The Straight Dope

Go Back   Straight Dope Message Board > Main > Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:10 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Git outta town before PUNDOWN, foos.

I'm your worse nightmare: a black man with a gag.

This here's an open challenge to any wordsmiths, L.A. quippers, NYC punhandlers, bon moteers, phraseologists, punned-its or wascawwy wapscallions wepwete with a way with words: if'n you think you got enough junk your trunk to match me pun for pun, whip it out and let's see which one of y'all measures up.

First round: Free style. Go.
Reply With Quote
Advertisements  
  #2  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:15 PM
Daithi Lacha Daithi Lacha is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Askia, I asky-ya: are a cat's paws weapons of mouse destruction?
__________________
D

If I cannot earn your respect, please allow me to purchase it from you.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:16 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Neither, especially if there's detente or declaws.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:18 PM
jjimm jjimm is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Surely de cats' claws would rip de tent?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:28 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Tentatively, yes. Which may be a felinious crime.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:29 PM
The Scrivener The Scrivener is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Askia, and ye shall receive!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:29 PM
Daithi Lacha Daithi Lacha is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by Askia
Tentatively, yes. Which may be a felinious crime.
That's funny -- I was feline fine, but then my shrink told me I was two tents. What a coincidence!
__________________
D

If I cannot earn your respect, please allow me to purchase it from you.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:31 PM
The Scrivener The Scrivener is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
If we cop to the felinity, can we get off with a probity period? Or does our pun-ishment merit incarceration?
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:37 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Quick with the wit, I see.

The Scrivener. Yeesh. Scrivenin' me up the wall, already.

Daithi Lacha. If you're two tents, go camping.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:39 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Are U2 rock fans? UB40 or younger?
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:39 PM
silenus silenus is online now
Hoc nomen meum verum non est.
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: SoCal
Posts: 40,479
If you are two tents, maybe your wig is too wam.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:41 PM
tdn tdn is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Askia
Are U2 rock fans? UB40 or younger?
This may take away your headache, but I be profen.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:43 PM
tdn tdn is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by silenus
If you are two tents, maybe your wig is too wam.
For all in tents and porpoises.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:45 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
silenus. If I were two tents, you could treat me like a rapper in the UniverSoul Circus: call me B.I.G. TOPPA.

tdn. Funny, I'd have sworn you were on the bathroom floor, tile and all.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:47 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Quote:
Originally Posted by tdn
For all in tents and porpoises.
Dolphinately.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:49 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
I fear I may have bitten off more than I can choose.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:49 PM
jjimm jjimm is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Quote:
Originally Posted by Askia
Dolphinately.
Manta man, now, I was once a deaf intravenous drug-using fish. I had herring aids. It made me feel a little eel. (But I got out of the net on a technicality.)
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:50 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
I'm like the bees outside my house: just getting swarmed up here.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:50 PM
anyrose anyrose is offline
I'm the *Cute* one. =^.^=
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: at my computer
Posts: 18,013
bringing a coalman from Tenn to Ohio so that he may kanoddle with a still living Flipper and his friends is




wait for it




Transporting a miner across state lines for immortal porpoises
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:51 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Whale, whale, whale. Fish puns. That's raising the fish steaks. I may have to get trout of here.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:53 PM
jjimm jjimm is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
For cod's hake.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:54 PM
anyrose anyrose is offline
I'm the *Cute* one. =^.^=
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: at my computer
Posts: 18,013
Stop! you're giving me a haddock!
Halibut a little mercy?
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:55 PM
anyrose anyrose is offline
I'm the *Cute* one. =^.^=
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: at my computer
Posts: 18,013
C, E-Flat, and G walk into a bar, and the bartender says "I'm sorry. We don't serve minors here."
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:55 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
anyrose. Whew. You should be arrested for indecent disclosure.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 06-08-2006, 12:56 PM
Daithi Lacha Daithi Lacha is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Aw, crappy! I just remembered I owed my friend Gil a fin.
__________________
D

If I cannot earn your respect, please allow me to purchase it from you.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:02 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Fish and music puns, huh? (cracks knuckles)

BASS-ically, I don't whether you go for SOLE music, or ROCK-shrimp and ROLL. This is no FLUKE. You two, BLOWfish away.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:05 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daithi Lacha
Aw, crappy! I just remembered I owed my friend Gil a fin.
"Gil a fin?" Is that a "Gilligan's Island" joke? Or is Gil a girl?

If so, do you plan to give Gil a Howell soon, or will you just Skipper Gingerly, Professor love for another and then go marry Ann?
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:06 PM
anyrose anyrose is offline
I'm the *Cute* one. =^.^=
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: at my computer
Posts: 18,013
a termite walks into a tavern and asks "is the bar tender here?"
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:08 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
I'm like James Evans on "Good Times." I'm on a Rolle.

