You Beat Another Person? How Yoooooooooooooooou Doin?

[Diane]

He dumped me.......

I was hoping that it wouldn’t have to come to this.

I, along with a few others tried to make our point clear and obvious without crossing over into Pit territory, but a couple of you fail miserably at reading comprehension.

This isn’t about Torie and her decision to seek out counseling for her violent behavior. Good for her! I am glad that she recognized that she needs the help. This isn’t about Torie and her need for validation that she is not “inherently unlovable”. Not one single person said that domestic violence is completely unforgivable, especially when that abuser seeks help. This sure as fuck isn’t about her doing enough penance or having to hit absolute rock bottom before our vengeance will be satisfied. It’s not about offering or not offering support for someone working on anger management.

All of these things were pulled out of your asses and didn’t begin to address what the rest of us were saying.

What this is about is the fact that a female came onto the board and spilled her guts about her recent breakup. She told us about going to a person’s home and beating him then getting in one last dig with a “Happy Anniversary”. In the next breath she asks for shameless flirts.

I am almost willing to chalk her actions up to her age and lack of maturity, although I still think abuse of any person despicable. YAY for seeking mental treatment. In spite of the left field arguments from a couple of posters, the only thing I have issue with is the fact that she comes in and tells us these things, asks for flirts, and men flock in to shake their hairy asses in her face, minimizing and downplaying her actions.

Call me an asshole, but I think that overlooking the fact that a person has just admitted to violence and showed immature behavior just so you can use it as an opportunity to sniff around her like a dog in heat is fucking pathetic. Had a man written the OP, word for word, I can assure you that many people (myself included) would be disgusted but relieved he is seeking help. However, I am pretty certain his actions wouldn’t be glossed over so quickly with flirts thrown on top. People would not be so quick to dismiss his actions in exchange for a few pulls on the pecker.

“I slugged the shit out of my girlfriend but now I am in counseling. Flirt with me. :::wink wink:::”

Yeah, I am soooooooooooo there! :rolleyes:

Why should it be different when the gender is reversed?

Give her support on her break up and mental treatment, but Jeeeezuz guys, do you even realize how pathetic you come across? She fucking BEAT someone and you are willing to minimize the situation because she wants to flirt.

This is the frosting on the cake:

Thirdly, since everybody read the OP, why don’t we reserve our judgements against the all growed up adults who came in here and flirted with torie, and just keep those to ourselves, because the last time I checked, where they decide to flirt, and how they decide to do it, and with whom, was their business and not yours.

You stupid dumbfuck and all the idiots in the past who have farted this same thing, how many times does it need to be said?

When me, you, Torie, the flirt boys, and anyone else with a keyboard types something on a public message board, they are opening themselves up to anything and everything. They make it our business the moment they hit the submit button.

Comprehende’?

[Ethilrist]

Got it. Sorry if my “Hitting bad” comment was seen as not serious enough, given the situation.

So, what’s the statute of limitation on this? How long after somebody with a history of violence admits to commiting same is it okay for us to start being nice to that person?

[Diane]

@Ethilrist

Got it. Sorry if my “Hitting bad” comment was seen as not serious enough, given the situation.

So, what’s the statute of limitation on this? How long after somebody with a history of violence admits to commiting same is it okay for us to start being nice to that person?

I dunno, maybe a few minutes after the “I just beat up my boyfriend, flirt with me”?

[Diane]

And - I think you are smart enough to know the difference between the words “nice” and “flirt”.

[alice_in_wonderland]

Having been a victim of domestic violence many, many moons ago, I was particularly disgusted by that thread as well.

Beating on people is wrong, and heaping lovies and kissies and google-faces on them after they do it probably isn’t much help.

[Kalhoun]

Well, I pretty much just chalked it up to her obvious youth. It probably wasn’t the smartest thing for her to say, but I figured she was looking for a morale boost after feeling so down. Not the brightest thing to post, but I pretty much breezed past it (I actually had to re-read her post to find what she’d said).

But you’re right…people who flirted with her were wrong to encourage her “method” of healing, if you will. A good shrink and some alone time will do her more good than idle chit-chat on a message board.

[tim314]

So your view is that if someone comes to this forum and admits to having done a bad thing, which they clearly know was a bad thing, then we’re obligated to berate them for it? Or at least to punish them for it by withholding those efforts to be nice that we would otherwise make? If someone both (A) admits to doing a bad thing, and (B) asks for people to cheer them up because they’re having a bad day, then no one should attempt to cheer them up? Any attempt to make a person feel better can also be taken to mean that you endorse all their recent actions?

If that is your view, I don’t agree.

I personally didn’t respond to that post, because I generally try to avoid posting in MPSIMS. I mostly come to this site to learn new things, not to make “friends” with people I’ve never really met. (I’m not saying there’s something wrong with people using the site to make friends – it’s just not something I do.) That said, I was glad to see someone had tried to cheer up a woman who was clearly feeling upset. No one should have to feel that they are unlovable, and for people to try to help her not feel this way was a good and kind gesture, in my opinion.

