In this Pit thread, Rufus Xavier opined that there were no “Ask the emu” or “Ask the Mod” or “Ask the Objectivist” threads.
So… why not? 
Ask the emu anything!
So, does it piss you off that no one pronounces “emu” properly?
Do you get pissed lots of people confuse you with ostriches?
Do you get pissed off that you can’t fly?
I can’t believe this: I have never participated in any of the “Ask the” threads, and I’m in the “Ask the emu” thread with two questions.
Does it worry you that people find you tasty?
What do you consider the correct pronunciation to be twickster?
No. When you are one with your inner emu–when you have attained the heavenly celestial bliss of the karmic nirvana of the inner emu–then you will know how to say it. It’s a Zen thing, you know… feng shui and chop suey and all that.
The ostriches are our brethren. They are our brothers, our partners and comrades and dearest companions. We are one in friendship and love. (Except for Phil. He still owes me $20 for that six-pack of Coors, that bastard.)
Emus can fly. You humans just haven’t seen us doing it. We’re nocturnal fliers, you see. It’s all very top secret and confidential.
Never! We are more than capable of defending ourselves with our ultimate weapon of doom. I’d tell you about it, but then I’d have to kill you.
Apparently, the correct pronuniation is “e-myoo,” not “e-moo.”
Seems affected to me, I was just wondering how our ratite brethren felt about it.
Where do you stand on the War on Terror? Both legs or just the one?
What is you view on same sex marriages in the emu communiuty?
Are you bird brained?
What? Are you humans blowing yourselves up again? An Emu knows the only solution is to find transcendental peace and perfect ecstatic pleasure through the holy recitation of the 92 Emu mantras. And then go cosmically ballistic on their asses with our secret weapon of doom.
An Emu can marry another Emu or another Emu-ette. An Emu can marry a whole herd of Emus (my cousin has 23 wives and 71 husbands). An Emu can marry a llama and a camel and a horse and a donkey and a zebra, if he’s so inclined. (There was one guy, Bob, who married a moose, but he’s just weird.)
Bird brained? Are you insulting me? Those puny, twittery, flimsy, feathery little fluffballs of puff and poof and airheadedness? Feel the wrath of the Emu, foolish human!
Do you go better with A1 or Heinz 57?
Would you find it insulting if I made some little saddles and got monkeys with cowboy outfits to ride you around?
I’ll split whatever winnings I get from Americas Funniest Home Videos!
Do people ever confuse you with a gnu?
Well, lets make it 60 - 40…I mean, I am supplying the monkeys.
Yes, “ee-myoo” is how we pronounce it here.
Damn you! I wanted the raise the Gnu issue!
No gnus is good gnus…
I just Gnu some one would beat me to it…
Oh, you laugh now, puny human, you scoff, you mock and jeer. But when our army descends like a whirlwind of chaos and destruction upon your home, you will fear our terrible anger!
(Unless you give us beer. Emus like beer. In that case we’ll bring the takeout and cheap porn movies.)
I would find it intriguing. It would be a truly… interesting and enlightening experience. Quite unlike anything I have ever encountered. I assume you and your friends would not be wearing spurs, of course?
Nope. Have you?
Oh, look, a shoe!
It’s only too true
That now I’m feeling blue
Because I cannot do
But rhyme in words with ‘oo’!
Touch me beer and there will be emu steaks! :mad:
In which case, I still need an answer. 
harmless, you are going too far.
You have heard of the dreaded Goatse used in your board’s initiation, yes?
My friend Edgar is far, far, far worse. evil cackle
(I find we work best grilled with a spicy sun-dried tomato and basil marinade, with just a hint of lemon and bay leaf and a light dash of pepper…)