[right]
Message Board of Doper Dreams
*Sung to the tune of **Boulevard of Broken Dreams ** *
**by Green Day - **
Performed by meek [/right]
*(intro; strobe light and fogger on) *
I lurk this message board.
The only one that I have ever known.
Don’t know where it goes,
But it needs a fee, so I want a loan.
My user name is meek,
On the message board of doper dreams.
But it isn’t free,
And I’m the only one that wants a loan.
I want a loan,
I want a loan.
I want a loan,
I want a --.
My cash flows’ the only thing that lacks about me.
My ego here will surely take a beating
Sometimes I know someone out there will pit me.
'Til then I want a loan.
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I’ll make a new sig line
That defines me somewhere in my mind.
Can you spare a dime?
I’ll put you in my sig ~ I want a loan.
Read between the lines
I fucked up and blew my bread on wine.
Now I’m borderline.
I have to join today so I want a loan
I want a loan,
I want a loan.
I want a loan,
I want a --.
My shadow’s the only one that’s broke besides me.
I’m hoping maybe they will wave my board fee.
Sometimes I wish someone out there will fund me.
'Til then I want a loan.
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I want a loan,
I want a --.
(cool flashbombs with guitar solo)
If you can help out meek
Join the message board of doper dreams.
It’ll make me weep
I’m not the lonely one and I thank ya…
My cash flows’ the only thing that lacks about me.
My ego here will surely take a beating
Sometimes I know someone out there will pit me.
'Til then I want a loan.
(more cool flashbombs; cut to black)
[right] Should I Wait or Should I Post?
Sung to the tune of "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"
by The Clash
Performed by meek
*(Intro; **meek **anguishing over his laptop) * [/right]
(Woooooo!)
Moddy, you got to let me know,
Should I wait or should I post?
If you say that it is fine,
I’ll post my crap here all the time.
So, you got to let me know,
Should I wait or should I post?
It’s always sleaze, sleaze, sleaze.
Included with my title tease.
One day it’s fine, now I’m a hack,
So please you all get off my back.
Well come on and let me know
Should I wait or should I post?
(faster)
Should I wait or should I post now?
Contemplate or let it go now?
If I post there could be trouble
Make me wait you burst my bubble.
So come on and let me knooow.
(slower)
This indecision’s bugging meek.
You think I’m some kind of freak.
If you don’t like it then bite me.
I know some Mods here want to pit me.
Come on and let me know,
Is it cool or does it blow?
(Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggghhhhhhhh)
(faster)
Should I wait or should I post now?
Hesitate or pad my post count?
If I post there could be trouble,
Make me wait you burst my bubble.
So you gotta let me know,
Is it cool or does it blow?
Repeat Chorus, faster
Should I wait or should I post?
(Quick cut to black)
[right] The Mod Rules
Sung to the tune of " The Mob Rules "
**by Black Sabbath **
Performed by Ed Zotti [/right]
M <— (really cool flashbombs with guitar intro)
(Yeahhhhhh, c’mon)
Without pity we - tell the people that - something is running afoul.
Moderators are - rushing forward to - take a bite from y’all, oh
You had something to say
But we locked it away.
We don’t listen to fools,
The mod rules.
The mooood rules.
Keep it up Bub and - you’ll be banned here - the end is always the same.
Play with fire we - burn your fingers so - you can’t type out a flame, oh
Its over, it’s done
It’s how we have fun
We don’t listen to fools,
The mod ruuuuuuulllles
(wicked guitar solo)
You had something to say
But we moved it away.
We don’t listen to fools,
Break the code and - be a jerk here - the gauntlet is thrown to the ground.
Just remember if - you start trolling here - dude we won’t fuck around.
Be gone fool!
The mod rules!
(Earth shattering Kaboom! – cut to black)
[right]
Dumb as you are.
*Sung to the tune of **Come as you are. ** *
**by Nirvana **
Performed by **Giraffe **[/right]
*(intro, cool laser light show) *
Dumb
as you are,
hear the word,
we don’t waaaant you to be
ignorant.
Ignorance
is our old enemy.
Take your rhyme
give it up.
The choice is yours
They’re not great.
Take a rest.
Ignorant
like these bad parodieeeeeees, yeah.
parodieeeeeeeeeees yeah
Stop it pleeeeeease, yeah.
parodieeeeeeeeees bleah!
Dumb
As a blonde
soaked in bleach
we don’t waaaant you to be.
