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#1
08-12-2006, 11:40 PM
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Commercials That Suck Ass, Mid-August 2006 Edition
It's time to bitch and moan to no-one in particular about the crap TV viewers must endure every eight minutes or so...
...and yes, Head-On bothers everyone... so we'll skip that one. 1. The ads for the movie "Accepted": the film has this fat kid who commits two party fouls: a) he screams like a bitch for like 30 seconds in what appears to be a "funny" scene, and b) he has this stupid fucking line: "ask me about my wiener!" as he wears a hot dog costume. Hey, editors? It's not even a funny line. More importantly, if you're hawking this as one of the comedic highlights of the films... I'll pass, thank you. 2. Levi's "Walk The Line" commercial: self-absorbed hipsters walk across the city in a straight line, to the chagrin of other inhabitants. First, The Verve did this in "Bitter Sweet Symphony" and it was cool then... these fools look like assholes playing the adult version of "step on a crack, break your mama's back." Second, the woman has the possessed look on her face and is walking way too fast. At one point she's walking on a table in a fuckin' library... I think she made a turn somewhere. I would have tripped her ass. 3. Cingular "dropped call" ad: there are several variants of this one, but the one that bugs the crap out of me is the one with the pseudo-French (?) chef who orders pork and gets dropped by his network. First up, the accent grates... I have no idea where he is supposed to be from but it sounds like the most phony Euro accent ever. Then he points to his head in fury about his network dropping his precious call with A BIG FUCKING KNIFE to his dome. It should really be a PSA about being careful with sharp objects. The commercial world needs taking down a peg... have at it, y'all! 
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#2
08-12-2006, 11:44 PM
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OMG, how could I forget this horrible campaign for Old Navy... they're determined to make the word "fashion" "fash on." As in, "we're gonna get our fash on." The spot has a Li'l Kim-esque rapper urging us to "run and tell our cuz-on, we're going to get our fash-on." Anyone who utters this phrase in an attempt to be cool will no doubt be bludgeoned to death by anyone within earshot.
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#3
08-12-2006, 11:49 PM
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#4
08-12-2006, 11:51 PM
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#5
08-13-2006, 12:02 AM
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Dr. Z, in car ads. Is it Chrysler? I think the doofus Hemi guy is in one of them.
The Hummer campaign where they try to convince you that everything wrong with your life will be cured if you buy a Hummer. Only one kind of hummer will make you feel good, and you don't need an engine for it. The ad for Helio, where the girl gets mad at her parents because they call her boyfriend's cell phone a cell phone. "It's a Helio! Waaaaaah!"
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#6
08-13-2006, 12:05 AM
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#7
08-13-2006, 12:21 AM
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#8
08-13-2006, 12:30 AM
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#9
08-13-2006, 12:37 AM
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1. All ads which feature losers as protagonists (typically, youngish guy, longish hair, "I'm a little f***-up but I'm cute" shit-ass grin).
2. All ads whose subtext is that real men are powerless and it's crappy women using their sexual tricks that emasculate us, but this car and/or hamburger will make us butch again. Can't come up with specific ads because these are ubiquitous and I've taken to reading a book during comercials in order to avoid having them contaminate my brain.
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#10
08-13-2006, 02:15 AM
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#12
08-13-2006, 09:52 AM
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Oh, and Hippy Hollow gave the commercial I was going to say. Absolutely makes me weep for the language.
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#14
08-13-2006, 10:03 AM
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Hmm, I find his pseudo accent kinda hot.  I loathe and detest the whole crop of Charter Cable commericals in rotation right now. They aren't annoying in any particular way but it just seems like Charter got all the actors from the same discount acting company and they all suck. Example, stereotypical busy mom talking about how much she saves using Charter: "Savings? Please! (rolls eyes dramatically) I'm a shopper. I know savings." I also hate the lazy woman who was glad she now had the option to block sites her son liked to visit instead of, you know, actually parenting her kid. Come to think of it, I think that might have actually been a Charter commerical too.
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#15
08-13-2006, 10:31 AM
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One of the feminine protection type commercials; I think it's Stayfree (yea, the folks that brought us the slogan "have a happy period!"). A young woman is standing in front of the dizzying plethora of feminine napkins in the store (and yeah, it really is dizzying) and another woman approaches her and asks "Does your current pad leave you feeling wet and sticky?" Umm, excuse me. I think if someone approached me like that in a store, I'd call security.
