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  #1  
Old 11-28-2005, 02:39 PM
Batsinma Belfry Batsinma Belfry is offline
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"It's colder than _________."

The sayings I've heard most often are...

"Colder than a well digger's ass." That makes sense, but do they have the coldest asses of all occupations?

"Colder than a witch's tittie."
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  #2  
Old 11-28-2005, 02:45 PM
The Great Sun Jester The Great Sun Jester is offline
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"Colder than a witch's tit,
Colder than a bucket of penguin shit,
Colder than a hair on a polar bear's ass
Colder than the frost on a champagne glass"
--Thomas Pynchon, from Gravity's Rainbow

Regarding witches, I 'd heard: Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra.
  #3  
Old 11-28-2005, 02:47 PM
yellowval yellowval is offline
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I've always heard it as "Colder than a witch's titty on a brass broomstick." Why she'd put her tit on a brass broomstick, I've no idea.
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Old 11-28-2005, 02:48 PM
Man With a Cat Man With a Cat is offline
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Penguin shit?

Penguin shit?

That Pynchon, I always thought he was flying in his own special orbit. Now I know.
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Old 11-28-2005, 02:50 PM
Telperien Telperien is offline
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The saying I think we should start may not be appropriate for this forum, as it is a tad vulgar. In addition, on the occasions I've said it in front of other people (twice), it loses a lot of its punch, since I had to repeat myself both times.
  #6  
Old 11-28-2005, 02:51 PM
PapSett PapSett is offline
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My Grandpa used to say it's colder than belly-blue hell. Now... I don't know just how cold belly-blue hell is , but I like the way it sounds . Makes me feel a connection with Grandpa, too . So that is my personal favorite.
  #7  
Old 11-28-2005, 02:52 PM
FordPrefect FordPrefect is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowval
I've always heard it as "Colder than a witch's titty on a brass broomstick." Why she'd put her tit on a brass broomstick, I've no idea.
Cause they're dirty, at least the hot, female witches are.. at least I hope they are. I mean really, what would be the point of being that into nature with perky nipples if you aren't dirty?

What do you mean by, "Personal Choice" and "Stop objectifying me asshole!"?
  #8  
Old 11-28-2005, 02:53 PM
drewbert drewbert is offline
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My dad often goes for the aliteration: "colder than a Tibetan tin toilet top".
  #9  
Old 11-28-2005, 02:56 PM
betenoir betenoir is offline
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I've always liked "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey ".

I think the witch's tit is a reference to...you know, the witch's tit the Inquisitors looked for. Where their devil's familars suckled. I guess that's pretty cold.


(And can I say I've always wanted to see Gravity's Rainbow filmed. But only as a musical. Have a banana.)
  #10  
Old 11-28-2005, 03:03 PM
cowgirl cowgirl is offline
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I once worked with a guy who constantly played a really annoying hip-hop CD by a guy who kept proclaiming he was

"Cooler than a polar bear's toenails ..."

(I'm fairly certain it was the same guy who said "If you like fish and grits and all that pimp sh!t, everybody let me hear you say Oh, yah, yer!" So it's either that I was hearing it wrong, or this guy was more messed up than it seemed.)

In fact, I think it was Wu-tang. Anyone know: are they cooler than a polar bear's toenails?
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Old 11-28-2005, 03:09 PM
The Great Sun Jester The Great Sun Jester is offline
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Colder than a ... really ... cold ... uh ... thing.
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Old 11-28-2005, 03:16 PM
5que 5que is offline
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.... brass toliet seat

.... witch's tit in a brass bra

Brass seems to be a common theme, here.
  #13  
Old 11-28-2005, 03:33 PM
Ogre Ogre is offline
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[Tom Waits]Colder'n a ticket-taker's smile at the Ivar Theater on a Saturday night.[/Tom Waits]
  #14  
Old 11-28-2005, 03:36 PM
furthur furthur is offline
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Polite version: Colder than a witch's other elbow.

Mrs. Furthur
  #15  
Old 11-28-2005, 03:52 PM
Zebra Zebra is offline
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It's so cold outside my nipples could cut glass.
  #16  
Old 11-28-2005, 04:06 PM
movingfinger movingfinger is offline
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Colder than a mother-in-law's kiss

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table

Colder than moonlight on a tombstone.
  #17  
Old 11-28-2005, 04:11 PM
Ponder Stibbons Ponder Stibbons is offline
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Colder than the dark side of an Oort Cloud Object.
  #18  
Old 11-28-2005, 04:26 PM
Nava Nava is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PapSett
My Grandpa used to say it's colder than belly-blue hell. Now... I don't know just how cold belly-blue hell is , but I like the way it sounds . Makes me feel a connection with Grandpa, too . So that is my personal favorite.
Any place cold enough to make your belly blue, specially if you're actually dressed, sounds pretty cold.

At home we're boring, we just say "colder than the south pole in winter" or "colder than the heart of a secretary of the treasury". Half my relatives have worked for the treasury at some point, so we are allowed to make fun of treasury types - they're "our" guys.
  #19  
Old 11-28-2005, 04:28 PM
Ogre Ogre is offline
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Quote:
Colder than moonlight on a tombstone.
Alert! I'm making this one My Very Own. Thanks.
  #20  
Old 11-28-2005, 04:40 PM
Sternvogel Sternvogel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by betenoir
I think the witch's tit is a reference to...you know, the witch's tit the Inquisitors looked for. Where their devil's familars suckled. I guess that's pretty cold.
This message from The Phrase Finder's discussion forum expands on that theory.
  #21  
Old 11-28-2005, 04:51 PM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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Colder than...

My heart.
  #22  
Old 11-28-2005, 05:17 PM
Ghanima Ghanima is offline
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One time I was in Nevada at this casino, and started talking to the guy next to me. He was what I could describe as a senior citizen, and he was a local. Having little common ground, our talk soon turned to the weather. He briskly said that lately it had been "colder than a widow's...*pause as he realizes he's talking to a young lady*...ankle." I had to laugh.
  #23  
Old 11-28-2005, 05:19 PM
danceswithcats danceswithcats is offline
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The thread entitled Witch Boobies had some lively discussion on this topic.

Still haven't found a cute female well digger for further research, though.
  #24  
Old 11-28-2005, 06:17 PM
Madd Maxx Madd Maxx is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cowgirl
I once worked with a guy who constantly played a really annoying hip-hop CD by a guy who kept proclaiming he was

"Cooler than a polar bear's toenails ..."

(I'm fairly certain it was the same guy who said "If you like fish and grits and all that pimp sh!t, everybody let me hear you say Oh, yah, yer!" So it's either that I was hearing it wrong, or this guy was more messed up than it seemed.)

In fact, I think it was Wu-tang. Anyone know: are they cooler than a polar bear's toenails?
I knew exactly who you were talking about, without reading the chorus! That is/was OutKast (Andre 3000 in particular) in the song "ATLiens." The fish & grits part is the chorus, and the polar bears toenails is just aline in the song. There is another line in "So Fresh N' So Clean" that goes "cooler than Freddy Jackson sippin' a milkshake in a snowstorm." Great band, and two good songs. Wu-Tang clan, where'd that come from?
  #25  
Old 11-28-2005, 10:07 PM
asterion asterion is offline
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It's colder than a mixture of acetone and dry ice (and that's pretty damn cold. Of course, no one ever gets it.)
  #26  
Old 11-28-2005, 10:16 PM
Kythereia Kythereia is offline
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It's colder than your girlfriend Sandra when you call her Julie.

(Cribbed, I believe, from a beer commercial. Where else are you going to find modern-day wisdom?)
  #27  
Old 11-28-2005, 10:20 PM
Rhubarb Rhubarb is offline
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I've always heard "colder than a polar bear's pajamas.", but what I usually say is "Colder than penguin snot."

I also like...
"Colder than a tax-collector's heart" (apologies to any tax-collectors on the Dope)
and
"Colder than an Eskimo's outhouse."
  #28  
Old 11-28-2005, 11:21 PM
Spatial Rift 47 Spatial Rift 47 is offline
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"And hoo BOY was it cold."

"How cold was it?"

"It was so cold, I DIED."
  #29  
Old 11-28-2005, 11:26 PM
brossa brossa is offline
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[Tom Waits again] Colder than a gut-shot bitch wolf dog with nine sucking pups dragging a No. 4 trap up a hill in the dead of a winter in a snowstorm with a mouthful of porcupine quills. [/Tom Waits again]
  #30  
Old 11-28-2005, 11:29 PM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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It was so cold...

HOW COLD WAS IT?

I'll tell you how cold it was. it was so cold I saw a dog urinate on a fence, and he was stuck there 'til Spring!
  #31  
Old 11-28-2005, 11:38 PM
Ogre Ogre is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brossa
[Tom Waits again] Colder than a gut-shot bitch wolf dog with nine sucking pups dragging a No. 4 trap up a hill in the dead of a winter in a snowstorm with a mouthful of porcupine quills. [/Tom Waits again]
S'cold out there!
  #32  
Old 11-28-2005, 11:38 PM
CynicalGabe CynicalGabe is offline
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Mine are combinations of what other have mentioned.



Colder than a witch's titty in brass bra.

Colder than a brass toilet on the shady side of an iceberg.
  #33  
Old 11-28-2005, 11:40 PM
CynicalGabe CynicalGabe is offline
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I just clicked the link to the "Witch Boobies" thread, and realized I repeated my post.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynicalGabe
Strange that not even the master realized that the correct phrase is:

"Colder than a witch's titty in a brass bra"


in similar fashion to:

"Colder than a brass toilet on the shady side of an iceberg"
  #34  
Old 11-29-2005, 02:23 AM
The Great Sun Jester The Great Sun Jester is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brossa
[Tom Waits again] Colder than a gut-shot bitch wolf dog with nine sucking pups dragging a No. 4 trap up a hill in the dead of a winter in a snowstorm with a mouthful of porcupine quills. [/Tom Waits again]
[hijack] Is that the piece that starts out, "Dawn cracked hard like a bull whip and the sky turned the color of Pepto Bismol"?[/hijack]
  #35  
Old 11-29-2005, 03:09 AM
John_Stamos'_Left_Ear John_Stamos'_Left_Ear is offline
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Colder than a preacher's dick.
  #36  
Old 11-29-2005, 04:10 AM
Manduck Manduck is offline
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Colder than a nun's cunt.

I like that one because it's so offensive. I've never used it in front of other people, though.
  #37  
Old 11-29-2005, 04:52 AM
John_Stamos'_Left_Ear John_Stamos'_Left_Ear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Manduck
I've never used it in front of other people, though.
Wait a second! I'm a people!
  #38  
Old 11-29-2005, 08:28 AM
betenoir betenoir is offline
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How could I have forgotten:


"It's so cold the dogs are sticking to the sidewalks."

Thorton Wilder
  #39  
Old 11-29-2005, 09:11 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by John_Stamos'_Left_Ear
Wait a second! I'm a people!
Soylent Green is John_Stamos'_Left_Ear!
  #40  
Old 11-29-2005, 09:17 AM
The Great Sun Jester The Great Sun Jester is offline
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Very nice.
  #41  
Old 11-29-2005, 09:20 AM
Chanteuse Chanteuse is offline
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A little ditty my dad used to say:

"Spring has sprung,
And fall has fell.
Winter is here
And it's colder than usual."

It always got a laugh out of us--and when we were really young, we liked saying it at school just to see the look on the other kids faces when they thought a "bad word" was about to be said!
  #42  
Old 11-29-2005, 09:20 AM
Beware of Doug Beware of Doug is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inigo Montoya
"Colder than (the nipple on–BoD) a witch's tit,
Colder than a bucket of penguin shit,
Colder than a hair on a polar bear's ass
Colder than the frost on a champagne glass"
--Thomas Pynchon, from Gravity's Rainbow
I learned this precious little quatrain from the paperback copy of GR lying around the house in the mid '70s. I would jump from one foot to the other in my orange snowsuit, singing a simple tune to it and clapping my hands on the backbeats. Unfortunately, I got quite the chawing out after I taught it to two school chums during recess.

Does anyone else find the last line a little anticlimactic?
  #43  
Old 11-29-2005, 09:21 AM
Harmonious Discord Harmonious Discord is offline
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They found poor Bill froze to death, arms out stretched and legs spread wide. They built them a fire to thaw poor Bill, but two weeks past and they had to saw. They sawed and they sawed and they boxed him up in a crate 4 by two. They shipped him home to bury him.
  #44  
Old 11-29-2005, 10:32 AM
Johnny L.A. Johnny L.A. is offline
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You know, I remember one time when it was hot. It was so hot...

A farmer, of low mental capacity, was walking next to a field of corn. It was so hot that the corn started popping and flying into the air. Seeing the falling popped corn, the farmer thought it was snowing. He lay down and froze to death!

Now that's hot.
  #45  
Old 11-29-2005, 10:39 AM
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Well, my Mr. always says it....

"It's colder than well digger's sack."

No, I'm not sure which sack he might be refering to.
  #46  
Old 11-29-2005, 10:57 AM
AskNott AskNott is offline
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It was so cold, the cusswords froze in mid-air and clattered to the ground. We had to gather them up and take them to the campfire to find out what the other fella had called us.

It was so cold, I had to back up while peeing, lest I get stuck.

It was so cold, they had to start the Bionic Woman with jumper cables.
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  #47  
Old 11-29-2005, 11:11 AM
Nature's Call Nature's Call is offline
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My favourite is still, "It's as cold as hell" which, I guess technically speaking, it is.

The witch tit immediately reminded me of the MST3K episode where hero goes of camera with the witch-like villain. Crow (I think) says, "Hey, that IS cold!"
  #48  
Old 11-29-2005, 11:18 AM
ElvisL1ves ElvisL1ves is online now
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It's colder than a landlord's heart.

It's so cold, down on the street corner I saw a politician with his hands in his OWN pockets. I saw 2 dogs with cables trying to jump-start a rabbit.
  #49  
Old 11-29-2005, 11:33 AM
Trunk Trunk is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Manduck
Colder than a nun's cunt.

I like that one because it's so offensive. I've never used it in front of other people, though.
I've heard "tighter than a nun's cunt" but not colder than.

One to add: Cold enough to fuck a polar bear.

Alt: Cold enough to fuck a penguin.

Eh, let's make one up: colder'n a penguin popsicle.
  #50  
Old 11-29-2005, 03:40 PM
Jake Jake is offline
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Haven't heard this on yet: "Colder than a whore's heart."
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