That said, I’ve got to admit I would have felt more anger towards Torie if she was a man who had beat a woman. Perhaps this is sexist on my part (and I don’t say that lightly – I find it a rather disturbing thought.) On the other hand, maybe it is legitimate to feel that way – violence against anyone is wrong, but violence against women is also upsetting because it evokes thoughts of the long history of mistreatment of women in our society (and basically every other society). That doesn’t make it worse from a moral standpoint, but it does give a reasonable explanation of why I should feel more upset by it. Similarly, I’m more disturbed when someone uses a racial slur to refer to a black person than when someone uses a racial slur to refer to a white person. It’s wrong to say either one, but only one case brings to mind thoughts of lynchings and other horrible attrocities. But maybe that attitude makes me a racist too. I hope not.

[alice_in_wonderland]

@tim314

If someone both (A) admits to doing a bad thing, and (B) asks for people to cheer them up because they’re having a bad day, then no one should attempt to cheer them up? Any attempt to make a person feel better can also be taken to mean that you endorse all their recent actions?

Actually, my first thought was if anyone was helping Marc feel better after his bad day. I’m assuming here, that being physically assaulted by a person who claims to have loved you, would result in a bad day.

It certainly would for me.

[Diane]

@tim314

So your view is that if someone comes to this forum and admits to having done a bad thing, which they clearly know was a bad thing, then we’re obligated to berate them for it? Or at least to punish them for it by withholding those efforts to be nice that we would otherwise make? If someone both (A) admits to doing a bad thing, and (B) asks for people to cheer them up because they’re having a bad day, then no one should attempt to cheer them up? Any attempt to make a person feel better can also be taken to mean that you endorse all their recent actions?

If that is your view, I don’t agree.

Ummm, noooooo. If that was my view, I would have said that in my OP. If you want to know my view, reread the OP.

[tim314]

@alice_in_wonderland

Actually, my first thought was if anyone was helping Marc feel better after his bad day.

Well, I hope so too. I’m certainly not saying that people shouldn’t be compasionate to Marc, and I’m not trying to paint Torie as the victim. I just don’t think that compassion must be withheld from someone just because they’ve recently done something that we can all agree is a very bad thing.

Again, I might find it harder to be compassionate towards Torie (not that I was – as I said, I didn’t post in her topic) if I felt the same level of anger towards her as I typically feel towards male abusers. I’ve tried to explain why I don’t experience the same feelings if the abuser is female . . . whether that’s wrong of me, I can’t say, but at any rate I’m not really in control of the way I feel.

Another thought: When I hear about a man being abused, I’m more likely to imagine myself in the place of the victim, whereas when I hear about a woman being abused, I’m more likely to imagine a woman I care about in the place of the victim. While both thoughts are far from pleasant, I find the thought of abuse being perpetrating on someone I care about to be the more disturbing thought. But perhaps that’s because I’ve never been the victim of abuse myself.

[Geobabe]

@tim314

Well, I hope so too. I’m certainly not saying that people shouldn’t be compasionate to Marc, and I’m not trying to paint Torie as the victim. I just don’t think that compassion must be withheld from someone just because they’ve recently done something that we can all agree is a very bad thing.

And again, nobody was saying that compassion should be withheld! The point of the OP was that flirting, under the circumstances, was icky and inappropriate.

[Green_Bean]

@tim314

So your view is that if someone comes to this forum and admits to having done a bad thing, which they clearly know was a bad thing, then we’re obligated to berate them for it? Or at least to punish them for it by withholding those efforts to be nice that we would otherwise make?

Tha hell? You say you come here to learn new things…howzabout you learn to read?

p.s. Didn’t you know that there’s a difference between “being nice” and “flirting?” Or are you one of those jackasses that shamelessly hits on anyone with a vagina and then complains that women don’t like you because you’re a “nice guy?”

[Shade]

While I think violence is always wrong, there are degrees. It is fairly common and accepted that women use force, generally when the woman is smaller than the man, with not enough to cause any damage. I don’t agree that this is OK. If it’s a pattern, it can become abuse. If a woman beats a man causing real damage, it’s assault, pure and simple. But in this case I was assuming it was the ‘acceptable’ form - for instance, no indications of repeating, apparently genuine remorse, etc.

I don’t think a good analogy is a man beating a woman - that conjures up domestic violence. How about a daughter hitting a mother or a son a father. This doesn’t make sense, but if both parties see it like that, then it’s not abuse in the sense it could be.

Compare, say, destroying personal possetions. It’s wrong. No-one condones it. But if you do it when you’ve just been horrendously dumped, you’re likely to get sympathy.

[Diane]

[QUOTE=Shade]

I don’t think a good analogy is a man beating a woman - that conjures up domestic violence. How about a daughter hitting a mother or a son a father. This doesn’t make sense, but if both parties see it like that, then it’s not abuse in the sense it could be.
QUOTE]

Define domestic violence.

[Ethilrist]

Looks like I picked the wrong thread to start flirting.

[alice_in_wonderland]

@Shade

But in this case I was assuming it was the ‘acceptable’ form - for instance, no indications of repeating, apparently genuine remorse, etc.

