Recently, my sex life has hit a bit of a slump, as occasionally, in married life, it tends to do. Nothing major, we still find time to do the deed, but with the Christmas season upon us, my husband overseeing the year end inventory at his job, me running around finishing off a million “last minute” gifts, along with my regular errands, and my insomnia rearing its extra, extra ugly head, both of our libidos have taken a minor hit. I just had my birth control prescription changed, as well, and so my hormones have been clawing up the mountain, then plummeting down the other side with nary a care and certainly no parachute. Sex has been put, though still simmering, on the back burner for a while.
So, last week, as I’m shopping around for my husband’s gifts on Amazon, I stumbled across a rather… ahem… “adult” section of their online market. This is easy to stumble across when your search query is “massagers”. I took note of it, put my husband’s new lumbar pillow in my shopping cart, then, out of curiousity, decided to see just what they had to offer.
Turns out, Amazon allows other auctioners to use the site to sell their wares. Interesting stuff.
As I browse, wondering if I could find a little something to jazz up the old sex life, I noticed some merchants hawking pheromones. “Heh,” thought I. “Love potion #9, eh?”
Now, I’ve read about these things. I’ve read a lot. It all seems pretty hokey to me, but a lot of people have some good things to say about them. “Bah,” thought I. “Merchandising, is all.”
Then I spot a little bottle of the stuff. $13. “Ha,” thought I. “Boar pheromones!”
But I find myself curious. I read the few reviews, and ponder on this for a while. I’ve read the Great Debates on pheromones here on the Dope, and I am torn. Then I decide what the hell - I throw it into my cart. I refuse to spend the extravagent prices that most merchants sell their pheromones for - many want $80-300 for this junk! Not being one to throw a lot of money into snake oil, I am however, one to throw a little bit of money at snake oil. I’m curious. I must try things out for myself. I’m not going to spend the price of gallbladder removal on experiments, but $13? Pennies. I would have spent that $13 on frosty pink hair dye, anyway. Why not try to spice up the sex life, instead?
It arrived yesterday.
I eagerly tore the box apart and opened the bottle. It smelled really nice. It was advertised as a perfume, after all. So, at least my $13 wasn’t a total waste, this stuff smelled good. Kind of citrusy. I dabbed a little on my wrist. Mmm. It just smells like a really nice massage oil. A little strong, but not overwhelming. A little goes a long way, in other words.
I wait. I don’t feel any hornier. However, I did get the kind that is supposed to attract men. I only want it for my man, to bring out the beast within… so I have to wait until he gets home. It sure does smell nice. I take a nap. No interesting dreams.
My husband gets home and I greet him at the door, giving him a great, big hug, making sure he gets a good whiff of the stuff. He is his usually cheerful self, as he always is after getting home from work. He mentions that I smell nice, then hands me his lunchbox so he can take off his shoes. I go to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
While I put the casserole I’ve prepared in the oven, I walk by my husband several times, sitting at his computer. Now, a little something about my husband: he’s a sweet man, and he tells me he loves me often, and if I wear a nice outfit or get a nice haircut he tells me I’m pretty, but he doesn’t compliment my looks every single day - I don’t expect him to, and as he himself says, it’s not that he doesn’t think it or mean it, just because he doesn’t say it all the time. I mean, I don’t tell him he’s gorgeous every single day, either. We know how we feel. We say it sometimes, but not often.
He always calls me pretty, or adorable. Sometimes cute.
Last night, however, on one of my passes as he sits at his computer, my husband did something out of character: he got up (tore himself away from his computer! gasp!), swept me into his arms quite suddenly, and told me I was beautiful. Not “pretty”, not “adorable”, which are his usual compliments - beautiful. Whoa. What? And then he said it again, and again, and again. Throughout the night, he would glance over at me, and just suddenly tell me I was the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.
deep blush But it’s not me, it’s the pheromones! 
Anyway, in the end, there was no extra sex last night. There was the regularly scheduled nookie, cuddling at 11. It was good, as usual, but nothing new. I’m not complaining, just reporting.
So these cheapy little pheromones seem to do… something. Maybe. It’s too hard to say. Maybe, subconciously, I was feeling more confident because of the old snake oil, and my husband noticed and liked it. Maybe my husband felt long overdue to tell his wife she’s beautiful and he had a purge. Maybe the light was hitting me just right, and I really was beautiful to him, so much so that he felt the need to tell me, over and over again. It was really out of character for him. He’s usually, even with me, pretty shy about just blurting compliments out. He couldn’t tell me enough last night.
Maybe I’ll wear it out today, and see if regular people are friendlier. It’s supposed to make even women feel… “comfortable” around the wearer, supposedly. It does smell awfully nice, so I could easily get compliments from people who are naturally very friendly. I, myself, don’t feel any more confident. I will see if I’m still very shy around people today.
I will continue experimenting. It’s kind of neat. Anyone else try this kind of thing out before? Good things, bad things, sheer coincidence things? Any interesting facts to contribute to this?
For $13, I didn’t expect much. But something seems… curious. I’m going to explore* this * rabbit hole a little more.
