Zombies are invading. What do you do?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Mods: I wasn’t sure where to put this, move to IMHO or wherever if you think it would be more appropriate there.

So, assuming several things about said zombies:

  1. They can only be killed by destroying the brain (or completely destroying them like burning)

  2. They are the classic “stupid” zombies, not the crazy fast ones

  3. They can NOT cross large bodies of water

  4. The outbreak is widespread across one portion of your country (if you live in a small country, the entire nation is under attack)

  5. After being bitten, you have 12 hours before zombification.

As soon as you hear about the reports (on a major news network, so you can be sure it’s not a prank), what would you do?

Personally, I would pile all the food and weapons in my home into my car and drive to the nearest lake. My grandparents have a boat there (houseboat and runabout), so we would take the runabout to one of the moderately-sized islands and stay there. It would take about 30 minutes to get there, and we could fish for food.

But what would YOU do? That’s just a short answer on my part, but I’m sure you can come up with something creative… :wink:

2

What’s so bad about zombies?

3

Send more paramedics.

4

Well, they have a nasty habit of eating you.

5

[QUOTE=dysonsphere]
Well, they have a nasty habit of eating you.
[/QUOTE]

Indeed. I’d forgotten. Then I suppose I’d send my henchpersons to quell the unrest.

6

The biggest holes in the Zombie thing that I see are;

1> Winter. It gets to be 30 below here, and this is only Minnesota. No way those zombie hordes are going to make it through the winter. California? Fucked. Minnesota, Canada, etc? We’ll just wait 'em out.

2> Distance. There are small towns in the middle of many western states that would not see zombies. Especially once the ‘bitten = doomed’ and ‘shoot in head’ things became known. I have a hard time believing that some 200 pop town 200 miles from the nearest interstate is going to have any issue with zombies, except if people get really, really stupid.

Now sure, that’s the whole ‘horror movie’ motif, in that people immediately get stupid. But it won’t work that way in real life, at least not everywhere at once.
That being said;

I worked at a Kmart Distribution Center a few years ago. Acres of bottled water, toilet paper, canned nuts, etc. I’d hole up there and hold it like a fortress while waiting for winter to freeze out the zombie hordes.

You show up bitten? Sorry. BANG.

7

[QUOTE=Chimera]
The biggest holes in the Zombie thing that I see are;

1> Winter. It gets to be 30 below here, and this is only Minnesota. No way those zombie hordes are going to make it through the winter. California? Fucked. Minnesota, Canada, etc? We’ll just wait 'em out.

2> Distance. There are small towns in the middle of many western states that would not see zombies. Especially once the ‘bitten = doomed’ and ‘shoot in head’ things became known. I have a hard time believing that some 200 pop town 200 miles from the nearest interstate is going to have any issue with zombies, except if people get really, really stupid.

Now sure, that’s the whole ‘horror movie’ motif, in that people immediately get stupid. But it won’t work that way in real life, at least not everywhere at once.
That being said;

I worked at a Kmart Distribution Center a few years ago. Acres of bottled water, toilet paper, canned nuts, etc. I’d hole up there and hold it like a fortress while waiting for winter to freeze out the zombie hordes.

You show up bitten? Sorry. BANG.
[/QUOTE]

In some zombie universes (Zombie Survival Guide, World War Z are good examples) the zombies can survive being frozen solid and simply reanimate when they’re thawed, so let’s assume that that’s the case.

Also, there will probably be some people that are bitten but don’t know it - maybe they had a skirmish with a zombie, and it managed to get magic zombie fluid into their veins without leaving a huge mark.

And there will be yet more people who don’t understand that they are absolutely doomed, and will continue on despite being bitten. Those 2 types of bitten people are the ones that will really screw us over. But I agree that some little towns wouldn’t see much, if any, zombie action, unless people try to take advantage of that fact and flock there in huge numbers.

8

This has been done before. But it’s a fun thing to think about. My favorite dreams have actually been about this very thing.

Me? I would steal a plane, fly to Alaska and wait for winter. The zombies would freeze before they could do much harm. I think I was gonna hang out at a doper’s mom’s house that was on an island in Alaska.

9

“I don’t mean to nitpick, Bob, but is this really your plan?
Spend your whole life locked inside a mall?
Sure its ok for now but someday you’ll run out of food and guns…
and you’ll have to make the call.”

Jonathan Coulton, “Re: Your Brains.”

10

A classic slow zombie attack requires little but aquiring neccessities for survival and the removal to a defensable position. Personally, given the water thing, I’d gather up Nashiitashii, the dog, and any orlando area dopers (for interesting conversation, and Gillagan’s Island like inventive capabilites) and head out for a large barrier island off the keys. A simple gaurd rotation ought to ensure limited access to the island from other refugees, and a decent arsenal would discourage pirates and other agressive refugees once the reasonable population limit was achieved.

Assuming a total apocalypse, re population of the mainland would be feasable in about one year, as florida’s climate, and fauna will eventually pick apart or rot the zombies enough to render them immobile. Considering the intellectual capacities of the enemy, a simple and above all consistent and thorough expansion ought to be possible.

11

Immediate action:

Call up the people I know with keys to the local army reserve armoury. Head there and grab a few C-7s along with ammuntion. Maybe a few heavier C6s. Find a propane powered truck, and head for Manitoulin Island, stopping at every gun (get as much 5.56mm as we can possibly get) and food shop on the way up.
When I reach my destination:

(Gore Bay Airport), we secure the airport, and ensure that other survivors have the only bridge on to the island sealed off. The airport’s good because it’s away from the city, and can support a C-130 or C-17 with no problem, and pretty much any civilian turboprop. It’s also right next to another part of the island that can be easily sealed off. And if that gets breached, there are hundreds of little islands around that can be reached by boat.

When winter comes, we head back in to southern Ontario and restock our supplies. Lather, rinse, repeat.

12

I’d invest in a good quality bastard sword and a shotgun. Guns are nice and all, but eventually you run out of bullets.

13

Costco… I have membership first of all so that’s cool. :wink:

The place is a fortress. with heavy steel lowering doors and tons of supplies.

I’m Los Angeles so there’s little chance of me getting AWAY from the city before all hell breaks loose.

14

I would send John Smeaton to deal with them. :smiley:

15

First, run to the safe at my parents’ house, grab my rifle and shotgun. I also like sturmhauke’s idea of the bastard sword. I strap as much as I can to myself Bruce Campbell-style and head for the local university dorms. I offer my services as protector to the ladies there in exchange for a little companionship. Eventually, I’d have many brave and handsome sons, the strongest of which would kill me and eat my heart. I guess I’m just a romantic.

16

[QUOTE=dysonsphere]
In some zombie universes (Zombie Survival Guide, World War Z are good examples) the zombies can survive being frozen solid and simply reanimate when they’re thawed, so let’s assume that that’s the case.
[/QUOTE]

That may well be, but they’re still decaying, so they’re NOT going to survive a full winter of repeated freeze/thaw cycles.

Any reasonably intelligent person (ie, someone not in a horror movie) could take advantage of that too.

“Hey, it got down to 20 last night and now it’s almost 40. Let’s go stir up the zombies and see how many parts fall off!”

Or

“It’s 30 below. I’m going to take the sledge hammer and go take care of those 500 frozen zombies in the parking lot.”

17

[QUOTE=dysonsphere]
…Also, there will probably be some people that are bitten but don’t know it - maybe they had a skirmish with a zombie, and it managed to get magic zombie fluid into their veins without leaving a huge mark…
[/QUOTE]

What if these are Romero zombies? Then everyone who didn’t die of massive head trauma would come back. Granny dies peacfully in her sleep and wanders in to the nursery and starts chowing down on her grandkids.

18

We need to know more about the zombies.

Do they eventually die unaided? Can they survive eating other animals if humans aren’t available. Do they always travel in packs? Can you distract them from humans with a nice roast suckling pig?

Realistically, I would probably be convinced it was a prank. get bitten and become a zombie.

19

It’s kind of hard to list every tiny characteristic about the zombies.

They will eventually rot and die, but that process might take a while. You must destroy (or at least damage, a bullet would work) the brain to kill it.

Let’s assume that they are sustained ONLY on other animals. It doesn’t make sense to eat the very creatures that you need to reproduce (that is, us). However, it doesn’t take much energy to sustain a zombie, so they can survive for a good few months without eating anything.

They don’t have a pack instinct, but if something happens to get their attention (like a gunshot) then they will all walk towards it to investigate.

They are simple creatures, so throwing bait sufficiently close to them will distract the ones that notice it. If you throw it too far away, they will still chase after you (because you’re closer).

They MUST bite you to infect you. Dead people don’t just spontaneously rise out of their graves. Also, their congealed bodily fluids can infect you if you ingest them somehow (assuming that the zombie plague is bacterial). That means that open wounds can be deadly in the presence of zombies.

Let’s see, what else…let’s say that they’re smart enough to claw at a closed door, but not to turn the doorknob. Also, they shamble slightly slower than a normal person’s walking speed.

Is that enough information?

20

Wow, that’s a lot of parenthesis.