Being rootin’, tootin’ Dopers, we can turn anything into fightin’ words on a dime. Can you take offense at these statements (and others you may come up with) and turn them into insulting, wild-eyed rants in two posts or less?*
Flowers smell nice.
Puppies are cute.
Why, what pretty earrings you have on today!
(*Note since this is not the Pit, please use euphemisms, like fk or ct)
Too bad your mom doesn’t, biatch!
A puppy killed my son, you insensitive prick!
Those are my ears, you dirty whore!
I hate people who put flowers everywhere by their desks and stuff. Don’t they have any consideration for other people…I mean my allergies act up, and I’m sooooo miserable, and they’re so selfish.
No they’re not, they shit everywhere and sometimes it’s got worms in it (puke) and you let them pee on my lawn! :mad:
Well I’m allergic and you bringing them into the office causes me a rash and itchy eyes you insensitive b***h
Dingos ate my baby!
I cut my ear and that’s a scab. Thanks for noting it and making me self-conscious moron.
I don’t need to look pretty - I am a strong, independent woman. Earrings are part of the male conspiracy to keep women barefoot and pregnant! Men just love it when women mutilate themselves for them.
Some of us can’t smell, thank you very much. You’re being very prejudice to those of us who have no sense of taste or smell. I didn’t choose to have that bottle rocket shot up my nose, okay?
What about kittens?! Why must you be so prejudiced against cats? How dare you insult us cat lovers with this thread?!
Oh, so that’s all we are to you, huh? Just pieces of meat with earrings on. “How pretty!” That’s the best you can do? What about my mind, huh? I’m not an object with many dangly things to play with. I didn’t dress up for* you*. The women’s rights movement has just been set back 67 YEARS!
Yeah, but the whole housebreaking thing is completely beyond my jackass friend, so his puppy piddles on my foot every time I go over there.
And don’t get me started on my neighbor’s dog, who keeps coming over and taking a dump on my lawn.
4.) XXX Brand veggie burgers are really excellent!
You vegetarians and your holier-then-thou attitudes make me want to vomit! I didn’t climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots! Sanctimonious twit!
You know, this really burns me. It’s not enough to force people to work in unattractive little cubicles, but you have to rail against those who want to add a little color, wee bit of aroma, a flash of life, to these paper tombs.
Your alleged “allergies” (read: all-in-your-head kookiness) are just your excuse to be miserable. Quit blaming the flowers. It ain’t them that aren’t nice.
Flowers give. It’s the anti-flower crowd that are the selfish ones.
Oh, pulease. Veggie burgers are for hippies and deviants. Bunch of liberal pussies, you and anyone who eats that new age crap!
Checks freezer, hides Boca burgers
My great aunt’s fiftieth cat just died today! Show a little respect! :mad:
Why, yes, they do smell nice…especially at the funeral of my entire family who just died last week in a tragic accident involving electrical cords and Kleenex. Thanks for reminding me!!! I bet their deaths make you laugh, too. I bet you’re sitting there behind your computer screen, just cackling evilly to yourself about my family’s death. I hope you rot in hell, buddy. Not only that, I hope your Charter Member status is revoked, m***********!
Isn’t that just emphasizing the false standards of beauty we have in the Western world? What about puppies who aren’t cute? What about them! They have to live up to the unrealistic standards of those size-0 dogs with the big brown eyes you see in the Purina commercials. Doesn’t someone need to stand up for the puppies who are less than “cute”, but still lead fulfilling lives anyway? Un-cute puppies are no less deserving of love than cute ones, and I won’t stand for those who say otherwise!
Yeah, well, what about me? What about my ears? Hmm, I forgot: I don’t have ears! Way to be discriminatory about the side-of-the-head-protusion impaired, buddy. I’ll be phoning the ACLU post haste…oh, wait.
Hey Tinkerbell, don’t you get the paper.
6. Oh look at that happy couple. They’ve been married for 75 years and still in love!
And way to go, La Llorona, you total moron! Can’t you even spell “protrusion” correctly, you worthless excuse for a messageboard poster?
You know, it’s attitudes like this that cause thousands of innocent animals to end up in shelters being euthanized. Your ignorant little "Oooooh, puppies are cute!!! statement makes me want to puke. When are people going to finally realize that puppies are not just cute? That they are actually living breathing dogs that deserve more than that, and need proper care and the respect that all life deserves? People like you make me sick. It’s time people learned to respect dogs and recognize their value. They are not little playthings that you can call “cute” and then just forget about like they are a toy or something. Shame on you, you empty-headed little twt! Life is not your entertainment system. People like you should be tied to the fence by a collar around your neck, laughed at by people, and treated like objects, just like you treat puppies like objects! Fck off, c*nt!!@@#!#@!!$
Yeah, I guess it’s a nice day for people who aren’t being invaded by President Bush’s army of occupation! You selfish American peeg.
Are you making fun of the Spelling-Impared? What kind of insensitive jerk are you? We’re born that way, you know. It isn’t a choice! :mad:
Yeah, well I know a couple who’s been together 76 years, but since they’re gay, they’re not allowed to marry, you right-wing Christian jerkwad!!
Anywa, dogs and cats suck eggs as pets. You should all adopt birds!
My friends just had a new baby!
“Born that way,” my sainted aunt! There is a right way to spell and there is a wrong way to spell, and those who don’t follow the high road have done so because they chose not to. It’s “Adam and Eve,” not “Adum and Eve”! So come, give up your sinful ways and embrace the healing power of the OED. The OED can save you from your past spelling sins and ensure a happy, properly-spelled future for you. So what are you waiting for?
The OED loves the little children, all the children of the world…