Forgive that I even have to ask this. Me and some of my buds were debating this today.
The subject came up because my buds and I have a mutual friend whos 16yo daughter does exactly this.
The general consensus was that it was kind of creepy. -But then again, none of us have daughters.
So what say you guys?
I guess we’re talking clothed?
I only had sons but I think it would feel awful weird.
Creepy. Very.
Well, my daughter’s only half that age, but…
I don’t see anything wrong with it for a 16 year old. But I suppose it depends on the environment and circumstances. At home, having a bit of quality time, even with others around, sure. In a restaurant, or other formal setting, it does push the envelope a little.
If it’s an habitual behaviour then it would be a bit odd too. I don’t know. I’ll check back in 8 years and let you know.
Seems to me that the father/daughter relationship is pretty important and if it has developed in a smooth, close, and healthy way for fifteen years, why push her away when she is sixteen? I think some fathers may push their daughters away a little at about that age or earlier, concerned about perceptions of impropriety and the girls feel rejected and go seeking a bit more contact with and acceptance from other males than they might have, and on terms more desperate than would best serve their own interests. Just because bystanders may perceive the daughter in a sexual light doesn’t mean she’s anything besides a daughter to the dad.
Tabby
That’s the thing though - the 8 years. It wouldn’t cross my mind that there is anything odd about an 8 year old sitting on my lap or wrestling with me or most anything. But I remember friends of mine had a 16 year old Dutch exchange student staying with them and I felt like a dirty old man whenever she was in the room.
I think it is totally inappropriate. I’ve raised three girls, and 16 is far too old. I’m not sure where the line is, I think we stopped that kind of thing maybe at 9 or 10 but once they start to mature there needs to be no more contact that would be intimate by any stretch of the imagination.
Wow! I’m flabbergasted by this statement. I can’t hug, cuddle, tickle or kiss my daughter after the age of 10? (And by kiss I mean a fatherly peck.)
I really differ with this opinion. What am I raising, robots or human beings?
The relationship should change SOMEWHAT I think. I have 10 and 7 year old daughters. DH plays with them a lot…he has consciously changes some of the extent of the activities, is more cognizant of what he wears in the bedroom for example. But I would be horrified if he didn’t cuddle with them…even when they are 16 or so…as long as it stays “father/daughter”.
My daughter’s 22 now, but if she had wanted to sit on my lap when she was 16, it would have been okay with me.
I assume we’re talking about plain, ordinary lap-sitting, and not anything that looks like it could be purchased in a gentleman’s club, right?
All the things you mentioned are probably OK. It depends on whether proper boundaries are being given respect: where you are touching her, whether the contact is unwelcome, etc.
Contact is good. Inappropriate contact, where there is any component or suggestion of sexual behavior, such as sitting on daddy’s lap, is almost certainly bad.
It’s a very important distinction. The teenager can’t be expected to fully appreciate it, so it’s super-important that the father be fully cognizant and responsible.
Well… most 16 year olds are budding women, and I guess it’s not out of the question some girls with “excessive flirtateous energy” may want to test their mad flirting skillz on the nearest male they feel comfortable with (ie daddy), but overall IMO) it’s kind of strange and babyish (and a bit oogy) for a person who is essentially a young women to do that with her father. It’s really pushing boundaries of what is socially acceptable, and a dad that encouraged or allowed that is equally responsible.
EtherealFreakOfPinkness is 15, fully physically matured, and if she sat on her father’s lap for a few moments, I wouldn’t bat an eyelash. Now, if he were to initiate it (“Come over here and sit on daddy’s lap”), I might be creeped out. But she’s affectionate, impulsive, and like many girls her age, a teeny bit silly. I say, depending on the specific dynamics of the relationship, no problem.
Wasn’t this already covered by the now-banned kurahee in this now locked thread:?
Well I asked my sister and I think she literally threw up in her mouth… that would be a yes, yes it is creepy.
It depends. All the time, I might wonder why. But I can easily see Daddy doing something nice for her, and her flying into Daddy’s lap. Or maybe she’s feeling particularly affectionate. Or perhaps particularly sad - a boy at school was mean, and she went to Daddy to talk about it.
I see it happening more in only children then those with siblings, too.
That doesn’t seem like a normal reaction either. Does your sister get along with her father? I don’t get along too well with my dad and I don’t feel like throwing up when I think of sitting in his lap - tho I’m much too old for it now anyway.
And yes, I know what hyperbole means, but you did say “literally”.
What she said. If the daughter is the one initiating the lap-sitting, I’d have no problem with it. If Daddy’s asking for it, I’d be creeped out.
[QUOTE=Leaffan]
Wow! I’m flabbergasted by this statement. I can’t hug, cuddle, tickle or kiss my daughter after the age of 10? (And by kiss I mean a fatherly peck.)
[QUOTE]
A hug is okay until the day she dies, a peck on the cheek is fine for life as long as not in front of your friends, and I can see a quick poking her sides or feet kind of tickling not weird for most of her life, but cuddling? After puberty that is a tad too creepy for my tastes.