**
This post has been modified from its original version.
It has been formatted to fit this screen.
This thread has been rated
PG ~ Pretty Good
by the Music Parody Association
of North America.*
[SIZE=7] The Chicago Reader
in co-operation with
The Straight Dope
Message Board
[COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]present
There are no hidden messages in the spoiler boxes.
A meek thread production[/COLOR]
¸
MMMMMMMM
SDMB
The Epic Musical
[COLOR=yellow]MMMMMMMM
ûûûûûûûûûûûûûûûûûûû
George Clooney
[COLOR=MediumTurquoise]Jeff Bridges
[RIGHT]John Turturro
[/RIGHT][/COLOR]
[/SIZE][/COLOR]
Nicholas Cage
Halle Berry
[RIGHT]Charlize Theron
[/RIGHT]
will not be posting in this thread…
ûûûûûûûûûûûûûûûûûûû
Written & Directed by
meek
Featuring
The Teeming Millions Dancers
OK you found one… happy now?.
Based on the screenplay
The Worst of me(ek)
by meek
Casting by
meek
Musical Score by
meek
Shameless Self Promotion by
meek
Edited by
Obviously Nobody
Probably Edited by
Cajun Man & SkipMagic
Now stop that. It’s not like ya win a prize or anything…
Coding by
meek
ok~ok I’ll get on with it already…
**
Based on a true story…
sort of…**
[right]Sung to the tune of “Good Ol’ Boys” (The Dukes of Hazzard Theme)
**by Waylon Jennings - **
Performed by Cecil Adams
banjo intro[/right]
Just a good ol’ boy,
Never meanin’ no wrong,
They say this boy has been in trouble with the mods since the day he signed on.
Just a couple of words,
Posted in a reply,
More than enough for the mods to arrive to get him to comply.
Makin’ his wayyyyyyyyyyyyy,
The only way he knows how,
It’s just a little bit more than this board will allow.
Just a good ol’ boy,
Couldn’t change if he could,
Fightin’ ignorance in a true internet neighbourhood.
(Fade to black)
[right]Newbie-hian Rhapsody
Sung to the tune of "Bohemian Rhapsody"
by Queen
Performed by meek
***meek **on his laptop; * (fog machine on)[/right]
Is this a real site?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in my web ride
New escape from reality.
Home of the wise,
With fun and surprise
We’ll seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I’m just a newbie
I need some sympathy
Because I’m ez come, ez go
Mostly high,
Kinda slow
Anywhere the board goes
Newbies really matter to me ~
To meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Mama
Just killed a thread
Tried to bump it ~ but instead
Typed my two cents ~ now it’s dead.
Mama
It’s life has just begun
And now I’ve gone and drove them all away.
Mama- oo-oo-oo-oo-oo
Didn’t mean to make it die.
Sometimes I wish I never logged on at all…
*(Earth shattering “Kaboom!”) *
[right]Welcome to the Straight Dope
Sung to the tune of "Welcome to the Jungle"
by Guns 'N Roses
Performed by Ed Zotti
MMMMM <— (really cool flashbombs with guitar intro)[/right]
Welcome to the Straight Dope,
We got fun ‘n’ games.
If you’ve got the need to know,
You’ll never be the same.
We are the people that can find,
The answers you may need.
If you got the money honey,
You may join with ease.
Straight Dope,
Welcome to the Straight Dope.
We got your intern,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n net needs, needs.
C’mon ~ I wanna watch you read!
Welcome to the Straight Dope,
Please enjoy your stay.
But if you want to use the search,
Bud you’re gonna have to pay.
Cuz we’re a very clever crowd,
That’s very hard to please.
You can taste the cool threads,
And you can still lurk for free.
Straight Dope,
Welcome to the Straight Dope,
Feel my ~ my ~ my ~ my supremacy.
C’mon ~ I don’t wanna have to scream!
Welcome to the Straight Dope,
There’s new stuff here everyday.
Ya learn ta post like an english prof
In the forums where we play
Once you’ve got a hunger for what you see
You’ll get it eventually
You can ask anything you want
(But you better not learn it from meek)
Straight Dope
Welcome to the Straight Dope
We got your intern,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n net needs, needs
C’mon ~ I wanna watch you read!
+++~++ <-- (really cool laser light show)
And when you’re right you never ~ ever want to be wrong,
So wrong, so wrong, so long!
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
(jungle drum solo with Teeming Millions Dancers chasing meek)
You know where you are?
You’re in the Straight Dope baby!
Don’t be a jerk!
In the Straight Dope,
Welcome to the Straight Dope.
We got your intern,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n net needs, needs.
In the Straight Dope,
Welcome to the Straight Dope,
Feel my ~ my ~ my ~ my supremacy.
Straight Dope
Welcome to the Straight Dope
We got your intern,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n net needs, needs.
