That's Reverend Nawth Chucka to you!

[Nawth Chucka]

I really enjoyed having my own business, back when I cleaned houses and helped nice older people around their houses with parties and recitals and such. Then, I was forced back into the workaday world, where I needed to care about what others told me to do, which blew like a five-dollar whore.
I let my mind wander on the very long trip back from the holidays, thinking about what I enjoy doing that could be done for a living; then it struck me!
I like unique weddings, they are fun to attend and a blast to plan and the avalanche of my thoughts went from there. It struck me that it would be fun to help people carry out their own unique weddings, but not as a wedding planner (which one can get married w/o), but rather as an all-important officiant.
So, I went to the site for the Universal Life Church and officially joined their Christian sect. I am ordained for the purposes of officiating at all kinds of things and even starting my own church if I like.
What shall I call my hitching business? God's Hired Gun? Off With A Hitch? Still Better Than The JOP?
I think there are other ordained Dopers, n'est pas?

[The Scrivener]

Congrats on the mail-order credential. I take it from your duplicate thread that you're "born again" in your faith?

If you really want to offer your customers a full range of options, you might consider working up an Elvis-impersonator act.

[Sunspace]

I think we've got everything from Ásatrúar to Zoroastrians here, though I'm not sure how many are their equivalent of ordained. I'm 99% certain there has been at least one other ULC member, though maybe not recently.

:: ponders name of Nawth Chucka's proposed business ::

Lord (or Lady, depending) of the Rings?
By These Words?
Knotty Business?

And why limit it to Christians? If your clients are designing their own weddings, from your viewpoint does it matter which Deity is observing?

[The Scrivener]

re. your incorporate name, how about "No Justice, No Peace"?

[Bobotheoptimist]

I've officiated at a few weddings - it can be a lot of fun or a real pain but it's never dull! I have a buddy that does sound, video, and DJ's the reception and he has a couple of photographer friends. Works out fairly well.

Reverend Bobo

[Nawth Chucka]

To clarify, I am a female. I just checked a little while ago.
I'm a bit slight to pull off Elvis. Maybe Amy Grant impersonating would be more realistic, but likely less marketable.
I didn't see the duplicate thread but I guess that means a mod ate it, hurrah! I'm working on a different computer than usual, that's my story, etc...
I am limited to the Christian sect I'm ordained in, but I'm more than happy to recite words favorable to Ganesh, or Shiva, or Buddha, whatever the nice couple gives me to read aloud. Heck, I'll do it in a language I don't know, so long as it's spelled out phonetically.
Bobo, any pitfalls I should expect?

Thanks for all the great name ideas, keep 'em coming!

[Bobotheoptimist]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

Bobo, any pitfalls I should expect?

Brides are flaky, weddings take about three times longer than you expect, it's a part-time gig (I've never had a Wednesday afternoon wedding), couples generally have no idea what they want except maybe "You know, the basic wedding thing, with the rings and the 'I do'" so have a half-dozen variations of the ceremony in advance so that you have a plan in advance when you meet with them.

I assume you're comfortable with talking in front of groups? Prepared to ad-lib if a sudden storm strikes an outdoor wedding or the power blows and you lose amplification/lighting...

That's all I've had to deal with, nothing too bad.

[hajario]

I've officiated at two weddings with my ULC credential. One was for a good friend and his wife which was why I got ordained in the first place.

The second was spur of the moment. My step-cousin was going to get married in a couple of months. His fiancee got pregnant a little earlier than anticipated so I married them right after they found out so that she could get on his medical insurance. They had the big, fancy, real wedding as scheduled but only a few of us knew that the legal wedding had already happened.

[WhyNot]

Gotta watch out with ULC. Not for ULC, but for cities, counties or states which are (unconstitutionally, I believe) not accepting their ordination as basis for performing weddings. Last I heard, NY was not allowing ULC ministered weddings, but they were fighting it pretty hard. Always check with the county clerk's office in the town where you will be performing the wedding.

WhyNot,
Ordained, Universal Ministries*


*another insta-ordination via website; nothing fancy, but less well known than ULC

[Clothahump]

Welcome to the ULC crew. I've been ordained for several years now.

[Tripler]

I respectully request that you ordain me to go unto a Crusade to rid the world of stupid people, who deserve it: as in those that spill hot coffee on their own lap, or shoot their neighbor's pets.

Please Reverend, give me this task, and I will grant thee souls to commit to Heaven. Or Hell. Or Staten Island if Thee Shall deem Fit.

