I was thinking the other day about the opposite sex, as is my wont, and I was pondering attraction. There are plenty of women who I interact with frequently and some that I am attracted to. Things are progressing nicely with some, and not so well with others. I got to thinking, how does one engender attraction? I know plenty of things not to do that will kill attraction, as in dont appear desperate, dont be creepy, dont be a wimp, etc etc; however, I have a harder time thinking of things that one can do to generate attraction. There are a few, like be confident, be yourself, be fun, and so-on, but is there anything beyond that? What do y’all think?
Be there for her. I mean right there for her. If there is a bit of interest on her part, you should try to encourage it by being close when she is around. If it is a work thing, try to have lunch with her. If it is a friend kind of relationship, try to sit next to her when you are out together. Then listen to what she has to say. Pay attention to her feelings and try to understand what she is saying. Ask questions to ensure you understand her.
Don’t pressure her. Don’t crowd her. If she needs her space, give it to her, but remember that you are trying to get her and others to see the two of you as a couple, so you should try to keep that idea present in her mind.
Play this right, and the relationship will grow, screw it up, and you will be given a court appointed atttorney if you cannot afford one.
SSG Schwartz
It’s impossible to say what women are attracted to, because as half the population, we are varied and diverse. Along with SSG Schwartz’s advice, though, I have to say that another thing you can be sure of is that women like attention. She wants to feel like she is beautiful and important and awesome. Don’t be like a clingy puppy, but when you are with her, make her feel good about who she is. I always like a man that does that for me.
Autolycus, your suggestions are all about being ‘the best you’, which are all good, but if you want to foster attraction, you need to find subtle ways to let her know there is an attraction on your side.
Try holding eye contact a bit longer than you normally would. When she notices, smile and look away. If she holds your eye contact, that’s a good sign. If she smiles or blushes, that’s also a good sign. If she says ‘hey, whatcha looking at, freako?’, that’s not such a good sign.
Be an ACTIVE LISTENER. That’s such a turn on for me at least. I am absolutely turned off by conversations like this:
Dude: So, where did you grow up?
Me: I grew up near Cleveland…
Dude: Yeah? I’ve been there. I have a friend from there. His name is Dave. Last time I was out to visit Dave we had such a sweet time. I don’t get out there much, tho. I grew up outside of Canton blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Me: nods
I can always tell when guys are trying to follow the advice of “be interested in her” but that just turns into a list of pre-defined questions and with zero follow-up. It’s such a pain in the ass, I can’t stand it!
ACTIVE listening includes asking questions, LISTENING and then FOLLOW-UP questions. Turning the conversation back to yourself is just…gross. I understand it happens when a guy is nervous, but really…ugh!
You might also try batting your eyelashes or coyly ruffling a peacock-feather fan against your cheek. Advanced techniques may include doing the “double gun-cocking” gesture or licking the entire circumference of your mouth. For the latter I’ve found “slow and clockwise” to get the best response, but you should find the technique that works for you.
If you do the “persistent eye contact” thing, make sure your jaw isn’t hanging slackly open while you’re staring at her. That’s one I learned through trial and error.
Unzip your pants and uncoil your 250 foot fire-breathing pants-dragon. Then quiet its rage temporarily by feeding it a few spare hundred dollar bills you keep as small change. Then, get drunk and KARAOKE!
Works every time.
Stop wanting to attract other people. It’s always easier to get what you don’t want.
Be George Clooney or Brad Pitt. That seems to work, and they don’t even try.
Put in a little extra effort in your grooming.
For instance, go to a fashionable hairdresser, ask for a cut that works with you, , advice on how to style it, and *follow *that advice.
Same for clothes and shoes.
Read every word of THIS SITE. Word for word. Trust me.
Be handsome
Be attractive
Don’t be unattractive
Let’s face it. Looking like Brad Pitt or Collin Farrel goes a long way towards attracting someone. People project all sorts of things onto good-looking people. They assume they must lead interesting, exciting lives or that everything they do is somehow more interesting and exciting. People assume that attractive people have more friends or that their friends are somehow better. That’s why the 5 popular kids can act like assholes. Because for some reason, people will put up with all manner of crap just to be around them. That’s also why you have reality TV shows.
Unfortunately, short of surgury (which I don’t recommend), there’s not that much you can do about what looks you are born with. You can however make the most with what you have. Get a decent haircut. Dress in a way that is flattering and contemporary. Go to the gym and put down the donuts. But don’t look like you are trying to hard. You want to look natural, not like you are putting on a wardrobe for a part.
Ok, so now you look attractive (or as attractive as you can). Next, you need to actually BE someone people are attracted to. People are attracted to other people who make them feel good about themselves. People generally don’t feel good about having a friend who doesn’t have their shit together. Being negative also doesn’t help. Do you come up with interesting things to do or do you just go along with the group. What are your interests and hobbies. What do you bring to the table?
Finally, you need to determine who is attracted to you and let them know if you feel the attraction is mutual. Look for cues, both verbal and non-verbal. Also, put yourself out there. Say “hi” and make eye contact. If you think you have a connection with someone, ask them out on a date like a man. Don’t be all like tring to be their best friend for six months and hoping it evolves into romance.
And now you are in the “Friend Zone”.
The “Friend Zone” is not where best friends end up. They supposedly do have a high incidence of romance.
Or are you implying that a man can’t be a woman’s best friend and still be “a man”?
Pop culture as instructions for life. Thank you thank you thank you.
I wish all our problems had such simple answers.
“There are three rules when it comes talking to women. Number 1 ask questions, don’t say anything, because,women,all they wanna do is talk about themselves so you’re just gonna let them do that. 2 be cool and 3 be kind of a dick. Look be like David Caruso in ‘Jade’.”
This is funny.
I was just watching a video of a world-class pickup artist. This guy is surrounded by beautiful women, rolling in money, and owns his own business. His name is Sean.
Sean’s not into butts. He’s not a butt man. He thinks that in America, people’s butts are getting too big. I agree with him.
You know what I’m talking about. “I’d approach that attractive woman, butt I’m too ugly.” “I need to lose weight, butt I’m not an excercise person.” “I’d like to be happy, butt I had a lousy childhood.”
Get off your butts and stand on your own two feet.
I’m not ashamed to admit that the video made me cry a little. Sean doesn’t look like Brad Pitt. He doesn’t look like George Clooney. He’s got these weird bushy eyebrows that are kind of creepy. He’s “butt” ugly. 
Get off your butts and stand on your own two feet.
Sean is three feet tall, has tiny useless legs, and is confined to a wheelchair for life. And he is quite possibly the most attractive man I have ever seen. It’s just amazing to see him.
Autolycus, I’d be happy to loan you the video, when I’m done with it. I won’t be done with it for some time, though.
No it’s not. It’s simple-minded one-size-fits-all low-mentality bullshit.
BTW, the phrase “world-class pickup artist” should not be a compliment.
Be confident & somewhat disinterested.
Talk about the charity work you do & how much you love your niece.
Huh? It’s a demonstration that you don’t need to look like a hollywood actor to attract women.
Why not?