So, the time has come where I have decided to ask my girlfriend to marry me. We have been together for 3 years, living together for 2.
I have just a few questions for those who have been engaged, are engaged or already married.
1. How did you get the ring size (if it was a surprise)? “Play” with Silly Putty on her* hands? Eyeball it? Measure while she sleeps? I am stumped. She wears a ring on her middle finger - can I make an impression of that while she’s in the shower and the jewler can extrapolate?
2. About how much should I expect to pay? Is $1,000 too cheap? We don’t have a TON of money, and the cost will not make any difference to her (I could probably give her a toy ring and she would love it). I know zip point doodoo about diamonds.
Thanks for your help.
Mooch
*****[sub]I am asking her, but if you are female and asked a male or are a same sex couple - I welcome any help you can offer[/sub]
I think measuring the ring she wears on the middle finger will be a good start. It may not fit perfectly, but you can always have the jeweler resize it after you present it to her—I think surprise engagement rings that fit perfectly are more common in the movies than in real life.
As for cost, it depends on what you’re looking for. Most of your traditional engagement rings will run you more than a grand. usually, you go to a jeweler and pick out the setting you want, then pick out the diamond seperately. Diamond prices vary widely, depending on cut and clarity and size. I believe that places like Kay Jewelers have engagement rings which are already set and are less expensive, but you are compromising a bit on quality.
That said, the fact that she is not likely to give one whit about all that makes it a lot easier. If you can’t afford the ring of your dreams right now, you can always give her one that you deem ‘passable’ in the hopes of upgrading someday. I know that doesn’t sound all that romantic, but a lot of folks do it that way.
I’m all a-google thinking that some lucky woman is in for such a lovely surprise. You ARE going to post again and let us know how it went. (That’s not a question, it’s an order!)
I’d measure a ring she already owns (some catalogues that sell rings have little cardboard sizing tapes on the order form that you can use.
I’m not sure where isabelle got her info but I wear a size 10 shoe and a size 6 ring.
Monetarily? I think that X months salary thing is crap. Buy her a ring that you think she will like. Does she have a passion for a particular stone? Get a ring with that stone and smaller diamonds around it - this will make a beautiful and unique ring that may be cheaper than one huge diamond.
You know her better than anyone trust that and not the diamond industry. Also the commitment matters most! The ring is a symbol of it.
I had an engagement ring that cost way less than $1,000, and I didn’t care. Of course the diamond industry wants you to spend thousands!
Does she even care about diamonds? I have a fondness for sapphires, and requested that instead – and will again, should the situation arise. (Long story. Didn’t keep the ring.) Diamonds are nice and all, but EVERYBODY does diamonds.
I gather you don’t want to take her along to find the ring? Because I didn’t even know my ring size until we did – he’d already asked The Question – and I still had to get it sized down a second time the day after I got it. I have small fingers!
Thanks for the feedback. Honestly, I am getting the nervous butterflies just reading your replies.
I have an architect I work with who knows a jewler he always buys his stuff from (nothing shady, just a trusted friend) who told me to talk to him before I go looking. That may bring the price down a bit.
As for popping the question, I hadn’t given it much serious thought. We live a few blocks from Lake Michigan and go for walks all the time. I was thinking of doing it on the lakefront out of the blue sometime. Is the knee thing corny?
I will definitely post after I ask - hopefully it won’t be in the pit.
If you know nothing about diamonds, educate yourself a little first. You may have heard of the Four Cs - learn them well. www.shaneco.com has a good introduction, I think.
We went kind of a different route on the solitaire. I have a CZ. It’s the same size as a half-carat marquis cut diamond, and nobody ever knows the difference until/unless I tell them. One of these days, I’ll get a real one, but that wasn’t what was important at first. Now that’s very tricky ground to tread - I KNEW I was getting a CZ (couldn’t afford a diamond) and was OK with it. The jeweler didn’t charge for the CZ at all, and the setting was less than $150 dollars.
My other recommendation would be to check out www.overstock.com. They usually have a decent selection of solitaires that are reasonably priced. In the past, I have written down the particulars (cut, color, clarity, carat, etc.) and compared the price with a local jeweler’s online prices (site mentioned above). They are waaaaaaaaaay cheaper.
Good idea about another stone (I never send her cut flowers, only blooming plants) - her middle finger ring (her girlfriend’s mother made it for her) has two green stones and two white ones. She loves the green ones (emeralds?). Would others who see the ring be snarky if it wasn’t a diamond?