Tripler
Punctuation intended.

[Zabali_Clawbane]

NC, are you legally registered with your state to be able to officiate at weddings? Different states have different requirements to meet, I know this because a friend of ours is an ordained non-denominational minister and was talking about the differences between Oklahoma and Kansas when it was time for him to renew his legal registration. You might look into that, otherwise you might have disappointed couples who thought you were legally marrying them. Or, be sure to point out to them that you aren't legally marrying them, (if you can't) that they need to visit a JOP to get that done? I know some couples have two weddings, a JOP wedding, and a church ceremony for their family...so maybe?
I figure you probably are able to legally marry people, but felt it better to be safe than sorry so mentioned it. In any case, good luck and I hope you have fun.

[Nava]

Can I call you Father Nawth Chucka? Mother Nawth Chucka brings me back to the nuns at school and while they were definitely nowhere as weird as the nuns usually depicted in movies, it still wasn't much of a happy time...

[Sunspace]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

I am limited to the Christian sect I'm ordained in, but I'm more than happy to recite words favorable to Ganesh, or Shiva, or Buddha, whatever the nice couple gives me to read aloud.

I thought the ULC did not limit its members?

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

Heck, I'll do it in a language I don't know, so long as it's spelled out phonetically.

If anyone gives you the following text, "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!", do not attempt to say it.

[Contrapuntal]

Originally Posted by Sunspace

I thought the ULC did not limit its members?

I've been ordained for six years. Christ or Christianity was never mentioned.

The coolest part is the total absolution for all sins up to the moment of ordination.

[Muffin]

Originally Posted by The Scrivener

If you really want to offer your customers a full range of options, you might consider working up an Elvis-impersonator act.

That explains the Salvation Army Elivs impersonator ringing bells/collecting at the mall last Christmas.

[Nawth Chucka]

Originally Posted by Contrapuntal

I've been ordained for six years. Christ or Christianity was never mentioned.

The coolest part is the total absolution for all sins up to the moment of ordination.

Yeah, I don't feel any different, but the Holy Glow kept me up all damn night! I noticed more 'thou' and 'thee' in my speech as well today, but I'm in middle Georgia so no one noticed me talking funny.
Brides can be flaky, eh? I sure expect that. I'm very comfortable talking in front of groups, yep yep yep. I'll be one of those officiants you have to hand a glass of wine to shut up.
I'll be asking my nicely-built S.O. to be the handy bouncer guy who shushes those who speak rather than holding their peace at the all-important juncture.
Now that I think about it, what would be the popularity of an Amy Grant impersonator marrying people?
Should I expect people to invite me to the reception after officiating?

[WhyNot]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

Should I expect people to invite me to the reception after officiating?

Don't expect it, as in, show up without being expressly asked by the bride, groom, or person paying for the receptions, but accept/decline graciously as you feel moved to. I've always been asked to attend, but that's probably because I've known everyone I married!

If you don't want to stay, just thank them ever so much and apologize that you have another appointment to keep.

[Bobotheoptimist]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

Should I expect people to invite me to the reception after officiating?

I've always been. Occasionally invited to the rehearsal dinner as well, but I generally decline. God forbid someone ask me to say grace or blessing or whatever it's called before they eat.

[Nawth Chucka]

Got any horror stories?

[LifeOnWry]

Originally Posted by Tripler

I respectully request that you ordain me to go unto a Crusade to rid the world of stupid people, who deserve it: as in those that spill hot coffee on their own lap

Holy crap. I JUST did this tonight, not twenty minutes ago. Well, it was hot chocolate, not coffee, but the effects (ouch) are essentially the same. I'm not normally stupid, though, so I ask you to please consider my record before condemning me.

[Ludovic]

Originally Posted by Nava

Can I call you Father Nawth Chucka? Mother Nawth Chucka brings me back to the nuns at school and while they were definitely nowhere as weird as the nuns usually depicted in movies, it still wasn't much of a happy time...

If you just take the "Nawth" out of there it'd be interesting....

[Count Blucher]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

Yeah, I don't feel any different, but the Holy Glow kept me up all damn night!

I just want to know what its like to be able to dispel/turn Goths. Trust me, there's a real market for you in the workplace if you can:

"This cubicle-farm is... Clean...!"
"You sent them to another plane of existance?"
"Yes."
"Hell...?"
"No. Seattle..."

[Nawth Chucka]

Originally Posted by Count Blucher

I just want to know what its like to be able to dispel/turn Goths. Trust me, there's a real market for you in the workplace if you can:

"This cubicle-farm is... Clean...!"
"You sent them to another plane of existance?"
"Yes."
"Hell...?"
"No. Seattle..."

