Best Way To Get Engaged

Factual Questions
1

Okay, there’s this girl that I love who I finally decided that I will spend the rest of my life with her. And, as you may have seen before, I’m not a big fan of the diamond business for several different reasons. This can make the expected engagement process a little difficult.

However, I concede this point: It’s a lot easier to convey to society that she is engaged using a diamond ring than with any unconventional means (i.e. other gems) that would allow me to have a free conscious of not having to associate with the devi… er, I mean DeBeers company.

That being said, I’m now in a moral quandary: How do I buy a engagement ring and not feel like I’ve been too polluted by the whole experience?

She is a girl who would put the experience ahead of the actual ring, i.e. she wouldn’t care about the size or cost of the ring as long as she got one that looks nice. One thing I can think of is a cubic zirconium, but there is the stigma of “cheapness” associated there. The other is a pawn shop, but that makes finding the right one more difficult.

Any ideas, concepts, architectural renderings would be greatly appreciated.

Skott

2

Skott,

My approach may not be suitable for everyone, but I believe the best method is to club her like a baby seal and tattoo your name across her ass while she’s unconscious.

3

that’ll be the pedal on the right. Them move the shifter…
Just kidding. :wink:
Myself, I think that a really BIG, good quality cubic zirconium has it all over a small diamond. But i’m not a woman. Some of them don’t seem to understand value. :smiley:
Remember, you need to impress her friends too. So get her to help you select the ring. Most women I’ve known appreciate that. You can also get a nice inexpensive ring with the promise to exchange it for the “real” thing at a specified later date (5th anniversary, or such).
My best advice? Go with your heart.
BTW; I’m divorced, and still single at 55. :smiley:
Good luck, and enjoy.
Peace,
mangeorge

4

I cannot be constructive, so instead I will offer these 10 ways you absolutely under no circumstances should get engaged, courtesy of Microsoft Gaming Zone

** Warning: do not read this on a full stomach **
Top 10 Creative Gaming Ways to Pop the Question

 Ahh. . . l'amore. Looking for NEW creative ways to pop the question

to your loved one? Jumping out of a plane to ask can be a little
dangerous (plus, they might not be able to hear you screaming during the
freefall) and putting a ring in a fortune cookie may require you to
perform the Heimlich Maneuver (hardly the prelude to romance). Well,
here’s 10 VERY CREATIVE and SAFE ways to pop the question that will
appeal to the heart of any true gamer.

Here goes. . .
One. In any Age of Empires game (Age, Age of Empires: Rise of Rome, Age
of Kings), let your imagination run wild with the map editor. Have the
trees spell out your question of marriage or place your military in a
heart formation. Better yet, use a bunch of berry bushes to create a
heart – the berries can pass for red roses.

Two. Hiring a plane to spell out “Will you marry me?” can be quite
pricey. May we suggest getting a plane of your own? An online plane,
that is. In Fighter Ace, have one of your buddies friendly fire you so
your plane can start smoking. Then, very quickly, pilot your plane to
create a heart with the smoke and radio in (via chat) your message.

  • (Are you disgusted yet? If not, keep reading) *

    Three. Looking for the perfect engagement ring? Come online to the
    jeweler in Asheron’s Call. With enough pyreals, you can purchase a
    mystical ring and a parchment. Inscribe the parchment with your message,
    meet your loved one online in your finest armor, get down on one knee,
    and hand him or her the parchment. Don’t forget to take a screenshot –
    it’s important to capture those memorable moments.

Four. How about taking a toy car and spray paint your message on it? You
can in Re-Volt. Select the car from the toyshop and get creative. With
your car perfectly designed, invite your beau to a game and as soon as
the game starts, race ahead so your message can be seen. See how to
customize your car.

 Five. Spell out your love! This is a little tricky, but if you get

the right letters in Scrabble, you can slowly spell out “Marry Me?” And
if you don’t have all letters at once, then take your time – you can
spell it out between turns.

Six. Go parking! There are some pretty nice views in Monster Truck
Madness. Meet online, drive out to a secluded stop, and pop the
question.

