So, I’m walking home when I happen to notice this woman getting off the bus right across the street from my house. I’ve seen her downtown a few times before, we work right next to each other. I don’t even know her, but I don’t like her already. I’ve seen her sneer when asked for a quarter, and I have no doubt that she kicks puppies in her spare time.
Anyway, I’m walking almost a block behind her, and she turns the corner just as I get to the bus stop. And that’s when I notice that her chequebook is sitting on the ground, apparently having fallen out of her purse. I grab it off the ground and run after her, but when I get around the corner she’s gone. I decide that, since it has some credit cards in it which I’m sure many people would be more than happy to steal, I’ll just take it and hope I can give it to her the next time I see her.
The next day, I’m taking the bus home, and I see her get on. Now, this is exactly the same bus I saw her get off of (it’s an express bus to downtown, I take it to and from work real often) and it’s about the same time too. I usually get off work earlier, but I was staying late. So I glance in her direction and she catches my eye, returning my look in a manner that suggests suspiciousness and a strong feeling of superiority. Now, I’ve gotten this look a lot of times before, and it’s starting to get on my nerves. I was going to just give her the chequebook, but I decide to screw with her head a bit.
It’s about a 30 minute ride, and I’m staring at her the whole time. Except that, every time she looks in my direction, I look away. But not before she notices me staring. After a few times she starts constantly looking at me out of the corner of her eye, but I only look away when she looks directly at me. Then, when she looks away, I start staring at her again. Now, the truly priceless thing about this is, I know she doesn’t wanna say anything to me about it, or else she’ll come off sounding like a paranoid loonie.
Eventually we get to the bus stop across from my house, and she gets off. And I follow her. She, of course, can’t help but notice this fact. So I follow her for a block, just close enough behind her so she can hear my footsteps. I can almost hear her shouting to herself in her mind, “Don’t turn around! That’s what he wants you to do! Don’t turn around!”
Eventually I jog up behind her and tap her on the shoulder. She screams bloody murder and whirls around to face me with this frantically terrified look on her face. I put on my most friendly smile and say, “Excuse me miss, but you dropped this yesterday. Good thing I was on the same bus as you, huh?”
She takes the chequebook from me and thanks me, still shivering ever so slightly. I turn and walk away, trying as hard as I can not to laugh insanely, thus ruining the illusion. I still get a warm feeling in my gut when I think of how stupid she must have felt, and relieved at the same time.
Now, the reason I’m posting this, is becase I feel just a little bit guilty. I mean, she was a yuppie to the max. She was snobbish. She was stuck-up. She was, to put it short, everything I hate. But she’s still human, and part of me still thinks I might have done wrong.
So, what say you?
