When I read that, it hit right at home. My last relationship ended in January, and I haven’t had sex since, so it’s now over ten months. And I’m perfectly content and happy.
The strange thing is, I’ve always had a high sex drive. When I’ve been in relationships I wanted it every day, several times if possible. The last time I was single, I was crawling on the walls within a month. This time, it’s just not an issue. On occasion I’ll think “hey, right now some sex would be kinda cosy” and then forget about it. That’s it.
It’s not like I couldn’t get it either. I’m bisexual, decent-looking and fresh meat in the gay community, so it’d take me about ten minutes in a gay club to get all the sex I wanted.
If someone came on to me, I’d take what was offered, but I’m just not going to use any of my energy getting it. I won’t go even an inch out of my way. I’m really baffled by my own attitude. So’s the ex; she recently asked me if I wasn’t really frustrated. I just said no. I’m not.
Does anyone recognize anything of themselves in the above, or am I a lone nut? How many of you find me completely insane?
Eating is a basic human pleasure, but I don’t stuff my face constantly.
Sleeping is a basic human pleasure, but I don’t sleep 24 hours a day.
Sex is a basic human pleasure, but that doesn’t mean a person is screwing, or wanting to screw, 24/7.
Most people have interests beyond just eating, sleeping, and screwing. Presumably you do as well, and a good portion of your time, energy, and interest is going to those other ends.
Also, if you can, indeed, easily get sex any time you want to then perhaps this takes away some of urgency in the matter. It’s there for when you want it, you don’t have to stop everything to take advantage of a rare opportunity.
So, no, I don’t think you’re particularly strange or abnormal - there are probably more folks out there who go through extended celibate periods than we hear about in our sex-soaked mainstream culture.
Sometimes you just need to recharge. I was celibate for my last year in the army before getting married. The choice was celibacy or having to lie to my wife for the rest of whenever. It wasn’t that hard, especially since I was exhausted all the time from army life.
Your post was one of the saner things I’ve read this week.
Wimps! Going on seven years over here. And yeah, while I like sex (as in “I like to breathe”), I made some bad decisions that got me into my last long-term relationship and led to the Breakup from Hell. So, I made the decision that sex was not going to be the deciding factor in my happiness. Do I miss it? Hell, yes. Would I like some more? Uh, yeah. Am I going to run right out and have sex for sex’s sake? No.
But, man, let me tell you about my knitting habit. Sublimation’s got to be good for something, right?
When I was young, I made bad choices in partners. My first husband lied and cheated. So did most of the men I dated after him. I made the choices. They were who they were. My fault.
So, I consciously chose to stop dating. I realized I needed to find the lovable things inside me, before I could hope to beloved by someone else.
It took 9 years. I learned to be comfortable with myself. I became a whole person, rather than a broken piece looking for another broken piece to make one whole.
The first man I went out with after my hyatis, I am married to. We’ve now been together for 10 years, married for 5. We are best friends. We need each other, but we are also whole each unto ourselves.
I was a virgin until 29. I would have done it before, but all the guys who asked refused to wear condoms until I said “oh, ok, then sorry but no” and of course then I didn’t want to any more, even if the condom had been full-body.
Been dry for something like 5 years. I masturbate pretty often, if that counts :dubious: but I also did that when I was a virgin.
Would I like to have some sex? Yes, if it’s good sex.
Am I desperate for it? Evidently not.
Oh, and in my limited experience, it really is in his kiss: the good kissers I’ve done it with were good in bed, the lousy kissers were also lousy in bed. For the sake of scientific accuracy, please note that my idea of “lousy” is likely to be someone else’s idea of “great”, specially for anything linked to pleasure. I don’t like curry, but millions of people do - same with some of the sex I’ve had.
Going without sex is no biggie, been almost a year, which is the longest I’ve gone since I was 16. I think I just got sick of all of the other crap involved. Getting some is easy, dealing with the aftermath isn’t. Its either she won’t stop calling you, or you like her and shes crazy, or even worse someone who is just looking for a one nighter, that makes me feel skeezy and nasty.
Do I miss it, sure do, is it tops on my agenda, far from it. I’ve got too much other stuff to do. I guess I’m a bit gun shy, having dealt with too many nut jobs, crazys, and steak knifes found under her pillow, in my bed.
I haven’t had sex since Memorial Day weekend. Would I like to again? Yes, yes I would, very much. But I just don’t have time or want to take the effort to go find someone. Oh well, when it’ll happen when it happens.
Being married and being in the Army, I’ve had periods of celibacy, sometimes for over a year. I don’t like to, but I can get by without sex. I masturbate more frequently than I get sex when I am home with my wife. I fantasize a lot. I also check out how attractive I am to women without doing anything physical, just to keep my sanity.
If the conditions allow it, I also drink a lot more. That is my sublimation.
I have a high sex drive, and I often say that if I was married, I’d have sex every day, and twice on Sundays. Right now I’m in a period of celibacy that has lasted about 7 months, and before that for over a year. I do miss it sometimes, but I’ve found that it’s the first few weeks that are difficult, after that it gets much easier. I’m not gorgeous, but I could easily go into a bar on a Saturday night and hook up if that’s what I wanted to do. Right now I’m not willing to deal with the consequences of those actions, so I don’t do it. I’m not unhappy about it, but when I do finally find my next boyfriend, he better be well-rested and ready to go. And go. And go.
I had a 16-year period of celibacy that ended when I got married at 39. Now I’m having another period of celibacy because we are terrified of having children. And despite the countless other things about my wife that I absolutely love, she has put on a lot of weight since we got married, and, oh crap, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but I don’t find her sexually attractive anymore. And she doesn’t seem interested in sex anymore, either. This is related to the previous thread on whether you’d rather have loveless sex or sexless love. I’ll take the latter. We have a great relationship. We don’t fight. We don’t have drama. And we don’t have sex. It’s not so terrible that we’re going to break up over it. I think we could find somebody else to have sex with if we wanted, but I dare to say that we would be hard-pressed to find someone else with whom we are so compatible in every other way. That was why we got married in the first place. I went without it before. I’m doing it again. No big deal.
39 fucking years. Excuse me, 39 *non-*fucking years. Beat that.
I already own cardigan vests, bow ties, and several fountain pens, and wear my hair in a monastic tonsure. I’m considering entering a graduate program in library science and making it official.