This is all just pun and games, people. If you think I'm punny now, just give me another hour...
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:10 PM
anyrose anyrose is offline
I'm the *Cute* one. =^.^=
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: at my computer
Posts: 18,013
a cheese sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'm sorry, we don;t serve food here"
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:10 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Quote:
Originally Posted by anyrose
a termite walks into a tavern and asks "is the bar tender here?"
:: Cues Pink Panther theme music :: Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant,,,
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:12 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Quote:
Originally Posted by anyrose
a cheese sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'm sorry, we don;t serve food here"
The cheese sandwich said, "But rye not?" The bartender replies, "You may have enough bread, but this is a hip-hop bar, sp we need you to flash the cheddar."
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:16 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Eh. DO-OVER. "The bartender replied, 'Wheat need you to pay, and you don't have the bread OR the cheddar."
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:17 PM
Spatial Rift 47 Spatial Rift 47 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Fish puns? Now look, the fish puns are all well and gouda, but every edam time I open up a pun thread it smelts of fish. It's enough to make me tear my herring out. You guys need to spice it up, to really relish a thread like this. Put some of the ol' pepper on it. Why, time was a guy could expect a real rhubarb when he went into a pun thread, and everyone was perfectly okra with that.

Some say the penguin is mightier than the sword, but that's no way to take flight. These puns here just don't leopard of the page and grab the reader by the throat. No, you guys are just playing mice.

*psi*

I'm sigma tired of this amateur stuff. You beta liven things up around here, or I will bust a kappa in yo' rear end. I am the alpha and the omega of the Olympian omphaloskepsis known as wordplay. Chi am here to tell you I know how to play the gamma, and if you watch me and take notes, I'll show you how to get all your ducks in a rho.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:18 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Spatial Rift 47 trying to bring it!!
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:21 PM
anyrose anyrose is offline
I'm the *Cute* one. =^.^=
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: at my computer
Posts: 18,013
Quote:
Originally Posted by Askia
Eh. DO-OVER. "The bartender replied, 'Wheat need you to pay, and you don't have the bread OR the cheddar."
Alouette you slide on that one
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:24 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Spatial Rift 47. This sounds like Greek to me, but whatever. OMIKRON say this once. THIS IS MY HOUSE. If PHI ever see NU step foot on my LAMDA again, TAU'ma knock you UPISILON the head, then put a KAPPA in your ass.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:26 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Quote:
Originally Posted by anyrose
Alouette you slide on that one
Don't goat too far. Brie-tween you and me, I can do "Cheese" puns like a Whiz.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:31 PM
anyrose anyrose is offline
I'm the *Cute* one. =^.^=
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: at my computer
Posts: 18,013
Quote:
Originally Posted by Askia
Don't goat too far. Brie-tween you and me, I can do "Cheese" puns like a Whiz.
maybe, but they're eggscruiating. Right now my brain is scrambled, but it doesn't take a hard boiled detective to suss out the yolks.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:34 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Chicken? Don't quail. You're robin me of all my fun if you quit. Ostrich you out!

My egg-sellence will not be deinied!!
Reply With Quote
  #41  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:35 PM
Spatial Rift 47 Spatial Rift 47 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Askia
Spatial Rift 47. This sounds like Greek to me, but whatever. OMIKRON say this once. THIS IS MY HOUSE. If PHI ever see NU step foot on my LAMDA again, TAU'ma knock you UPISILON the head, then put a KAPPA in your ass.
Steeling my puns? That is totally lamé. I have more punning power tin a small little silver of my pinky finger than you'll ever have. You don't have the metal to meet my challenge. You'd best iron out your misconceptions, or you'll be hard pressed to so much as use a dictionary when I'm done with you. And then I'll really get steamed.
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:38 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Spatial Rift 47. You confuse thievery with homage. I was inspired. b But I won't even try metal puns; you'd claim I was METAL-ing in your business ORE I that I wasn't being FERROUS.
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:42 PM
anyrose anyrose is offline
I'm the *Cute* one. =^.^=
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: at my computer
Posts: 18,013
I think it's time we finch what you starling. Spats and I won't budgie. It's your swan song, Askia
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:45 PM
anyrose anyrose is offline
I'm the *Cute* one. =^.^=
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: at my computer
Posts: 18,013
Enough of this baloney. I'm going to be frank. My reputation is at steak, and it's a rare individual meat the challenge
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:45 PM
anyrose anyrose is offline
I'm the *Cute* one. =^.^=
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: at my computer
Posts: 18,013
Enough of this baloney. I'm going to be frank. My reputation is at steak, and it's a rare individual who can meat the challenge
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:46 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
I can take you two birds wrenever, where ever. Then owl crow victory. That teach you two chickedees to albatross me.
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:50 PM
Spatial Rift 47 Spatial Rift 47 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Askia, you can ham it up all you like, but by now you must see that rose and I have you porked. No sausage words of wisdom can save you now, not even if you get down on your knees and start bacon. The steaks are too high, and you are udderly defeated, and I will milk this for all its worth. I cud show mercy, but I won't. So you'd best be mooving on before you are totally creamed.
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:51 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Baloney, eh? What a ham. This cold cuts me to the quick.
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 06-08-2006, 01:52 PM
Clothahump Clothahump is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 11,358
Not if they catch you robin the corner stork.
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 06-08-2006, 02:01 PM
Askia Askia is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 7,155
Look, I'm the Number One Punner. You two are Pretty Fly For A White Guy, but let's face it: I'm The Real Deal. Why You Wanna play me? Maybe when you two can figure out when it's Going Down, or you can Drop It Like It's Hot, then maybe I can Be Without You. Right now, I'm not inclined to give you another 4 Minutes of my time. You Hustlin,' Can't Let Go, and Torn. But I might forgive you if you can get your sisters to Gimme Some Head.

-- brought to you by Billboard's Hip-Hop Top Twenty.
Reply With Quote
Reply



Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:47 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright © 2013 Sun-Times Media, LLC.