Ask the gay guy

In My Humble Opinion
1

And now, by popular…well Anaamikas, demand…it’s the return of Ask the Gay Guy (applause applause) with your host, me!

All questions welcome, but I do reserve to right to refuse to answer anything I feel is too personal. I can’t think of anything offhand that would fit that criteria, but a disclaimer doesn’t hurt. So, ask away!

2

Do you ever find yourself wishing that you were hetrosexual?

'Coz I know that I sure do. :-\

3

Whatever happened to Esprix?

4

Do you find that many, or any, of the “stereotypical gay male behaviors” apply to you? By these, I mean:
[ul]
[li]dress neatly and stylishly[/li][li]enjoy show tunes[/li][li]eat quiche[/li][li]idolize Liza Minnelli or Cher[/li][/ul]

And if not you, do you see that they apply to many of your gay acquaintances? Or are the old stereotypes pretty much useless in describing modern American gays?

5

I used to. My life would certainly have been a lot easier if I were. Most of the issues with my family are because I’m gay (they’re very religiously conservative), I wouldn’t be dealing with the prejudice and a number of other things.

However, I came to realize that this life was the hand I was dealt and I will play it out the best way I can. I was actually not much older than you when I figured this part out, (You’re about 17 right?) so give it some time and enjoy life. :slight_smile:

6

I think he moved somewhere on the east coast and gave up on the SDMB.

7

One often hears from the anti gay people the idea that homosexuality is “icky”. The whole “If I see two men kiss I’ll just have the vapors !” < fans face > routine. Do you or other gays you know find heterosexual behavior like a man & woman kissing repulsive, or just uninteresting ?

8

Hehe, I like this one.

I dress neatly for sure, but not so much stylishly. I don’t care about brand names or anything like that. I wear what I find comfortable.

Show tunes, somewhat but I’m not fanatical about it.

I can’t say that I’ve had quiche in years.

Liza I find to be old news. She had a bit hit and has been riding it and her parentage for years now. Cher I wouldn’t say I idolize, but I do find her to be an amazing person. She does what she wants to do, says what she wants and seems overall to be a very strong person. Her music isn’t always the greatest though I like a lot of it, but she is quite a good actress.

Now my SO of five years (he’s 25) is somewhat different. When it comes to clothes he’s all about the newest and the popular brands, we have way more clothes than we need. He’s not into show tunes at all, doesn’t eat quiche and doesn’t care about Liza at all. Cher he somewhat likes, but he’s into new music for the most part.

9

I’ve asked this before, but I’m curious to hear your take… WHY, precisely, is it that “liking show tunes” is so often seen as a gay thing?

I ask in part because I’m a huge Broadway fan. I can tell you who was in the original cast of “Stop The World, I Want to Get Off,” and discuss the differences between the London and New York versions of “Chess.”

And I’m straight – or doing a damn good job of repressing my homoerotic instincts, anyway; 40+ years and they’ve not yet surfaced.

10

Is there really such a thing as ‘gaydar’? Is it easy for you to tell if another man is of similar persuasion? Have you ever been off? Have you ever been completely surprised when you found out someone was gay?

Er…do you mind the word ‘gay’ or do you prefer something else?

11

Thanks, Antinor! For the rest of you. somehow I entirely missed **Esprix’ **threads or maybe I had no questions then. So I asked someone to start it, and Antinor obliged.

My initial questions are about romance. I realize all of your answers are going to be subjective, but I don’t mind. And please, forgive my ignorance on this stuff. I am a straight girl - what do I know? Smack me down if I inadvertently say something insulting. It just seems to me that with the insistence on men being “manly men” - not so much anymore, I know it - that it might be tough.

  1. How do gay guys generally get together? Does it start with sex? Does it ever start with romance? Care to tell us about any personal experiences?
  2. When there is romance, in what form does it take place? Hetero romance is overly idealized, what with flowers and violins and poetry and candy. Gay guys sure as hell can’t be interested in all that stuff - can they?
  3. In a LTR, is there love simply for the sake of love? Is there affection*? Do you cuddle?
  4. Is it hard to show affection in public? Do you hold hands? When you do, if you do, do people say things? Yell at you?
  5. Say a guy is trying to get the attention of another guy - does he just go up and say it? Would he primp, or try to get his attention more subtly?

Some slightly more graphic questions:

  1. Top or bottom…I understand the terms, but there are gay guys out there who only do one or the other? Why? Anybody who does only bottom but not top?
  2. Are there dominant and submissive-type roles?
  3. Who instigates sex? How? I mean, other than the obvious reaching over and grabbing. :smiley:
  4. What are power plays like in the gay community?
  5. Do you get angry/irritated at the conventional portrayal of gays? So many times you see only two types: the excessively effeminate, or the master/slave relationship (think Road Warrior) which doesn’t look healthy.

Some personal questions. Feel free not to answer these if they are too personal.

  1. Do you watch gay porn?
  2. Straight porn?
  3. Can you, personally, see the beauty in a woman even if you are not physically attracted to her?
  4. Have you ever been physically attracted to any female? If so, what were her qualities that made her interesting?
  5. Do you have mostly females as friends?

*I know even amongst heteros and lesbians there are some who prize affection, some who don’t. But I’ve found even the toughest occasionally need a soft touch. So whatever you want to share is fine.

