Parents suck.

The BBQ Pit
1

Wee…my very first Pit thread.

Okay, picture it, my best friend, Liz, and I havn’t seen each other in three years. THREE YEARS. Whenever we’ve made plans, something came up, either she had no functioning vehicle to make the 5 hour trip, or I had no functioning vehicle, or she had to work, or whatever.

Okay, so, a few weeks ago, she and I make plans to go to this thing in Detroit. Finally, we can both get time off at the same time, and we’re actually going to get together. I would drive down to her place in southern Iowa, since I was the one who was able to get Wednesday off, then we’d leave for Detroit on Thursday. I don’t currently have a reliable car, but it was all good, because I was planning on buying one last weekend.

Well, last weekend rolls around, and dear old dad convinces me not to buy this car, to buy a different, cheaper one. I agree, because I’m not in a stage in my life where I can afford to be saddled with a huge car payment. So, tonight, I call home to see if he had checked out the car. He had, turns out, it’s not reliable enough for me to use on a long trip, or so he says.

So, since he was the one who convinced me not to buy the other car, I figure he would let me use his. Nope. He doesn’t approve of me going to Detroit, because it’s a “bad town.” Ah, the truth comes out. So, I look into bus tickets. There’s nothing that coordinates with our schedule, which isn’t flexible enough for us to work around the bus schedule.

Flying or renting a car isn’t feasible with my budget. My parents would rather I take my chances with the horrid old minivan that I’m driving now (which I doubt would make it as far as Des Moines) than lend me one of their cars.

So, it would appear that yet another chance for me to get together with Liz has been ripped away from me, just because Detroit is a “bad town.” rolls eyes I’m 22 years old, I can take care of myself, even in the big, bad town of Detroit.

Would anyone from Minnesota happen to be going to the Juggulo Gathering in Detroit? grumble

2

…Do you have much experience with big cities?

They’re not horrible necessarily but you need to keep your wits (or street sense) about you. Chances are you’d be fine but your dad isn’t showing misplaced concern. There are plenty of horror stories of young women heading to the big city to never return. Chances are excellent you’d have NO problems whatsoever but you need to cut your dad some slack as well. I imagine I’d be concerned as well and Detroit IS one of the toughest (or meanest) cities in the US.

If you do end up making the trip wave as you pass by Chicago (or give me the finger depending on what you think of this post)!

3

What in the hell are you doing living at home? If you are 22 you should be out and on your own, not sulking about your parents house.

Experience the world, be self reliant, make the plunge!!

4

Well, no, I’ve never actually been in a REALLY large city, other than Minneapolis/St. Paul, without my parents. But, I was going with 5 other people and staying at a decent hotel in a decent part of town, and we weren’t going anywhere except this Juggulo Gathering, which is sort of a convention-thing for Insane Clown Posse fans. (I’m not really a fan, but it would have been fun anyway) There’s going to be BUTTLOADS of security there, and we’re sensible people. Well, I am, Liz is kind of a nutcase. This could have something to do with my father’s reluctance to lend me his car.

My father has about as much experience as I do with big cities, though, probably less. He’s just paranoid, because he doesn’t understand that there’s going to be plenty of security there, and that I’m intelligent enough not to get myself into a situation where I will be in danger.

5

You might go to the Detroit Newspapers archives and see the coverage of the techno music bash they had–I think this took place over Memorial Day weekend. It was huge, right down in Hart Plaza, tons of people jamming in a huge outdoor rave and nothing happened. Perhaps this would help reassure your Dad that Detroit is not the raging morass of crime and danger he thinks it is.

Alternatively, if you guys really want to get together, venue ought not to matter. Sure you want to attend this conference, but if that’s out of the question, why trash your plans to meet each other, too? Ask you dad what he DOES think is a safe destination where you can take his car. And go there.

6

Archer> Hehe…I’m not living at home. I’m just not in a situation financially where I can afford a decent car on my own just yet. (That’s a long, sordid story. Credit problems, student loans, all sorts of fun stuff.)

Nope, I ended my “sulking about my parents’ house” stage about a year ago, thank god.

7

Where in Detroit was this supposed to take place? Metropolitan Detroit is a lot different than Detroit city.

8

It’s actually in Novi, which I think is a suburb of Detroit.

9

Don’t take this the wrong way. Five young girls who think Minneapolis is a “REALLY large city?” Shit, I’d mug you. Listen to your dad.

10

Novi is a distant suburb of Detroit. You can go from Iowa to Novi and back without coming within 30 miles of Detroit. It is actually a mixture of upscale subdivisions and not-yet-paved-over farms. It is not Detroit. If you’re from Minneapolis/St. Paul, think of Woodbury or Maple Grove. (I doubt that this information will move your dad (considering you’re aiming for a convention of Insane Clown Posse freaks :wink: ), but you really are not going “to” Detroit by any stretch of imagination.

11

** Mishell, ** sure parents (Ha, I’m one, so I know!) muck, but so do kids, and anyone else from time to time.

Your dad loves you and he only has ONE of you, so he’d rather not lose what he has. It must be frustrating to have to work around the limitations that you’ve described and that you miss your friend. But, this isn’t about ‘trusting you not to get into dangerous situations’. It’s about a parent’s worst fear, losing their child AND being far enough away not to be able to do a doggone thing about that.

  • Thanks for the giggle Manny, it’s kinda tough to picture you as a mugger though! *
12

Oh boo-fucking-hoo.

I understand that you miss your friend. That sucks that you can’t see her.
But blaming the fact on everyone and everything other than yourself is just plain stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you’re stupid-I don’t even know you. I’m just saying that the act of not taking responisbility for one’s own happiness is stupid.

