The Stupidest Thread Started Today: Where Would You Hide Out From a Zombie Attack?

This Halloween I went on a zombie movie marathon: Dawn of the Dead (both versions), Shaun of the Dead (excels as a zombie movie and as a comedy- how many other films can say that?), City of the Dead, etc… I’ve also been bathroom reading the books of Max Brooks: The Zombie Survival Guide (a fun read) and World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War (which is easily the best and most brilliant sci-fi/horror book I’ve read in a long time; since Max is the son of Mel Brooks and writes about zombies I assumed he was writing comedically and tongue-in-cheek, but not at all- in addition to creating a scary alterniverse he’s also a great writer, especially in the oral history work.)

Anyway, invariably such movies and books lead to the stoner talk (save that I don’t get stoned) of “Where would you go in the event of a zombie takeover?”). Brooks contends that a shopping mall is one of the worst possible places as the weight of the zombies at the glass doors would be enough to break through if nothing else did, while I thought the plans of taking a boat to an island (used in one of the zombie movies) was ludicrous (well, ludicrous being relative when discussing the plot of a zombie movie I suppose).

About the Romero & Brooks zombies:

Their strengths: they’re insentient to any kind of pain, do not need oxygen to stay alive [and thus can live underwater or in almost any other environ save fire], they’re incapable of fear or any kind of emotion or rational thought that could prevent an attack, their bite is 100% fatal [and in Brooks is done not to feed for hunger’s sake but to reproduce the virus], they have excellent eyesight and smell where their prey is concerned, they can survive anything other than decapitation or the destruction of their brain [even a disabled zombie can still attack]. (In the most recent DAWN OF THE DEAD they were capable of moving fast as well but in Brooks and other zombie movies they’re slow and lumbering, so I’ll stay with that one; also in Brooks the zombie virus [called solanum is so lethal it even kills microbes and thus their decomposition is slowed by up to three years.)

Their weaknesses: they’re slow (see above), they are incapable of thought or strategizing or complicated movements (e.g. they cannot climb a ladder or even turn a door knob).

What you would need: a place where there’s not a huge number of people (a city would be the worst place for as with any other plague it would be most widespread there), supplies for at least a year or two until the zombies finish decomposing, a place where you can view the surrounding area to see them when they’re advancing, a place that would be difficult for a zombie with the above weaknesses to access BUT still allow you provisions, etc…

I think a zombie outbreak would be a really good time to become Mormon and move to the salt flats of Utah. In addition to having few people, surely some Mormon church or family that’s out of town would have years worth of provisions stored.

Failing that, some type of mansion or office building with boobytrapped staircases and a flat roof where food can be grown but remote enough that…

Well anyway, where would you go?

(A shame there are no theaters showing Gus Van Sant’s Last Days at the moment- nobody living or undead would be found there and there’d be plenty of popcorn and stuff for a while.)

We’ve had this problem from time to time in Norrath. Generally a handful of Elders will head to the nearest newbie zone and kill everything in sight. I once gathered a howling mob of skeletons in Qeynos Hills, led them on a parade around the zone, and finally put my back to a wall and blew them all straight to hell with a PBAoE spell. Then I…took a nap…while a necromancer I’d heard of but never met went out to loot the bodies and the bone chips.

Then again, if you’re not a raid level guy, you’re probably frakked.

Duh… the second story of a magic house that had no stairs and a continuous supply of food and water.
That or the local mall.

I had a very similar experience once while catering a paintball party for Nicole Richie’s Twelve Step Group.

At first, I would want to head to the Wal-Mart because that has more than enough supplies, but too many other people would think of heading for the Wal-Mart and that would attract zombies. Better to go to K-Mart where I can have some privacy.

Yeah, but K-Mart doesn’t sell guns and ammunition. That could make a difference in surviving the rise of the zombies.

I post on another board that is dedicated to this sort of thing (any other Hotel 23 folks out here?).

If I had a little bit of time to plan, I would probably either hole up in my house, barricaded in, after raiding for food and supplies (And ammo).

If it happened all of a sudden, I may try to make it to my work, the Heinz building in Downtown Pittsburgh might work out well… fairly easy to defend, not a lot of points of entry, and close to a river.

How 'bout a supermarket?

Board up the doors and windows at the front and search the back carefully for more exits. Block any exits with the tons of crates in the back. Find a way onto the roof and start chucking the perishable stuff as soon as it rots. Maybe hit a pawn shop on the way and get a few guns just in case.

And does anyone else find it odd that the only Google ad at the moment is for a site called “Democrats Suck”?

