Farting in front of a significant other. Fart stories.

[rostfrei]

When did you feel comfortable farting in front of your boyfriend/girlfriend? Personally, I never felt comfortable doing that. However, my 2nd boyfriend farted on our first date, very loudly. He was apparently quite proud of his ability to make loud anal noises. I eventually ended up moving in with him and we were together for almost 15 years. He farted quite regularly throughout the relationship, and I found it quite disgusting after a few years. He used it as a “weapon” .

My 3rd boyfriend used to fart a lot too, but he tried to be discreet about it at least.

The reason I’m asking is that my 4th and final (hopefully) boyfriend and I were play wrestling on the living room floor the other night and he squeezed me hard and I farted. We both laughed like it was the funniest thing ever. Oddly, I didn’t feel embarrassed.

[Moirai]

A group of us were sitting around one day, and an unmarried girl asked my friend Paige if she felt comfortable farting around her husband. Paige grinned and said "Honey, whenever possible, I fart ON my husband!"



My husband is a farter, sometimes a dangerous one. The 4 & 7 year old boys think he's the greatest. It has become quite the bodily function-fest in this house lately...

Discretion amongst ourselves appears to be impossible. I have tried to explain to the boys that public, school, church, etc, are different and require better manners. I am fighting an uphill battle against this house full of boys.

[Least Original User Name Ever]

Lucky you. You get me giving you the first story.

This story is probably my favorite story concerning my ex. We were sleeping together, and after a whole day of stifling ass gas, it was pent up. Her room was on the first floor, right next to the driveway. So I'm dreaming. In my dream, I fart. So I think "Hey, you can't fart. You're by the woman!"

Little do I know, I'm really farting. The first blast wakes her up and convinces her that the sound came from a large truck in the driveway.

So, in my dream, I let the rest rip. She realizes that the sound is coming straight outta my anus. She realizes that I just woke her up with my ass (and it REALLY smells) so she jabs me with her elbow and wakes me up.

"Do you know you just farted?"

"Did not...hee hee hee...zzzzzz."

[Quasimodem]

The older you get, the harder it is to "tie a knot", and sometimes those bad boys are outta there before you know it.

It's kinda like that thing with the rifle shot in reverse.

Know what I mean?

The guy falls down dead, and then you hear the report of the gunshot.

Well, it's kinda like that, only they get some early warning before they keel over.

If she's cool with it, she'll say something like , "Nice one, honey!"

If she's not, and you don't have a dog or a pair of sneakers handy, best thing to do is just to own up to it.

Coughing to cover up a fart is the same as lying, to a woman.

Quasi

[Silver Fire]

I have a theory (and loads of people agree with me) that you can't really be with somebody unless you can fart around them. It's a comfort thing. We'd been talking about it at work one night and a coworker said she wouldn't dream of farting in front of her husband. So I explained my theory to her. That night, she went home and let one rip. Her husband was like, "Have you been drinking?" Ha.

People fart. I don't really get what the big deal is about that.

[Freudian Push Up Bra]

It's a natural human bodily function. It's totally normal. And occasionally smelly. My friends and I will occasionally pause and twist to the side to release one and everyone leaves you a wide berth as that occurs. If we're sitting down, one particular girl will get this huge grin and will announce 'I JUST FARTED!'

We're quite juvenile. I've had one forced out of me, during a cough or sneeze and my boyfriend says my look of surprise as it happens is quite hilarious. He'll occasionally let one slip by accident when we're on the couch but unless it smells, I don't move. If it smells, he's on his own. I wouldn't expect him to hang around if I let a smelly one rip.

[Quasimodem]

Well, hell. Let's not get too clinical about them, okay?

Remember, somebody had to make them unacceptable somewhere in history, and somebody had to start that gigglin' when one got locked, loaded and shot, 'cause they do make a cute little sound, and sometimes they do carry a little bit of a whiffy.

I guess what I'm saying is we don't need to overlook the comic effect of a fart by just saying it's a natural thing and just dismissing it as such.

Yeah it's a "natural thing", but when it happens in church or any other solemn occasion, damn, don't you just wanna bust loose, and just, (hell, I don't know!)
LAUGH?

Ah, God. I think I just warmed up my chair a bit!

Q

[Moirai]

My husband and SIL used to tickle their little sister until she farted.

She's 32 and it still works!