Down in the Straight Dope,
Welcome to the Straight Dope.
Watch it bring you smarts.
Just don’t make me bring you down!
Ha!
MMMMMMMMMM
[right]Read It
Sung to the tune of "Beat It"
by Michael Jackson
Performed by Cajun Man
’ * <— (Forty foot flames, Cajun Man enters with hair on fire)*[/right]
Listen boy if yew gonna come around here,
Don’t wanna read your crap, I’ll make it disappear.
The answer’s right here, and the words are really clear
So read it, just read it.
Now listen dude, you better do what you’re told.
That thread you resurrected must be four years old.
Are ya gonna smarten up? Do I hafta use bold?
Go read it! Or do you like a good scold?.
Just read it, (read it,) read it, (read it)
No one wants to be repeatin’
You’re new 'round here, don’t put up a fight
It really matters, just get it right.
Just read it, read it
Just read it, read it
Just read it, read it
Just read it, read it
They’re watchin’you boy, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
So stop and read the rules then read the FAQ’s.
If you wanna post here, better do what we do.
So read it, just read it.
You have to show them that you really do care.
You’re playin’ with your life, this ain’t no truth or dare
They’ll warn you, then they boot you,
And they’ll tell you it’s fair
So read it, if you don’t wanna get banned.
Just read it, (read it,) read it, (read it)
No one wants to be repeatin’
You’re new 'round here, don’t put up a fight
It really matters, just get it right.
(Refrain)
MMMMMMMMMM
[right]Every Thread You Make
Sung to the tune of "Every Breath You Take"
by Sting
Performed by TubaDiva[/right]
Every thread you make
Every rule you break
Every chance you take
Every cite you fake
Mods are watching you. NN
Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every troll you slay
Mods are watching you. NN
Oh, can’t you seeeeeeeee
That Lynn and meeeeeee
Stay up awake
Fixing your mistakes.
Every sock you make
Every grammar mistake
Every name you fake
For goodness sake
Mods are watching you. NN
When you log on we start to run a trace
Sometimes your posts we can’t easily embrace.
Don’t screw around cuz it’s you I can replace
I feel so cold when you force me to erase.
I keep crying baby, baby, pleeeeeeeeease.
Oh, can’t you seeeeeeeeeee
What you do to meeeeeeee.
Cuz my poor heart aches,
With every post you make.
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
Mods are watching you. NN
Every move you make
Every step you take
Mods are watching you. NN
(Refrain & Fade)
[right]Post Count Hero
Sung to the tune of "Juke Box Hero"
by Foreigner
Performed by **TVeblen, fluiddruid, Giraffe **
- Throbbing bass intro*[/right]
Lurking was a pain, with his post count low,
He didn’t heed the sticky, he’ll claim he didn’t know.
Saw the awe of the crowd, he could picture the scene.
Put his hands to the keys, then like a distant scream.
He made one reply, just blew him away.
He saw stars in his eyes, and the very next day,
Turned a beat up pit thread, to internet war.
Didn’t know why he did it, but he knew for sure,
That one reply, felt good in his hands.
Didn’t take long, for a reprimand.
Just one reply, slung way down low,
Was a one way ticket, only one way to go.
So he started postin’
Ain’t never gonna stop
Gotta keep on postin’
Someday gonna make it to the top.
And be a post count hero, (got stars in his eyes)
He’s a post count hero.
He made one reply! (post count hero, stars in his eyes)
Post count hero, he’ll come alive tonight.
In a thread without a name, was a heavy outpour
When he posted his opinion, then darted out the door.
Like a trip through the past, to that day in his pain
And that one reply made his whole life change.
So he had to keep a postin’
He just can’t stop.
Gotta keep on postin’
That boy has got to stay on top.
(Refrain; guitar solo & dance ensemble #2 ~ while meek frantically pounds his keyboard)
Yeah, he’s gotta keep postin’
He just can’t stop.
Gotta keep on postin’
That boy has got to stay on top.
And be a post count hero, (got stars in his eyes)
He’s a post count zero, (don’t get no replies)
Just one reply, put stars in his eyes.
He’s just a post count hero, (aah aah aah)
Post count hero, post count hero, he’s got stars in his eyes
Stars in his eyes
(Fade to black)
[right]No Pain Blues
Sung to the tune of "Cocaine Blues"
by Johnny Cash
Performed by meek
***meek **dressed in black, playing guitar; * (spotlight center stage)[/right]
Early one mornin’ ~ while makin’ the rounds,
I took a snort of cocaine and I posted what went down.
I can’t recall just what I said,
The mod had warned me not to make that kind of thread.
Got up next mornin’ and my thread was wiped,
Took a shot of whiskey and awayyy I typed.
Made a drunk post, that I must admit.
They pounced on me almost as I hit submit.
After some pot joints and takin’ some pills,
I posted just to desssscribe the thrill.
They locked it up; said I need to show some class,
If you don’t we’re gonna have to kick your ass.
I said yes oh yes my name is meek.
I like to start threads when I can barely speak.
There would be more ~ but I type too slow,
I thought I was just having fun but now I know.
Then I was suspended and my screen was black,
I told ém I was sober and they took me back.
Got no friends left to hear my tale,
"Bout when they slapped my carcass in that forum jail.
Early next mornin’ bout a half past nine
I seen the moderator was online
I asked him why I got replies no more,
He said that most the board had put me on ignore,
Into the pit thread, my trial began,
What I needed now was a good health plan.
Popped a couple mushrooms just to cope with stress,
When I posted stoned they really weren’t impressed.
In about five minutes in walked the man,
Cecil held the verdict in his right hand.
The verdict read guilty in the first degree.
I hollered “Perfect master have a mercy on me!”
Then Cecil said that he can be bribed,
For 99 years now I susssscribed.
99 years ~ and what I hate the most,
I can’t forget the day I made those wasted posts.
Come on you’ve gotta listen to meek,
Lay off that whiskey and let that cocaine beeeeeeeee.
(Fade to black)
[right]Stuck in a Pit Thread With You
Sung to the tune of "Stuck in the Middle With You "
by Stealers Wheel
Performed by meek
- Guitar intro; Teeming Millions Dancers do the “gang walking” thing.*[/right]
Well I logged on to the Straight Dope last night,
I got the feeling that something ain’t right,
I know better not to post while impaired,
And I’m wondering what I wrote down in there,
Mods to the left of me,
Dopers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in a pit thread with you.
Yes I’mmmmmmmm stuck in a pit thread with you,
And I’m wondering what it is I should do,
It’s so hard when I keep losing some face,
Losing control, my reputation disgraced.
Mods to the left of me, Dopers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in a pit thread with you.
Well it started out as nothing,
Has exploded into something ugly man,
Then your friends all come a crawlin,
Say that I’m a hack and call me,
Sleeeeeeeeeeaaze… Sleeeeeeeeeeaaze…
I try to make some sense of it all,
But you can see I make no sense at all,
I’m a fool that all of you now deplore,
And I don’t think that I can take anymore
Mods to the left of me, Dopers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in a pit thread with you.
(chorus)
Well I don’t know why I’m back here tonight,
Don’t feel the need to prove that I’m right,
I’m not scared and I won’t fall off the scene,
And I think what you called me’s obscene,
Mods to the left of me, Dopers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in a pit thread with you.
Yes I’m stuck in a pit thread with you,
Stuck in a pit thread with you.
[right]Edit Me
Sung to the tune of "Let It Be"
by Paul McCartney
Performed by meek
(**meek **dressed in white with halo, playing piano;
entire cast joins in harmony, fog machine on)[/right]
When I find my spelling troubled
Fellow Dopers rescue me.
Fixing words with wisdom, edit me.
When in my hours of dork-ness
And the answer’s right in front of me
I’m lacking words of wisdom, edit me.
Edit me, edit me, edit me, edit me.
Doper lords of wisdom, edit me.
And when the left and right wing members
Fighting on the board agree,
I’ve blown my VB coding, edit me.
And though my posts are broken there is
Still a chance that I will see
The use of proper grammar, edit me.
Edit me, edit me, edit me, edit me.
One day I’ll get it right, edit me.
Edit me, edit me, edit me, edit me.
Fix my words abysmal, edit me.
Edit me, edit me, edit me, yeah edit me.
Doper lords of wisdom, edit me.
And when still my thread is cloudy,
Moderators - rescue me!
Please mend this mess tomorrow, edit me.
I wake up to corrected coding,
And moderators dreading me.
Next time I’ll get it right, edit me.
Edit me, edit me, edit me, edit me.
Fix my words abysmal,
Edit meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee[sub]eeeeeeeee[/sub].
(Fade to black)
Dedicated to the memory of
Christi, Padeye & Wally
No animals were harmed in the making of this post;
[sup](However 4 cats had to be shooed away from the keyboard many many times.)[/sup]
Although this is a 1,000[sup]th[/sup] post, this is not a post count party thread.
Any similarities to any other post count party threads,
living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental.
Copyright MMVI
When meek was threadspotted…
Lame Posts Keep Forming in my Head.
For every bump of this thread, $.01 will be donated to the feeding of thesecats.
So post your comments, even if it is to just say…
D <-- (Which, by the way, is a wingdings cap “C” )
[sup]If ya can’t do it for me… do it for the cute widdle kitties.[/sup]
This post is EXACTLY 20,000 characters… (the board limit).
Any quoting of the opening post whole, or in part, without the express written consent of TubaDiva is strictly prohibited.