Make amends.
Make it end.
Like a bad memoryyyyyy, yeah
parodieeeeeeeeeees yeah
Stop it pleeeeeease, yeah.
parodieeeeeeeeees bleah!
You must swear
that you won’t use a pun.
Go or I’ll use a gun.
No I’m not having fun.
(guitar solo)
parodieeeeeeeeeees yeah
Stop it pleeeeeease, yeah.
parodieeeeeeeeees bleah!
You must swear
that you won’t use a pun.
Go or I’ll use a gun.
No I’m not having fun.
So this war isn’t done.
No I’m not having fun.
parodieeeeeeeeeees yeah
Stop it pleeeeeease, yeah.
parodieeeeeeeeees bleah!
(Fade to black)
[right]
Better Be Good.
*Sung to the tune of Johnny B Good. *
by Chuck Berry
Performed by **Frank ** [/right]
*(intro; Doper Dancers flood the stage and dance the jive) *
Way up in Canada, among the evergreens,
Doper meek was hooked on way too much caffeine.
There on his laptop made of earth and wood,
He posted stupid songs he really thought that were good.
He never really learned to read or write or spell,
But he would parody songs just like he’s ringing a bell.
So post!
Go buddy go post!
Go buddy go post!
Go buddy go post!
Go buddy go post!
It better be good.
They say he found his PC in a gunny sack,
And posted high on weed, maybe even crack.
The other members would see him typing in the shade,
Groovin’ to the ticky-tack his keyboard made.
People lurking by would sometimes stop to say
Your post has ruined another song for me today.
Don’t post!
No buddy don’t post!
No buddy don’t post!
No buddy don’t post!
No buddy don’t post!
You really ain’t good.
(Guitar solo)
His mama told him someday he would be adored,
And he would be the jester of a message board.
Many people logging in from miles around
To sing his stupid songs until the board goes down
Someday his user name would be in lights
Singin’ better be good tonight.
(Repeat chorus – fade to black)
[right]
Great Posts of Fire.
*Sung to the tune of ** Great Balls of Fire. ** *
by Jerry Lee Lewis
Performed by **C K Dexter Haven ** [/right]
*(intro; Doper Dancers showgirl hiphop sequence, flaming red costumes) *
You got some nerve Bub, to challenge my brain.
Too much crud drives a mod insane.
So take a pill,
You imbecile.
Goodness gracious! Great posts of fire!
I laughed at you 'cuz I thought you were funny,
And I’m sorry that I whoooooshed you buddy.
They call me slime,
Here all the time.
Goodness gracious! Great posts of fire!
Cite this buddy! …woooooooo…you should!
You cry-baby!
Welllllllll I want to slug you like a mugger would.
Your lines, malign,
Got to tell this world that you’re swine swine swine swine. (Kicks back piano bench)
I read your tales and I twiddled my thumbs.
I ain’t no Einstein, but you sure is dumb.
So now maybe, admit you’re crazy.
Goodness gracious! Great posts of fire!
(piano solo, flash explosion ignites “piano flaming” effect)
Welllllllllllllllllll
Flame me baby…mmmmmmmmmm…feels good.
Scold me maybe.
Welllllllll I want to club you like a mugger would.
Your whine, unkind.
Had to show this board ya lost your mind, mind, mind, mind.
I read your wails as I twiddle my thumbs.
I cite the proof, and you will succumb.
So just maybe, say you’re crazy.
Goodness gracious! Great posts of fire!
(Flame burst and pyro effects flash, quick cut to black)
[right]
Cajun Man.
*Sung to the tune of ** Iron Man. ** *
by Black Sabbath
Performed by **Cajun Man ** [/right]
*(intro; Forty foot robotic fire breathing Cajun Man stomps across stage, crushing threads in his path and smashing them to the ground,
while occasionally stopping and gently placing other threads in a different forum; Doper Dancers scatter and flee to escape the carnage.) *
I AM CAJUN MAN!
Has he lost his mind?
Can meek see or is he blind?
Can he sing at all?
If I move this will it fall?
Does he live in dread
That I want to lock this thread?
We’ll just leave it here
Though it’s CS I do fear.
He’ll just start to squeal.
In the great mp-sims field
Where he spends his time
Posting stupid little rhymes.
Nobody wants him
He just has to be told.
Posting his vengeance
That he will soon unfold.
