The following are some silly bendings of OLD movie titles, giving new descriptions. ALL ABOUT STEVE: Ambitious male stripper plots to take over Chippendales. ALONG CAME THE JONES: Father Shaft is unable to keep his vow of celibacy. ANTHONY AND CLEOPATRICK: Weird Roman finds love with Irish transsexual. BEEN-HER: Dramatization of the life of Rue Paul. BLAZING PADDLES: Bondage master rides into western town. BLOOD AND SAND: Sabatini’s pirate romances Chopin’s butch girlfriend. CONAN THE LIBRARIAN: Muscle-bound bookworm moves volumes from shelves to stacks without a cart. DANCING IN THE ARK: In this musical, Noah and family while away the hours on the ballroom floor (after much sweeping and mopping). DAY OF THE JACKIE: Suddenly, all comedy clubs in America are headlined by comics called “Jackie.” Sequel to “Day of the Shecky.” THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILLER: Jerry and Anne take their act from the Catskills to the Big Apple. ENTER THE DRAG QUEEN: Another Bruce battles the evil master of a sequin cartel. FLUSH GORDON: Emperor Ming controls Planet Mongo by taxing the only toilet that works; until a young plumber from Earth. . . FORBIDDEN PLANT: Leslie Nielsen, Anne Francis and Walter Pigeon discover they don’t need a rocket to visit outer space. GUNGA’S DINER: Neighborhood Indian restaurant curries favor with people who favor curries. I’M NO ANGLE: Arc joins circle of friends for discussion, but no one can come to a point. MATA HARVEY: Seven-foot invisible rabbit engages in espionage long before meeting up with Elwood P. Dowd. MEN OF SURE WEIRD FOREST: Fellows in tights and jerkins cavort in English thickets. They walk in the woods, too. SILENT RUNNY: Old man suffers post-nasal drip without comment. RETURN OF THE JED: Mountaineer Clampett resumes residence in Beverly Hills after Granny’s passing because his kinfolk, none of whom can stand him, convince him that “Californy is still the place he ought to be.” SUPERMANNY: Emanuel Kent, weakened by Kryptonite, misses the mark slightly when he publishes his “Critique of Pure Raisin.” VILLAGE OF THE DARNED: Tiny backwoods hamlet has had no new socks in generations. THE YEAR OF LEAVING DANGEROUSLY: Mel Gibson stars as a roué who always exits married lover’s boudoir through a thirteenth-story window.
I’m sure some of you can come up with more current titles to warp in the same way. Go for it!
Star Trek I: The Lotion Picture – The Enterprise delivers cosmetics and ointments to outlying planets Star Trek II: The Wrath of Han – The Millenium Falcon does battle with the Enterprise over which franchise is best Star Trek III: The Search for Spork – Kirk, in the lunchroom, desperately seeks a plastic utensil.
The Last HamOnRye; Tom Cruise plays the owner of a Deli going out of buisness
The Plastic Giant; A documentary about the search for a porn star with just the right “talent”
The Vibarator; Same movie as above, different cast, total rip off
Puce Almighty Jim Carrey plays a gay decorator with a strange obsession
Saving Ryans Privates John Bobbit plays in a movie loosely based on his own life story.
American Booty A documentary from the producers of Girls gone wild.
Pretending your Life Albert Brooks plays a man who has to convince Meryl Streep he’s in love with her.
hmmmm is it my imagination or are these getting worse?
The Green Smile Tom Hanks plays a man with Horrible dental hygiene
Forest Dump Hunters find themselves in dire straights when they are miles away from a bathroom with no toilet paper.
AmIDad Matthew McConaughey defends a runaway slave only to discover its his father.
The Last Emporers Club Strikes Back Former Chinese Rulers enlist the help of a gifted professor to create a light sabre and regain control of China. Fiction
Bennies and Joon Mary Stuart MAsterson plays a woman hooked on amphetamines. Johnny Depp plays her dealer who forces her to sell her Charlie Chaplin collection to support her habit.
The Indelibles Animated short about a family of magic markers who work at the post office and try to stop their black sheep son from ruining clothing. Schindlers Lisp Liam Neason plays a german with a speech impediment.
The Last of the Moccasins Daniel Day Lewis plays a trader who struggles with a lack of footwear. {renter}
Pulp Friction Bruce Willis kills John Travolta and Samual Jackson for giving him the wrong kind of orange juice
The Bonfire of the Panties Angry at their wives, Tom Hanks and Bruce Willis burn all their underwear.
An Incontinent Man tom Selleck gives a sensitive preformance as a man with bladder control issues. When asked “Who will enjoy this movie?” Selleck replied “Depends”
Enema of the State Gene Hackman is the White house physician and the President is constipated.
Okay, you knew there’d be more, didn’t you. Well, didn’t you?
AGING BULL: Ferdinand, now retired to pasture, cant remember what a heifer is for. ALL THIS, AND LEAVEN TOO: Israelites pool resources to buy yeast after Passover. THE AMAZING, COLOSSAL, GIGANTIC, ENORMOUS, PRETTY BIG MAN: In this sequel to a sequel to a sequel the hero finally learns to stay away from nuclear test sites. THE APART MEN: Gay thespians can’t get their act together. BALLY THE KID: Six-year-old gunslinger charges neighbor children for workouts on his jungle gym. THE BIG SHEEP: Ba-a-a-a-ad movie about sexual alternatives on an honor farm. THE BLACK SCALLION: Slovenly housekeeper leaves onion on the pantry shelf too long. BRAVES NEW WORLD: Boston baseballers move their franchise to the deep south, where all develop cholesterol problems. CHILDREN OF THE CORNY: Hee Haw’s attempt at a horror Halloween special. COMMA: Unscrupulous journalist stockpiles punctuation marks. CYBORGE: Danish comedian Victor uses bionic fingers to continue career after accident. DIRTY DANZIG: Fussy Adolph insists Sudeten Germans tidy up before he sends his troops in their spotless uniforms. ELEMER’S GANTRY: Uplifting story of Fudd’s Farm Machinery Factory and its state-of-the-art hoist.