They *do* make planes in Seattle, right?

[Nawth Chucka]

Hey, Bobo, can I smite people? I have a list.

[Zabali_Clawbane]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

Hey, Bobo, can I smite people? I have a list.

Uh oh! That doesn't bode well... What happened?!

[Bobotheoptimist]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

Hey, Bobo, can I smite people? I have a list.

You may smite people, I don't know if you can or not.

Smiting is so old testament, I'm waiting for the power to unmake. Imagine growling out in a menacing voice, quiet but still loud enough to be heard by all (with just the faintest echo) "I will unmake you" MWA HA HA cough HA HA HAAAA!

Sorry, what was the question?

[Caffeine.addict]

I'm also ordained with the Universal Life Church. I did it on a whim since it is free. When I told my dad he asked me for a link so he can annoy his religious sister. I think that the certificate says I can absolve people's sins so we're pretty good to go here. At work, I've blessed the water cooler and the coffee pot.

I thought about being registered to actually perform weddings but that seems too much like real work to me.

[Nawth Chucka]

Originally Posted by Caffeine.addict

I thought about being registered to actually perform weddings but that seems too much like real work to me.

Whether or not you have to register depends on the laws of the state in which you're officiating, if I understand the website correctly.

Zabali, *life* happened; now that I'm ordained, though, I have recourse against it!!

Me - "Hey, gas prices jumped a quarter overnight!"
Rich Jackass @ the Oil Co. - "So, what're you gonna do about it?"

And the brimstone begins...

[WhyNot]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

Whether or not you have to register depends on the laws of the state in which you're officiating, if I understand the website correctly.

Yep. I'm in Illinois, so all I have to do is exist (and have that Certificate of Ordination). I did email the Cook County Clerk's office to be sure, and they acted all confused about the question.

[Nawth Chucka]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

Yep. I'm in Illinois, so all I have to do is exist (and have that Certificate of Ordination). I did email the Cook County Clerk's office to be sure, and they acted all confused about the question.

Did you phrase it in proper Chicagoan?

"Hey, dere, I need ta letcha know dat I'm, uh, gonna do some weddings dere, afta which wull go fuh beers. Oh, yah, you betcha!"

[WhyNot]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

Did you phrase it in proper Chicagoan?

"Hey, dere, I need ta letcha know dat I'm, uh, gonna do some weddings dere, afta which wull go fuh beers. Oh, yah, you betcha!"

I was with you until the last sentence, and then you started talking Minnesotan, but I'm not bilingual.

No, actually I said something like, "I'm a recently ordained minister. I am writing to find out if there is any registration, licensing or other form I need to fill out before performing a marriage in Cook County or the State of Illinois." And "they" wrote back something like: "If you want a marriage license, you can pick one up at the local office." And I wrote back, "No, I want to perform legal marriages, not get married. Is there anything I need to do first?" And they said something else stupid and irrelevant and I took a large axe down to the Clerk's office and reprogrammed their email response computer with it.

No wait, I mean, I gave up. That's what I did. I comforted myself with the information off several other websites, and left it at that. So there may be a few couples in Illinois living in sin if I have that wrong...

[Nawth Chucka]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

No, actually I said something like, "I'm a recently ordained minister. I am writing to find out if there is any registration, licensing or other form I need to fill out before performing a marriage in Cook County or the State of Illinois." And "they" wrote back something like: "If you want a marriage license, you can pick one up at the local office." And I wrote back, "No, I want to perform legal marriages, not get married. Is there anything I need to do first?" And they said something else stupid and irrelevant and I took a large axe down to the Clerk's office and reprogrammed their email response computer with it.

No wait, I mean, I gave up. That's what I did. I comforted myself with the information off several other websites, and left it at that. So there may be a few couples in Illinois living in sin if I have that wrong...

I assume you signed the marriage licence, right? So, unless someone has some grounds somewhere down the line to challenge your right to marry the couples...you're golden, no?

(I bet the county's computer has a sign on the front that says, "Share and Enjoy!")

[LifeOnWry]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

I was with you until the last sentence, and then you started talking Minnesotan, but I'm not bilingual.

No, actually I said something like, "I'm a recently ordained minister. I am writing to find out if there is any registration, licensing or other form I need to fill out before performing a marriage in Cook County or the State of Illinois." And "they" wrote back something like: "If you want a marriage license, you can pick one up at the local office." And I wrote back, "No, I want to perform legal marriages, not get married. Is there anything I need to do first?" And they said something else stupid and irrelevant and I took a large axe down to the Clerk's office and reprogrammed their email response computer with it.

