09-18-2006, 01:28 PM
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Oh dear, Stephen Baldwin interview-must be read to be believed
Jesus is like, totally bummed dude, that you're like, a spokesman for him.
Some of the better quotes:
Radar: So can you name the seven deadly sins?
SB: Dude, I'm totally clueless.
Radar: Lust, greed, sloth, gluttony, wrath, envy, pride.
SB: Although wrath in the Bible isn't a sin.
Radar: Not in the hands of God, but it is in the hands of a mortal.
SB: Hey, you're pretty hip to this whole deal. Are you like some Jesus freak?
Radar: We did a little homework. Which deadly sin have you been most guilty of in your life?
SB: Wow. What's sloth?
Radar: Total laziness.
SB: Hold on, I have a dictionary right here. I carry one because now I'm getting into ministry and I gotta know what I'm talking about. So let's look it up and be little Poindexters. Here it is: Slow-moving nocturnal mammal. Dude, that's it.
Radar: Can you name the Ten Commandments.
SB: Gosh, I should know this. I spank my children because they don't know this. Let me think.... Thou shall not kill.... Thou shall not steal.... [Long pause] Honor thy mother and father.... [Another long pause] Shall not covet thy neighbor's wife....
Radar: That's four.
SB: Gosh ... I can't think.... Do not commit adultery.... Murder!
Radar: You did that already.
SB: Dang ... hmm ... don't use the Lord's name in vain?
SB: How many do I have?
SB: That's it? That's all I got? What's the other four?
Radar: They don't make sense to me.
SB: Well, if they don't make sense to you, and you're reading them, how am I supposed to know?
Radar: Because you're born-again.
SB: Just because I'm born-again doesn't mean I have to have the Ten Commandments memorized. See, that's the bad rap the born-again thing has gotten. What being born-again means for me is that I'm having so much fun in this interview that we're not going to go out and get an 8-ball of blow tonight and go crazy. That's what born again means to me: Inasmuch as I'd like to do that, gosh, I'll just go home and read some scripture with the wife.
Radar: Can you name me the 12 disciples?
SB: Dude, I got kicked off Celebrity Mole twice 'cause I suck at this. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Timothy—
Radar: There's no Timothy, there's a Thomas.
SB: Thomas. Same thing. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, Thomas, Peter, Oscar. Who else? Hold on, I'll go to the Bible. There, I'm telling you in advance that I'm cheating. I know them, I just can't think of them now.
Oy. The Pope's got nothing on this guy.
-Praise Ceiling Cat, who be watchin yu, may him has a cheezburger