I have a friend who, over the past couple years, has gotten himself into hard drug use. When he couldn’t find coke, he got crack. When he couldn’t find oxycontin, he got heroin. He talks about spending all day thinking about getting some more oxy. He avoids alcohol and meth (so far, AFAIK) but with that aside, he doesn’t seem to discriminate between drugs.
Now, it’s hard to say whether he’d qualify under the consequence-based definition of addiction; as far as I know he hasn’t lost any jobs or relationships because of it, although he was arrested once for smoking pot in a parking lot. But his other friends and I are concerned, although I seem to be the only one who doesn’t enable his habits. I think it’s clear that he’s got a problem, and he admits as much sometimes, he just doesn’t appear motivated to get help.
Recently his family in Chicago learned about this situation, and they offered to have him move out there, live with them, and teach him a trade (electrician). He thinks this will solve his problems; he hates the town we live in because “everyone in Spokane does heroin”. (I have not managed to convince him there’s a difference between “everyone in town” and “a couple dozen people you know”.)
Learning a trade for free does sound like a great idea for someone who’s been in the same entry-level job for about a decade. But I think that while there’s some sense in getting away from the network of people who sell him drugs and do them with him, that’s really just hiding the problem. The minute he meets someone in Chicago who offers to hook him up, or the minute he comes back here to visit, I don’t see how he’s going to avoid falling back into it.
He asked me for advice but didn’t like what he heard. What do you think?
I’m not reading that you have any other ideas for getting him out of his situation. Absent that, why not have him try Chicago and a supportive family environment? Can’t hurt, might help.
I missed the edit window and I wanted to add the following:
A change of scenery and a potential job maybe helpful and it certainly won’t hurt. However IME, people who want to do drugs end up with others who do them or can hook them up.
I do smoke pot and I have moved around several times in my life and I have always ended up hooking up with other smokers. It has not been a problem for me - I have never shirked any responsibility because of pot, but then again, heroin isn’t weed. Pot may have a psycological addiction, but that is worlds away from a physical addiction.
Well, my suggestion would be to first try a group like Narcotics Anonymous where there are people familiar with overcoming addiction, instead of just ignoring it and hoping it goes away.
For some reason, he has a habit of generalizing about the whole city based on the behavior of his circle of friends, not as an off-hand remark but seriously not recognizing that of course his friends are going to have the same interests and go through the same fads. “Nobody listens to electronic music anymore”, “everyone is doing heroin”, etc. But I really doubt it’s harder to find drugs in Chicago than Spokane.
I am sure it is easier to find drugs in a larger city, but you can’t discount the effect that family can have in getting someone to change their behaviour. Of course, he has to be open to the idea of a change in lifestyle.
BTW, I grew up in Calgary and we got our American TV out of Spokane. Spokane alway struck me as a city stuck in the 1950’s or 1960’s.
Hopefully the family is realistic about how badly it can suck having a drug addict in the house. Not just in the sense of stuff being stolen but also knowing that it might take a couple of go-rounds with detox and dealing with all the lies and bullshit and drama.
Also, I don’t know about the being an electrician thing. Their call.
I’m thinking about how I pulled up stakes on my pot and hallucinogen stoked spinning-my-wheels lifestyle in Colorado, moved back east and stayed with family and essentially never touched the stuff again. But that’s nothing compared to narcotics, so the comparison is largely moot. Like others have said, though, change of scenery and a loving family can be a good thing. A good woman, even better.
Agree that change of place can help overcoming addiction problems. I’ts easier to ‘begin again’ with a new place, new people to meet.
OTOH, I strongly suggest NA (Narcotics Anonymous) along with the new venue. It’s one thing to be ‘dry’ or sober; it’s quite another thing to kick the habit. Drug addiction is a thing which springs up from the soul of a person. That person could move across the country or even to another planet, yet the part of the soul which makes the person take drugs is still there. Until your friend confronts that part of him/her self, the potential is there to abuse drugs again.
It’s not going to get better if he moves. If he wants to find drugs in Chicago, he will find them. Family is helpful, but the sense of dislocation is pretty strong. Unless they keep him indoors all the time, at some point he will find drugs if he is determined.
It’s impossible to make someone get help if they don’t want it. However, there’s a great rehab in your town. Maybe you should call these people for advice. They will give you the 12-step party line, of course. But they might give you a wider perspective.
ETA: To me it sounds very indicative of addiction that he’s switching up to harder drugs when his others aren’t available. And if he’s doing heroin, I would think he’s shooting up, unless the powdered heroin is now available in Spokane. Of course, IANAD nor am I an addiction specialist. Addiction is a very complicated thing; a behavior that might be ok for one person is a red flag for another.
A friend of the family used drugs for a number of years, went through rehab a couple of times, and was told that a change of scenery would be helpful in staying off the drugs and forming new habits. So the last time he went to rehab, he was then sent to a half-way house half-way across the country. His wife followed him six months later (without the rehab part, or the halfway house part, although I think she had used drugs for a while).
By the time I met him, he’d been clean for more than a decade. And agrees that moving away from the place with the bad habits, the friends who did drugs, and the easy drug access was instrumental, not in getting off drugs so much as staying off drugs.
On the other hand, the person described in the OP is not in the same situation. And it’s intuitively obvious to me, who knows absolutely nothing about drugs or drug users, so take my opinion with a grain of salt, that a round of rehab, couseling, therapy, or something would be a very good idea, coupled with a move to a new location, new job training etc. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s more addicted-to the behavior if not to a particular drug–than he realizes.
Geographic Changes never work with addiction. Addiction crossed all geography, and family love. Speaking from personal experience, addiction of any kind sees no boundaries.
Here is a site that offers a lot of help and is very comprehensive. The unfortunate truth is the young man in question needs to admit he’s got a problem, and get over his own will to enter a program. Please look around the cite provided, and get some help…Pass on the info to the family.
It’s a dangerous remedy to change location, and should never be used as a sole means for help. It sounds like your friend was solid in his sobriety, and would have done fine anywhere. I’ve never heard a rehab person say changing geography would help. But I have heard then say …don’t just change your playmates, change your play ground as well…
I am an addiction specialist and the one I impress upon my clients is the cliche: Where ever you go, there you are. I’m guessing that some of the suggestions you offered were to go to treatment or get into NA. Those are great options. Unfortunately, he may not be ready for the committment to change. In a very general sense, people with addictions 1st enter treatment with the intent to “use or drink” like “normal” people, if/when that doesn’t work the 2nd time they enter treatment the belief is that just abstaining from substances will do the trick, if/when that doesn’t work the 3rd time they enter treatment they realize that it is the person who has to change. He sounds like he is comtemplating change and had mixed feelings about it. This is a normal part of the change process. At least he is moving in the right direction. The best advice I can offer you as his friend is to educate him about addiction and help him to recognize the negative consequences of his use. This could something as simple as talking to him about what he expects to happen when he uses versus what actually happens. This won’t change his behavior, that is “fix” the addiction, but it might be enough to get him motivated for treatment.
Do you find people with lower “bottoms” tend to be more willing to enter a program with gusto? Or do you find varying trends with people havng different bottom’s entering treament? I often tell people I sponsor, I needed every drink before I got help. Do you find this to be accurate?
I’ve never been addicted to anything, but I have definitely been in bad places before. I spent six years in a bad town with bad hobbies, bad friends, and bad work. One day my mom called me and told me “You gotta move out of there.”, so I did. Just like that- after years of nothing- I found decent work and started getting a life. Yes, I was ready for a change. But if I had stayed there, I think old friends and old habits would have won out for at least a few more years.
Running away doesn’t solve any problems, but it does get you away from bad people and bad circumstances (which find a way to haunt you even if you do try to ignore them). Of course, you can find new bad people and circumstances, but at least you have there is that chance that you’ll find something better.
It differs from person to person. Some people have come in because of poor health and want to stop others get a DUI and it changes their lives forever. I tell my client’s “Some people need a tap on the shoulder and others need a brick to the head”
It can be difficult or impossible to change your social circle, even in a relatively large town. And if “everyone” around him is using/selling drugs, your friend is going to find it difficult or impossible to stay clean.
A close relative of mine had a similar experience. After several weeks of inpatient rehab, she was deemed ready to live at home, go back to school (she was in high school), and continue with outpatient therapy/support groups. School was difficult because she kept encountering her old friends (who were still using/selling drugs) there. It was a small enough school that there was literally no way to avoid them. Ultimately she quit school and got her GED so she didn’t have deal with those people. Putting some distance between herself and them made it easier to concentrate on staying clean. Twenty years later she’s still clean.
If the only people your friend knows in Spokane are his drug-using buddies, a change of location may help him establish relationships with people who don’t want to help him use drugs. It depends on how serious he is about getting/staying clean and what other support he has. It sounds like he has good family support waiting for him. Is he willing to work with other resources, such as a counselor and NA, who can provide support specific to his drug problem?
It is possible that his family want him close - not because they believe it will solve the problem (though they hope it will) but because they want him close to evaluate the problem.
My sister is an alcoholic. She lives halfway across the country. Because of her distance from the family, she has no accountability to the family - we only have the information she tells us which we stopped trusting some time ago.
Now, we know we can’t “fix” her - but not being close to her allows her to lie to the people most likely to be honest with her - and therefore lie to herself. (On the plus side, it makes it much more difficult to enable her).
(Side rant - after a year of saying “I’m not an alcoholic” - a year out of rehab where they told her she wasn’t an alcoholic - merely “co-dependant” she spent three days drunk and nearly lost her new job. So, figuring she wasn’t getting another chance, she goes to an AA meeting - where she is told she isn’t an alcoholic. See, my sister can have a glass of wine and stop. So, not an alcoholic. The problem is if she has three or four - its a binge for weeks and has lost her jobs, given her blackouts, and has her calling her family at 3am blaming us for a lousy childhood (that doesn’t match the reality) - that’s an alcoholic. If someone with a “drinking problem” chooses to self identify as an alcoholic - hey, embrace it, don’t tell them they are wrong and need to get worse before they can take on the label - this isn’t some sort of “my addiction problem is worse than yours” contest.)
As others have said, unless he wants to get clean moving won’t help. However, if he wants to get clean and have a shot at a decent career, moving would be very good. It’s much harder to get clean with your drug-using (and selling) friends around.