No wait, I mean, I gave up. That's what I did. I comforted myself with the information off several other websites, and left it at that. So there may be a few couples in Illinois living in sin if I have that wrong...

(hijack)
You know, I am beginning to suspect that you are actually me. What with the threads on paganism, being ordained, herbs, being in the Chicago area and so forth... are you sure we haven't met??

[WhyNot]

Originally Posted by LifeOnWry

(hijack)
You know, I am beginning to suspect that you are actually me. What with the threads on paganism, being ordained, herbs, being in the Chicago area and so forth... are you sure we haven't met??

Just yesterday I got the inkling that you were one of my friends I haven't seen in a while. But I'm pretty sure she likes Indian food a whole lot, so now I'm perplummoxed again. But if we don't know each other, maybe we should!

But she lives in your town, is a vegetarian, herbalist, dances with pagans (although I think she's a Buddhist - or she follows the Red Path, I'm not sure which) and is one of the nicest people in the known universe...so maybe it's she you should be meeting!

[Caffeine.addict]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

Whether or not you have to register depends on the laws of the state in which you're officiating, if I understand the website correctly.

Zabali, *life* happened; now that I'm ordained, though, I have recourse against it!!

Me - "Hey, gas prices jumped a quarter overnight!"
Rich Jackass @ the Oil Co. - "So, what're you gonna do about it?"

And the brimstone begins...

I was at the Courthouse anyhow so I wandered down to the Clerk's office and asked. They gave me a bunch of forms which are in my office desk somewhere.

[Nawth Chucka]

**Update!**

Working on an HR project this week, I had to go through everyone's resume' and transfer info from hard copy to an online form. I ran across one of my co-workers who had put under Education a Doctorate in Divinity from the ULC! On further inspection of her file, I saw that during the background check the company did, it was only able to confirm that she had Minister's credentials (as we all have at the ULC). I couldn't believe the cheek of it! Other things in her file point to a lack of trustworthiness for this person, so I shall watch my step.

[racer72]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

They *do* make planes in Seattle, right?

Renton and Everett actually. Another ULC minister licensed to perform weddings. I have done only 2. The first was for a young couple that could not afford a minister, I did that one gratis. The second was an older couple, he was Mexican and knew very little English, the bride picked a very long winded set of vows from the internet and it took twice as long because the groom's brother had to interpret everything. I ran into the bride a few months later and her hubby had been deported back to Mexico. She didn't seem to upset about it though.

[Captain Amazing]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

Gotta watch out with ULC. Not for ULC, but for cities, counties or states which are (unconstitutionally, I believe) not accepting their ordination as basis for performing weddings.

Help me out here, is the ULC a real religion? I thought it was just some website that would ordain anybody who asked? Do they actually have real beliefs and congregations and stuff like that?

[WhyNot]

Originally Posted by Captain Amazing

Help me out here, is the ULC a real religion? I thought it was just some website that would ordain anybody who asked? Do they actually have real beliefs and congregations and stuff like that?

Well, you have to help me out, first. What's a "real religion"?

They do have church services, every Sunday at 10 am, according to their website. There are ULC congregations all over the world who meet for religious services, although more people hold Ordinations than attend their services, I expect. As they say on their website, the common thread uniting their congregations (and online ordination services) are a belief in religious freedom.

This page, from another church which does online ordinations, has a good explanation of why it is legal and appropriate in the US to offer Ordination with no seminary training or other requirements:

In 1974, the United States government was sued by the Universal Life Church in response to the government's challenge to their right to have a tax-exempt status. When the judge ruled on this case, he also addressed the question of mail-order ordination, independent church charters, etc. While the Universal Life Church is not really a Christian ministry, nevertheless they performed a great service to all non-traditional ministries by fighting this case in court and eventually winning.

The following is excerpted from the court's decision in this case. The Universal Life Church is referred to as Plaintiff:

"...an Honorary Doctor of Divinity is a strictly religious title with no academic standing. Such titles may be issued by bona fide churches and religious denominations, such as plaintiff, as long as their issuance is limited to a course of instruction in the principles of the church or religious denomination... The statute is silent as to recognized honorary titles conferred for some meritorious recognition."