Well, given that torie said that she “Beat the hell out of him” I’m guessing that it wasn’t the “acceptable” form. (Honestly, “acceptable” makes me roll my eyes so far back in my head I’m afraid my optic nerve is going to snap.)

If someone breaks up with you and you beat them up becasue of it, I don’t think you deserve props of anyking. She’s in counselling? Good. But I don’t think she deserves a prize becasue of it.

[tim314]

@Diane

Ummm, noooooo. If that was my view, I would have said that in my OP. If you want to know my view, reread the OP.

I did read your post. You objected to men flirting with her because you thought it “minimized and downplayed her actions.” (I changed -ing to -ed, but otherwise that’s a direct quote.) I interpreted this to mean you think people shouldn’t try to cheer someone up if they’ve done a bad thing. I wasn’t sure this was the reason for your objection, so I said “If that is your view, I don’t agree.” Since that is evidently not your view, perhaps you can explain further, since I evidently didn’t get it from reading your post.

My post did ignore the fact that you seem to be attributing peoples efforts to make her feel better as motivated by their desire to flirt. That’s because I thought that in many cases this wasn’t the motivation, and they were really just trying to make her feel better. Yet it seemed to me that you were objecting to all the flirting posts regardless of what their motivation was. (If that’s not the case, please tell me.)

If your post was meant to convey the idea: “I disapprove of the actions of those of you who are ignoring the bad thing she did and flirting with her just because you’re horny and you like to flirt. Those who are flirting soley to make her feel better, I have no problem with.” then I don’t disagree with you.

However, I thought you were saying: “I disapprove of the actions of those of you her flirted with Torie inspite of the bad thing she did, regardless of what your motivation was for doing so. Separately, I think those of you who flirted are only willing to do so because you’re horny and want to flirt.” If that’s what you’re saying, I disagree on both counts.

[Shaolinrabbit]

@Diane

You stupid dumbfuck and all the idiots in the past who have farted this same thing, how many times does it need to be said?

When me, you, Torie, the flirt boys, and anyone else with a keyboard types something on a public message board, they are opening themselves up to anything and everything. They make it our business the moment they hit the submit button.

Comprehende’?

Yeah, I know. I just thought you were being a bitch Diane. But I didn’t feel like saying that in MPSIMS. In here, you can say whatever you want about whoever you want, so fine.

I didn’t figure torie’s thread in MPSIMS was the right spot for you to level criticisms of flirting and who you feel we all should flirt with or fuck. Given the nature of the thread I felt it was inappropriate. Now you have your own, good for you.

Now, beyond all that, I’d call you an asshole Diane, but the shit that just came out of your face would make an asshole look bad. Who gives a flying fuck who you think someone ought to flirt with?

Don’t touch that bitch, 'cause she hit somebody :eek: :eek: :eek:

Well, obviously they read it too and they don’t fucking care. Maybe, that’s their thing, maybe they like to skullfuck violent whores and figured this was a freebie, maybe they live on the edge. Or maybe they figured she did it one time under a lot of stress and probably wasn’t dangerous on a regular basis. Maybe they thought she seemed like a very nice girl, and they didn’t feel threatened. I don’t know.

The point was that they read the same shit you did, and went for it anyway. Yet somehow this was a big enough deal for you to crank open your fucking mouth and spew pointless verbal diarrhea all over the fucking thread.

I say that not because there weren’t some points you could have made that would have been beneficial and valid, but because you chose instead to avoid those points in favor of name calling and ridiculing. You could have just as easily kept that shit to yourself, because in the end you were the only one who needed to hear it. I’m just hoping it felt good to say so at least we can figure someone got something out of it.

[tim314]

@Green Bean

Tha hell? You say you come here to learn new things…howzabout you learn to read?

p.s. Didn’t you know that there’s a difference between “being nice” and “flirting?” Or are you one of those jackasses that shamelessly hits on anyone with a vagina and then complains that women don’t like you because you’re a “nice guy?”

I think my most recent post clarifies the way I interpreted the OP above. While this may be an incorrect interpretation (which I acknowledged in my first post by saying “IF this is your view”), I don’t think it was a ridiculous interpretation.

In response to your p.s., no I’m not. In fact, I’m rather shy about such things, and I can’t recall ever overtly “hitting on” someone.

Perhaps the reason I don’t agree with the original poster is because I have a false impression about what they consider flirting.

I would say a post like this one:

iii
iiiiiiiii iiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiii[color=red]torieiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiisiiiiiiiii
iiiFINE!iii
iiiii


[/color]

was flirting, but I didn’t find it objectionable.

Maybe I have too broad a definition of flirting. (Incidentally, having a broad definition of flirting makes me less flirty, not more, because I consider even mild signs of affection on my part to be rather flirty.)

[Metacom]

@tim314

(grotesque smily snipped by Metacom) … but I didn’t find it objectionable.

Holy shit, do I find that objectionable!

Not because I have a dog in this debate, but because that’s only some animated flame gif’s and a midi or two away from making the SDMB look like a 11-year old girl’s boy band fan site on geocities! :eek: