Your vehicle is hereby revolked!

kidchameleon · #1 01-20-2006, 11:22 PM

Okay, it's snowing in Chicagoland. Wow, shocking. It's been known to happen in the winter, even January. Sure, we've had a really mild winter, but it's been less than 12 months since we got 6" dropped on us. Normally I avoid driving around in this mess, but I had to return home from work and then pop out for one of my clostest friend's 30th birthday.

So, yeah, I had to put up with a lot of crappy driving. People forget how to drive in the winter wonderland despite the fact that it happens every single winter. But whatever, I've gotten pretty used to it. After all this driving around I'm almost home. I just have to get off the tollway, which goes under the 'surface' street and curls up to merge with it. Then it's a few major streets to home. Well, on the off ramp, traffic comes to a stop. Hmmm, I think, this shouldn't be. Traffic out here is relatively light and looking up at the surface street we're merging onto there isn't enough traffic to back us up this far. So I creep forward until I get under the road and I can see the entirety of the clover leaf all the way to the merge to the surface street.

Now mind you, I'm driving a 2002 Pontiac Grand Am. The 4 cylinder one, not exactly the most powerful winter vehicle out there. But how often does one really drive in crappy conditions around here? The streets get cleaned up by the next day.

Well, back to the exit. I look across the half-circle to see a vehicle has lost control and is perpendicular to the road, preventing anyone from passing. It's trying to back up to get back onto the road but isn't doing very well. And it's a SUV. On go the reverse lights, it moves a bit, off they go, it moves a bit. Still not doing much of anything. Finally the guy in back of him gets out of his sedan and directs the SUV driver how to extricate him from his position. You sir, Mr. SUV driver, are hereby revolked of your vehicle. Go get something you can figure out how to drive. If you can't keep traction with a SUV the same place that people with subcompacts can you don't deserve such a vehicle.

Ahhhh, traffic starts moving. Even the Rav 4 in front of me. Presumably the lady driving it has watched the little drama. Well, when we get to the place that the SUV lost it, she decides to go 'high' on the incline. This supposedly off road automobile starts getting squirrely. Surely she can slap it into 4WD or move down to where all the sedans are getting by just fine, right? Wrong. Wobbiling back and forth across the lane. You, ma'am, have had your Rav 4 revolked. Go get a Audi station wagon. They have AWD. First thing in the morning.

Well now, I finally make it to my parking lot, squeezing by an Expedition that apparently needs to use the middle of the street to get around. My parking space is halfway into the parking lot. Just 15 seconds from home, right?

Noooooooo. There's some guy, presumably a neighbor of mine, trying to park his pick up. I guess, it's tough to tell. He's backing into a space and is getting about half way in. Then he pulls back forward, his back wheels spinning and spinning with just the barest of traction. Back and forth, I can't get by. Well, I might when he's backed in, but he doesn't wait long enough before putting it into drive to make me feel safe enough to try and get by him and keep my car intact. So I wait and after a few minutes he finally pulls the truck out and heads the same way I am. Alright, whatever. Horay! I reach my spot and park my car. I don't need to drive it back and forth, I just pull in and shut it off. Then I get out and start to walk back to my place. Oh wait, Mr. Pickup is back, trying to park in one of the parallel spots across from my place. I wait as he repeats the same dance as earlier. Only I don't have a heater and my roof has been replaced by my parka. I'd walk by, but I'm even less resiliant to dents than my Grand Am. Finally he gives up on the parallel spot, aparently unable to get into the spot behind the Altima occupying the other parallel spot. You, Mr, Neighbor man, have hereby had your truck revolked. Go get a Cooper Mini. Then you'll be able to parallel park. You obviously don't deserve a pick up.

lissener · #2 01-20-2006, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kidchameleon

You, ma'am, have had your Rav 4 revolked

I don't think turning it back into a Volkswagen (I assume that's what "revolked" means) is gonna do anybody any good. Unless, is it like after midnight, and your fairy godmother turned a VW bug into a Rav 4 just for the duration of the Ball? Well OK then, that makes sense. Revolk away.

Monty · #3 01-21-2006, 01:24 AM

I think you mean the driver is relieved of his vehicle.

fushj00mang · #4 01-21-2006, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monty

I think you mean the driver is relieved of his vehicle.

Watching some ice bound idiots drive makes me want to relieve myself on their vehicle.

Derleth · #5 01-21-2006, 07:49 AM

I thought 're-volked' was some Socialist German thing, returning the property to the People.