The court then addressed the issue of whether the ordination of ministers, granting of church charters, and the issuance of Honorary Doctor of Divinity certificates are substantial activities which do not further any religious purpose. The following is excerpted from the court's decision:

"Certainly the ordination of ministers and the chartering of churches are accepted activities of religious organizations... The fact that the plaintiff distributed ministers' credentials and Honorary Doctor of Divinity certificates is of no moment. Such activity may be analogized to mass conversions at a typical revival or religious crusade."

Now here is the real meat of the court's decision, and the part that guarantees the legality of your ordination:

"Neither this Court, nor any branch of this Government, will consider the merits or fallacies of a religion. Nor will the Court compare the beliefs, dogmas, and practices of a newly organized religion with those of an older, more established religion. Nor will the Court praise or condemn a religion, however excellent or fanatical or preposterous it may seem. WERE THE COURT TO DO SO, IT WOULD IMPINGE UPON THE GUARANTEES OF THE FIRST AMENDMENT."

As long as a church is legally incorporated and files with the IRS (and to do so, it has to meet the criteria laid out very nicely on this Universal Ministries page), then the church is a legally operating church and the government cannot legally tell them what education, duties or beliefs their ministers need to fulfill.

So, religiously, how do they justify it? It varies by church, of course. I chose UM because I liked their take on it:

From the New Testament: St. John states "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that you should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that what so ever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you."

Being called to be a minister is a matter between God and the one so called. No man (or woman) has the right to say a Calling is false. At the time I applied, there was even a bit about how even those seeking Ordination as a joke were serving their Higher Selves and/or God/ess/es in their own way, and that there is sacred wisdom in humor. (I'm totally paraphrasing, because I can't find that bit right now, if it's still there.)

The Doctrine of this Ministry that we "Do what is right, live fruitful lives, be true to ourselves and the God each of us worship, while causing no harm to others, and accept the individual's right to worship as they see fit within the laws of their respective countries."

Through the expansion of our current and future membership we will share the beliefs of many forms of enlightenment. We invite not just Christians, but the Jewish, Islamic Moslems, Hindus, Buddhists, Episcopalians, Baptists, Catholics, Quakers, Methodists, Presbyterians, Wiccans, Pagans, Bahai, and all others to join us in our individual search for enlightenment.

We acknowledge that spiritual growth comes from finding the truth in our individual ways throughout life. Each of us must find our own Holy Grail. Through our Statement of Faith, the doctrines of this church, and our desire to share, the Universal Ministries is willing share with everyone that wishes the benefits of our organization.

[Nawth Chucka]

(*hugs* WhyNot*) Very well said! I had something abysmal written and the hamsters ate it twice.

[WhyNot]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

(*hugs* WhyNot*) Very well said! I had something abysmal written and the hamsters ate it twice.

Sometimes the hamsters save me from myself, too.

[Nawth Chucka]

I finally got a marriage ceremony under my belt and it is addictive! Sorry to dig up this thread but at this point I'd marry a couple of zombies!

[Sunspace]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

I finally got a marriage ceremony under my belt and it is addictive! Sorry to dig up this thread but at this point I'd marry a couple of zombies!

" 'Till death do you part... um, wait a minute..."

Congratulations!

[Baker]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

I finally got a marriage ceremony under my belt and it is addictive! Sorry to dig up this thread but at this point I'd marry a couple of zombies!

So?

What kind of a wedding was it, as in, how unique or individual?

[Lightnin']

Call me Reverend Lightnin'. I ordained through the Universal Life Church several years back When the vampires attack, I'll be making the holy water.

[aruvqan]

In 72 hours I will be the Right Reverent Ru =) and I am seriously thinking of putting a crowbar in the wallet for the Doctor of Divinity degree to go along with it.

[Nawth Chucka]

Originally Posted by Baker

So?

What kind of a wedding was it, as in, how unique or individual?

Hetero couple, first marriage for both, in their 20's but both are EOD/bomb techs, as seen in Hurt Locker (only USAF rather than Army). Small wedding, about 50 guests, outdoor venue at an Inn in Wasatch National Forest. Even though the staff managed to drop and ruin the top of the 3 layer wedding cake the couple was cool - they've dealt w/ FAR worse in their deployments! Easily the least controlling bride I've ever seen, including me.
I found a lovely, simple script online and edited it to suit them, then added in a handfasting part at her request. I have it in a Google doc if ever anyone else might like to see it!

[Sunspace]

That's beautiful. If I ever get married, I hope I have someone as cool as you to perform the ceremony.

[Digital is the new Analog]

Out of curiosity..how did they find you to do the ceremony?


-D/a