How many movies have you seen that you absolutely despise. I don’t mean movies that you just dislike or are boring. I mean movies that make you shudder in revulsion at the thought of ever seeing it again. Movies that are perfect. Perfectly awful. Movies that every minute you watched caused painful boils to break out on your skin. Movies that make you want to take electro-shock treatments in the hope that your memory of that movie will somehow be excised.
I have only one movie that really fits this definition for me: Bruce Almighty. I sat through the whole thing somehow. This is the only movie that made me leave the theatre angry.
I forced myself to sit through this pandering, can’t-tell-what’s-happening-because-it’s-so-badly-edited piece of shit just because my bro-in-law was an extra in it. It is one of my life’s dreams to frisbee the negative into a live volcano. Fuck you Michael Bay. Gladiator
Drearing, boring, lifeless. How the FUCKING FUCK did this shit win the Best Picture Oscar?
Event Horizon
The whole “evil in space” concept was imbecilic. As for waht that evil did to the crew: who needs this shit?
Blue Velvet
Now, Mulholland Drive is one of my favorite movies of all time, so I wanted to check out more Lynch, and this one seemed to be well regarded. The opening scenes had me going “Oh yeah, this is going to be great.” Nope. It ended up being so brutal and degrading that I couldn’t take enough showers to wash the scum off. Who needs this shit, part deux.
Truly, a very bad movie. I get black comedy, I really do, but there was no comedy in this.
In fact, I had to go to IMDB and search Cameron Diaz to get the movie title. This movie was so awful I had blocked its title (and, apparently, Christian Slater) from my mind.
I wrote this for my website: Could a movie be any more boring? The characters were established in the first 45 minutes. The next 2 1/4 hours were utterly predictable step after utterly predictable step to its uninspired and inevitable ending. Oh! The little boy pisses his pants? Gee, I never would have seen THAT coming after his repeated pleas to relieve himself! The estranged son visits his dying father at the last minute? Who would have expected THAT to happen? The trophy-wife admits that she married Jason Robards only for his money and never loved him, until he lay dying? Saw that coming the first time she appeared on the screen. The three hours of unadulterated torture was relieved by a little interlude of zillions of two-pound frogs raining from the heavens. The acting was actually pretty good. But I enjoyed this movie only slightly more than I think I’d enjoy being slowly eviscerated with an exceptionally dull spoon. I’ve never walked out on a movie, but it took every milligram of my self-control to stay in the auditorium. “Magnolia”? They should have named it “Corpse Flower” after the plant that takes seven years to bloom, and when it does smells like rotting flesh.
I’m with you on this one. But my all-time worst “Best Picture” movie is Forrest Gump. After it was over, I walked out, pissed I had spent the money on it. When it won Best Picture, I pinced myself to make sure it wasn’t just a nightmare.
Me too. Although I did see Spice World- that made me angry, but I stayed in and mouthed off for as long as I could to try and amuse my friends. I hate a lot of movies, really, but that’s a good start.
I have seen many, many crap movies. But, I LIKE cheesy horror movies, so when I rent crap, I expect crap. If it turns out to be really GOOD crap, cool.
But, one time, my wife and I went to a major motion picture, which had gotten very good reviews, excellent recommendations from friends, the actors in it were good, so we went off to see it expecting a pretty good movie.
We got through to the end, looked at each other, and said “What the hell was THAT?” Did all the reviewers and friends see some other picture? Are we nuts? Because the picture totally sucked sweaty donkey balls.
What on earth were John Huston, Jack Nicolson, Kathleen Turner, Robert Loggia, William Hickey, Angela Huston and a host of others THINKING to make the piece of unadulderated CRAP known as Prizzi’s Honor.
Van Helsing is definitely at the top of my list. I saw it in the theatre and the whole time I was thinking, “I can’t believe I paid money to see this ginormous piece of shit”.
The Sixth Sense also made me feel that way but at least I only paid rental fees.
I wanted to walk out of the theater (which I have never done) during the middle of this but the optimist inside kept urging me to stay. Surely it has to get better, right? Should have strangled that voice.
Ah, Prizzi’s Honor. I’d forgotten about that movie so thanks, BrotherCadfael for bringing it back.
