but you believe that you are the centre of the Universe. You are not the Emperor or the King; get off that lousy excuse of a throne before I call for a coup and send you off to the gulltione.
How to begin? Well, the first time we interacted over an extenisve period of time, a moment which is forever etched into the grand canyon of my mind, is when you dropped by with my friend unannounced for a session of role-playing game. The first thing you whine about my home is the heat. That I could accept – I did warn every guest that my house is stuffy and I am too poor to afford air-conditioning. The next thing you ever did is to pour cold water on the game even before it begins – “Why isn’t it a Science-Fic game? I love science-fiction”. Oh fine, I guess that’s okay too…I guess I am just as partial to fantasy as you are to science-fiction.
The last straw is when you said you wanted to go, and dragged off two players mid-game, without even once asking me whether it was okay and especially when the two of them have promised to stay till the end.
Oh the heck, I thought to myself. Whiners exist and perhaps you do not understand the unique personal relationaship a DM shares with his players – players exist to fill a role within the DM’s story structure and having them disappearing as good as Scotty beaming them up, leaving glaring big plot-holes in the story and forcing me to resort to chessy methods to explain their Sudden Death™ or Mysterious Disappearance™
And I have hoped I was able to say Good Riddance to you that day. Nay, it wasn’t so.
The other time is when our friends and I were playing Munchkins. You exclaimed, “I cannot believe you are playing soemthing like that”. Forgivable, dear friend, for I am totally mystifed by how you could claim that liscened crap of Enter the Matrix is a cool game.
Some time later from that fateful day I became depressed and long for companionship, and began to hang out with your good friend (let call him ‘D’), buddy since ten years old – your good friend is a good character, I have to admit, and must have nearly infinite patience to put up with your relentless whining without end.
D, being of such good character and even temper, is a good friend material, so I began to hang out with him. But everytime I arranged something with him, be it movie, sight-seeing or day dreaming, you and your other friend are there. I think the two of you are something of a package tour, or a set lunch. It never ceases to wonder why Burger King’s burgers are fit for kings and queen but their fries are more suitable for Charles Dicken’s poverty-stricken lads. And you are that fries.
You have the most awesomely irraiting ability to rant on and talk on about yourself, the things you like and what sucks without having to breath. You bring about a pleasantly oppressive atmosphere of boredom to me and a nice feeling of being left out by not allowing me to speak at all. You dominated all by your attention. You make me feel the closely-knitted friendship between D and you other friend, so much so I feel as if I am an alien from outer space who has managed to crash land in Area 51.
Sometimes, though, God answered my prayers and you stopped to draw a breath of Oxygen molecules and there was the chance for me to leap into the breach, to engage either D or your friend in some pleasant conversation. But unfortunately, sooner or later, I have to stop and draw a breath too and this is when you leap in, with your mouth blazing like a machine gun and derailed my listener’s train of thought.
Worse still is the complete boredom induced by your speeches. Star Trek. Matrix. How the military sucks. Your world seems to flucate between these three topics. To add insult to injury, you, knowing my utmost dedication to Lord of the Rings (would someone who hate the movie wears a replica of the One Ring™ around his neck?), dare to criticise it in front of me while not addressing me!
You may think it is not a great deal, but I do - for I have taken the utmost care not to pour scorn on the greatest thing you love - Star Trek and the Matrix - and I do have scant regard for them. I have never once pour down unsustained complain or such on your favourite topics. Why don’t you show me this courtesy? Did you ever wonder why you have so little friends?
And there I hang behind like some forgotten sidekick, needed only when you two or three are in trouble, or when I am wanted for comical relief.
That, however, I could accept, for a few months before I was like this too. Oh no, I lack your wonderful nauscating ability to rant on like a broken record, nor your powerful presence which prevents anyone from speaking; but I am a selfish, self-centred, egoist fellow. Like you in other ways.
So I understand, and I tried to forgive you.
But there come a moment in time when you have used up your Immunity Charm, and the time is the ever present now.
