Addiction, Consider yourself Pitted

The BBQ Pit
1

Screw you addiction. For taking my absolute, infallable trust for my husband away. For taking away:Restful nights, Knowing my husband was in your clutches as I gave birth to our first child, being comfortable with my husband having cash or access to cash or spare time. For making him surrender all that was sacred to him, his wife, his child, his Grandparents mountain house, our home, his truck, my love.

For him looking me in the eye for a year and lying. For making me feel bad about running the air conditioner through the Florida summer while I was pregnant because it made our power bill too high, when really, it was so he could spend more money on drugs, for making me feel guilty I wasn’t making enough money to pay our bills, when he was borrowing money from everyone we knew IN OUR CHILDS NAME to fuel his addiction. Because not one damn dime, not one damn time went to buying groceries for me while I was breastfeeding our child. For putting our child at risk for being taken away from ME because of his addiction. For me having to admit to everyone including my overly judgemental mother that my husband was an addict and I was too damn tired from working too damned hard for too damned long while pregnant. For making me feel guilty for every dime I spent because I thought I wasn’t doing enough to take care of us but I was.

For it being easy enough to hide that I didn’t know, so it could continue longer. I wasn’t clueless or stupid, I was supporting my husband and my unborn child and I was tired, and I depended on my husband, which I had been able to do for 11 years, but wasn’t able to do for the last year, when I needed him the most.

Fuck you addiction, for making me so sad when I waited so long to have a child, and to have one with you. Fuck you for making me afraid to ever have another one, fuck you for possibly taking my childs chance to have a sibling away from her. Fuck you for making me ask others, including my Grandmother for help, which I have never done in my life. Fuck you, for making me sit in dark parking lots with my newborn child, hoping and praying to any god that would listen to please, help my husband get the help he needs from Narcotics Anonymous to come back to us. Fuck you for every detox facility in 5 counties to turn him away and fuck you for him having no other place to dry out than at home with a 1 month old baby. Fuck you for making him lie to me.

You may have had him for a year and taken $30k from us, but I will fight you until my death to keep my husband and the father of my child away from you. You may have taken away her college fund, but I am giving it back to her. I hope you enjoyed him while you had him, but he is mine. He prefers my company to yours, and I will help him in any way I can to keep him from you.

I drug test him randomly. He attends meetings and has 60 days clean. You may have slid him out of my grasp, but my eyes are open, I know the cost and now, so does he.

He knows he’s one of the luckiest fuckers in the planet because he still has us, still has a home and isn’t dead, dying, in jail or still using. You will have a hell of a time, but we are ready for a fight. You didn’t warn him what his child would do to him, how she would smile at him, enjoy playing with him. You had him fooled. You told him I would leave him and his only choice was to stay with you and keep lying. You didn’t know that I said for better or worse, richer, poorer, in sickness and in health, and I damn well meant it. I didn’t expect all three at once, but screw you, I can take it. I can keep taking it, and I can take more. It’s going to take a lot more than you to destroy us.

You can’t have him, he belongs to her now.
You aren’t that fucking cute, you lie, you steal, you destroy.
Get the hell out of our lives and stay out.

2

That was beautiful. Auntbeast, kudo’s to you.

3

Wow. Just wow.

You are one hell of a person. Best of luck to all of you in this and everything else that life has for you.

4

That’s a great way to personify addiction but why not just Pit your husband? Ultimately he’s the one who bears responsibility for putting you through all those hard times and he’s the one who was lying to you. If addiction should overcome him again will you be just as forgiving and take him back no matter how destructive he is?

Marc

5

That was moving. But, having dated an addict once, it Is like its another person, a person he’s having an affair with, who has power over him. But I don’t advocate keeping him around if it happens again. Sometimes the best thing to do is leave them.

6

I hope your daughter’s hold over your husband stays stronger than the lure of drugs. Addiction can be beat. 60 days becomes 90, then 120… . There are former addicts on this board who have stayed clean for years. It can be done, and I am glad your husband has chosen to do it.