[Cyn]

Valentine's Day in Las Vegas. Drachillix and I had enjoyed a show and a romantic dinner and he left me at the back door of the casino to get the truck--my high heels wouldn't teeter out into the parking lot. Or maybe it was all the alcohol, either way. Three young men noticed my being unescorted and exclaimed their admiration/concern/did I need another drink? I assured them I had someone on the way, Drachillix arrived to fetch me and I happily climbed in and, feeling quite saucy, started to related how I got hit on. Mid-sentence, without warning, I farted so hard I swear it lifted me off the seat. Long and loud and smelly. I was jaw-droppingly shocked. I am quite a girly girl---I do not acknowlege farts or call them farts. I pass gas. My girlfriend, while pregnant, would let one rip and say "That's the baby saying I love you"
Drachillix now says " That's my ass saying I love you"
Whenever we hear "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas", we think of my tremendous fart.

[Cluricaun]

I drink a lot of beer, and beer can be, well, super-fuel for the fires of our insides. One night after downing a few my girlfriend and I went to bed. We're no strangers from having a few barking spiders taking up residence in our room, so it's not particularly surprising to hear a few trouser growls from time to time.

However, on this night around 2:00am or so I must have really, really cut loose as my girlfriend sat straight up, gasping in horror as she thought that for sure I'd shote the bed. I was awoken by a desperate woman meekly feeling around between my legs, sure she was about to find a horrible surprise. When I woke enough to ask what she was doing, she told me and I about fell out of bed laughing.

[Penchan]

Originally Posted by Cluricaun

I was awoken by a desperate woman meekly feeling around between my legs, sure she was about to find a horrible surprise.

Bolding mine.

Holy crap that's some love right there. If my SO did that I would have ripped the sheets off of him and screamed "MOVE!" as I searched for his surprise. I would NOT have touched around there. Then again I'm a germaphobe. *shudder*

[Largo62]

I was standing in a book store several years ago when a man in a raincoat, standing at the end of a row of bookshelves reading a magazine, cut one loose. It started out in one key, changed key several times and must have lasted for thirty seconds. I almost expected the guy to lift off the ground. The funny thing was he seemed oblivious to the fact that he was farting loudly and long in a very public place.

[Scubaqueen]

Originally Posted by Cluricaun

I drink a lot of beer, and beer can be, well, super-fuel for the fires of our insides. One night after downing a few my girlfriend and I went to bed. We're no strangers from having a few barking spiders...

bolding mine.

and here i thought the dive master was the only living creature to use that term!! if not those pesky spiders, then we just blame it on one of the four dogs that are never more than three steps away from either of us at any time.

or the cat, come to that...

[theater in a crowded fire]

I can't believe I'm using my first post for a fart thread after my long career as a lurker for a fart thread, butt.... (er, but....)
Mrs. Theater and I typically end up sleeping back to back so she's been the recipient of my farts on more than one occasion. Only a few weeks after we were married I apparently ripped one in my sleep of the type that could be accompanied by its own mushroom cloud directly at her at which point she screamed and I awoke to a very pissed off new bride. Ah....the joys of marriage.

[Full Metal Lotus]

Years ago, I was on a date with a nice "preacher's daughter" type.. It was our first date and I was driving her back to her family's farmhouse. Suddenly, she turned to me and said "I have something in my pants that is just dying to get out!... Do you mind?"

Being the gentleman I am, I told her that it would be "Just fine!"

So, she let rip...

We dated for yrs after that, and just relating it now brings a grin to my face...

regards

FML

[pbbth]

I used to date this guy who had incredible sexual stamina. He could and would go for hours at a time, with occasional pauses to lube up (it relates to farting, I promise!) I was not used to this, and though it was great it was really kind of difficult to get used to the marathon fucking. One day while we were going at it I just couldn't take all the pressure and the thrusting and I farted. Loudly. He kind of stopped for a second, registered what happened, shrugged and kept going. We never spoke of it again, but every so often I think of that moment and I laugh!

[Valgard]

Originally Posted by pbbth

I used to date this guy who had incredible sexual stamina. He could and would go for hours at a time, with occasional pauses to lube up (it relates to farting, I promise!) I was not used to this, and though it was great it was really kind of difficult to get used to the marathon fucking. One day while we were going at it I just couldn't take all the pressure and the thrusting and I farted. Loudly. He kind of stopped for a second, registered what happened, shrugged and kept going. We never spoke of it again, but every so often I think of that moment and I laugh!

Girlfriend in college farted in my face while I was going down on her. She got the worst case of the giggles you can imagine, which is not exactly an anti-farting measure.