Seven. Try aerial views! Get about 20 of your closest pilot friends
together in Fighter Ace and create a heart formation. That’s a sure
attention grabber!

Eight. Have all your friends come online with their bikes and do a
wheelie salute in Motocross Madness 2.

Nine. Save $200 on that tuxedo and design your own with a Quake II skins
editor. Once you’ve got your tux, invite your loved one for some
one-on-one time.

 Ten. Sing it loud and proud! How about serenading the one you love

by including your favorite songs within the game? If you both enjoy a
good game of Age, instead of sending taunts, you can play your special
song. In any of the Age of Empires games (Age, Age of Empires: Rise of
Rome, Age of Kings), copy and save the song as a .wav file and save it
to your /Program Files/Microsoft Games/Age of Empires/avi folder. Make
sure you have your .wav file saved on both your computer and on hers.

For more creative tips on building your relationship, see MSN’s Love &
Relationships.

::barf::
Crap. I’ll never get that stain out.

5

If she’s got a favorite stone, see what you can do about getting an engagement ring with that stone. The ring doesn’t have to tell the world she’s engaged, you and she can do that, I’m sure (although many people might still figure out it’s an engagement ring, if she wears it on the proper finger).

6

Take a few weekends and go antiquing. At most good shops, they’ll have collections of old jewelery, beautiful stones with classic cuts, or if the shop doesn’t have any pieces, they’ll likely be able to refer you to a place that does. It’s a good way to get around the ridiculous prices at places like DeBeers, and you get a ring with a sense of history behind it. Can’t beat it.

7

I second Kat and Lily. If you don’t object to diamonds specifically, but just the cartel, see if you can’t buy an antique ring – some of them are beautiful. Or use a different kind of stone. Or get her a really beautiful, unique ring without a stone – I mean, the ring’s the thing, right?

I, for one, would not go with CZ. It’s just a big ol’ fake diamond. By buying it, you still sort of promote the diamond industry by having your fiancee sport a diamond, albeit a fake one. Plus, your sweetie might interpret it to mean that you don’t care enough (or you are too cheap) to spring for the real thing.

Most of the women I know (including me) would rather have small and real, or different and real, than fancy and fake. ESPECIALLY for an engagement ring, which ought to symbolize the antithesis of fakery. Just my O.

8

Damn. I was wondering what that big “Tymp” across my butt was all about. Thought I had sat in something.

Back to the OP…

I have to vote along with Kat, Lily, and Jodi. You don’t have to buy a big, stinkin’ 2 carat diamond to show your love and devotion to your girl. Find out what kind of ring style and gemstones she likes–walk by jewelry stores very slowly and see what she stops to look at. Check out antique stores, and do check out the pawn shops–but bring someone who knows jewelry with you. I think you could find a beautiful ring in an antique store–or even check out some local auctions that are selling jewelry. She seems worth the effort to get her a ring that she’ll be happy with. Stay away from the CZ. It’s just cheesy–better to have something small, real, and well-selected than to have a big, gaudy ring.

BTW–I’m one of those women that does not like the standard diamond ring–your girl may be one of those (and if she understands your position on DeBeers, as I do, she may not want a diamond whatsoever). I’ve been honest with my BF of two years–we’ve already talked about marriage, and I’ve told him that if he plans on proposing, that I’d like a silver celtic-style band with an emerald (not that I’m greedy–he did ask me what type of ring I would like). He doesn’t need to spend “two months salary” to make me happy.

9

As usual, I am the one-percenter. I have given away several diamonds and I’m out of that business. But I do know a diamond from a CZ. A CZ doesn’t flash. There are simple and complicated tests, but if you are going to get her a stone, get her a diamond. She may SAY it doesn’t matter, but it does, big time.

Antiques are nice, but she doesn’t want something someone else wore unless it is an heirloom in your family.