OK, my German is pretty crappy.

JeffB · #6 01-21-2006, 07:59 AM

"Revolked, K-I-L-L-L-E-D, revolked!"

kidchameleon · #7 01-21-2006, 08:01 AM

The author is hereby revoked of his right to write pittings late at night.

EddyTeddyFreddy · #8 01-21-2006, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kidchameleon

The author is hereby revoked of his right to write pittings late at night.

Oh, well, that's all right then. I was afraid this was a jolk thread.

fluiddruid · #9 01-21-2006, 09:04 AM

It snowed here, and my employees were starting to freak out. Jesus, it's Iowa. A half inch of snow should not make you leave early. It was a little slick but it's not like that doesn't happen about a hundred times in a standard Iowa winter; it's just been mild this year.

Contrapuntal · #10 01-21-2006, 10:53 AM

Request permission to print this rant and wave it in the faces of all the Yankees who move down South and piss and moan about how we "don't know how to drive in the snow." Which we get maybe once a year, severely limiting our practice opportunities.

KSO · #11 01-21-2006, 11:07 AM

Permission granted. I'm in Connecticut and the way these people act when snow is predicted, never mind falling, is shameful.

Neurotik · #12 01-21-2006, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EddyTeddyFreddy

Oh, well, that's all right then. I was afraid this was a jolk thread.

You will be revolked for that one.

The Flying Dutchman · #13 01-21-2006, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kidchameleon

The author is hereby revoked of his right to write pittings late at night.

I'm a pretty good speller, won quite a few spelling bees as a kid but I was 34 years old when my employer, after receiving a report I wrote, informed me that the word "environment" was not spelled "envirement", which I had used several times throughout the report. Upon confirmation with the dictionary, I was extremely embarassed.

EddyTeddyFreddy · #14 01-21-2006, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neurotik

You will be revolked for that one.

[Riley]

What a revolking development this is!

[/Riley]

MsRobyn · #15 01-21-2006, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kidchameleon

Ahhhh, traffic starts moving. Even the Rav 4 in front of me. Presumably the lady driving it has watched the little drama. Well, when we get to the place that the SUV lost it, she decides to go 'high' on the incline. This supposedly off road automobile starts getting squirrely. Surely she can slap it into 4WD or move down to where all the sedans are getting by just fine, right? Wrong. Wobbiling back and forth across the lane. You, ma'am, have had your Rav 4 revolked. Go get a Audi station wagon. They have AWD. First thing in the morning.

Uh, I hate to burst your bubble, but not all Rav4s have 4x4, nor do all Rav4s have more than 4 cylinders. Like mine, f'rinstance.

Robin, proud owner of a four-banger 2x4 Rav4 that can do 0-60.

Derleth · #16 01-21-2006, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsRobyn

Robin, proud owner of a four-banger 2x4 Rav4 that can do 0-60.

Going down a steep hill. With a tailwind. And someone heavy sitting in one of the front seats.

MsRobyn · #17 01-21-2006, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Derleth

Going down a steep hill. With a tailwind. And someone heavy sitting in one of the front seats.

Well, the someone heavy would be me. But yeah.

Robin

kanicbird · #18 01-21-2006, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Uh, I hate to burst your bubble, but not all Rav4s have 4x4, nor do all Rav4s have more than 4 cylinders. Like mine, f'rinstance.

Robin, proud owner of a four-banger 2x4 Rav4 that can do 0-60.

Yes I call these so called SUV's which are 2wd SMV's (Soccer Mom Vehicles). I can't say how disappointed I was when I heard of a 2wd Jeep.

Leviosaurus · #19 01-21-2006, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Contrapuntal

Request permission to print this rant and wave it in the faces of all the Yankees who move down South and piss and moan about how we "don't know how to drive in the snow." Which we get maybe once a year, severely limiting our practice opportunities.

DENIED! Even the most inept Chicago driver can make their car move across the ice like Katarina Witt compared to a southern driver (or a Seattle driver, for that matter.)

Scarlett67 · #20 01-21-2006, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Flying Dutchman

I'm a pretty good speller, won quite a few spelling bees as a kid but I was 34 years old when my employer, after receiving a report I wrote, informed me that the word "environment" was not spelled "envirement", which I had used several times throughout the report. Upon confirmation with the dictionary, I was extremely embarassed.

I can't tell if this was intentional or not, but it's funny either way.