Jealous people think that their spouse or significant other will be more likely to cheat on them if put in a “bad” situation (frequent close contact with the opposite sex, working late in the office, business trips, etc).
Non-jealous people think that a significant other who wants to cheat will find a way to cheat under any situation, and someone who doesn’t want to cheat won’t do so even given the opportunity.
I’m curious to see how this plays out in real life.
Have any of you cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse because you just happened to have been in the “right” (or “wrong”) situation, and if you hadn’t been in that situation you would have gone through the entire relationship without cheating?
I was camping with this girl who had it for me big time. I also had a girlfriend at the time. We got drunk off nasty box-wine and I turned camping girl down when she made advances toward me, even though I really liked her.
And now non-camping girl is my wife.
BUT, I cheated on almost every girlfriend I had before, and it didn’t matter what situation I was in.
So I suppose my answer is no. When I cheated, I would have cheated anyway. When I didn’t, not even being drunk in a sleeping-bag with a girl I had the hots for changed my mind.
My guy cheated on me (In a way. Long story). He was at a friend’s apt, the friend’s gf’s friend from 50miles away was visiting for the weekend, and she started hitting on him. Well, guess where it went.
I could go into details, but it’s stilla bit of a sore spot. I really never, EVER thought he’d be the type and was never jealous.
I’ve not cheated myself, but I’ve been the cheatee a few times. In my experience, guys who cheat will do so regardless of the circumstances. A few otherwise honest guys might be situationally comprimised, but even vigil in a convent is considered an appropriate hunting ground by a seasoned cheater. Women with cheaters who think they can prevent it by keeping their men in “safe” situations are only deluding themselves. Horndogs find a way.
If a person wants to cheat, they will cheat. There are, however, situations which are more condusive to leading to cheating:
Distance or time spent apart - This can effectively create an out of sight/out of mind mentality. Thereis also less chance of getting caught.
Extensive amount of intimate close contact with a person of the opposite (or same I guess) sex who isn’t your SO - If your always working late with that hot girl from accounting, there is a potential to create an intimate bond.
Trouble or boredom in the relationship - lets face it, if you are always on his case and not giving up the booty, that hot girl from accounting with whom you developed a new bond with can look awfully inviting.
Drugs or alchohol - These reduce inhabitions and makes everyone better looking. People are on the road at a conference or something, they’re drinking free booze, all of a sudden its hide the balony time.
Not that it makes it “right” but not putting yourself in certain situations is a good idea. It’s kind of like those girls who get drunk, go hang out in some guys dorm at 3:00am and next thing you know they are crying “rape”. It doesn’t excuse the rape, but you could have avoided the situation in the first place with a little common sense. Going camping with a girl and a bottle of box wine for example. How would that NOT end up in a cheating scenario? Or hanging out at the company happy hour to the point where everyone is drunk and looking to get with anything that moves.
I am firmly convinced that if the right person talks to you in just the right way on just the right day, anyone can “cheat”.
I agree with msmith537 about the “distance” factor. I find that being away from someone for a long time (especially in a reasonably new relationship) is a far bigger temptation than anything else. I haven’t cheated, but I’m only 18, so that’s not saying much.
Me and my husband have spent a lot of time apart. The three years we were going out before marriage we saw each other two weekends a month. He travels a few times a year, sometimes for a week at a time. Last summer I spent six weeks 11 hours away, and another five weeks in England without him. And maybe this summer I will spend a week or so away at a time.
ANY of those times, one of us could have cheated and the other one wouldn’t have known. There is always an opportunity. There is always a way.
I never cheat, I never will cheat. I have a husband who feels the same way. We are very loyal people who plan to stay together for the rest of our lives, like both of our parents and grandparents. Distance doesn’t matter. Time away doesn’t matter. It depends on the person and the standards they hold themselves to. Mine are very high. His are very high.
I’ve been cheated on before. It didn’t matter how far away I was or how drunk they were or how “mean” I was to them. If they aren’t loyal or true, they are going to cheat and there’s nothing I could have done about it except leave them at the earliest opportunity. Which I did.