If you must, buy a diamond from a newspaper ad or a pawn shop and have it mounted in a mounting you choose for her. You want a diamond of VS1 or better quality. (Diamonds are graded for clarity: IF - VVS1 - VVS2 -VS1 - VS2 -S2 - S2 and down). You want a nice color but A, B and C are out of your price range. Grading goes all the way to ‘Z’. You want to purchase something in the D, E, F, G, H or I color. Diamond sizes are measured in ‘points’ with 100 points being 1 carat.

Your only other choice is to forego the engagement ring altogether and get matching wedding rings. Some women will fall for this gambit.

All of my other posts may exaggerate a bit, but this is the exact literal truth on this subject.

10

When my wife and I got engaged, we found a little custom jewelers where we designed our own rings. We both had a clue what we wanted, so it was mostly a matter of making little doodles for the guys in the store. My wife was more interested in color than cost, and got synthetic sapphires and emeralds in a white gold setting. I had a piece of lapis inserted into a large white gold weddding band.

Cost for each was about $300. Yes the synthetic doesn’t sparkle the same. If that’s important (and it often is) then estate jewelers are a good place to go.

My brother-in-laws wife had a family jewel :slight_smile: reset as her engagement ring. Do you have anything like that?

I think you are in for a long shopping time (oh no say the guys) but since you are refusing the industry method, you don’t have much choice.

11

I’d like to ring in HEARTILY on the antique ring idea.

It’s a great one. I’m biased, of course, since I have a vintage ring as my engagement ring. It happens to be diamonds and sapphires, but if you’d like to avoid gemstones altogether I’ve seens some antique filagree ones with no stones that are stop-in-your-tracks gorgeous. You can find white gold, yellow gold, platinum…

I’ve always gotten tons of compliments on my ring. So much so that when I wanted another piece of jewelry, we went back to the same dealer and I got a gorgeous amethyst filagree ring for my other hand. I may never buy new jewelry again.

I occasionally get the comment “Oh, is that a family ring?” to which I reply “Yes–someone ELSE’S family!”

12

Just don’t ask what I intend to do with this branding iron for the actual wedding ceremony.

13

My wife is like your girlfriend. I did two things. First of all I got a small ring and I designed a setting. Then I paid a jeweler to make it for $500. This made it unique and showed that I cared.

second, I had a great engagement. If you don’t want to hear about it, don’t read on.

I drew a map of our favorite park on parchment. then, on the reverse side of the map, i wrote down a bunch of clues on 6 sections of the map. THen I tore up the paper so that the clues were all on separate pieces of paper. When she got home from shopping with a friend, the first clue was taped to a bottle of wine at the house.

Each clue led her to a location in town that had special meaning. The first stop was where we met, the secod where we had our first kiss…and so on.

At each location, one of our best friends was waiting with flowers. The flowers increased in formality with each location reflecting the deepening of ou commitment.

When she had been to all six places and had all six clues, she turned them over and put them together like a puzzle revealing the map, which showed where I was waiting for her. By this time, she had 10 friend swith her who dropped her off.

I was standing in the park by a lake. I proposed. When she said yes, I pulled a string that released a bottle of champagne that I had rigged up in a tree. The bottle came swinging down and we toasted.

I got about 1,000 “get out of jail” free cards for putting so much into the engagement. SHe didn’t even look at the ring.

THey key is to a) make sure she can show off to her friends
b) make it elaborate
c) show that you care

I suggest sitting down with her closest friend and finding out what would ring her bell. I am sure she has thought of it before and probably has some definite ideas on how it should be done.

14

But I can’t help picturing this lovely, blushing young thing tripping around town from one location to the next, her sense of romance and excitement building logarithmically, until finally she arrives at the spot where she, yes she is to become the one and only Mrs. Zambezi, as she has dreamed for, golly it just seems like forever, and everything is just perfect and she’s absolutely in love and then you reach up and pull the string and a full bottle of champagne swings out of the skies like Thor’s hammer and…

Well you get the picture.

All kidding aside, cheers for your exceptionally romantic engagement, I found it inspiring.

15

thanks Stoli. ROFLOL. That would be a great skit for Benny Hill.

