Stupid question: What would you do in the event of a zombie apocalypse?

I just finished watching Dawn of the Dead for about the 20th time, and I started wondering what I would do if a similar situation occured in real life.

I think the first logical step would be to drive to the nearest gun shop and stock up with weapons and ammo. Next, I would stop off at the nearest supermarket and stock up on the essentials, canned foods etc. Then, I’d run to somewhere I can hole up for a few months. A shopping mall is a good idea, but kind of cliched, so I’d probably hole up in a high school. A school gym would be a nice place, with windows high up and only about 2 sets of doors. I’d stay there for a few months, letting the undead decompose, and I will emerge, no worse for the wear.

Of course, everyone else would probably have the same idea, and there would be no food or weapons left by the time I arrived.

Run over the Edgar Winter Group the moment they stepped around the bus or else all will be lost!

‘Die, you chalk-faced goons!!’

A buddy of mine used to live in an apartment building where the stairs went to the basement and the floor above the basement. When you walked in you could go up or down, but not straight forward.

The stairs were such that a few minutes with a hacksaw would drop the entire staircase while not interfering with the structural integrity of what I will call the “first” floor. That would be the floor that wasn’t the basement but was about eight feet above ground level. In order to reach that floor without stairs, you would have to stand in the basement and be 16 feet tall, or be able to leap from the entryway up eight feet and across maybe ten feet, grab onto the floor, and pull yourself up. Or you could find a ladder or something.

Since Romero’s zombies are neither smart nor athletic, the second and third floors of that building could be secured against zombies by simply cutting the staircase from the entryway to the first floor.

Having secured a safe haven, the rest of the exercise would be pretty much academic.

I’d get a sawed off shotgun, a chainsaw, and I’d say groovy a lot.

I’d start a zombie football league :slight_smile:

Dude, there is nothing like running zombies down with your car, then unloading into them with a big effing shotgun. I wish (on a daily basis) that we had zombies; my life would be so much more interesting.

I would do alot of carpentry and learn about racism… from movies that seems the standard

…Distract them long enough to flee by putting on American Idol…

I agree with Myrr21
SPPPPPPPPLATTT!!! Mwhahahahahaaaaaa!

Get a sword. The thing about zombies is that there are a freaking lot of them, and the thing about swords is that they don’t run out of ammo.

Got a sword already, got a gun already.

First thing I’d do is pack up some basic essentials, including the above two items, and head for the nearest place that sells ammunition. After stocking up on said ammunition, the next things I’d need are food and camping supplies. If the local Wal-Mart hasn’t already been overrun, I reckon I could meet all my needs there.

I think that one of the best places to hole up and wait would be a wide-open area. You’d see the zombies coming from miles away, assuming they even found you to begin with. Drive at night, sleep in shifts during the day.

I’d call up Tom Savini and beg for protection…who better to protect me from the zombies?

Yup. A samurai sword and some guns with lots of ammo. Then get yourself into a defensible position with some buddies and work on your marksmanship.

Of course, you want to make sure you’re hold up with a particularly attractive person of the gender of your sexual choice, and hope that isolation, stress, and bonding work their usual wonders. It works in the movies!

In the event of a zombie-based apocalypse, it seems likely that existing governments would tend to fail - the problem they’d be facing would be akin to widespread violent revolt (zombies are violent and numerous) and a massive public health problem (everything from corpses rotting in the streets, and the diseases that come with that, to the shutdown of sanitation services as the workers stopped coming to work, to the potential of contagion from zombies making other people into zombies - I don’t know if Romero’s zombies do that, I know the ones in Resident Evil do.) These, and the inevitable economic collapse and end of respect for the rule of law (cops can’t be everywhere to protect you from the zombies, so you have to protect yourself), are problems that even an exceptionall robust and flexible government would be hard-pressed to survive. The Europeans survived the Black Plague, but I’d argue that governments were held to a much lower standard back then - they weren’t really expected to provide the level of safety for the average person that they are now. Besides, while they did have massive death, they didn’t have zombies. So, I contend that zombie apocalpyse will result in anarchy. Romero seems to agree with me, so I’ll leave this part of my argument as “proven”.