Me, I'd prefer that they stop dancing around this stuff, and come right out with it in these commercials: "Stayfree. Sops up blood like nothin' else out there!" That's a commercial I could have respect for.
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#16
08-13-2006, 10:37 AM
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As for other ads, there's a really annoying one for the Gap that has this really throbbing bass beat. The problem is that my local stations run this ad during the morning news, so I hear this at 6:30am when I'm only partly awake, and the throbbing in the commercial conflicts with the throbbing in my head at that hour. And regarding "South Harmon Insitute of Technology in the movie Accepted, I had heard that Stevens Institute of Technology in Hoboken, NJ was once known as Stevens-Hoboken Institute of Technology, but it's probably just an urban legend.
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#17
08-13-2006, 10:48 AM
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Re: the Walk the Line commercial. I actually like this cover song, anyone know who sings it?
 Re: Dr. Z: I love these commercials, especially the radio one where the guy calls in to ask "Does that thing have a Hemi?" and after Dr. Z goes through his thing, the caller replies with "No, I was talking about the MUSTACHE! HAHAHA!" and Z makes a comment about this new technology called "Caller ID". Guess I'm just more economically amused than my fellow Dopers.  But back to the topic of whining about annoying commercials, I don't much care for the "Boys from the Men" Sonic commercial for whatever the heck they were selling (knowing Sonic, it was probably a Slushy). If a passenger in my car acted that way at a drive-thru, he'd find himself needing to call for a ride home. Also, Mac commercials. I don't really need to say more here, do I?
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#18
08-13-2006, 11:47 AM
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#21
08-13-2006, 01:03 PM
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I think it was Chrysler that bombarded us with ads last year too. That makes me think the marketing director is sleeping with whoever writes the checks.
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#23
08-13-2006, 02:40 PM
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fuck
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#24
08-13-2006, 02:47 PM
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Perfume ads are especially laughable -- real life at its best is nothing like those hallucinatory fantasy vignettes -- but face it, how else can you advertise a perfume on TV? The only thing that really distinguishes one from another is the smell, and they haven't perfected smellovision.
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#25
08-13-2006, 03:27 PM
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#28
08-13-2006, 07:09 PM
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I despise those commercials for deodorant body spray (TAG and it's ilk) that act as though women are not really rational, thinking individuals. They are all ravenous, sex-crazed vixens waiting to be unleashed by... some twenty-something guy with a can of aerosol body spray.
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#29
08-13-2006, 07:17 PM
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And can someone please pull Charo off the Geico ads? I would much rather see the gecko than that frightening hag.
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#30
08-13-2006, 07:45 PM
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#32
08-14-2006, 01:54 AM
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The rest suck - especially the one where the women do pole dances on the drain from the guy's shower. Not only offensive, since when does one drain run all by itself down apartments below?
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#33
08-14-2006, 07:42 AM
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I don't even know what service this is for, but I cannot stand those commercials that have a person who is supposed to be ... bored, I guess, who starts making other people to do weird things for the entertainment value. That value, btw, is nil. (One commercial has this happen with the people riding a bus, another one is set at a party). The very first time I saw one, I thought the set up could possibly be a little cute or humorous -- I think one of the people has to do a funny dance, which I'm willing to admit could be funny. But most of the actions are things that are 1. not at all entertaining, and 2. weird things no one would actually want to do in the first place. These commercials also bring out the snob in me, because all I can think is Hey people, there's this HIGH TECH portable thing that can entertain you -- it's called A BOOK. (Sorry to go down that path after the recent Pit thread. Another option for entertaining yourself at a party is to chat with another person.)
Merck (I think) is also running one of those faux-PSA pharmaceutical ads about HPV (human papillomavirus) that drives me up a wall. It's a million women -- I'm not even kidding, it never ends -- earnestly proclaiming that they never knew about the dangers of HPV and that they are now moved to run out and tell "somebody" and then different women say things like "tell a friend," "tell my sister," etc etc The commercial has this tone that the HPV information has been kept secret in Area 51 and we all need to rise up against this conspiracy. I'm all for increasing awareness of women's health issues, but I hate the premise that I need Merck to provide this information as opposed to say, my health care providers. Also, the ads downplay (I think the short version doesn't mention this at all) how one gets exposed to the virus -- it's sexual contact -- I think if you saw the ad and didn't know that going in, you'd be left with the assumption that it's kind of a random thing, and thus scarier.
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#34
08-14-2006, 08:48 AM
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 To be fair, I'd despise those ads a lot less if the product actually worked as advertised . . . 
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#35
08-14-2006, 09:09 AM
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A woman stands by her young son as he waits in line for a slide at the local park. Another mother and her brat come up and cut in front of her. She protests to the line cutter but to no avail. She is appalled at the rudeness.
THEN SHE GOES OUT AND BUYS A HUMMER!!!!!!!! Yeah, THAT'll show 'em not to mess with YOU!!!
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#36
08-14-2006, 09:11 AM
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Exactly what I came in here to mention. Not only this one, but I've seen two other in this vein with Burt Bacharach and Little Richard as the "celebrities". All of whom are looking like death warmed over these days. Did Geico blow so much of their advertising budget on the CGI for the lizard that the only celebrity endorsers they can afford are cast-offs from mid-seventies Hollywood Squares reruns? I expect their next commercial to feature Paul Lynde's corpse propped up in an armchair next to Marge from Eden Prairie.
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#37
08-14-2006, 09:23 AM
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Am I the only one who cannot stand that fucking Geiko lizard and his godawful accent? That one gets me immediately turning the channel every time.
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#38
08-14-2006, 09:24 AM
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#39
08-14-2006, 09:26 AM
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I hate those commercials for disposable toilet wands. Who knew my toilet brush was actually a biohazard and that my friends' estimation of my skills as a housekeeper were substantially lowered by seeing the thing nestled next to my toilet?
I also despise those air freshener commercials in which friends come into the house and express wide-eyed amazement that the house smells so nice. 'Cause, you know, it used to smell like the city dump. I also hate the majority of commercials which feature children. For some reason, they seem to think we'll be amused by seeing monstrously ill-behaved children and their parents smiling upon them with bovine benevloence. There used to be this one commercial in which a little boy tortured his sister throughout, to the point of spraying her and her friends with a super-soaker while they were playing in the house. I wanted to beat that kid.
__________________
Quid quid latine dictum sit, altum videtur.
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#40
08-14-2006, 09:29 AM
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Oh, yeah, the filthy obnoxious (and yet charming and adorable!) kid ads drive me crazy. There was one a while back where a kid was plowing through a huge plate of some really messy food -- spaghetti? BBQ ribs? I don't remember -- and throwing his soiled napkins behind him as he kept wiping off his face. Eventually there was this mountainous pile of soiled napkins on the kitchen floor. And I am thinking, is this a commercial for washcloths, or what? I actually have no idea what it was a commercial for. But it grossed me out.
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#41
08-14-2006, 09:50 AM
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The ad council commercials where the mom is talking to some of the Sopranos about how she has to get rid of them because *gasp* her kid accidentally saw the show! I think it's for the V-Chip or something, or she's actually just getting rid of HBO. There's another one, too, but I can't remember what show it's for.
How about you monitor what your freakin' kids watch, you dumb twit? I don't know why that commercial drives me so nuts, but it does. E.
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#42
08-14-2006, 10:18 AM
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#43
08-14-2006, 11:01 AM
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You know any kid making a huge mess like that is going to get yelled at, in real life. Only a Stepford Wife would just smile zombie-like at her bratty kids as they made a huge mess.
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#44
08-14-2006, 11:12 AM
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My reaction on seeing food purposely thrown on the counters and walls, on the other hand, would probably be "What the hell were you thinking?!" then grabbing the little darling by the arm and marching him to his room, probably until he's about 18 or so.
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#45
08-14-2006, 11:31 AM
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#47
08-14-2006, 11:40 AM
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#49
08-14-2006, 12:13 PM
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#50
08-14-2006, 01:02 PM
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 From what I understand, the whole point of the joke is that the celebrities they have helping the people tell their stories just aren't all that impressive, as far as celebrities go, and are frankly kinda weird. Oh, and the next commercial, from what I saw on TV, was "That announcer guy from movie commercials"
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