One thing I wanted to bring up about this comment by Skott

You will not be spending the rest of your life with her if you keep calling her a “girl.” Your future wife is a woman

16

Skott,

I’m a single guy. But my pals have been dropping like flies over the last year or so, and I have had many opportunities to discuss engagement tactics and their results.

First off, if it’s not your personality, don’t put on an elaborate show like Mr. Zambezi. I’m sure he’s like that, and it’s one of the things that made his wife fall in love with him. That’s what makes it appropriate. Plus, something like that can go horribly wrong, as I’ve previously illustrated.

It can be tempting to design your engagement with the idea of impressing your girlfriend’s friends. Do not do this. This is for her and you, and that’s it.

As Mr. Z. indicated, revisit (literally or metaphorically) the times and places that are a big part of you as a couple. Let your personality come through. In fifty years you won’t really give a hoot about the skywriter or the map or champagne or the Elvis impersonator. You will remember the look in her eyes when she says “yes”.

Of course, IANAMG(married guy), so YMMV.

17

Guys, do you know how you have a fantasy of being a famous athlete and winning the big game? Or how you can imagine what you would do if you were really rich and owned a huge company? (or any other fantasy, for that matter.)

Well, women have a similar fantasy about someone asking to marry them. Find out what it is and do it. Some women would love it to happen in front of family, some wouldn’t. Some want a zillion candles lit and a moonlight proposal. Some want a billboard. Only you and their girlfriends know. Just make suyre that it takes work and planning so that they can see how much you care.

And, yes, stoli, my engagement was exactly my style of doing things.

18

My wife (then not-yet-fiancee) indicated that she did not really like diamonds that much. She did express a fascination for smoky topaz. Her engagement ring turned out to be a smoky topaz (imagine that!) and she still gets admiring comments on it.

19

Another thing to consider:

A diamond is very solid and won’t break. I have read in another thread (I’m too lazy to look it up) a post by someone saying how the ring in their stone shattered when it struck something. I imagine a cubic zirconium is even more fragile than a topaz or a ruby.

I personally think diamonds are boring and prefer the coloured stones, so my fiancée’s engagement ring has a small diamond in the centre surrounded by an emerald, a ruby and a sapphire.

20

I just like to say thank you for the advice and replies, giving me a lot of insight into what I need to do. Frankly, I can’t confide in my friends, because they’re all too likely to give it away and I want this to be an extraordinary suprise. I’ve done that before… for her birthday, I bought this pie rack that she really wanted, assembled it in my closet without her knowing, and then had my best friend put it in her bedroom (she and I are roommates) while we were out dining. When we came home and she went up to her bedroom, she was completely shocked (and a little freaked out to find this thing in her bedroom): No idea had formed in her mind that that was what her gift was. I would like to pretty much double that experience for her.

I have a general idea of what she would like for a ring… she would like it simple and with white gold; however, I was thinking platinum. Only thing is, I would like matching wedding bands and I would like mine gold, so that makes things a little more complicated.

I actually have gone antiquing<sp> and looked at some rings. Most of them appear to be large and guady. But, being stubborn and based on your advice, I will try again. I’m not really familiar with pawn shops and therefore don’t have enough knowledge/trust to attempt that avenue yet.

There are some family rings that might have been available to me, but my relationship with my girlfriend has been severly frowned upon, for reasons I do not wish to go into here. My brother got a diamond from my father’s graduation ring when he (my brother) got engaged; I won’t even try asking, since I already know the answer.

If I did get a CZ ring, I was thinking it would only be a temporary ring until we would decided on what we wanted as our rings together. But I would really like to suprise her with what she wants and something I could match (for myself).

So, apart from diamonds and sapphires, are there any other precious/semi-precious clear gems that would foot the bill? Are synthetic diamonds a possibility?

She would probably get really mad at me if I did spend two months salary on a ring… she’d rather have a house.

One thing I should mention, I have until the end of this week to accomplish this. She’s out of town on a business trip and since we are always together, it would be nearly impossible for me to purchase her a ring in secret while she’s here.

Either way, my friend. She’s still a girl and will probably always be one in spirit (and likes to be called so), but she’s also a woman, technically, since she’s over 18. :slight_smile: