Don’t you hate it when you look forward to something really awesome that you just can’t miss it and you wait really long time for it to come and once this really awesome event that you can’t miss comes around, you find out you can’t attend it and you just want to scream??
Well.
That’s what happened to me. Last year, while I was watching the Much Music Video Awards, I told myself, ‘Okay, I’m going next year.’ So, I sat through the entire fucking year, twiddling my thumbs and watching Much Music whenever I could just because I like Much Music and I really wanted to attend their video awards show in June. FINALLY, June fucking comes around and after the studio announces the date for this year’s show, I ask my mother if I can go. She says, fuck, no because it’s downtown Toronto and it ends at midnight. Then she says, “Well, why do you want to go?” Well because it’s fun and there are going to be lots of celebrities I’d like to see there. “Well can’t you have fun some other way?” WELL, MOM, WHY DO YOU THINK I WANT TO GO THIS BADLY IF THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE LIKE THIS GOING ON?!?! Jeez, Mom, I’m a teen! I want to have fun and this sort of thing doesn’t happen everyday! IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?
Now, I am majorly pissed and swearing like a drunk man with loose lips. I was fucking pissed off that I punched my bed post and split the skin on my knuckle. Now, it hurts when I type, but I need to purge my anger.
FUCK THIS UPSIDE DOWN WITH A DOG AND A BROOMSTICK UP THE ASS! :mad:
It’s the raging teenage hormones. You must excuse me.
Speaking as somebody with two teenagers at home, on the list of things you worry about kids with raging hormones getting into, this is pretty low on the list. That kinda sucks. Any chance you could get 3-4 other girls interested in going, on the off chance that your mom feels there is safety in numbers?
I’m now a middle-aged woman and one of the things I regret about my youth is that I didn’t sneak out of the house or do whatever it took to go see the Beatles or something really cool like that.
On a rational note though, maybe you can work this out with your mom. Find out exactly what her objections are and how they can be overcome (go with friends, be accompanied by an adult, etc). Let Mom know that this is very important to you and that you are willing to work it out in an adult manner – this means no whining, sulking, or tantrums from you. You’re going to have to be on your very best behavior to show you’re responsible enough to be allowed to go.
Why didn’t you ask her about this last year so you’d have time to win her over? Parents don’t like having to make a decision on the spot like this (I’m assuming the show is in June also, giving her less than a month to decide). Breaking her furniture and swearing in her house sure won’t help your case.
As a 20 year old girl, I have to repeat this advice. My hometown is a medium sized town about two hours from Dallas, TX. Anytime I wanted to go to a concert in downtown Dallas, I would go with my best friend and her older brother. Downtown Dallas is a somewhat dangerous place at night, and while my mom would still worry about me a lot, she felt a lot better having a guy with me that she could trust.
So I would suggest you go to your mom and respectfully and calmly ask her is she would let you go if you went with a few friends, including a guy or two that she trusts, like someone’s brother or cousin. If she says no, than just comfort yourself that soon enough you won’t be a teenager, and your mom can express her disapproval over activities, but she can’t do anything to stop you.
This is very good advice. Your mom was willing to discuss it with you - asking you why you wanted to go, etc. (apparently your mom is so old that she forgets why she wanted to do stuff as a teenager, but I digress ). It sounds like she is worried about your safety mostly. She also doesn’t sound completely unreasonable.
How old are you, by the way? You might actually be too young to go this year - it might be that you do have to wait until next year, or the year after. They’re not going anywhere - you’ll see them some day. Patience, young padawan.
By the way, is there any more worthless thing a parent can say than this? Even if she’s making the right decision here - it’s hard to say from here since I don’t know how old dare_devil007_ is, how is this comment going to help? Is she expecting to hear, “Gee, mom, you’re right! I’ll invite some friends over and we’ll play Yahtzee! It’ll be even better than going to the awards show!” There was nothing more infuriating to me when I was that age than that obnoxious faux-sympathy. Listen, bitch, don’t offer me your sympathy as though this was some bad situation that just happened to me. This is the result of you being unreasonable, and if you were actually capable of empathy towards another human being, you would be behaving a lot differently right now.
Well, you see, I DID ask all of my friends if any of them would like to come with me, but of course, their parents don’t want them to stay out so late in downtown Toronto. And I also did tell my mom last year that I’d like to go this year. And no, I am not going to sneak out because my parents will notice and I don’t want to piss my mother off even more. She also just told me that we’re having some sort of family dinner on the day anyways. If I did go, she’d probably be very mad and throw my computer out or something completely irrational like that.
Excalibre, yes, that’s what I was thinking too when she said that to me.
Since none of my friends can go with me, my two best friends and I decided that we’re going to go after grade twelve because it’ll be like our thing together before we go off to university. Yeah. But, still, I can’t help feel very disappointed. Oh, well…maybe I can comfort myself by telling myself that the celebrity guest list isn’t very interesting. I’m not lying, it isn’t very interesting…really, it’s not.
I’m sorry she’s being so unreasonable, dare_devil007_. From what I’ve seen of it, downtown Toronto isn’t all that dangerous late at night anyway. I wandered through it in a small group at 16 - the city seemed pretty safe, anyway.
I’m going to be playing devil’s advocate here, and hopefully give you some insight concerning what a parent is thinking.
It’s hard to tell from your post, but I’m guessing you are under 15, and it’s likely your friends are also the same age. What’s been happening over the last 2-3 years is that you’ve been cataloguing in your mind all the ways in which you are mature. Unfortunately, it’s likely your mother has been cataloguing all the ways in which you are immature. I noticed I was doing that with my step-daughter. Rather than stop, I told her that she needs to point out and keep track of the times when she shows maturity and good judgment, and I will point out the times when she doesn’t.
I’ll also agree with continuity eror. First reaction is probably a “no”. Given a little time, though, I might be able to be convinced to take a night out myself, so that you have an escort to the party, from the party, and a nearby emergency outlet.
I’m going to strongly disagree with laina_f. That would be an extraordinarily big mark on the immature side.
Lastly, travelling in groups is indeed safer. I recently disappointed my daughter when she asked to walk to the library. She thought that since she had walked there before with friends, it was the same as walking alone. We talked about safety in numbers, and how that even when out with a group I worried but didn’t deny.
A good parent will recognize you are growing up, and will give you more and more independence as you age and prove that you can handle it. It will probably never be enough for you (the ‘you’ being a collective you encompassing tweens and teens). There is a reason for that. As best as I can tell (my sample size being small and localized), many young teens have poor risk assessment judgment, and it’s a lot better to let you learn by wading into the shallow end than jumping into the deep.
All that said, some parents are also paranoid and/or controlling nimrods who automatically dismiss any request or argument from their children. It’s hopeless when dealing with such a parent and the only viable choice is moving out at your first opportunity.
Actually, judging by the birthdate in the userinfo, dare_devil007_ is 15 1/2.
dare_devil, this is precisely what older siblings are good for. If somebody has an older brother or sister who’s generally considered to be responsible and can be bribed to go with, your chances will probably be greatly increased. Though since the family dinner’s happening that night, you still may not get there.
You may also want to try getting a yes by any means possible, then bargaining the restrictions down to something tolerable.
You: “Can I go if I’ll be accompanied by twelve nuns and leave after the first ten minutes?”
Your mom: “Ok, sure, that sounds fine.”
(later)
You: “Some of the nuns can’t make it. Is five nuns still ok?”
Your mom: “I guess so.”
(later)
You: “Sister Mary Michael might be getting an award in the first hour. Can we stay until then?”
Your mom: “Of course!”
… you get the idea.
Note: you might want to be slightly more realistic with your restrictions. Maybe. Your choice, though.
You’ve made a couple of good choices here. The decision not to go against your mom’s wishes is shows not only maturity, but discretion. Same with the idea of going with your friends after high school. As a mom of teenagers I second the idea of talking to your mom and giving her good chances to see you being mature. Maybe now is a good time to discuss this and see what it will take to change things for another time. Ask her what she needs you to do to show her you’re ready for more freedom. And ask her to try to notice when you do the right things. Unless she’s a totally unreasonable person, just talking to her rationally about this will help show her that you mean to be an adult and that maybe you’re getting there a little faster than she realizes. Give it a chance. Good luck.
15 and 1/2? Okay, that pretty much means you need an older chaperone to go. The older brother or sister of friends route sounds good, if that’s at all possible.
Would your mom even accept older Dopers as chaperones? These are pretty much strangers (no offense, of course) - I don’t know that that would make her feel any better.
Unfortunately, it won’t. Sigh. That’s why my mom wants me to go with my friends because she knows them.
Anyways, I have a family reunion/dinner thingiemajig on the day of and I’ll feel really bad if I don’t go. I think I’m just going to wait till twelfth grade. Sigh. I can’t help, but feel a bit disappointed, though.
I think I’ll do something “fun” like watch “Revenge of the Sith” again or something. Thanks everyone for all your help and suggestions.
I’d just like to say that in this thread alone, not to mention others, you’ve shown a lot of maturity and common sense. It is, however, difficult for parents to see their children’s good points sometimes.
). It sounds like she is worried about your safety mostly. She also doesn’t sound completely unreasonable.