I understand you like your two friends, D and the other pal, a lot. After all, you guys are a most glowing example of loyal friendship – friends since ten years old, sticking together for almost a decade, sharing troubles and woes and celebrating joy and success together. It is understandable that you would want to spend time with them. However , yt is unacceptable that you have to make other people look like fools for that to happen.
At any rate, somehow in your mind an idea grew. “A getaway at a holiday resort and a BBQ with my friends will be great!” and you get down to work. Booked a holiday chalet, got the pit, called up your old friends and ex-classmates and wait for the grand day to come.
Yes, I know how badly you feel when the deathblow landed. I have the eccentric habit of playing role-playing games for two/three days non-stop at a holiday chalet too. And yes, the chalet which I am having is on the same dates as yours. And your two friends, D and the other, are coming because they have promised me beforehand that they are coming. Of course, we are joined by other people too.
You are dearly upset. I can sense the distrubstance in the force – it react most to whining, as George Lucas has proven. You have the cheek to want me to cancel or postpone my chalet. Heck, fortunately you didn’t pursue that way or else your end will be swift and sure.
Fine, we come to a compromise. Your friends would go for the BBQ on the Saturday night. It’s a sarcifice, to me. Oh, no, I know it is not as grand as Jesus dying on the Cross or Mother Teresa in the streets of the slum or anything else, but we are packing up on Sunday morning, so we, er, wasted an entire evening because of your BBQ.
That’s fine with me. Anything for a friend, even when it is an annoying, whining friend of a friend. Even though you did request that I report ‘any activities which I have arranged with D’ to you. As a friend I would – the moment I cease to be your friend, that won’t happen. And I see that moment coming soon.
The fateful day came. We went according to plan. On Saturday night, D and his friend left for your BBQ and would be back at midnight to continune the game. But an hour later, D called me up about your BBQ.
He begged me to come over because none of your old friends are turning up and that was most upsetting to you.
Oh, well, D is my friend. So I agree.
Then D called again and said there was not enough food for all of us.We all had to have dinner by ourselves first before going over. He even suggested that we moved all our stuff from our chalet and to your chalet because you have been spending the nights alone and you would be upset if you need to spend another night like that.
And guess what, D’s friend (your friend) was saying that if we were not shifting, he was not going to join us for the game. He would be going to stay at your side.
Any DM would know that the game is more than just a game. It’s a madness of notes, memorising NPC stats, of clearing the vocal cords and of much anxiety and worrying. It’s not like your Counterstrike game when you just need to hit “Setup Server”. It’s a thing of much sweat, toil and inspiration, as well as caffinine.
Having a player to leave just that is a sore blow.
And what of our prior agreement? Did you forget about them? Just because things doesn’t go according to your wishes, does it mean you can just break prior promises?
The decision was made, apparently, without consulting me.
So in short, you want us to
- Shift all our bags and stuff to your chalet…
- Pay the admission charge to your chalet…
- Have dinner beforehand…
- and then go to your BBQ
to make you feel IMPORTANT and HAPPY!?.
Geez, you are really spoilt. The last time I pulled that one on a close of mine he had the guts (or maybe he was just a jerk) to ignore me.
What are we? What am I? Random NPCs for you to talk down to and to give your BBQ a tangible aura of success and crowd so that you will get happy warm feelings deep down in your heart? Did you invite us to a BBQ? Which host asked his guests to eat before coming to his house for dinner because he didn’t prepare any food for them!? We are just additions, extras, add-ons!
You, my friend, is not the centre of the Universe. Not even the galaxy, nor solar system and nor the world. But you that you are the centre of the small group of friends which you keep and you even now are demanding that I acknowledge your Sovergenity over my free will, and even over total strangers.
They protect you with as much care as with the One Ring. They couldn’t stand to hear you cry or hurt. They have protected you and pissed off almost everyone else in the process. Note: not only I am pissed, but everyone else involved, for it is clear that we are just some a solution to a problem – a whinny problem of someone feeling unapreciated and unhappy.
Now, you get off that throne right now or else there will be much executing to arrange for.
PS. Conclusion – two girls (his sister and a friend of hers) finally decided to stay overnight. D’s friend feels uncomfortable and came over to us.