I’ll certainly be back with more questions. But I think 15 is enough for now!

12

I’ve always wanted to ask - do gay guys always check out straight men? Like when I’m around gay men should I be weary of being “eye candy” :slight_smile:

The reason I ask is because guys tend to check out women, it’s just in our nature. Does this trait transfer to gay men?

13

Just got back from lunch, so I’ll try to catch up here.

I find PDA in general to be tacky, two guys, guy/girl whatever. Mild affection, like holding holds, the occassional smooch no biggie. But when any pair is in public and seems to feel they need to be touching all the time or swapping copious amounts of spit…I just don’t wanna see it.

To extrapolate though, full on hetero sex does repulse me though. Not that there’s anything wrong with that (thanks for that line Seinfeld!), but I don’t want to see it or even think about it.

14

Not sure I’ll be much help on this one, but I’ll give it a shot.

Show tunes and more broadly the performance arts in general attract a high number of gay people. It’s a form of escapism, a way to get out of your own life and live someone elses for a while. For us that are gay, it’s a release from our everyday life of dealing with our problems and taking on another role. That isn’t as much needed these days, which would partially explain why the show tune thing is found more among older gay men.

Another thought, it’s showy, dramatic, fun. What’s not to like about it? :wink:

15

I firmly believe there is gaydar. To my knowledge, I’ve not been wrong but could be attributed to confirmation bias, which has been widely discussed around here. I can’t say I’ve ever been shocked that someone was gay…perhaps surprised that they took so long to come out but never really surprised.

Gay is fine, I’m not at all a PC type so it’s very hard to offend me.

16

Yes, gay guys just like straight guys check out those that find attractive. It’s not about being gay, it’s about being male. If a guy checks you out, take it as a compliment. If they hit on you, politely say thanks but no thanks and they should leave you alone.

17

Damn girl, trying to keep me busy here aren’t you? :wink: Let’s see now…

  1. It varies. In my own life…my first BF I met in a coffee house. We talked for a while, then went out on a few dates. Sex came around later and we were together for about 9 months when I broke it off. It really had no future and I didn’t want to drag it out any longer. 2nd boyfriend I picked up at a bar, we went back to his place and got horizontal that night. We were together for 3 years 9 months when we broke up. There was a lot that contributed to that, he had a major alchohol problem and I couldn’t deal with it anymore. Thankfully, he’s gotten his life cleaned up and is doing quite well now.

3rd and current SO and I started out talking online (AOL chatroom). We talked off and on for about 4 months when we finally met in person. We dated for about a month when we decided we wanted to be exclusive to each other. We moved in together about 1 1/2 into it and had our 5 year anniversary this past june.

  1. It varies widely by person and even by time for one person. I’ve done the whole make dinner and eat by candlelight, watch a romantic movie, give flowers what have you. I’ve also done the “Hey, you’re hot. Wanna get it on?” thing.

  2. My SO and go through phases, after 5 years it’s not all champagne and hot tubs anymore. We tease each other, cuddle on the couch, fight like nobodies business, go out for candlelight dinners, just about everything. When it comes to sex, sometimes it’s mostly just phyiscal but often also a pure expression of love.

  3. Varies by area. As I said to Der Trihs, I’m not big on PDA but will engage in mild versions of it sometimes. We tend to go out in West Hollywood, one of the biggest gay areas in the country, so there it’s not a problem at all. Though we have been called names, etc. I was physically assaulted once and my BF at the time got his jaw broken that night, so yea it depends on the area and time.

  4. Once again, it varies. Personally, I’ve done a combo of these. It’s been a long while, but there were times I knew I’d be seeing someone I was into so I’d go out of my way to look good, smell good and in general have my A game on. Other times, (usually in a bar) I’d see a guy I wanted and walk up and say so. I’ve never been shy, so I’d say I used the direct approach the most.

I’ll work on the rest this afternoon…need to get some actual work done. :slight_smile:

18

Is there one person in your past who you’ve lost due to your homosexuality who you would go back into the closet *for just that person * if you could have them back in your life?

19

I meant to say, you take your time answering these. :smiley: I know I gave you a bunch. I really appreciate every bit of it, thanks.

20

Ok, next set of 5…

  1. Me, I’m 99.99% top. Works well because my SO is 99.999999% bottom. I don’t like the other side because it hurts! I’ve just never found it enjoyable and can count on one hand the # of times I’ve tried it. On the flip side, my SO is the same but the other way.

  2. Depends on the relationship. I’m rather dom in my sexual relationships along with being rather a sadist. We make a great fit cause he’s rather sub and a masochist. It’s not an all the time thing with us, but does make a nice enhancement to our life.

  3. We both do, but more often it’s him. How to put it somewhat delicately…depending on what we’re gonna do there’s certain prep required for him, plus we both have GI track issues so I want to be sure he’s not having problems. It’s just easier to let him tell me when he’s up for it.

  4. Can you elaborate a little on what you’re looking for here?

  5. At times it gets old, because as you say there are generally two types of gays presented by the media. The overly fem fag and the leather daddy. There is some balance starting to come through so that’s good, but having gay people in the media is a step in the right direction. One of these days they’ll start showing us as real people.