Ask her friends, and swear them to secrecy.
Dave point-blank asked me what kind of ring I liked, and I told him. I knew that he was going to ask, so I didn’t mind telling him. I love my ring.
GET THE WARRANTY. For the love of Og, get the warranty.
Not at all. The mere act of asking is plenty romantic. And I really enjoyed our ring-shopping excursions, with lunch at a nice restaurant, etc. Romance doesn’t have to be just like the movies.
Plus this way you get to have two Big Moments: when you ask and when you finally put the ring on her finger.
My husband and I had gone ring shopping just in the general, we’re-at-the-mall-anyway-why-not-take-a-look sense. I explained that I wanted a simple solitaire and a gold wedding band. Very traditional, and I wanted a fairly small stone.
When the big day finally came (and it was a surprise), he had instead opted to go with a very modern set with lots of baguette diamonds and some small, round diamonds, and one center stone.
We’ve been married for 5 years now. The ring has finally grown on me. It’s still not what I’d pick out, but I decided to see it as one of the many happy surprises he has “conjured” in our life together. And our marriage is what’s important, not the ring.
Mooch, if your lady is deserving of you, she will be most excited about your future. The ring is just “gravy.” Just think about what her taste in jewelry is and what stands out to you and you’ll do fine!
UncleBill and I had been talking about talking about (no, that’s not a typo) getting married already, so his ring shopping was not a secret, though he did approach it in a humorous way. Those “virtual models” were popular at the time, so he said, "So, your virtual model, what size, say, ring would she wear? Theoretically speaking, " or something like that. He knew my tastes, and I wasn’t afraid to tell him not to spend too much money on it. That “one/two months’ salary” thing is BS invented the diamond industry, it is in no way any kind of real guideline. My ring cost less than $1000 and it’s absolutely perfect and I love it.
If you do want it to be a surprise, the ring she wears on her middle finger will give you a size that is somewhat larger than the size of her ring finger. The people at the jeweler’s can probably help you guesstimate what size her ring finger is from that. Having the ring ahead of time is a nice touch, but really not absolutely necessary. I liked that Bill had the ring already when he proposed, though I would have been thrilled even without it.
I have to disagree. With almost everyone.
Women LOVE diamonds and therefore the ring DOES matter (even if they say it doesn’t).
The rule is two months salary. It’s a rule of thumb and can be summarily ignored.
Here’s a few more pointers.
Engagement rings (and diamonds) are not investments. This is purely an expense (probably the most worthwhile one you’ll ever see)
Buy the best diamond you can afford.
This means that get the best cut, clarity, color you can afford. $1000 can buy you a small but spectacular diamond.
Take your time and go into every jewelers you have the time and patience to visit. Don’t go to the big fancy stores and don’t go to the hole-in-the-wall. Find a jewler who seems to have steady traffic and happy faces inside.
DO NOT buy the first diamond you see. You can always go back.
Once you have found the diamond you want, ask them for their best price, say thank you and walk away. Go back in a day or two
and ask again. I guarentee it’ll go down.
Don’t tell them how much you want to spend. Rather tell them what you want.
You want a round cut diamond of between a quarter and a half carat in a solitaire (tiffany?) setting.
Of course this is all just advice. Take it for what it’s worth.
Best of luck.
Not true. Not all women are alike, so to make a statement like that is just silly. I did want a diamond, and I let my fiance-to-be know that when the time came, but I know plenty of other women who really and truly don’t like or want diamonds, and I’m sure some of them will chime in here very shortly to back that up. If a woman says she wants something other than a diamond, take her at her word. If she doesn’t say what she means and consequently doesn’t get what she wants, she has no one to blame but herself.
One way to estimate her ring size is try her current ring around your pinkie. Then go to the jeweler and say her middle finger is about the size of my pinkie halfway to the second knuckle or something like that. If your are off a little it is very easy to get it resized.
Look at her mother’s and sister’s rings that will give you an idea of what she is expecting. You can buy a good ring for less than 1000. I have seen stores that sell used rings for a good discount.
We clearly don’t know the same women.
Right then. A Pox upon me! I have sinned. I have generalized and been caught RED HANDED!
However.
Mooch did not mention anything about her not wanting a diamond. He did think alternate stones were not a bad idea.
Mooch, if you think she’d like a different type stone, something that can garner increased size nad flash for less cash, then by all means, go for it. There is plenty of lovely jewelry out there.
But when it comes to engagements most (BUT MOST DEFINITELY NOT ALL like Geobabe said ) women think it’s best if that were a diamond.
I’m just here to help. And I know you’ll all take a little satire in good humor.
Thanks
PS:
RE: Ring size
I believe the standard ring size is 6. In other words most settings are presized at 6. Sizing down easier that sizing up.
Here’s a good trick. Do you ever hold hands? Compare yours to hers. Not perfect but close.
Her family has a bit of money so I don’t think I’ll win in a one-up contest. I’m not sure she wants me to either.
You guys have been very helpful, and I find myself thinking more about a romantic proposal and buying a ring with her later. Are you sure that’s not anti-climactic? So complicated…
Mooch - Some women aren’t diamond fanatics (me, for one). I happen to love sapphires. My sister’s engagement ring is a beautiful amethyst - not the most expensive, but what she loved. When my mother remarried after my father’s death, her engagement ring was an emerald. I’d say unless you specifically know her taste in jewelry, take her shopping for the ring. Some women have petite little hands and a big ring looks silly. Some women have big hands and a small solitaire gets lost.
If you want to give her a ring, pop the question with an obviously toy ring. It’s whimsical and allows you the pleasure of giving her something (surprise her in a Cracker Jack box or something) but leaves the shopping in the future, when you can do it together. There’s a good chance you’ll need to have sized the ring you eventually find.
StG
My GF and I just yesterday were going over some rings online. She’s a big fan of LOTR so as a wedding band I made a comment that I’d love to get 2 “one rings” (22K gold, the expensive ones for $800 US each). She loved the idea and so I also started looking at wedding rings (we’re both aware our finances can’t yet handle a marriage).
I pointed out to her CZ diamonds. They’re much cheaper and just as clear and (almost) as hard as normal diamonds. I mean, if one of the ways to detect CZ is because they’re “too perfect” then I’d rather have a “too perfect” CZ than a normal diamond.
I don’t think the whole knee thing is corny BTW, I plan on doing that but in semi-private.
Something that jewelry stores around here are suggesting these days is to pick out the stone you like and put it in a plain setting. You use this to propose. Then the two of you can come in to pick out the setting she would like. This gives you the element of surprise, but lets her pick out the ring of her dreams.
The setting used for the proposal is returned and you are credited that amount towards the final setting. I think this sounds pretty cool.*
*That being said, I am a hugely sentimental type of girl. I would likely want to keep that simple setting, because that’s what he proposed with. But if truly convinced that he wanted me to choose something, I could be swayed.
When my SO and I started talking about marriage last fall, he asked if I would help pick out the ring.
I said no.
So he asked if I would give him an idea of what I liked – and I did that, np.
When he proposed to me in January, he already had the ring and it was completely perfect. Not only that, he’d found a ring I wore, and measured it, then gone online and found a conversion chart for converting measurments to ring sizes, so the ring also fit perfectly.
One last word of advice – keep your proposal short, or she won’t remember what you said. I remember every word of the three sentences he said.
And has the significant advantage of possibly BEING the ring of her dreams. Many women prefer the simple setting. A simple setting provides minimal distraction from the diamond, and it looks classy and elegant.
Mooch, I’ll just say this: SHOP AROUND. Visit many stores, and do not visit them just once. Visit them multiple times and make sure the people in the store know you’ve come in a few times, and make sure they know you’re looking elsewhere. Be clear in what you want and refuse to settle. There’s a lot of bend in them there prices, I know from experience.
I believe you, but you gotta a cite for that? I find it very interesting.
And has the significant advantage of possibly BEING the ring of her dreams. Many women prefer the simple setting. A simple setting provides minimal distraction from the diamond, and it looks classy and elegant.
Mooch, I’ll just say two things:
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SHOP AROUND. Visit many stores, and do not visit them just once. Visit them multiple times and make sure the people in the store know you’ve come in a few times, and make sure they know you’re looking elsewhere. Be clear in what you want and refuse to settle. There’s a lot of bend in them there prices, I know from experience.
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Get to know diamonds. Learn the Four C’s - Carat, Color, Clarity, and Cut. Know the ratings system for color and clarity and get used to looking at diamonds through a loupe. Knowing what you’re talking about and just using the loupe will make you look like less of a sucker, but there really is a huge difference in diamonds. A 1 carat diamond with a “N-II” rating has a lot of occlusions and a yellowish tinge, and doesn’t look anywhere near as good as a “G-VVS2” .6 carat diamond that’s really clear of color or flaws. You can also find deals this way; for instance, a diamond with just one big occlusion on the bottom of the stone may be rated low for clarity, even though it’s really just as clear as a VVS1 diamond and the occlusion cannot be seen when it’s set.
The cut matters, too; a diamond that is properly cut will sparkle beautifully, while a diamond that is not properly cut will not sparkle as much. You don’t have to look at many diamonds before you can tell the difference.
Excuse me… the term for a flaw in a diamond is INCLUSION, not occlusion.
I proposed to Mrs. Interrobang!? with a cheap ($15 or so) but nice enough ring. We went shopping for her engagement ring (and our wedding rings) together. The way our relationship works, I would’ve felt very uncomfortable trying to find an engagement ring for her – not because she would’ve disliked it, but because I like to collaborate on things with her.
The stone in her engagement ring is a chrysoberyl, which is quite lovely – the color of extra virgin olive oil. And we have matching yellow sapphires in our wedding bands, which otherwise don’t match. I don’t think she’s heard anything but compliments about either of her rings, and even I get enthused commentary on mine even five years later.
We went to a local jeweler and sketched out some ring design ideas, which he proceeded to refine and create. It was a fun experience.
Like everyone else says, though, shop around. We visited six or eight places before settling on the jeweler we used. We have no regrets.
My suggestion: take her to the jeweler’s with you.
Let her pick out the ring. She may not even want a diamond.