…but who was initially mistakenly treated for depression with a drug called “Celexa”, which made him into a blithering potato head who could barely speak. It took me nearly two weeks to recover after stopping those meds.
One general practice MD, one psychologist, and one psychiatrist are presently active in my treatment. As of now, I’m on a benzodiazepine called Clonazepam, which is similar to Valium (Diazepam) and an anxiolytic agent and a serotonin receptor agonist called Buspirone.
We have identified my three triggers, and are hopeful that these latest drugs will work. So far, so good. I’m okay about posting something in MPSIMS where I’m normally summarily ignored, so they must be working okay.
Hah, I remember that period. It was brilliant in my opinion, not having seen such creative posts since the likes of Matt Holck. (Well internet message board wise, I apologize for any real life detrimental side effects.)
So, since you’re open to questions, what are some of your OCD symptoms?
Did you always have anxiety, or did the condition develop recently? You mention triggers, can you usually point to one of the three when an attack happens? Do you ever get one that seems to come out of the clear blue sky?
I know someone suffering from panic/anxiety attacks and when they happen, they are just debilitating. You have my sympathy and best wishes.
Which I never became one of, despite my better efforts, though I did manage a mod warning which triggered a voluntary (but locked out at my request to enforce it) 13-mo hiatus because I was taking this dump WAY too seriously. we still need a “shrug” smilie
PlanB, in my case it went somewhat beyond “anxious,” heading toward “ruining my life,” but I first went to a psychologist, who talked with me and saw I was a natural for the seratonin re-uptake inhibitors, like Prozac, that were all the rage in the late 90s so she referred me to a psychiatrist. He talked to me, thought she might be right, and we gave a light dose of Vitamin P a try. It seemed to help, so we upped the dose gradually over a few months. We got to the point where I was functioning fairly well and my “talking cure” had grown boringly uneventful, so they stamped my hand SANE and handed me off to my GP, who has played some with the dosage and updated my scrip as new stuff came on the market (Welbutrin, real or generic, did nothing, but Effexor works fairly well, with the bonus that it reminds me if I miss a dose because I can hear my eyes blink). It’s a matter of working with him now because I, apparently, went so long without treatment that it is a chronic condition.
So if you think you have a problem talk to your GP. And maybe your insurance is better than mine was back then because I had to claim I was suicidal just to frickin’ TALK to somebody, which was crazy because nearly evrybody at that company was suicidal.
Actually, I like my psychologist. He lets me meander on and on about my philosophies.
Events that precipitate panic attacks — heart palpitations, respiratory distress, profuse sweating, debilitating fear, dizziness, and blackouts.
Almost right away. We were warned that there would be an adjustment period, and we dismissed the first few days as being a part of that. But things worsened. My anxieties actually increased. The psychiatrist called these paradoxical effects. It rarely happens.
It’s hard to pick a few because they permeate my whole life, and I normally don’t even realize they are a problem. But some that have been pointed out to me by others include:
[ul]
[li]arranging all the coffee cups so that their handles are at 30 degrees angles.[/li][li]arranging the money in my wallet by denomination and serial number[/li][li]balanced touching — if I touch two fingers on my left hand three times, then I must touch the two corresponding fingers on my right hand three times.[/li][li]obsessive counting and pattern matching — I pointed out to my psychologist that he had nine geese in his painting, nine ducks on his table, nine pencils in his cup, nine chairs against his wall, and nine stacks of files on the floor beside him.[/li][li]eating in rounds — one bite of bread, one bite of meat, one bite of veg1, one bite of veg2, one sip of drink; repeat.[/li][li]ridiculous attempts at efficiency — brushing teeth with left hand, shaving with right hand, peeing, weighing myself, and reading news all at the same time while coffee brews. Takes four minutes.[/li][li]freaking out when something goes awry, for example when my wife moves the ginger in front of the nutmeg. Ginger should be behind nutmeg.[/li][/ul]There are many (hundreds probably) more.
Loss of control — as when riding up in a glass elevator or lying inside an MRI machine. These sorts of “phobias” affect a lot of people.
Serendipity — I don’t like surprises or unexpected things. And this can be anything from an unscheduled stop for gas to the mailman knocking at the door. No surprise parties or anything like that.
And this is the most compelling of all: disorder and illogical demands. Things need to happen in a certain way and in a certain order. Things belong in certain places, staged certain ways. I cannot abide an illogical argument. (This is why I seldom participate in Great Debates anymore, other than for the most academic discussions of philosophy. In one such thread, Indistinguishable appeared as a guest. He opposed me, but his logic was beautifully valid. I sponsored his membership, and have thoroughly enjoyed every contribution he has made.)