Now the time is here
For Cajun man to spread fear
Causing me much strife
If members meet in real life.
Nobody wants him
They just skip his threads
Nobody helps him
Now he has his revenge
(guitar solo)
When I lock a thread
It fills the members full of dread.
Modding as fast as I can,
Cajun man has struck again!
M <— (more really cool flashbombs)
[right]
Skip Magic
*Sung to the tune of ** Magic. ** *
by The Cars
Performed by ** Skip Magic ** [/right]
*(intro; Doper Dancers surround large swimming pool, falling in one by one in an attempt to get near Skip who is walking on water in the center of the pool.) *
Bummer!
This line is umop ap!s-dn.
Bummer, bummer, bummer!
This really making me frown. : (
You see me modding at midnight.
Thread shacklin’ woes.
Thread moves with the mouse a-clickin’
The moderator show.
I gotta let you know.
You got a bold askew,
You got a rogue strike-thru,
You got a link that’s screwed, tonight.
You got a low IQ,
You bumped an old thread dude!
(Gonna tell on you!)
Ut oh Skip Magic
Fixing boo-boos. (ut oh Skip Magic)
Ut oh Skip Magic (Just a little fixin’)
It’s what I do.
You got a low IQ…
Oh pitted! – by some newbie clown.
You know I’m getting pitted.
And he won’t calm down.
You see me modding at midnight.
Fixing all your replies.
How far can you take it,
Till you realize,
I don’t compromise.
You got a bold askew,
You got a rogue strike-thru,
You got a link that’s screwed, tonight.
You got a low IQ,
You bumped an old thread dude!
(Gonna tell on you!)
Ut oh Skip Magic
Fixing boo-boos.
Ut oh Skip Magic (Just a little fixin’)
It’s what I do.
(Repeat chorus, fade to black)
[right]
So Lame
*Sung to the tune of ** No Rain. ** *
by Blind Melon
Performed by ** Tuba Diva ** [/right]
*(intro; Tuba & Doper Dancers are in bumble-bee costumes with the dancers swarming.) *
Alllll I can say is that your posts are pretty lame.
You like watchin’ us all wince in paaaaaaaain.
And allllll I can do, is just post a line or two,
And hope you get a clue, cuz they’re inane.
You’re inaa-aa-aane.
I just want someone to say to meek, (oh oh oh oh)
We’ll always read you when you’re sane.
I know you all think that meek is high todaaaay,
But it seems to me he’s just insane.
And I don’t understand why we read all day,
Then we start to complain that they’re so laaaaame.
And alllllll I can do is just keep fixing your mistakes,
And hope when I awake, you’ve gone away.
Awaaaaay ~ awaaaaay ~ awaa-a-aaay.
Alllll I can say is that these songs are pretty lame.
Ya don’t like my point of view,
It’s cuz you’re insane.
It’s so la-ame… it’s so la-a-ame.
I just want someone to say to meek, (oh oh oh oh)
We’ll always read you when you’re sane.
I know you all think that meek is high todaaaay,
But it seems to me he’s just insane.
(He’s just insane…)
oh oh oh ohhhh
oh oh oh ohhhh
oh oh oh ohhhh
oh oh oh ohhhhhhhhhhh
(Fade to black.0
[right]
Smiley Face
Sung to the tune of ** Saving Grace.* *
by Tom Petty
Performed by ** meek ** [/right]
*(intro) *
I’m passing threads with kitties, : )
Sailing by stickies. :rolleyes:
I’m believing all I read to be so. 
I’m bumping up the past threads :mad:
Some are old and rancid, : (
Pumping life into the dead with emotes… :dubious:
And it’s hard to say 
What they are these days. :eek:
But I post them anyways.
Don’t you baby? :dubious:
I came a lurkin’ from another place
To post this smiley faaaaaace. : )
M
I’m moving on alone over questions no one knows.
Like 14 k of g in a fpd
There’s a mod in every forum
And I’m showin’ no decorum :o
And I’m quoting with a thousand big grins 
sub[/sub]
And it’s hard to say
What they are these days. :eek:
But I post them anyways.
Don’t you baby? :dubious:
I came a runnin’ from another place
To post this smiley faaaaaace. : )
Don’t you baby?
Your “roll eyes” in the Pit threads
And a sig too vast to mention,
My head has room for expansion no more.
And there’s a corner of the board
They’re telling you is yours
How far it goes we’re not really sure. :eek:
And it’s hard to say
What they are these days. :eek:
But I post them anyways.