That said, I am sorry that you will never be able to trust your husband again, but you won’t. You know the signs now, and must watch like a hawk for any and all of them. It is evident that you love your husband very much. I hope, for you and your daughter, that he stays clean. Because if he doesn’t you can’t let him take you, and her, down with him.

7

I was just talking with my son yesterday about his friend’s little brother who is so far gone to heroin that they found him on someone’s lawn, and he didn’t even know his own name. He’s been battling various addictions for 10 years, and he’s only 23! The toll it’s taking on everyone around him is heartbreaking.

That said, it CAN be beaten into oblivion. There are lots of people on these boards, and millions out there in the world, who have been in as bad, or worse shape, than your husband. It happens every day. Good luck to you and your family.

8

What the fuck is wrong with you?

9

Oh, if it happens again. I’m sorry. I read too quickly and missed that qualifier. I thought you were telling the OP ‘That’s great, now leave him’. :smack:

10

May I please suggest a family support group for you, too, Auntbeast? It can really help you cope with your husband’s addiction, whether it’s active or not, and learn how to take care of yourself and your child. And you really need to be able to grasp at a gut level that if your husband does go back to his addiction, it’s not your fault.

And as someone who’s been sober for a long time and knows how tough alcohol and drug addiction can be to deal with, I really hope it works out for you guys. Just remember: You can’t keep him clean, no matter how much you want to. Ultimately, he has to want it enough to do it for himself. But your support can be truly invaluable; he’s lucky to have you!

11

I’m probably going to be late for work, but I just can’t resisting posting to this thread.

This is one of the most incredible rants I’ve ever witnessed on the SDMB.

I feel so compelled to help pull for you.

May I suggest therefore that you might considering moving away to another town or city? All it takes is that stinking thinking to set in when driving by the dealer’s locale, “just one hit, I can handle it, because if I continue its going to fuck up my family’s lives never my my own”. A serious quiter could use the time it takes to find out where he could score to settle down. Just my opinion of course and there are no guarantees. Also, it an oportunity to make lifestyle changes with new and more amenable friends which I guarantee is very important !

In any case good luck !

12

I was going to say that, but my guess is it’s a lost cause… :rolleyes:

13

Some addicts fall off the wagon numerous times before they learn to live without their substance. I don’t think it’s necessarily grounds for terminating the relationship. In fact, “slips” (how I hate that term) should be expected. At least, that’s how the _________ Anonymous groups usually lay it out. Not that they’re the last word by any means, but it appears that’s who our OP is looking to for help.

14

Well, I would tend to encourage people like the OP to evaluate the best response based on the circumstances, in the case of a problem, but it’s at least not monstrous to suggest that a significant slip is grounds for divorce.

15

Agreed.

16

Plus, it sounds like she’s got a plan, and it’s one that can work.

Good for you, AuntBeast.

17

you can’t beat addiction for someone else. i know because i have had my own battle with addiction. nobody got me out of it, i beat it myself with my own free will.

that being said, i understand the op. some of my friends are still junkies. although i know i can’t make them quit, and i am kind of at the point where i don’t know what to do, i will never give up.

18

There’s a big difference between being supportive and encouraging of people in recovery and thinking that you can bring about their recovery. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that if someone ain’t ready, they ain’t. And no amount of threatening, rewarding, promising, hoping, praying, pushing, etc. will make them do it.

That’s why I suggested a family support group – Nar-Anon, if possible, and if not, Al-Anon. Auntbeast can learn exactly what she can and can’t control, how to have a plan B and a plan C, how to deal with problems/good stuff/issues as they come up, etc. Just learning that sometimes the best way to support someone is to let them fall is a valuable lesson that can be learned from those who’ve been in her shoes already.

19

Start a new thread with cites, then.

20

You’re the one who needs 'em…not me. Look it up.