Dear “Chucky” (names have been changed to protect the moronic)
You are a dishonest basketcase loser with no redeeming social skills. Granted, you are a role-player, and hence might be expected to possess fewer than normal. However, I, while not being particular smooth, nonetheless function in adult society and actually talk to people, make friends, and really just have a hard time dealing with girls. (Lovely college girls make me go -> :eek: )
You, however, have nothing. You work at Papa Johns, have little to no ambition beyond leaving your cruddy job, which you will not take any steps toward. You are functionally illiterate because, while you can read, you pretty much refuse to do so. You require other people to make your character for you, because you refuse to read the books. Any books. Except D20 Modern Espionage and the D20 Modern Guns Guide. You won’t even read a half-page screamsheet we make detailing the system in short. Likewise, you were fired from Weigels (a local gas station chain) on your first day for not being able to add up the books. Weigals is not a tough job. They will hire anyone, including high school dropouts. And you quit your job at the Uni in a huff because they expected the groundskeepers to do things other than plant flowers. Yes, groundskeepers do things other than plant flowers. Insulting your bosses and yelling at the staff because you were too dumb to know this, is not helpful. You do not have a girlfriend and show no sign of ever having had one. You do not have a car and refuse to get one, even though you could easily get a better job that way. You want to return to the army, but they keep brushign you off. I don’t care what discharge you got, I say they knew there was something wrong with you. You constantly bum rides from other people. But OK, you have personal issues. Not my business, fine.
But you won’t leave them behind when you come to gaming table. Apart from the aforementioned need to have someone else do the work, you routinely forget to note down any damage you take. In factk, you ignore your characters’ deaths. Which happens an awful lot because you know of only one way to deal with any situation: hit it with a heavy blunt object or shoot it. This makes difficulties when dealing with those high-pressure social situations, like you find in the Samurai game we’re playing and the game based around founding a Duchy. You run through more characters than the rest of the party combined. (Excepting the guy who likes to show up every other week with a random character he just made up; his, however, don’t get killed.) You break up anything anyone else wants to do. You murder NPC’s if people talk to them. Heck, you murder NPC’s because they don’t die or collapse instantly when you hit them. When I was running the game you routinely suicide-bombed the enemy with some horrible attack. You just caused more trouble. No one could do anything. You destroyed all evidence and anything remotely resembling a plot, and got to the point where I stopped worrying about the damage you took: you just came back next week with a new character (identical), after getting all pissy. I even eventually made your character functionally immortal, so you’d go get killed using your weaponry but be back next week.
You can’t stand any game with magic, but insist on playing. You get furious if anyone uses magic to do something, even though you are too stupid to solve the issue yourself. You get pissed if anyone hurts you with magic. You get pissed if anyone helps you with magic. You get pissed if anyone uses magic and exceeds you while doing so. When you did use magic, you used only healing magic, and your mighty healer was such a moron that you used your entire per diem supply of it healing your own wounds, most fo which were self-inflicted through gross stupidity. You object if someone uses a spell which does not either heal or inflict damage, oprobably because the concept of such a thing evades your limited brainpower. Likewise, although your routinely demand and play characters with huge skills boosts and special techniques, you neither use nor understand them. Instead, you want to know what “does the most damage.”
While you are totally incompetant in anything even remotely resembling military theory, you keep trying. I our Baba Yaga game, my character was a semi-pacifist doctor. He had to take command of the mountain guerrilas because he was the best strategist. :rolleyes: I built them into a lean, efficient fighting force, got everyone working together, and kept the Germans at bay. You took over for one day (in-game and out-game) and got our partisans 40% permanent out-of-action casualties while doing about 3 casualties to the Germans. Not 30%. 3. THREE. Why did you take a group of light infantry partisans on a direct assault against a fortified enemy positions with heavy machine guns, mortars, and light armored vehicles? I took over again, reinforced our army, got them better gear, dealt with some other Germans, and pushed back one assault force. I go out of town and you take over for another day. This time you take our entire force out of position in the face of a German advance to go on a long swing around. You make no provision for diversion or pretending to have more forces. You just strip the defenders from their village. Three (in-game) days later, you arrive. Of course, the mechanized German company just waltzed into our town, now controls our food supply, and has prepared barricades and opened a supply line for reinforcements and gear. The HELL?! Are you a moron? (Answer: yes.)