While I’ve always been faithful (married nearly 24 years), and plan to continue to be so, I won’t go so far as to say that I never will cheat. If I do end up breaking vows, it will represent a real failing on my part, and doubtless cause plenty of pain. But frankly my life has already had enough of me saying I’d never do certain things, only to find that I ended up doing them.
Call me superstitious, but its seems quite common that when the Ego makes some sort of absolutist statement, the Id works overtime to undermine such a statement.
Just out of curiosity and to play Devil’s advocate, how do you know that he has never cheated? No one believes their SO will ever cheat on them… how is your situation different?
Again, just asking out of curiosity. I… ack! Quit throwing stuff!
In my previous life, I wasn’t faithful to my then-husband. I was bored silly and when opportunities weren’t “there”, I would put myself in positions to cheat by drinking too much, flirting too much, and otherwise just being a bad girl.
I’m now married to the most wonderful man on the planet. He’s been deployed to Afghanistan for over a year and I wouldn’t even consider cheating on him.
Many spurned wives get angry at “The Other Woman”. My contention is that their anger is misdirected. If a spouse is going to cheat, s/he is going to cheat.
Well, yeah! It wasn’t my fault, I was about to hand in the exam when the fellow sitting in front of me inadvertedly shoves his test in my face, the answer I was looking for was right there, glaring at me. It would have been silly of me not to take advantage of the opportunity. In a way, the answer came to me.
reads thread
Oh, that kind of cheating. Well, yeah! I would! You see, in my case, cheating would mean finally “scoring!”. Technically, I can’t cheat.
I’ve often thought this would be an interesting thread concept of itself. I know that I don’t say I wouldn’t ever do such-and-such anymore, because it just seems to lead directly to me ending up in the most ludicrous situations.
From someone who was a phenomenally judgmental, black-and-white thinker in my teens, I’m sure a very shades-of-grey person now I’m in my thirties.
I thought I would never cheat on someone too. In fact I was quite adamant about it. It went against my personal code if you will. I always believed that if people were having problems in a relationship they should get out of it, but to cheat on someone would just be flat out wrong and despicable… But then I did cheat on someone once - and it surprised the hell out of me. It was an extremely painful experience and I still feel shitty about it to this day. The conditions were right and maybe all the planets were aligned. I don’t know. I was weak, my relationship wasn’t going well for a long time, I didn’t know that I still had feelings for the person that I cheated with…it’s a long story.
Suffice it to say, I did it. I’m not terribly proud of it. It certainly wasn’t one of my shining moments. I learned a great deal from it though - and it was quite humbling. One very important thing I gleaned from that experience was that you just never know what you will do. There are grey areas. There are certain conditions, states of vulnerablity etc…that can make you do, well, almost anything. Now that I’m in my early 30s I’m much more aware of my feelings. I communicate more in my current relationship (I am happily married now) and I definitely tend to be less judgmental overall.
So why is that? Do you never have other options? Are you at a point in your life where you had your fun and are content to settle down with one person forever? How do you think you will feel in 10 years with that person? I’m not saying that you will cheat or anything. I just don’t believe that anyone is above it, given the right set of circumstances.
Men generally don’t cheat out of revenge. They generally do it as an ego boost or because they are bored in their current relationship or simply because we are not wired to have one partner for the rest of our life. Women will often cheat because they are bored or angry at their SO.
I don’t really get what is so “wrong and dispicable” about cheating (unless you are married. It certainly sucks for the person who was cheated on because their ego is bruised and their feelings might be hurt.
I have never ever cheated. And I have had *plenty * of opportunity. I can say, cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, scout’s honnor…etc, that I will never, ever cheat in the future. If Seth Green, Jake Gyllenhall, and Matt Damon pledged their undying love to me and would be my slaves forever if I cheated on Bird Man with them I would say no. It would suck, but I would do it. I’m just that kinda old fashioned gal.