In case you’re wondering, I don’t want to ask her friends mother to make the ring, as I’m sure the surprise would be ruined.
Also, I want to wait a bit on the timing of the Question as my younger sister was just married, her oldest brother just got engaged and mutual friends of ours are marrying in September. Don’t want to steal thunder or anything.
The average ring size for women (according to this page and a couple of others) is between a 6-8. If your girlfriend wears her ring on her middle finger, the size will be around an 8 or larger.
(FWIW, my shoe size is an 8 1/2, and my ring size on my left ring finger is a 6.)
Unless you REALLY know her taste, I would advise popping the question first and then taking her ring shopping so she can choose.
My “engagement” ring is actually an anniversary ring – 14 small diamonds set in a channel ring, totaling 1/4 carat – rather than the typical solitaire, because that’s what I wanted. A big solitaire is just NOT ME. Some women don’t even want diamonds. I think if I were choosing a ring now I would go with something even more different.
Mr. S gave me a budget of $1,000, and my ring cost about $300. The “two months’ salary” thing was invented by the diamond industry to (surprise!) sell diamonds. I would have been extremely uncomfortable wearing a ring worth two months of his salary at that time – it would have been several thousand dollars. Eep!
Ok now that I think about it I might be wrong. Maybe it is not whatever your shoe size is your ring size is…maybe it is whatever your shoe size is your HAT size is. I read it in a forensic magazine once a long time ago.
One of the guys in the office just drove his girlfriend to the jewlers. She asked what they were doing there and he popped the question then. Then she was allowed to pick her own ring.
I do have a “diamond” solitaire, but my “wrap” (goes around the solitaire) is emeralds. They’re my birthstone, and my favorite. Everyone comments on how unique it is. Snarky comments about a wedding ring, IMHO, are the height of rudeness!
Pop The Question whenever you like! Well, not in the middle of your friends’ reception or anything - unless you can connive well enough to make sure she catches the bouquet and you get the garter.
Is she big on romance? Then do dinner and a carriage ride. Quirky? Send her on a “scavenger hunt” around town, ending up with you at your first date place. Old-fashined? Ask her parents’ permission first (some girls LOVE this). Even if you are already shacking up, sometimes it can score brownie points with the future in-laws.
Should it be in private or public? Only you know this. My friend’s fiancee knelt down in the snow outside of her car before they went into a restaurant for dinner and drinks. Private moment, but shared publicly. My hubby popped the Q rather spontaneously - but that’s what our whole relationship had been like.
Feel free to use us ans a sounding board for ideas, but be creative and do something that reflects your personality.
I used to work in a jewelery store so I’ve seen a lot of people approach this in different ways.
My advice would be if the suprise is important to you, to buy a ring that you think she would like, worry about sizing it later. Jewelry stores will usually size for free and quite quickly, it was common for us to get newly engaged couples in to size the ring. Ask how long it will take to size when you buy it. If she has small hands, a 5 or 6 is about average. Bigger hands need a 7 or 8. Most rings come into the store as a 6 or 7, so it is easiest to buy the ring as is and get is sized for her, rather than guess and then have to resize it again later.
If you don’t know what she would like, talk to family and friends to get an idea. If you’re really stumped, I would get an simple solitaire. You can make a solitaire look traditional or simple, fancy or unique by adding the wedding ring. There are wraps you can buy for a solitaire that fit around the stone that she can pick out to make it look like anything she wants.
More and more people are going for other precious stones, I would say sapphires or emeralds are the most popular after diamonds. Keep in mind some stones are softer and scratch more easily. You can also add accent stones in the wrap to offset the diamond. I have a solitaire with a wrap that has 4 sapphires around the center stone and it is a nice mix of traditional diamond and color.
Pay what you want to pay. Don’t worry about 1 month’s salary or whatever price people tell you you have to spend. A good jeweler will be able to help you pick out a nice stone for whatever price you want. You can get a nice ring for $1,000.00
Learn a little about diamonds and decide what about them is most important to you. Is it size? Gem clarity / quality? You can get a big stone with more imperfections or a smaller one of better quality. Prices vary wildly based on the quality of the stone. Compare similar sized stones of differing grades of color, clarity, etc. The jeweler will be able to tell you exactly what grade the stone is.
All this advice is good. I don’t think that price matters so much as the fact that you put some time and effort into getting a ring you think she’d really like. My ex went to the local mall and bought the first ring he saw, and although at the time I didn’t say anything, I was a bit disappointed. He put more effort into picking out the brand of dog food we fed our new puppy, and that bugged me.