So, now I’m living la vida Hobbesian - how do I keep my life from being nasty, brutish, and short? My first priority, obviously, is protection, both from zombies and humans of ill intent. (The question “Are zombies still human?” can be left for another thread). Hobbes, and many (I’d say most, but I want to be on the safe side) political scientists would argue that the solution people traditionally have to the problem of providing protection from an anarchic, Hobbesian condition is to form states. States can accomplish things that individuals or groups of them simply cannot - for example, they can set up large-scale defensive projects, and organize a society in such a way that people can specialize in tasks for the good of the state. A few people cowering in a barn with shotguns is not a tenable security solution long-term. But let’s say we have many more people working together Then we can have some people be soldiers, others work on corpse-deconstruction, medics, military engineers, farmers, and so on.

Now we’re talking. If you have enough people working together in the ordered framework of a State, they can establish a society that remains stable even in the face of external threats - be they Mongols, neighboring powers, or the soul-less undead.

“But, Mr. Excellent,” I can hear you ask, “The government has failed by this point - and you’ve already explained, in your amazingly sexy way, why it was inevitable that it fall. How can you then propose the creation of a new state?” To that, I have two responses. One is that yes, the formation of a new state would be very difficult, perhaps impossible. But as history and zombie movies both show, States provide the best chance for long-term security - small bands of people do not. So impossible or not, we have to try.

The other answer, and the more optimistic one, is that the old states were not formed in the crucible of zombie infestation, and this one would be. There are all sorts of dire threats today’s nation-states have to face, and most of them deal with them with a high degree of sucess. They suceed because they have an infrastructure, from the setup of the buerocracy to the telephone systems, designed to deal with these threats. They are NOT designed to deal with the undead - but a post-zombie state would be, and I imagine the requirements for a zombie-proof state would become evident very quickly.

So, this is how I imagine a zombie-proof state would be set up. Government on a national scale is neither necessary nor desirable - all communities, with very few exceptions, have graveyards, and so zombies are a problem that are best dealt with on the local level. The ideal state, then, becomes a city-state, as self-sufficient as possible. Democracy would not be ideal here - especially in the early weeks and months of the new State, quick decision making will frequently be necessary - dictatorships are far better than democracies at that.

The new government could come to power in several ways. If the existing local government manages to survive, it could simply assume dictatorial power and set up the new city-state. “Seccession” from the Union wouldn’t be an issue, as I doubt the Union would still exist. If the local government falls, then pretty much anyone can fill the power vacuum - most people will be focusing on survival, and will rally to anyone who can help them achieve it. If you took control of the police station - either through an arrangement with the police, the police being killed by zombies, or you killing the police, then a few dozen of your people driving around town in squad cars shooting zombies could temporarily establish a safe zone, and give the new regime an appearance of legitimacy. After that, it’s just a matter of arranging a secure town meeting to set up the new system, assigning jobs - this post has already gone long enough, I think, no need to get into the real nitty-gritty.

The interesting thing is, if the city-state suceeded, residents of other less sucessful towns might very well wish to be under the protection of your state. A zombie apocalypse could concievably spark the formation of a pretty respectable pocket empire.

Hmm…where can I donate money to Umbrella Corporation?

I would stumble around in a daze, looking for brains to eat. Might as well join the winning team, boys.

BRAINSSS!

Yeah, me too. I mean, I feel this is one of the issues where you vote with the majority.

So, would zombies be Republicans or Democrats?

Well, at least in Chicago, the dead tend to vote for Democrats.
As for what I would do, I would get my katana and guns, and try to get a reserve of ammo and food from the local Walmart. Then I would try to hole up on the roof on the buiding, with my friends, fellow members of my ROTC unit+their friends/family and as many attractive women as I can find, and try to wait things out for the zombies to decompose or taper off in levels.

After the intial chaos has passed, I assume our group would setup a new government in the area, presumably under the leadership of the highest ranking officer remaining, and then tranisition to a democratic government after we get farming and other basics working again.

Uh, DreathCthulhu, wouldn’t it be more your department to command your legions of the undead to ever-greater heights of evil to fulfil your evil designs?

Er, I mean - hail to the Old One! Hail!