In that same game you demand realistic military combat scenarios and then try to charge a German armored company dual-wielding a sniper rifle and a machine gun. We all sneak aboard a train to Berlin while you act like a moron and go sit in the officer’s car… while not speaking any German or having any documents, or anythign at all beyond a tattered uniform. After getting mostly killed and slaughtering some german soldiers (yeah, they’re so threatening when they’re on guard duty :rolleyes: ), we save your sorry ass (you’d be pissed again if we didn’t). We then sneak aboard the next train. You however, see fit to do this disaster again and promptly walk into the EXACT SAME SITUATION YOU JUST NEARLY DIED DOING! Did you thank me for saving your character’s life by hustling and coming with a fake story and quickly forging some documents and basically risking my neck for you? No. Jerk. Did you apologize for ruining our plans, nearly getting us all killed, and wasting everyone else’s time? No. Jerk.
Toward the end of that game, you decide to play a sniper character. Again. Grantd, he decided to take out monuments and moutnains rather than actual military targets, but fine. AT least you weren’t disrupting the game. You kill the Pope, who was trying to negotiate an end to the campaigns in Italy. Why? You have no idea. You just did. Heck, by the end fo the game I felt so sorry for Hitler that I psycho-analyzed him and arranged for passage to another planet where he could concentrate on nice, simple things like machinery for the next ten billion years. I felt sorry for Hitler. Because you were worse - a wandering disaster which inflicted itself on us.
You have recently improved: since you happened to get a bunch of free bonuses on Oratory, your samurai character uses them. Except you use them in wholly inappropiate times, when oratory doesn’t actually help. And you try to use them multiple times per day instead of once. You refuse to actually even say what you are doing with them; you just declare that you are going to use them to do “something.” As is normal, you will most likely backslide again in a few weeks and revert to a psycho killer. You monopolize gaming time by constantly running off on your own with no one else.
And to top it all off, you are starting to make me unlikable. Everything involving you is so difficult, that I just don’t really want to play. You cheated your lying, lazy ass off when I was GM, and destroyed that game. Now you seem hell-bent on destroying any pleasure I get out of playing, too. I’m frustrated and angry and I don’t even want to go on adventures. Instead, my character just dreams of having a quiet night with no plots, or conspiracies, or murders, or battles. 
I’m irritable at the games and snap at people because I want to take a heavy object and hit you, repeatedly, about the head and neck. Incidentally, loser, I’m really not all that impressed by your repeated threats to come kill me with a shotgun, particulary when it’s because someone else made a joke at your expense. 
No, I don’t understand that one, either. Guns are not allowed where we meet, though, so I can’t carry one for self-defense. I figure you probably can’t get a shotgun inside, either.
Look, I’m not the most subtle or tactful individuals. I say what I mean, call a spade a spade, and I don’t mince words. If someone acts like a fool, I say tell 'em to knock it off. But this guy jsut won’t quit. He plays RPG’s like a first-person-shooter. And he’s really bad at FPS’s, too. He’ll just charge down a gully until he gets killed. And then does it again. And again. He’ll die six times in a row to the same sniper, not even trying to evade or find cover. He really wants to play games on God mode.
Problematically, there’s a very low opportunity cost for him. He doesn’t care about the games. He doesn’t care about his character. He puts no time or effort into developing one: he just demands one. And while the GM’s won’t make him any more than one per game, he gets a friend to do it. If he disrupts or destroys a game, he doesn’t suffer any punishment or penalties. And I haven’t even listed a tenth part of the games he’s disrupted, characters suicided, etc. We’ve even had to split our fantasy Duchy-building game because of him running off on his own (literally to the other side of the world). The GM finds him annoying. Given that this particular GM is willing to tolerate anyone.
We used to have so much fun. The guys and me. Now, half of them are gone. One moved. (One was partly my fault. He married an ugly, manipulative cheater and I blew up at her for blatantly cheating in a game. But she’d already stopped him from comng to our game despite being 10 minutes away.) The rest don’t show up much anymore. Funny that - they started being real loose about coming after 'Ole Chucky started coming.