a program.

[Sampiro]

Originally Posted by SolGrundy

Is Swaggart the one who went on the 700 Club with Pat Robertson talking about how the World Trade Center attacks were God's vengeance against us for being a corrupt country that promoted homosexuality? Or was that Jerry Falwell? Who's the one who did the whole "I have sinned against you all?" crying speech? I get them all confused.

No, Swaggart is the one who was caught MULTIPLE times in compromising positions with $20 whores in particularly bad parts of Baton Rouge & New Orleans. He "repented", of course, and offered to step down from his nine-figure-per-year ministry, but instead God told him that he was forgiven and should keep on preaching. (According to an interview with one of his tarts, he paid her $20 per session to masturbate for him while he wore crotchless sweatpants and wanked; when he learned she had a 9 year old daughter he offered to pay her several times their going rate if she would bring the child to watch them, but that's alright cause God forgave him. Several times.)

Trivia: As with his first cousin, Jerry Lee Lewis, Swaggart took to wife a cousin who was 13 when they married. (Another cousin is Mickey Gilley.)

[Sampiro]

Correction: I should not have said that Brother Swaggart frequents $20 whores as that is incorrect. In fact he is a gentleman and paid $35 per hour. He also admits to a "lifelong addiction to pornography".
Refresher course in Swaggart scummery.

[capacitor]

When I get to see the Jimmy, I am going to blow a kiss to him.

Being that I am Bubba-sized and may be packing heat, he better think twice about his sermon.

[Inigo Montoya]

Originally Posted by Polycarp

folks like Jimmy are going to find that Jesus attributes how they treated others as having been done unto Himself, and tell them to get lost.

Something about judging? Judges? Not judging a sinless man who casts the first...no that's not it. Has something to do with possibly being judged by...birds of the field? No. Hm, can't think of it just now.

This God Person is said to act in mysterious ways (U2, I think). Perhaps the God Person made Jimmy for reasons known only to Him, and maybe even to him? Perhaps J.S.'s relationship with God is between J.S. & God? And perhaps all of us need to pay more attention to our own relationships with Whoever/Whatever it is that we worship and not worry so much about Jimmy, and more about how we conduct our own lives and relationships?

As for what Jimmy says and what he incites others to do, that is all between God and His chilluns: The ones whiped into a cruel and barbaric frenzy by another man, as well as those who suffer at their hands. If you truly believe in This God Person and all the trappings that go along with it, is not our condition on this earth pointless when compared to what we do with the time we are given? Some of us are messengers, others are the messages.

Just a thought.

For my part, I handled my first advance by a homo poorly (of course, a darkened room and a locked exit made the unexpected and, ahem, "blunt" proposal a bit firghtening) but not violently unless you count ripping a door off its hinges as violent. I still don't care one way or the other about anyone's sexuality apart from my wife's--and then only so long as she gives it up to me once in a while. I can't see such an inquiry as death worthy in and of itself--shit, all any of us really want is to get laid every so often, right? Can't blame someone for trying.

[Polycarp]

Originally Posted by EddyTeddyFreddy

:: rueful sigh ::

Oh, very well. I suppose there's no denying that there is one particularly explicit photo of me on the beach now available on the Internet.

Ah, the follies of middle age do dwarf those of one's youth.

Well, after all, "teddy" is your middle name, right?

[Larry Mudd]

Originally Posted by Inigo Montoya

If you truly believe in This God Person and all the trappings that go along with it, is not our condition on this earth pointless when compared to what we do with the time we are given?

The answer to this question and many others can be found within the pages of Oolon Coluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters.

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Originally Posted by Larry Mudd

The answer to this question and many others can be found within the pages of Oolon Coluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters.

Don't forget the 4th book in his trilogy: Well, that about wraps it up for God

[Inigo Montoya]

you guys......

Now my bos wants to know why I'm snickering uncontrollably.

[Wonko The Sane]

How exactly does a man "look at you" in a way that communicates "Well, I'm a man, and you're a man, but let's get married"?

I mean, that's a lot to communicate in just one look.

If all of us have sinned, who's gonna throw that first stone? I hope J.S. has more relaxed standards for when he gets cut off on the freeway...

BTW- Thanks for the *.wmv link to the show, and how many minutes to skip. From the article, I figured that someone took something out of context, and it was too weird even for J.S., which is wrong. He's really that odd.

For the record, I don't think there are -any- references to Jesus Christ going out and "killing sinners" and then saying "well, they died" when questioned about it. Rather, He had meals with the "scum of the earth" at the time. (tax collectors, and prostitutes)

/end of rant

[SolGrundy]

Originally Posted by Inigo Montoya

you guys......

Now my boss wants to know why I'm snickering uncontrollably.

He's probably hitting on you, the big fag. Rip the door off its hinges and kill him with it!

[Mangetout]

Originally Posted by Wonko The Sane

How exactly does a man "look at you" in a way that communicates "Well, I'm a man, and you're a man, but let's get married"?

I mean, that's a lot to communicate in just one look.

When you're walking close to God in true faith and absolute trust in your Lord and Saviour, as the dedicated servant of his message of hope and reconciliation toward all makind, he grants spiritual gifts of special insight and discernment.

However, I have no idea how it works if you happen to be a self-obsessed, fraudulent, moneygrabbing, philandering liar.

[Priam]

Originally Posted by Wonko The Sane

How exactly does a man "look at you" in a way that communicates "Well, I'm a man, and you're a man, but let's get married"?

I mean, that's a lot to communicate in just one look.

looks soulfully into Wonko's eyes

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Originally Posted by trandallt

Man I just gotta say the seahorses around her don't look nothin like that!

Oh. Do they look more like this?

[Polycarp]

Originally Posted by Mangetout

When you're walking close to God in true faith and absolute trust in your Lord and Saviour, as the dedicated servant of his message of hope and reconciliation toward all makind, he grants spiritual gifts of special insight and discernment.

However, I have no idea how it works if you happen to be a self-obsessed, fraudulent, moneygrabbing, philandering liar.

That is waaaaaaayyyyy too long to be a sig line!

Otherwise, it's perfect!

[xcheopis]

Originally Posted by ultrafilter

I read "hydrophobic" as "too scared of water to bathe", and it fit in the OP pretty well.

_ablutophobic