Last girlfriend would fart all the time; we got to that stage of comfort in the relationship pretty quickly. I didn't mind except sometimes it would smell like she'd eaten the entire sulphur output of Uzbekistan, really reeked the whole room up. She'd run to the bathroom and turn on the fan, the cats would go hide under the bed and the plants would wilt.

[phouka]

Long ago, when I lived with a boyfriend, I'd just had one of those bad intestinal days. Tons and tons of gas. I could feel it hit every nook and cranny from my transverse colon on down. I came to understand the meaning of "bloat and discomfort".

I was in the bedroom, boyfriend was in the living room. I was trying to work out to my exercise video, and when I got to a particular stretch, I must have brought the stars into alignment. It rattled the windows and carried on for at least ten seconds. Dogs barked. Canadian geese left their migratory path. I just hung in there, relieved beyond words.

Then I heard my boyfriend from the other room in a stunned voice. "Daaaaaaaaamn, baby!"

Yeah, farts are funny.

[stochastic]

The wife claims she never farts. And she doesn't, not when she's awake. But when she's asleep, all that pent up pressure lets loose. It shakes the bed, wakes me up and scares the cat out of the room. What's even more humorous is the fact that she's got a largish caboose, so it gets the buttcheeks flapping and sets up a nice reverb effect. Somehow she never wakes herself up with these explosions, so she can maintain plausible deniability.

I'm a dead man if she ever reads this.

[danceswithcats]

One of the great comic moments bestowed upon us via the internet is the series of Robert Tilton Fart Videos. Nothing like watching his facial expressions as he makes "a joyful noise". #2 is my favorite.

In central PA, owing to the large HD factory, they aren't called barking spiders, but instead are referred to as "Mouse on a Harley."

[Seven]

We have a funny little Pitbull/Lab mix named Joe. He is, what I call, assileptic. He gets all happy and his tail starts wagging, then his entire ass is wiggling out of control. The entire time his face has a happy, proud look on it. Tounge out, ears half cocked, ass moving and totaly disconnected from his brain.

Whenever my wife or I let one pop, almost in unison my wife and I go "JOE?!?"

He gets up, proudly walks around with his ass out of control and he seems very pleased with himself - even though is wasn't REALLY his fart.

Sometimes we blame the cat but the reaction from her is far less entertaining.

[zoogirl]

Hey, we have a Rottie named Joe too!

The boys think it's funny to give him chilli. Use your imagination.

Oh, and it's not barking spiders, it's oversized mosquitos.

[Mama Zappa]

I don't remember when we got the the point of being comfortable farting around each other - must have been early on because I remember one weekend when we were newlyweds.... we'd eaten lunch at a Shoney's, that had all-you-can-eat soup, and some soup involving beans was majorly YUMMO. We were out of town, staying at a Holiday Inn, and I'm pretty sure the hotel had to repaint the room we stayed in

My MIL once asked my SIL (newly living-with a fellow, and they'd just gotten officially engaged): "But are you comfortable with each other? can you FART around each other??".

My husband is the real pro when it comes to farting. Generally high overall level of both frequency and toxicity. (though I'm less prolific, when I really get going I peel paint off of trucks 20 miles away). Most evenings, I wind up accusing him of eating roadkill for lunch.

Never had a dog to blame for this but I did once lay the blame on one of the babies. Now that they're older I can't get away with that any more

[Kalhoun]

Originally Posted by Cyn

Valentine's Day in Las Vegas. Drachillix and I had enjoyed a show and a romantic dinner and he left me at the back door of the casino to get the truck--my high heels wouldn't teeter out into the parking lot. Or maybe it was all the alcohol, either way. Three young men noticed my being unescorted and exclaimed their admiration/concern/did I need another drink? I assured them I had someone on the way, Drachillix arrived to fetch me and I happily climbed in and, feeling quite saucy, started to related how I got hit on. Mid-sentence, without warning, I farted so hard I swear it lifted me off the seat. Long and loud and smelly. I was jaw-droppingly shocked. I am quite a girly girl---I do not acknowlege farts or call them farts. I pass gas. My girlfriend, while pregnant, would let one rip and say "That's the baby saying I love you"
Drachillix now says " That's my ass saying I love you"
Whenever we hear "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas", we think of my tremendous fart.

That's hilarious!

I don't fart in front of anyone. My husband farts with abandon. I think "man butt" is different from "woman butt." They just fart more. I dunno why...they just do.

[Mama Zappa]

Oh, and there was the time (quite recent) where my spouse had been running errands in the car. He came home to pick the rest of us up for some outing. Kids and I got in the car and it, well, reeked.

"Sorry", sez Typo Knig.