I am sure that there are several factors influencing your situation, like you might be in school. If this is the case, and mom and dad are footing the bill, then you still have to listen to what they say. So if that’s the case, it’s understandable that you might feel a little under their thumb.
College students have long been plagued with poverty. And they have found ways around this. Trips are taken by posting that you want a ride to and from Cityname City. You split gas costs and sometimes driving, and it makes the trip cheaper for both parties. Still a little dangerous, but it can be done.

Even so, I still think that blaming your parents for your unhappiness show a little lack of thought. It might be uncool of them to forbid you to use one of their cars to take the trip, but saying that “…yet another chance for me to get together with Liz has been ripped away from me, just because Detroit is a ‘bad town’.” is just plain whiny.
It’s not your parent’s responsibility to get you around so you can see your friends. It is their responsibility to look after you and your well-being. If they think a trip to the big bad city of Detroit is unsafe, then they should not contribute to you going. I didn’t notice anywhere that they forbade you to go, only that they don’t want to contribute to something they feel is unsafe and/or unwise.
The other side of that coin is that they should be able to acknowledge that you are 22 years old and that you are going to go no matter what, and that the best they can do to look out for you is take measures to ensure your safety, e.g. a reliable vehicle to travel in.

In any case, the fact remains that you are 22 years old. You should be master of your own destiny. You should acknowledge by now that no one is going to take care or you and that you do have to take care of yourself.
Puling about how you can’t see your friend and it’s all due to the actions (or lack thereof) of others and/or circumstances beyond your control is just plain immature.

A lot of people need to take some responsibility for their own happiness. You (I don’t mean you personally, I mean “you” in general.) aren’t going to get anywhere until you realize that if you don’t do it yourself, no one’s going to do it for you.

That being said, I must know:
What’s your excuse? You’re 22 years old, fer cryin’ out loud! You’re an adult! You’re still depending on mommy and daddy to provide shit for you? What the hell is the deal with that? Are you some kind of backward person who is going to still be living at home when you are 35? You should know that you should be out of the nest, off momma’s tit, let loose from the apron strings by now.
What the hell is going on? Grow up, already, damn!

I don’t want to overreact, so like I said before, you may have circumstances that justify your continued dependancy on the old folks, such as being in school. If such is the case, I am sorry, and your dependancy on your folks is cool. But other than that, I can’t think of an excuse for your apparent lack of self reliance.

13

I understand that at this point our dear Mishell should realize that she has to make her own way through life. Truth is that mom and pops aren’t required to help her do things they dissaprrove of…
but some of you all actually claimed her parents might have a point because she might not “have that much experrience with large cities”?!?! To play the raving feminist, would you say that if Mishell was a man (I very highly doubt it)? Are women not allowed to travel? What about all those women that live in Detroit? Are they all gonna die?
Don’t let anyone ever make you scared to travel (or use fear to prevent you from travel).

14

I don’t know how it is BFIowa or wherever you’re from, but flying on one of the smaller regional airlines may be more cost effective, especially if gas is as expensive in the midwest as I have heard. Fly into Detroit and have your freind meet you there and take in a Tigers game.

And never let anyone tell you what car to buy. You always end up resenting them.

15

sven, I don’t think a single person has pointed out that her gender has anything to do with it in this thread at all.

If I was a parent and I thought Detroit was a “bad city”, I wouldn’t let either a son OR daughter go. Now, if they’re over 21, and still in my house I might tell them to be careful, and explain my reservations about them going, but I wouldn’t bar them from going altogether. As a parent I wouldn’t contribute to my child doing something that was against my wishes(like borrow my car), but as an adult I couldn’t MAKE them conform, unless house rules were such that they must(AKA-the “Under my roof” theory).

I agree(as per ususal), with Lex. It’s your life, make of it what you will, just don’t blame people for something that isn’t their fault.

-Sam

P.S.–Hey Lex…The two angry-guys advice column, coming right up! :smiley:

16

Then do it. Take care of yourself. Arrange your car purchase without asking your father’s advice. Make your travel arrangements on your own.

Russell

17

I used to live in Novi (don’t hit me). The worst thing that could happen to a young woman traveling in Novi is that she might choke on the Chanel #5 fumes or wither and die over driving the wrong kind of car.

Novi sucks rancid goat cock, but it’s incredibly harmless because no one lives there but upper middle class WASPs.

18

I cannot stress enough what Ham said. My Mother-in-law, a nervous driver who never goes into Detroit on her own, cheerfully drives her mercedes into Novi from Bloomfield Hills any old time she needs to go to Twelve Oaks, which is the largest shopping mall in the Detroit area (or was until recently). Novi is not Detroit. Oakland County has one of the highest percentages of millionaires in the United States–or some such statistic, I may not have it exactly right but it’s something just like that.

For all that, this may be a battle lost. It’s still a very long way to go, and I’d be hesitant to let anyone take my car that distance, especially with an unpredictable friend along.

Consider Amtrak? The Chicago-Detroit run is one I’ve taken many times. Unarmed, even!

19

Your parents should be extra concerned for you. 5 young women (I’m assuming) from Minnesota driving to Detroit for an Insane Clown Posse FaygoFest.

They are wondering, What the fuck are you thinking!?

20

I’ve been thinking about this today. I’m not sure I especially feel sympathy for you - at the age of 22 you should be able to pick out a car for yourself, you know.

OTOH, you’re in the situation you’re in and you need to get to a circus (hehehe…clown posse. get it? huh? huh? get it?).

Casually mention to your mother about that story you heard on 60/60 or Dateline Live a while back about the young woman who was raped and murdered after her crappy car stalled out in the middle of nowhere. Then tell Ma that, no matter WHAT they say, you’re driving your crappy car into big bad dark and evil Detroit.

Maybe they won’t change their mind, but it’s worth a shot, right?