I’ve been trying to figure what sort of “Ask the” thread I am qualified to host. Since I have no discernable skills, a job, or unique situation, I thought I was out of luck. However, I do have a penis, and many people, mostly women, wonder things such as, Why do men do this or that, or What do men think of this or that or What is the deal with men and something that confuses them.
So since I have a penis, I feel qualified to answer all questions on the subject of men and their motivations. I will give the absolute truth about men and their motivations. Any man who disagrees with me is a liar. (men like to lie, it’s a thing with us)
However I am only a man and I am not the man. So questions like, Why do you keep black people down, should not be addressed to me.
What pressures do you feel you’ve experienced over the years, because you are a man, e.g. being told to ‘keep a stiff upper lip’ when you’ve wanted to cry?
What male stereotypes have you encountered and in what ways do you match or not match them?
Why doesn’t your penis flop around when you’re up and moving around? I can’t imagine how uncomfortable it would be to go “commando” as a man. What about bike seats–how is that not uncomfortable for any man?
And why do you put the OJ back in the fridge when there is only one swallow left in it?
(sorry, that’s 2)
Plenty. Basically, you women will be all, “It’s OK to cry.” Then when you do, you expierence a sudden drop in romantic interest from said woman. Men actually cry all the time but we keep it to the men’s room so you ladies don’t see. So we can cry, just not in front of you.
Q 2
Sterotype one is that Men all know about machinery, especially cars. That is one reason I moved to NYC so I can live a car free life. Taking you car into a repair shop is a great way to see this in action. A car develops a problem that was made worse by some bad decisions by the driver to ignore that weird noise or something. If the driver is a woman, the mechanic is all smiles. If it is me. He looks, literally, at your crotch. Expecting to see that you have no genitalia. When those are present he’ll look back up at you with a confused look on his face like he can’t understand how a person with a penis didn’t change the sparkplugs himself.
Q 1 Well underware helps. If I am going commando, well, it is a little too big to flop around. My pants aren’t that baggy and of course, gravity does pull downward all day. My problem with bike seats is my lower pelvic bones. (I have a rather bony butt.)
Q 2 There is a swallow left. I didn’t want that swallow now. Should I pour that down the sink? I may want a swallow later. A swallow is a perfectly acceptable ammount of liquid.
I hate hijacking someone else’s thread, but I can answer that question from my own point of view.
We don’t care about dates and anniversaries, because they’re just symbols. There’s lots of other symbolic stuff I don’t really give a damn about, like my birthday or wedding ring. It doesn’t mean that I hate myself or don’t value my marriage, though. It’s just difficult to see the metal on my finger as some kind of representation of my family.
Yes. There is no such thing as a scrotum bra. Some men are more discrete than others, though. If you notice it, there’s a good chance the guy doesn’t feel like he needs to be discrete or he has bad manners.
Nope. It does get annoying then men are assumed to do the “manly” stuff like fix the garbage disposal or grill a steak, though. I don’t take for granted that my wife will usually be the one to shop for our groceries, and I don’t mind going out and doing it myself when it’s more convenient for me to go, so please just stick your damned hand down the drain and pull the penny out of the garbage disposal if I’m not right there to do it myself.
Absolutely not. Having to wear clothes goes against all of my instincts, so when I’m forced to I’ll elect for a combination of cheap, easy, and comfortable whenever possible. I’m about a hundred times more likely to wear sandals instead of shoes and socks if I get a choice. I will not “dress up” unless someone or something makes me.
God yes! And why won’t you finish the jar of peanut butter and throw it out? If it were up to you, there would be three almost empty jars on the shelf, besides the full one you are using.
Are you doing your SO a favour when she takes care of your interior decorating? Or is she doing you a favour?
Anniversaries don’t matter because they only commerate one specific point in time. What is important is the fact that we are married, or dating, or screwing. The date that we started doing that is not nearly as important as the relationship. That day is no more, or less, important then every other day of the year.
Yes, You don’t want to know, but suffice to say, it’s a scrotum thing.
Only a little. Especially when they are big enough to scare me. Also, I should be allowed to use my weapon of choice. I don’t care that those are your favorite and most expensive shoes, it’s the weapon I feel is needed for the job, I should get to use it.
Clothing, yes and no. I barely know what to do with the options I have, adding more may not help. OTOH, People have lower expectations of how we dress so that is real bonus. But sometimes, I think a skirt would be good thing. When the waist of pants is too loose or slick and it’s difficult to make them hang on my waist when I’m at the urnial. You can’t have your pants fall down to your ankles at that moment and a skirt would be so much easier.
Unless her idea of interior decorating includes tastful nudes, then she isn’t doing me a favor. However if letting her decorate a room will make her remove her panties more often, for my benifit, this is known as a win-win situation.
Of course. The thing is, are you a man in a women’s body, then you either masturbate all the time or, if you are a clever man, you go to a lesbian bar. But being a woman through and through is, of course, more difficult to imagine, as we obviously have no idea what motivates women to be the way they are. Also men are, what is the best word, disturbed by the idea of the period. Not something we like to think about at all.
If we do imagine, we imagine being pretty girls, wearing short skirts and lots of pink, with dark red lipstick and a nice but subtle smokey eye with our lashes extened out to impossible legnths. Low but very strappy heels with a darling little clutch with rhienstones.