"Not *half* as sorry as *we* are!!" sez me.

[Caricci]

Originally Posted by stochastic

The wife claims she never farts. And she doesn't, not when she's awake. But when she's asleep, all that pent up pressure lets loose. It shakes the bed, wakes me up and scares the cat out of the room. What's even more humorous is the fact that she's got a largish caboose, so it gets the buttcheeks flapping and sets up a nice reverb effect. Somehow she never wakes herself up with these explosions, so she can maintain plausible deniability.

I'm a dead man if she ever reads this.

Honey, is that you?

[brewha]

In the early stages of dating my fiance, I wouldn't fart around her. We were both in college at the time and I lived in a house with 3 other guys. We would hang out in my room and watch movies. If I really had one building up, I would excuse myself and go into the bathroom and let her rip. Or if I did actually have to go to the bathroom, I would take the opportunity to let out any pent up gas.

I've been with her for over four years now and she just recently told me that my efforts were in vain. Either we had very thin wallls in that house or I have a very vocal anus, but she heard me every time I let one buck. Sometimes I think it is a miracle that she is still with me.

FWIW, we are now past that point and freely fart in front of each other. My only request is that she not fart ON me if we are snuggling.

[Valgard]

OK, so long as we're starting with the Farting Preacher...

http://stupidvideos.com/video/just_p...ting_in_bed_2/

(Fairly safe for work, just keep the volume down)

[gigi]

The only time I fart freely with anyone else around is with my mom. If I let one rip I giggle and say "Pardon me" as if it was a surprise. If it's a long loud one, she can identify and says "Ah, so satifying!" in sisterhood with how relieved I must feel!

[Elza B]

Originally Posted by Kalhoun

I think "man butt" is different from "woman butt." They just fart more. I dunno why...they just do.

You've never been to my house .

I think we started early on - I accidentally let one rip in the middle of sex, and after that, it was on. Honestly, it's a bit of a contest now, and I can out-fart him like mad. We usually blame it on the cats.

However, I gave birth to the gassiest baby ever, and he's trying to take my title. ElzaHub was holding him one day last week, and I heard this gigantic fart come from the vicinity of the chair. Looked over and ElzaHub was in hysterics - I'd assumed he had done it, but apparently, this giant ppppppffffffffttttttt had come out of our son's tiny little butt.

We're so proud .

E.

[bump]

I think my favorite SO fart story is when my girlfriend dutch-ovened herself!

We'd woke up on some lazy Sunday morning, and were lying there together peacefully. At her house, I usually sleep on top of the covers, because it's usually warmer than I'd prefer.

This particular morning, it was chilly, so I was all up under the covers.

I let one rip- loud and noxious. The rest went something like this:

Girlfriend: <sniff> <sour face> <dives under covers>

Girlfriend: "AAAGH! It's under here too!" <emerges from covers quickly>

Me: "Too? That's where it started."

Her: "You usually sleep on top of the covers; that's why I went under. I was trying to escape!"

Me: "There's nowhere to hide..."

[gigi]

Originally Posted by Elza B

I think we started early on - I accidentally let one rip in the middle of sex, and after that, it was on. Honestly, it's a bit of a contest now, and I can out-fart him like mad. We usually blame it on the cats.

I occasionally hang out with the three teenaged boys my friend spawned. One time I had to let loose and thought, what the hell, they're teen boys. Turns out there are feats of flatulence even they hadn't achieved before.

BTW, I love the colorful language and expressions we have all come up with around this phenomenon. So cute.

[Dung Beetle]

We're a family of proud farters at my house. We also have wooden dining room chairs, which amplify the littlest squeaker into a mighty shriek. I tells ya, if they had that type of chair in the schools, no one would ever graduate.

[glee]

I've posted this before, but I can't resist.

I had a precautionary sigmoidoscopy, which involves a tiny camera inserted in the bottom to check the bowel. Not painful, just weird.
So the medical staff explained what would happen. They asked if a (beautiful blonde) medical student could observe the procedure.
So the tube is inserted and air is pumped gently up to keep the tube inflated.
The doctor gives me the all-clear and I'm thinking of asking the sudent out when they remove the tube.

And I fart continuously for 57 seconds...

[Dung Beetle]

Originally Posted by glee

I've posted this before, but I can't resist.

I had a precautionary sigmoidoscopy, which involves a tiny camera inserted in the bottom to check the bowel. Not painful, just weird.
So the medical staff explained what would happen. They asked if a (beautiful blonde) medical student could observe the procedure.
So the tube is inserted and air is pumped gently up to keep the tube inflated.
The doctor gives me the all-clear and I'm thinking of asking the sudent out when they remove the tube.