I’d go to my mom’s house. It sits atop a hill where you can see for miles around. She has her own generator and a stocked fish pond fed by a natural spring. I’d bring my three dogs for an advanced warning system, and between my mother’s and my collection, we’d have plenty of guns and ammo. (I’m also a great shot. You just have to destroy the brain, right?)

Plus, I know all of those old-timey pioneer skills. That’d be a plus. I’d be the only chick on the block with butter!

I live two blocks away from the Israeli Embassy to the United States, so I’d probably want to hole up there if at all possible. I mean, it’s the Israeli Embassy - they’ve got to have some of the best security money can buy, right? And probably IDF soldiers defending the place, just as we have Marines at our embassies.

The question is how I’d get them to take me in. I’d probably try to bribe my way in - hit up a pharmacy or something first, and show up at the gates with a several-month supply of antibiotics and first-aid kits.

I am currentlty reading Brooks’ Zombie Survival Guide. It’s both funny and chilling.

There a place on the Cornell campus called Bradfield Tower. As undergrads, we called it Orthanc. It’s where the Soil and Crop Sciences are housed, as well as plant breeding, so there are hydroponics and labs in there for growing food through the craptastic Central NY winter. It is 11 stories, climate controlled, with no windows on the first 10 floors, baby. That’s my choice. I think I’d have as good a chance as anyone, looking down on all those rotting zombies from the 11th floor, listening to the radio to find out how World War Z is going.

Sampiro, this is the least stupid thread ever! My friend Dave and I are obsessed with this concept. We have read that survival guide too, though it has gone missing from my apartment (zombie theft?).

Whenever I am anywhere and I have a free moment my mind wanders to the question, “What would happen if **IT ** happened right now?” (It being the moment that zombies arrive) I was very guilty of this during my recent trip to Europe. Whenever I went to some old castle or famous destination I would begin to judge its level of zombie-proofing capabilities.

Bad place to hide out in the event of zombie attack: Schönbrunn Palace
Good place to hide out in the event of zombie attack: The castle my girlfriend is living in while in the Netherlands

Oh, and as a PS I would recommend reading David Kirkman’s The Walking Dead series. The characters in that book find a really great place to hide out from zombies that I never considered before. I do not want to give it away though, it’s a good one.

I have to go with Shaun of the Dead and say retire to the local pub. They might get in, but if you’ve been there a while you might not care.

Or if I were sensible (and I’ve never claimed to be) the highest building in the area. I can’t see zombies negotiating stairs very well and they’d never figure out elevators. Might be difficult but in a big office building you could live off the corn chips in the vending machines for months.

I’d go to my basement, because all of my brother’s LPs are stored there and that’s how Shaun got rid of some of his zombies. I’ve got enough ammo for about 1500 zombies.

Hopefully my brother wouldn’t be there with me to tell me which records I couldn’t throw.

I used to work in a factory that was out of town,
had a good view of the surrounding areas,
was pretty close to some warehouses that could be raided for food (but, not being supermarkets, less likely to be hit for food than a store),
had its own water supply, including heater and purifier (so long as there is electricity, but the pump itself can be set to move “by arm-force”),
a supply of chemicals that would make any BOOM-prone demo-expert-wannabe happy
and said chemicals could be accessed without electrical power

Of course, if the electricity worked, it would be a matter of making sure to use it only by day (don’t want the people or zombies in the town to see the lights) and only a minimum of machinery (water pump and purifier, I think; they’re quite silent too). Keep things in working order and jury-rig the old fire extinction system and…

aaand I better leave this thread before I get myself in trouble :wink: I’m supposed to be one of the nice chemists, not one of the pyromaniacs! (mind you, I had a labmate in college who’d come very handy against zombies)

Probably Fort Ross. Nearby but remote, has good resources, it’s out of the way of any nuclear targets or fallout ranges, and it has a decent stockade. I’d need to make a supply run before I got in, though.

After that, there’s Alcatraz, but I don’t really have the means to stock and secure it all by my lonesome. (Besides, plenty of people are likely to get there before me. Good luck to 'em—there’s no fresh water or power/fuel supply; it’s a major landmark and an obvious fortress in the middle of a major metro area, so everyone and their brother is going to try to get in or raid it; and there’s plenty of spots were zombies can easily climb or wash ashore.)

By the way, did anyone else see the banner add that I got…for “”? (“They take our money, and rob our morality!”) Freakin’ wild. :cool:

I think I’d go to The Omega Man’s apartment. It should be reasonable safe but penetratable enough to provide for a really exciting life. I hate being bored.

If I told you, you’d come and find me when you turned into a zombie, silly.