As one example from real life, in probably the worst panic attack I ever had, which led us to go to the emergency room, I had had heart palpitations for nearly two hours. I was blacking out from alternate hyperventilation and suffocation. My wife forced me into the car against my will (because a hospital trip had not been planned).
What had triggered it?
She had suggested that the chandelier in the parlor needed more crystals. I explained to her that the gilded leaves all had holes not to accommodate extra crystals, but to accommodate mass production. I pointed out that hanging crystals in the extra holes would result in crystals hanging non-vertically and even bumping into the fixtures. This should have been the end of it.
But she would not agree despite that I proved I was correct by demonstration. Disappointed, she left the room. Things were unresolved. I began to panic. This terrible state of affairs could not be allowed to stand. The more I pursued her to explain further, the more she pulled away. Eventually, she said that she would pay for them from her own allowance. That red herring put me over the top. I passed out, crashing to the floor, and things worsened from there.
I’ve surfed the SDMB maybe four times this year, but today, out of the blue, I get this strong impulse to launch Firefox and see what’s going on over here…
My heart goes out to you, friend Lib. I’ve [post=6839944]posted[/post] about my Dark Times before, but I never posted about the several-year OCD period I went through.
One of my main gigs was counting and/or arranging in fours and sevens. Many small behaviors (e.g., glancing at the clock) had to be done four times, sevens times, or in sets thereof. Like your coffee cups, any pens or pencils lying on a desk or table had to be re-adjusted to the correct angle.
The one that was probably the most difficult for me to deal with socially was that certain common phrases (“Excuse me” was one), had a rhythm that would seem to somehow completely lose cadence, and I would be forced to repeat the phrase under my breath or in my head over and over, altering its rhythm pattern, searching for an ending. It really took the momentum out of any witty banter I happened to be engaged in.
It was hellish, but still relatively mild as OCD goes; there were only a dozen or so things that would trigger my brain into lock n’ loop mode. If it’s any consolation, I haven’t had any OCD symptoms at all in decades. Every once in a while, when something coincidentally occurs in a pattern of fours or sevens, I’ll get a momentary sensation of vague familiarity: “Hmmm… that reminds me of something, but what?… oh.right.” I deeply hope that you’ll be able to experience that sensation soon.
I have one question, if I may, about the anxiety; how well are you sleeping (or perhaps more importantly, how well does your wife say you’re sleeping?)
It’s funny you mention fours and sevens because I shave in threes and fours — three strokes with the razor, and then four taps on the sink. But deodorant I apply in three strokes followed by four for a total of seven.
Sleep has greatly improved since the new medication (which I started Thursday). I’m sleeping longer and more deeply. I’m dreaming again, and they aren’t nightmares. None of this, or course, helps my other health problems — such as my emphysema — but it makes everything less stressful.
I’m so glad that your Essence brought you here. And I’m glad for you that your ghosts no longer haunt you. God go with you always, my friend.
Lib,
No ???s, but best heart and Grace in your journey through this hardship. You have a very good mind, and I hope you can navigate past the turbulence. Peace.
Are you having Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as well as medications? CBT is as useful in the treatment of anxiety disorders, of which OCD is one, as medication. The best treatment is often a combination of the two. And don’t let anyone tell you (or anyone else reading this) that anxiety disorders are chronic and must be medicated for life, no matter how long you’ve had them - they aren’t. Any doctor or psychiatrist who tells you they are needs to catch up on her education.
I consider myself recovered from a 13 year long anxiety disorder, and my co- facilitators at my weekly anxiety self-help group are also all recovered. We continue coming to the self-help group and helping others because we want the message to get out, that you can recover from anxiety disorders, and CBT is the way to do it. For some reason, this message is not getting around very fast or being very well-received.
Shodan, I appreciate that very much, thanks! Nothing is more powerful than the prayers of the faithful.
I call it the “put on a happy face theory”. The drugs are to help the brain catch up. Once the serotonin and dopamine levels have adjusted, the smiling face and relaxing activities can take over the job. Personally, I’m going strictly by the arrhythmias. When they stop, I’m better.
Lib, here’s another tool for helping ameliorating a panic state. I had a bout with panic attacks a decade ago, mostly because of overwork/overthinking. I sympathize, because it really was a bad state to be in, and, once that ball got rolling, just built up like a rolling snowball, and was hard to get out of that state. So,Deep Breathing exercises This really worked for me. Pausing to do the deep breathing triggers a relaxation response, and can stop the physical panic cycle.
Yep, it’s all atoms, Hon, and we have the good mental ability to learn and get beyond those problems.
Yeah, thanks, Elelle. I actually do that kind of instinctively. My attacks have never gone on as long as that one did a few weeks back that prompted all this attention to it. My wife just kind of put up with them before, but put her foot down this time. The meds are great. Unfortunately, one of them is highly addictive, and so I hope things work out before I can’t come off without withdrawals.