And I fart continuously for 57 seconds...

Oh man. You should've asked her out right in front of everyone, the very instant you got done! How could she resist such an icebreaker?

[lisacurl]

Originally Posted by stochastic

The wife claims she never farts. And she doesn't, not when she's awake. But when she's asleep, all that pent up pressure lets loose. It shakes the bed, wakes me up and scares the cat out of the room. What's even more humorous is the fact that she's got a largish caboose, so it gets the buttcheeks flapping and sets up a nice reverb effect. Somehow she never wakes herself up with these explosions, so she can maintain plausible deniability.

I'm a dead man if she ever reads this.

Ah, yes... the "cheek resonance" theory of differences in fart modulation. My husband and I have had a philosophical debates about this, as I felt somewhat embarassed that my farting, though less noxious and frequent, was louder. He also has the "ass hair muffler" adjunct theory which he claims suppresses his noise factor.

[Least Original User Name Ever]

But that's negated depending on the sitting surface.

Wooden chairs aren't necessary in schools. Hard plastic bounce some ass very effectively.

[Jake]

My SO and I have never discussed this. I think I'll bring it up soon. (No, not that!) We do burp in front of each other as long as we say "Excuse Me".
Anyone heard of a "Covered Wagon"? This is when you fart in bed with your wife and pull the covers over her head. EEK!

[Cluricaun]

Originally Posted by Jake

My SO and I have never discussed this. I think I'll bring it up soon. (No, not that!) We do burp in front of each other as long as we say "Excuse Me".
Anyone heard of a "Covered Wagon"? This is when you fart in bed with your wife and pull the covers over her head. EEK!

See post #31 where Bump refers to the same thing but calls it the Dutch Oven.

[Dumbguy]

Dutch Oven is the correct terminology.

[Rysdad]

A couple in bad, and fart ensues.

The video is sort of poor, but it's kind of amusing.

"I've got game!"

My experience with SO farts is when the ex- was pregnant and developed a craving for baked beans.

There ain't enough matches in the whole world...

[Carol the Impaler]

Eek. I must be a total.... uh... tight ass. Cuz I once broke up with a guy because he refused to not fart in my presence.

Seriously.

(I'm embarrassed when I fart in my own home. When I'm alone.)

(Seriously.)

[Valgard]

Originally Posted by Rysdad

A couple in bad, and fart ensues.

The video is sort of poor, but it's kind of amusing.

"I've got game!"

My experience with SO farts is when the ex- was pregnant and developed a craving for baked beans.

There ain't enough matches in the whole world...

Late on the draw there dude :-)

(See post #28)

Worth watching twice though.

"Ole!"

[SnakesCatLady]

My sides are hurting from laughing at this thread!

A few years ago, Mr. SCL and I were in bed. He had gone to bed before I did, and appeared to be asleep - and I felt the urge. The room was cold, the bed was warm, and I didn't want to get up - and he's asleep, right? So I let 'er rip. A symphonic effort - notable for both volume and duration. At last, silence.

Then I hear: "Daaaaaaaaamn, honey, you coulda tried out for the Army band with that one!"

[Cat Whisperer]

My husband and I are quite comfortable farting in front of each other. And yes, we blame it on the cats, especially when they aren't even in the room (well, me more than him - he's quite proud of his prowess with the assplosions).

He got a recipe for great farts from somewhere - lots of protein followed by lots of sugar - bonus points for mixing in some spices and peppers for extra flavour. It seems to work for him (he likes his protein to be chicken wings, and his sugar to be beer). Fortunately, we have an air cleaner in the bedroom for occasions just like that.

[Cat Whisperer]

And people wonder why we would pay to post here.

[Kalhoun]

Originally Posted by Jake

My SO and I have never discussed this. I think I'll bring it up soon. (No, not that!) We do burp in front of each other as long as we say "Excuse Me".
Anyone heard of a "Covered Wagon"? This is when you fart in bed with your wife and pull the covers over her head. EEK!

I've heard that move referred to as a "dutch oven." Grounds for divorce in my home.

[Rysdad]

Originally Posted by Valgard

Late on the draw there dude :-)

Sorry. I thought it was another of those fartin' preacher vids since there are several of them (I've seen them all so I didn't click on it).

[Jake]

"Dutch Oven" eh? My vocabulary has been adjusted!

[Lobelia Overhill]

I farted the other week and the smoke alarm went off...

Yes I am single, why do you ask?