Don’t you baby? :dubious:
I came a lurkin’ from another place
To post this smiley faaaaaace. : )
Don’t you baby?
(Repeat, cut to black)
[right]
Bump it up
Sung to the tune of ** Pump it up.* *
by Elvis Costello
Performed by ** meek ** [/right]
*(intro; Doper Dancers do the “Bump”. *
Thread lacked a title hook
Didn’t get many looks,
Singing with the muzak,
Thinking ‘bout bumpin’ that?
You said, “What’s that?”
Wanna add some chitter-chat?
Bump it up a little bit
Don’t let it fall flat.
Bump it up! - When you don’t really need it.
Bump it up! - Until we all read it.
Down in the forum centre,
Hell bent on its descent,
Message board propaganda.
Chock full of members’ slander.
There’s nothing lower than
A self bump I understand.
Bump it up! - When you don’t really need it.
Bump it up! - Until we all read it.
Bumps are a members’ pal.
They’re like a chemical.
Tuba tries to stop it,
They’re like a narcotic.
You wanna torture her.
You wanna torment her.
Zombie threads are taunting her
Bumping up her temperature.
Bump it up! - When you don’t really need it.
Bump it up! - Until we all read it.
This little forum show,
After I hit submit
I put my passion out
Didn’t get a single hit.
Dopers’ new mission,
Bump-and-run submissions.
No use wishin’ now its headed for the Pit.
Bump it up! - When you don’t really need it.
Bump it up! - Until we all read it.
(Repeat and fade to black)
[right]
S-D-M-B.
Sung to the tune of ** Y.M.C.A.* *
by The Village People
Performed by ** xash, ** (Traffic cop)
**Czarcasm, ** (Construction worker)
**Rico, ** (Native American)
**samclem, ** (Black leather biker)
**Ukulele Ike, ** (Army dude)
**tomndebb, ** (Cowboy)
[/right]
*(intro; Entire cast and Doper Dancers flood the stage, marching and forming the letters) *
Hey guest, there’s no need to feel down.
I said, lurker, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, lurker, 'cause you’re in Straight Dope town.
There’s no need to be un-hap-py.
Lurker, there’s a place you can go.
I said, lurker, when you just need to know.
You can post there, and I’m sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.
It’s fun to post at the S-D-M-B.
It’s fun to post at the S-D-M-B.
They have everything that the members enjoy,
You can play with all the toys.
It’s fun to post at the S-D-M-B.
It’s fun to post at the S-D-M-B.
You can join up today; you will get a good deal,
You can post your sex ap-peal.
Lurker, are you listening to me?
I said, lurker, join the SDMB.
I said, lurker, but we want you to see.
Fighting ig-no-rance is not free.
Lurker, now just don’t be a jerk.
I said, Lurker, say you won’t go berserk.
And just go there, to the SDMB.
They’ll be glad to take your money.
It’s fun to post at the S-D-M-B.
It’s fun to post at the S-D-M-B.
They have everything that the members enjoy,
You can play with all the toys.
It’s fun to post at the S-D-M-B.
It’s fun to post at the S-D-M-B.
You don’t need to be clean, please just keep it real.
You can post about how you feel.
Lurker, I was once in your shoes.
I said lurker, I was ignorant too.
I felt no man cared if I were alive.
I felt the whole web was just jive.
That’s when someone came up to me,
And said, hey dude, here’s a site you should see.
There’s a place there called the SDMB.
They can make you smart you dum-my.
It’s fun to post at the S-D-M-B.
It’s fun to post at the S-D-M-B.
They have everything that the members enjoy,
You can play with all the toys.
S-D-M-B… you’ll find it at the S-D-M-B.
If you can’t read, then you need to learn how.
Get a PC, get yourself off the ground.
S-D-M-B… you’ll find it at the S-D-M-B.
(Repeat chorus; flash explosions, fireworks, cut to black – curtain closes)
Dedicated to the memory of all the threads that I’ve killed,
all the threads killed by others, and all of my threads that others have killed.
No animals were harmed in the making of this post;
[sup] But my pesky cats were threatened many many times.[/sup]
All characters portrayed in this post are fictional.
Any resemblances to current members, living or dead are unintentional and purely coincidental.
Copyright MMVII meek thread productions incorporated. C
~ Fin ~
A meek thread joint.